Gift fic for learashi 1/5
A piece of rainbow for learashi Part 1
Title: Sunshine, Darkness, Stars
Pairing: Jun-centric (mentions of Jun/Arashi pairings, but especially Jun/Aiba)
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 (to be safe with this theme). Character death, suicide attempt.
Summary: What to do when you lose sunshine?
Notes: Dear learashi, I couldn't choose where to start, so I ended up doing a little bit of everything. I hope you like it. Dear mod, I'm terribly sorry about my tardiness, thanks for your patience. Dear beta, thank you!
Sunshine is warm. Sunshine is bright.
Aiba Masaki is sunshine.
----------
The day Jun met Masaki was the luckiest day of his life.
For the first time during his career, a magazine chose Jun to be on the cover. It was a surprise. "You are the first male to get a solo cover," his manager had informed him the day of the photo shoot. It only made it all the more exciting.
Jun had been waiting for the day the magazine would go on sale to get a copy. He hadn't expected to find a crowd lining up to buy it. A huge grin was on his face when he heard women of all ages swooning over him, seemingly unaware that Jun himself, albeit in disguise, was walking among them. The magazines flew off the shelves in a matter of minutes.
After leaving the bookstore, Jun went to his favorite coffee shop. He examined the magazine's contents as he sipped his cappuccino. The photos were, as expected, flawless. He felt so proud that he treated himself to an extra bagel with smoked salmon and cream cheese to celebrate, his diet be damned.
And yet, that was just the start of his day.
"No way! Another one?" Jun almost screamed on the phone. Since that morning, the agency had received offers from three different brands who wanted to feature Jun in their ads. Two directors had also requested him for roles in their upcoming dramas, and he got invitations to several variety shows. "Yes, yes, yes! Say yes to everything!"
This was insane. All those offers just because of a photo shoot?
Most of the models from his agency sent him long mails, showering him with praises. Even his biggest rival sent him a text, wishing that this was only "the first step to greater things." Whether that was sarcasm or not, Jun didn't care. He was floating on a cloud of happiness and nobody, not even that envious little bitch, would bring him down today.
The weather was just lovely, so he decided to take a stroll around the park. And it was exactly then that his world and Aiba Masaki's collided.
Well… more like he and Masaki's dog collided.
"Get off me! Get off me!" Jun screamed. The dog was quite heavy, its paws were pressing on Jun's ribcage.
"I'm so sorry!"
When the dog finally moved, Jun laid eyes on Masaki for the first time. He had seen many smiles in his lifetime, yet none were as warm and bright as Masaki's. Wow…
"Are you alright? I hope he didn't hurt you too much," Masaki said, looking slightly nervous.
"N-No! Not at all!" Jun replied.
Masaki helped him stand and offered to buy him a strawberry crepe as an apology. Jun pretended to refuse at first, until Masaki started whining and he couldn't resist anymore. They talked for hours, exchanged numbers, and parted ways, promising that they'd get in touch soon.
Such a perfect day was something that occurred only once in a lifetime.
Jun would treasure it forever.
----------
They are not lovers, at least not anymore. Which is fine, really. With fangirls obsessing over every little thing he does, having a relationship is quite risky. Jun wouldn't expose Masaki to the wrath of the maniacs -he doesn't call such individuals fans, it would be disrespectful to the nice and mentally-stable people who follow him.
Masaki is not a celebrity, although with those looks he could easily pass for one. He works at a daycare and loves it. His life is peaceful. His reputation is clean.
Why does he hang out with someone like Jun in the first place?
"Jun-chan!"
Jun cringes involuntarily when he hears the nickname. He's never liked it, but he doesn't have the heart to stop Masaki from using it. No matter how many years have passed since they met, Jun can't get used to it.
People always call him 'MatsuJun'. That's the nickname his co-star gave him during his first drama. Mao-chan. They haven't talked in ages, ever since that awkward press conference where they had to dispel the rumors about their supposed relationship. Usually, they wouldn't have bothered to do so, but the situation had escalated to a point that they decided it was necessary.
The rumors never stopped though, which was why Jun woke up to another tabloid saying that he and Mao would get married at the end of the year. Please, he snorted when he skimmed through the blocks of text where the reporters compiled the 'proofs' they had of their relationship. What would they say if they found out that both of them are queer as hell, that Mao only let paparazzi see her in public with Jun so that they left her girlfriend alone?
"Jun-chan!"
Jun clicks his tongue and turns to see Masaki. He's still wearing that green apron he uses at the daycare. Every time Jun sees the thing, there are new paint splatters on it -pink and yellow today.
"You're late!" Jun scowls at him. "I've been waiting for half an hour!"
"I'm sorry!" Masaki giggles. "I had a little… situation. We're out of pink and yellow paint. The head teacher wasn't happy. I got a new painting for my collection though! It's very nice!"
A smile tugs at the corners of Jun's lips. He's certain that the next time he visits Masaki, said 'painting' will be stuck to his bedroom's wall, next to the others. "I see," Jun simply says, holding Masaki's jacket while he takes off his apron and shoves it in his backpack. "Well, I think we can still make it on time for our reservation, if you're not too tired to go."
"I'm good," Masaki assures him. He takes his jacket and leads the way to Jun's car. It's parked at the usual corner, not too far from the daycare's entrance. Masaki waits for him to unlock the doors and hops in the passenger seat. He seems tired; his eyes are almost closing.
"You can take a nap if you want," Jun tells him as he starts the engine. Masaki whines, mumbling something about wanting to hear about Jun's day. It makes Jun smile. "Ah, let's see… there's a new date for my wedding with Mao-chan."
"Eh, really? Where's my invitation then?" Masaki pouts at him.
"It must have gotten lost in the mail, man. I'm sorry…"
They burst out laughing.
Masaki is wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. "No, but seriously… what's new?" he says once he manages to stop laughing.
"Hmm…" Jun purses his lips. "I'll be taking dancing lessons for a new project."
"Is that so?" Masaki's eyes glint with curiosity. "And what kind of project is it?"
"One that I can't discuss with anyone yet."
"Not even with your best friend?"
From the corner of his eye, Jun can see Masaki's puppy eyes. He smirks, keeping his sight on the road and pretending not to hear Masaki. He laughs when Masaki hits his arm, accusing him of being a "bad person" -the closest thing to an insult he ever hears from Masaki. So sweet of him to keep his language free of foul words even when kids aren't watching.
"I really can't tell you," Jun says. "The agency made me promise that I wouldn't ruin the surprise before they make the official announcement."
"But I won't tell anyone!" Masaki whines. He looks almost like the little children he takes care of in that moment. The more he works with kids, the more he acts like one himself. Jun wonders if he notices it. "Please, please, please, please, please, please!"
Jun rolls his eyes at him. "I'll tell you after dinner."
"Ah, come on!"
During the following minutes, Masaki bombards him with questions relentlessly. Jun can tell he's growing frustrated. He keeps grumbling and pouting, and Jun wants to congratulate himself for not falling for his old tricks. Not that he's completely immune to Masaki's charms now, but in the old days, he would have given in much faster.
When they get to the restaurant, Masaki seems to forget about the matter. He's too busy looking around with his mouth agape, giving excited little squeals when he finds something he likes. Jun has taken him to so many places in the past, yet his ability to be impressed has not diminished one bit. That's one of the things Jun loves the most about him.
"This place is so nice! Are you sure it's okay to come here like this?" Masaki points at his outfit. "Everyone here looks so stylish! I wish I had worn better clothes today!"
"You look great," Jun says. He means it. In Jun's opinion, Masaki looks best when he isn't even trying to look good. He guesses that's what people call natural beauty. "You are more gorgeous than anyone else in this place."
His compliments, albeit not very frequent, still make Masaki blush. A part of him feels hopeful whenever it happens, interpreting it as a sign that Masaki is still attracted to him. But he doesn't allow himself to hope too much anymore. It's been four years since their breakup. If Masaki wanted to get back together, it would have already happened.
"I see what you're doing," Masaki narrows his eyes at him. "You want me to get distracted, to make me forget about that secret project of yours, don't you?"
Not really. "Ah! You saw right through me!" Jun laughs, although he doesn't feel like it at all.
"I see everything, Jun-chan, everything," Masaki replies with a smug expression.
Do you?
Jun shakes his head. "Yeah, sure you do…"
He isn't over Masaki yet. He doubts he'll ever be.
On the way home, Jun can't help thinking about that day.
It's been a long time. He had just turned twenty-seven some weeks before it happened. His career was at a good point: job offers came quite frequently, his fan club was growing, he won a few awards for his drama roles. Everything was going according to plan.
Until Masaki broke up with him.
It hurt. It still does, actually, although not as much as it used to. Work and a fairly active social life have kept him busy enough to help him move on. His feelings for Masaki haven't changed in the slightest; he won't try to fool himself into believing they have, but he thinks that he's gotten better at keeping them under control -at least he hopes so.
To this day, it amazes him that he agreed to be just friends with Masaki. Sure, they had been friends for a while before they started dating, but he never thought they would go back to that. It took him a few months to get used to it. He doesn't regret it at all. Having Masaki around is enough for him to be content.
That's what he usually tells himself.
From time to time, however, Jun realizes he might not have been ready to deal with it. Masaki, always so affectionate and kind, doesn't seem to realize how much his actions affect Jun. Every time Masaki makes time to meet with Jun despite having far more important things to do, or forgoes sleep just to talk to Jun on the phone, or praises him for something 'cool' he did, it gives Jun hope. And it's not Masaki's fault at all, that's probably the worst part. Jun knows that he shouldn't over think everything Masaki does. "You looked good in that CM" shouldn't be a phrase that makes Jun ask himself "what did he mean?" during a week. Hearing Masaki say "I can't wait to see you" should raise his spirits instead of sending him into an endless search for a mysterious explanation that probably doesn't exist.
"I'm hopeless," Jun sighs. He's in his room, staring at the ceiling because he cannot sleep. He can never sleep after he's spent the night with Masaki. It's like a curse.
He will never feel like this for anyone else. He is certain of it. None of the men he's dated since their breakup have stirred in him anything remotely similar to what he's felt for Masaki during the past nine years.
Nine years. He's been in love with Masaki during most of his adult life. They were almost children back then, or so it seems to Jun now. He still remembers the many times they played in the park with Masaki's dog. When he closes his eyes, he can see Masaki's smile, its image perfectly preserved in his memories. He can hear the sound of Masaki's laughter in a corner of his mind, Masaki's voice saying the words Jun's memorized so well…
"I love you, Jun-chan. You are my best friend."
Ouch.
It's the first day of Jun's dancing lessons.
On the way to the studio, Jun's manager talks non-stop about his instructor, Ohno Satoshi. The guy is the top dancer of Freestyle, an Osaka-based dance company. He will be teaching Jun everything he needs for his upcoming movie, where he will be playing a stripper. It'll definitely be controversial, as most of Jun's past roles. A smirk spreads on his lips as he imagines the reaction the public will have this time. He'll definitely be checking social media after the official announcement is made.
The actual filming won't start until the end of the year, but Jun had requested that his training start as soon as possible. There's no way he'll be walking onto the filming set without making sure that he has mastered the skills his character is supposed to have. His perfectionism won't allow it.
"Here we are," Jun's manager says with a smile as he guides Jun inside the studio. It's completely empty -not a surprise, since the agency is being rather hermetic about this project ever since Jun accepted it. Aside from the two poles right in the middle of the room, it isn't much different from every other dance studio Jun has seen before. High ceilings, wood flooring, and a wall covered entirely in mirrors. There are four windows opposite the wall with mirrors. Jun can see his apartment building from here. It's just a few blocks away. Jun can see why the distance is convenient, but at the same time he wonders if it'll be easy to keep the media away from here.
He'll save those thoughts for later. For now, his attention needs to be elsewhere.
"Interesting," Jun says, eyeing the dancing pole. He holds it with one hand as he twirls, making his manager chuckle. He wraps a leg around the pole, arching his back. It is then that he notices that they aren't alone anymore.
There's a short man standing by the door, watching Jun with an amused expression. He's wearing a faded t-shirt and sweatpants. Nothing about him says 'top dancer', but since he's the only other person inside the studio Jun guesses this is his new instructor, Ohno Satoshi.
"Ohno-san! It's so great to finally meet you!"
Jun's manager beats him to greeting the instructor, immediately sputtering praises about Ohno. Such a fanboy, Jun rolls his eyes at him. Ohno looks a bit embarrassed. It's kind of cute, especially with the way he's smiling. When he starts laughing at whatever Jun's manager is saying, Jun finds himself grinning at the sight.
Wait, what?
Jun shakes his head. What the heck was that? He clears his throat, effectively silencing the other two men. "Shall we get started, Ohno-san?"
"Oh, right!" Ohno laughs a little bit, looking sheepish.
It's easier for Jun to concentrate once they start with the training.
Ohno is kind of hot when he's dancing.
Wait… no.
They will see each other every day for the next few months.
How to avoid attraction, by Matsumoto Jun.
You can't.
End.
Jun used to think that strippers merely took off their clothes to tease their audience, showing off their toned bodies and moving suggestively in order to have them at their complete mercy.
It's not like that, apparently. Not that they don't use nudity at their advantage, they definitely do, but it isn't all about seduction. Direct contact of the skin with the pole makes it easier to do acrobatic movements. Who would have thought it?
Not Jun, obviously.
Seeing Ohno in his boxers when he comes in for his next lesson is a huge surprise… for more reasons than one.
"How is it going?"
"Hmm…?"
"Your dancing training!"
"Ah, that… It's alright, I guess."
"You don't sound very convinced. Anything happened?"
"Eh? No, why?"
"It's just that you were way more excited before you started than now."
"Well… training is more difficult than I expected."
"Oh, really?"
"You can't imagine."
Around the end of the first month of Jun's daily lessons, Ohno has to travel for a while. "Will be in London for a few weeks," he explains. It doesn't mean Jun gets a rest from his dancing lessons. Ohno has actually left him a few pre-recorded lessons on DVDs. Jun will watch them at home and practice, using the brand new dance pole he had installed in his living room some days before -the guy his agency sent to do the job was quite flustered when Jun tested the pole, it was priceless.
"And now, you stretch your legs like this…"
Jun squirms in his seat as he watches the first of the pre-recorded lessons Ohno left him. He is so tempted to jerk off to it now that he's at home and nobody is watching him. He takes deep breaths, trying to focus more on memorizing the sequence of movements than on the man's deliciously sculpted body. The tight boxers Ohno is wearing leaves nothing to imagination. Jun can see the outline of his cock. His blood rushes south as he imagines taking it in his mouth, in his ass, bent over a table as Ohno fills him, rolling his hips expertly as Jun begs for it.
The video continues playing in the background as Jun slips a hand inside his pants. He's already dripping, and if he wasn't so horny he'd probably feel a little bit ashamed. He wraps a hand around the base of his cock and focuses on the screen again. Ohno's legs are stretched apart. He's supporting his body weight only with one arm while his other one is extended, his fingers touching his ankle. Jun can't take his eyes off him.
The heat pooling in his groin is growing with every movement of his hand. His moans resonate in the room. He doesn't care if his neighbors hear it. He doesn't even think of it as he keeps going, bringing himself closer and closer to the edge.
Ohno is swaying sensually to the beat of the background music. As the song progresses, his pace becomes faster. Faster, faster, faster…
Jun comes in his hand, screaming, his vision going blurry. He's sweating, his hair sticking to his forehead. For a while, he doesn't move, not even to clean himself. In the screen, the video keeps playing. Now Ohno is showing him some exercises he's supposed to do before and after his pole dance routine. He should pay attention, but he feels exhausted. He falls asleep as Ohno is saying goodbye to the camera.
The next morning he wakes up to a phone call from his manager. He's thirty minutes late. Mumbling curses between his teeth, he rushes to get ready.
On his way out, he finds a note stuck to his door.
"Partying alone last night? You should have invited me." Jun chuckles as he reads it on the elevator. "Halo night was ruined thanks to you. I hope you're satisfied."
Now he is.
----------
The notes started appearing on his door last year, the day after his birthday party.
Damn, don't you people have to work tomorrow? Cause I fucking do!
It was signed by someone called Nino. Jun went to apologize for the noise, but Nino never answered the door.
Around three weeks later, Jun had someone over. They never made it to the bedroom.
Whoa, that was great… for the three of us. You sound good when someone's fucking you.
Jun didn't know whether to die of embarrassment or feel proud.
He did like the idea of Nino listening to him, though.
----------
"Nino left you another note?" Masaki hasn't stopped giggling since Jun showed him the little piece of paper. "Partying alone last night… Wait, what were you doing?"
Jun's face heats up. "Umm…"
Masaki bursts out laughing. "Cute," he says, pinching Jun's cheek. "You know… you should invite me next time."
Jun's heart beats faster. "Eh?"
Masaki laughs again.
Fucking tease.
Masaki does visit his apartment some days later. His eyebrows shoot up when he sees the dancing pole. "What kind of dance are you learning?"
"Want me to show you?"
Jun means it when he asks. He would love to dance for Masaki, to attempt to seduce him one more time, even if he has the feeling that nothing will change between them, no matter what he does.
"Hmm…" Masaki smirks, his eyes glinting with interest.
Is he…? Will he…?
"Ah, but wouldn't that ruin the surprise, Jun-chan?"
Jun can't say he didn't expect that answer.
He feels disappointed anyway.
Masaki and Jun meet at least three times a week. They talk about the daycare, about Jun's upcoming projects, even about Jun's number one rival, who happens to be one of Masaki's favorite people in the world.
"Sho-chan is very nice. You shouldn't be so mean to him!" Masaki says. "He always speaks so highly of you. It seems he's got a crush on you."
Jun snorts. "Not interested."
"Why not? He's funny, smart, knows a lot of cool places, and he's very good-looking!"
"Then you should date him."
"Hmm… that wouldn't be such a bad idea!"
Jun is fuming.
----------
Sakurai and Masaki's meeting was entirely Jun's fault.
"It will be fun!" Jun had insisted until Masaki accepted to go with him to his agency's end of the year party.
They had a great time. Masaki was very shy, yet somehow when he grew more comfortable, it seemed as though he belonged there, among all those celebrities. He was so charming.
Eventually, they ran into Sakurai who accompanied them the whole night despite Jun giving him the stink eye almost constantly.
On the way home, Masaki gushed non-stop about Sakurai.
Jun just wanted to bang his head against a wall.
----------
Jealousy isn't pretty, Jun has always thought so. That's why he tries to keep his cool whenever Masaki insists on talking about Sakurai Sho, and spends less time with him.
The rest of the time, Jun is either working or staying home, jerking off to the DVDs Ohno left for him. Jun's manager gives him a new one every three or four days. Apparently, Ohno is taking the time to record new lessons, even in the middle of whatever he's doing in London.
His collection of notes from Nino keeps growing. He gets a new one on a daily basis.
Ran out of yellow post-it. Hope you don't mind that I'm using Mario-shaped ones? They're giving them away at work. Couldn't waste the chance to get as many as I could, since you're going through a horny phase.
Anyway, you were awesome as always, thanks a lot. Take care.
-Nino
The reminder that he's misusing Ohno's videos makes Jun feel guilty. On the other hand, fantasizing about Ohno Satoshi is the only effective way that he's found to keep Masaki out of his mind. It's not a valid justification, he knows.
He hopes Ohno will never find out about it.
Ohno comes back after two months.
Jun's manager can't accompany him to the studio the day they schedule the first session due to a doctor's appointment. The man has been getting some serious stomach pains the last few weeks. Jun gives him a call in the morning, to wish him good luck at the doctor and to remind him to rest.
Here we go… Jun takes a deep breath and pushes the studio's door open. He is welcomed by the sight of Ohno Satoshi sitting on a chair, wearing only his boxers. His skin is a bit more tanned than the last time, and his hair is also slightly longer.
Jun's pants are already feeling a bit tight.
"Oh, Matsumoto-san!" Ohno greets him with a smile. "How have you been?"
"Fine. Quite busy," Jun replies, setting his duffel bag in a corner. "How was London?"
"It was great! I met so many interesting people over there. Got some offers to dance in Europe next year. I'm still considering it, but I think I might take it," Ohno mumbles. "It's after recordings for your movie, so it shouldn't be any trouble."
Jun hums. "Congratulations, then," he replies as he takes off his clothes. "So… shall we start?"
When Ohno doesn't give him an answer, Jun turns to look at him with a frown. "What?"
"Today," Ohno pauses, staring right into Jun's eyes, "you are going to dance for me."
Jun gasps. "E-Eh?"
"It's the only way I can tell how much you've progressed since I left," Ohno says. A smirk forms on his lips as he holds Jun's gaze. "You have been practicing properly, haven't you?"
"O-Of course…"
"Then it shouldn't be difficult."
Jun is about to protest when Ohno pushes a button on the remote he has in his hand. Loud music starts blaring in the room. Ohno motions him to go ahead with a wave of his hand.
Standing awkwardly with his eyes fixated on the floor isn't an option, not with the way Ohno is looking at him in the moment. Unlike his usual gentle expression, there's something else there. Jun can't put his finger on it, but it makes him shiver slightly, heat rising to his cheeks involuntarily as he makes his way to the dancing pole.
He knows the moves. He has practiced them for hours, day after day. Even during breaks between his photo shoots and recordings: He flees to a secluded room and practices for as long as he can. He's fallen flat on his face several times, and he almost twisted his ankle one morning while attempting a rather difficult figure -which he mastered around a week later.
Still, once he touches the metal pole, he feels as though it was the first time he did it.
Matsumoto Jun, a supermodel who appears half naked in photo shoots all the time, one of Japan's sex-symbols, the man who prides himself in the fact that no one -aside from a certain Aiba Masaki- has made him blush since high school ended, is feeling self-conscious in front of his appointed dancing trainer.
Trying to keep his cool, Jun focuses solely on the pole, freeing his mind from any distracting thoughts related to the man sitting not far from there. He stretches his legs one moment, and then bends himself in half, his arms extended. The pole is his lifeline, the only thing keeping his sanity and his body in place.
"You're doing it great."
The voice disrupting his inner silence sounds lower, huskier than usual. From the corner of his eye, Jun catches Ohno squirming in his seat, trying to hide a rather obvious bulge in his boxers by crossing his legs.
That's interesting, Jun smirks. The discovery pleases him infinitely. Emboldened by that, he slowly gets down the pole. He continues dancing, letting his instincts take over. He hears Ohno moan, and decides to approach him.
Lust shines in Ohno's dark eyes. Jun's heart beats faster with each step he takes towards the man.
"M-Matsumoto-san…"
Jun shushes him, his index finger on Ohno's lips. Now that they're separated by merely centimeters, he's a bit unsure of how to proceed. That is, until Ohno pulls him by his waist to make him sit on his lap.
"Go on…" Ohno whispers. Their lips are so close, yet neither of them closes the gap. "Go on…" Ohno repeats, bucking his hips slightly upwards, making Jun moan in surprise.
Whatever reservations Jun still had vanish in thin air. Their bodies grind together in perfect synchrony. Jun thrusts forward, feeling Ohno's fingers dig deeper in his skin. He laughs and does it again, getting a groan in response.
"You…" Ohno narrows his eyes at him, a playful smile on his lips. He wraps an arm around Jun, bringing their bodies closer, and starts bucking his hips upwards. His other hand is fumbling with something. Jun only understands what it is when Ohno's hand slips inside his boxers, a lubed finger probing Jun's hole.
Wait…
"You came prepared," Jun mutters. He hisses as Ohno's finger goes deeper inside him. "You planned this, didn't you?"
At least Ohno has the decency to look sheepish for a moment. He shrugs and adds a second finger, making Jun cry out loud. "Doesn't seem to me like it bothers you," he says.
Jun rolls his eyes at him and pulls him for a kiss.
Resisting temptation is hard.
Giving into it… not so much.
The next day, Ohno takes him against the wall, the one with the mirrors on it. Jun thinks his knees will give in any moment, yet he stays upright out of sheer willpower. He makes a mess when he comes. The two of them laugh for a good five minutes before cleaning it up.
The day after that, Ohno gives him a blowjob while they're in the shower. He's as talented with his mouth as he is with the rest of his body.
A few weeks continue in the same manner. They never actually sit to discuss what's going on and just let everything flow. There are no feelings involved from either side, Jun is pretty sure of it, so he doesn't bring it up. It's not necessary. It's just lust.
This new development does have an effect on his habits though. He no longer meets Masaki with the same frequency as before, although they do talk on the phone on a daily basis. Masaki says he sounds different, less stressed than before. Jun doesn't give it much thought.
Around two weeks later, Jun gets a new manager, a stiff woman who is always in a sour mood. His previous manager had a surgery to remove a tumor in his stomach, which means he'll be in the hospital for a while. Jun dropped by the very day the man was allowed to have visitors. "Get well soon, Maruyama-san. It isn't the same without you," he told the man that day, making him smile.
It's the truth. His new manager doesn't give him as much freedom as Maruyama does. She's a nightmare. He's stuck with her until Maruyama recovers though; which is why he slips the key to his apartment and a card with his address in Ohno's pocket three days after his new manager starts working.
Nino is delighted, of course. He continues leaving notes -now he's using Dragon Quest themed ones. Your new fuck buddy sounds even better than you. Jun can't stop laughing at that one. He doesn't show it to Masaki. Actually, he doesn't show him any note that mentions Ohno. Keeping it as a secret is probably for the best, Jun thinks. Masaki would end up making a big deal out of it, when it's definitely not.
When movie filming starts, Jun and Ohno only see each other once a week. Sometimes they decide to postpone it, because Jun is too tired to even think about sex. Some other times Jun gives Ohno an 'emergency call', to let him know that filming ended early and he can drop by.
Like tonight.
They're on Jun's couch, just like most times Ohno 'visits'. Jun is gripping Ohno's shoulders as he lowers himself on Ohno's erection, clenching his walls around Ohno while he sways sensually. "Like that…" Ohno raises his hips to thrust into Jun.
Jun's toes curl. He whines as Ohno continues hitting his prostate dead on.
Life isn't perfect, but Jun is starting to enjoy it more.
What could possibly go wrong?
Masaki finds out about Ohno one day he drops by unannounced.
"Hey!" Jun greets him with his usual smile. He notices something is off by the way Masaki smirks at him. "What-"
Then he holds up a note. Nino's note.
"Anything you want to tell me, Jun-chan?"
Jun is screwed.
Umm, I don't know how to ask this…
My parents are staying at my place for this weekend, and I was wondering if, just for this time, you could keep it down?
It would mean a lot to me.
-Nino
PS: Your lover's voice is so hot. Seriously. Sizzling hot!
"So…"
"So?"
"Who is he?"
"Nobody."
"You like him?"
"I guess."
"Just like, or-"
"We just fuck."
"I see…"
"What now?"
"Eh?"
"Whatever you're thinking, just say it."
"It's nothing."
"Tell me."
"You can't keep running away from love forever, you know."
"This isn't-"
"It could be!"
"Don't be ridiculous."
Silly Masaki… I am not running away from love, no…
Talking about getting a new love with the only man he's ever loved makes Jun feel frustrated. He's going to need it hard tonight in order to forget about it.
"Sorry Nino," Jun mumbles an apology to his neighbor as he texts Ohno, asking him to come earlier than planned.
Or maybe I am, but not the way you think.
"Is this how you want it?" a deep voice whispers in his ear as dexterous fingers slide inside him. Jun whimpers, his voice half-muffled by a gag. "Tell me…" Another hand starts roaming over his chest, stopping to twist one of his nipples.
Jun almost wishes that he hadn't asked to be blindfolded. Almost.
The rattling sound of the handcuffs keeping him tied to the dancing pole distracts him for a second until a finger finds his spot, making him see white.
He's waited all week for this.
An escape from routine, from reality, from himself…
From thinking about Masaki.
Fuck you.
-Nino
PS: My mom sends you her best.
Jun can't help laughing -and feeling just slightly guilty- when he sees Nino's note. It must have been an awkward family night for him.
It's his day off, so he makes himself a big breakfast. It's been days since he had time to cook. His phone buzzes while he's pouring himself some tea. He sputters in his mug once he checks his messages.
Ohno sent him some pictures he snapped the previous night through LINE. Jun blushes furiously as he checks them, yet he feels strangely aroused seeing himself like that.
He decides to save the pictures on his phone.
The marks around his wrists have finally faded, thankfully. Not that Jun has any problem with them, but the stylist wouldn't have been very forgiving if he showed up like that for work.
"Good morning, Matsumoto-kun!"
Jun heaves a deep sigh. Of course that of all people, they had to pick him for this photo shoot. "You? Seriously?"
The other man chuckles. "Yeah."
Jun wasn't all that enthusiastic when he was informed that the theme for this month's photo shoot would be weddings. He still accepted, thinking that it could be a good challenge.
Until he saw his surprise partner.
"Sakurai-san, would you come over here for a moment?"
When Sakurai leaves the room, Jun feels oddly relieved.
It's not that Jun hates Sakurai, although half of the people he knows seem to believe so. Okay, maybe when they were younger Jun did a few things that could be misinterpreted as 'hate'; and he may or may not have gotten really drunk and said pretty horrible things about Sakurai one or two -actually five- times; and a video of it may or may not have leaked to national TV.
But he doesn't hate Sakurai. He just stopped idolizing him the moment he got that second piercing and started wearing fake jeans. Because… eww. How can anyone take that man seriously as a model when he struts around in those monstrosities? They're ugly, they look cheap, and they do nothing for his ass -and man, does Sakurai have a nice ass.
Also, they got very competitive with each other as years passed, and they may or may have not spent one night yelling at each other -after which Jun may or may not have cried himself dry and burned his collection of magazines where Sakurai appeared-, but nobody needs to know that.
Things have gotten less hostile between them during the last few months, thank goodness. Mostly because Jun has finally stopped accusing Sakurai of being an envious little bitch every time they meet. Not that he doesn't believe it anymore, he just doesn't voice it.
"Ready?" Sakurai offers Jun his arm as they're about to enter the church. Yes, they're in an actual church, not a set. Jun doesn't know whether the photographer is merely ignorant of what Christians think of two dudes marrying each other or is doing it on purpose, but Jun enjoys the blasphemy anyway. So, just for this time, he takes Sakurai's arm.
They end up having a great time. Sakurai even plays something for him on the church's piano.
"Umm… Matsumoto-kun…"
When Jun turns to see him, Sakurai is a little bit pink. "Yes?"
"I was wondering…"
"MATSUMOTO!"
The two of them turn towards the door. Their boss is there, and he's looking positively murderous. There's a crumpled newspaper in his left hand, which he throws in Jun's face as soon as he steps inside the dressing room.
In the first page, there's a picture of Jun.
Naked and tied to a dancing pole.
Everything. Everything is going wrong.
Follow the link for part 2
Title: Sunshine, Darkness, Stars
Pairing: Jun-centric (mentions of Jun/Arashi pairings, but especially Jun/Aiba)
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 (to be safe with this theme). Character death, suicide attempt.
Summary: What to do when you lose sunshine?
Notes: Dear learashi, I couldn't choose where to start, so I ended up doing a little bit of everything. I hope you like it. Dear mod, I'm terribly sorry about my tardiness, thanks for your patience. Dear beta, thank you!
Sunshine is warm. Sunshine is bright.
Aiba Masaki is sunshine.
----------
The day Jun met Masaki was the luckiest day of his life.
For the first time during his career, a magazine chose Jun to be on the cover. It was a surprise. "You are the first male to get a solo cover," his manager had informed him the day of the photo shoot. It only made it all the more exciting.
Jun had been waiting for the day the magazine would go on sale to get a copy. He hadn't expected to find a crowd lining up to buy it. A huge grin was on his face when he heard women of all ages swooning over him, seemingly unaware that Jun himself, albeit in disguise, was walking among them. The magazines flew off the shelves in a matter of minutes.
After leaving the bookstore, Jun went to his favorite coffee shop. He examined the magazine's contents as he sipped his cappuccino. The photos were, as expected, flawless. He felt so proud that he treated himself to an extra bagel with smoked salmon and cream cheese to celebrate, his diet be damned.
And yet, that was just the start of his day.
"No way! Another one?" Jun almost screamed on the phone. Since that morning, the agency had received offers from three different brands who wanted to feature Jun in their ads. Two directors had also requested him for roles in their upcoming dramas, and he got invitations to several variety shows. "Yes, yes, yes! Say yes to everything!"
This was insane. All those offers just because of a photo shoot?
Most of the models from his agency sent him long mails, showering him with praises. Even his biggest rival sent him a text, wishing that this was only "the first step to greater things." Whether that was sarcasm or not, Jun didn't care. He was floating on a cloud of happiness and nobody, not even that envious little bitch, would bring him down today.
The weather was just lovely, so he decided to take a stroll around the park. And it was exactly then that his world and Aiba Masaki's collided.
Well… more like he and Masaki's dog collided.
"Get off me! Get off me!" Jun screamed. The dog was quite heavy, its paws were pressing on Jun's ribcage.
"I'm so sorry!"
When the dog finally moved, Jun laid eyes on Masaki for the first time. He had seen many smiles in his lifetime, yet none were as warm and bright as Masaki's. Wow…
"Are you alright? I hope he didn't hurt you too much," Masaki said, looking slightly nervous.
"N-No! Not at all!" Jun replied.
Masaki helped him stand and offered to buy him a strawberry crepe as an apology. Jun pretended to refuse at first, until Masaki started whining and he couldn't resist anymore. They talked for hours, exchanged numbers, and parted ways, promising that they'd get in touch soon.
Such a perfect day was something that occurred only once in a lifetime.
Jun would treasure it forever.
----------
They are not lovers, at least not anymore. Which is fine, really. With fangirls obsessing over every little thing he does, having a relationship is quite risky. Jun wouldn't expose Masaki to the wrath of the maniacs -he doesn't call such individuals fans, it would be disrespectful to the nice and mentally-stable people who follow him.
Masaki is not a celebrity, although with those looks he could easily pass for one. He works at a daycare and loves it. His life is peaceful. His reputation is clean.
Why does he hang out with someone like Jun in the first place?
"Jun-chan!"
Jun cringes involuntarily when he hears the nickname. He's never liked it, but he doesn't have the heart to stop Masaki from using it. No matter how many years have passed since they met, Jun can't get used to it.
People always call him 'MatsuJun'. That's the nickname his co-star gave him during his first drama. Mao-chan. They haven't talked in ages, ever since that awkward press conference where they had to dispel the rumors about their supposed relationship. Usually, they wouldn't have bothered to do so, but the situation had escalated to a point that they decided it was necessary.
The rumors never stopped though, which was why Jun woke up to another tabloid saying that he and Mao would get married at the end of the year. Please, he snorted when he skimmed through the blocks of text where the reporters compiled the 'proofs' they had of their relationship. What would they say if they found out that both of them are queer as hell, that Mao only let paparazzi see her in public with Jun so that they left her girlfriend alone?
"Jun-chan!"
Jun clicks his tongue and turns to see Masaki. He's still wearing that green apron he uses at the daycare. Every time Jun sees the thing, there are new paint splatters on it -pink and yellow today.
"You're late!" Jun scowls at him. "I've been waiting for half an hour!"
"I'm sorry!" Masaki giggles. "I had a little… situation. We're out of pink and yellow paint. The head teacher wasn't happy. I got a new painting for my collection though! It's very nice!"
A smile tugs at the corners of Jun's lips. He's certain that the next time he visits Masaki, said 'painting' will be stuck to his bedroom's wall, next to the others. "I see," Jun simply says, holding Masaki's jacket while he takes off his apron and shoves it in his backpack. "Well, I think we can still make it on time for our reservation, if you're not too tired to go."
"I'm good," Masaki assures him. He takes his jacket and leads the way to Jun's car. It's parked at the usual corner, not too far from the daycare's entrance. Masaki waits for him to unlock the doors and hops in the passenger seat. He seems tired; his eyes are almost closing.
"You can take a nap if you want," Jun tells him as he starts the engine. Masaki whines, mumbling something about wanting to hear about Jun's day. It makes Jun smile. "Ah, let's see… there's a new date for my wedding with Mao-chan."
"Eh, really? Where's my invitation then?" Masaki pouts at him.
"It must have gotten lost in the mail, man. I'm sorry…"
They burst out laughing.
Masaki is wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. "No, but seriously… what's new?" he says once he manages to stop laughing.
"Hmm…" Jun purses his lips. "I'll be taking dancing lessons for a new project."
"Is that so?" Masaki's eyes glint with curiosity. "And what kind of project is it?"
"One that I can't discuss with anyone yet."
"Not even with your best friend?"
From the corner of his eye, Jun can see Masaki's puppy eyes. He smirks, keeping his sight on the road and pretending not to hear Masaki. He laughs when Masaki hits his arm, accusing him of being a "bad person" -the closest thing to an insult he ever hears from Masaki. So sweet of him to keep his language free of foul words even when kids aren't watching.
"I really can't tell you," Jun says. "The agency made me promise that I wouldn't ruin the surprise before they make the official announcement."
"But I won't tell anyone!" Masaki whines. He looks almost like the little children he takes care of in that moment. The more he works with kids, the more he acts like one himself. Jun wonders if he notices it. "Please, please, please, please, please, please!"
Jun rolls his eyes at him. "I'll tell you after dinner."
"Ah, come on!"
During the following minutes, Masaki bombards him with questions relentlessly. Jun can tell he's growing frustrated. He keeps grumbling and pouting, and Jun wants to congratulate himself for not falling for his old tricks. Not that he's completely immune to Masaki's charms now, but in the old days, he would have given in much faster.
When they get to the restaurant, Masaki seems to forget about the matter. He's too busy looking around with his mouth agape, giving excited little squeals when he finds something he likes. Jun has taken him to so many places in the past, yet his ability to be impressed has not diminished one bit. That's one of the things Jun loves the most about him.
"This place is so nice! Are you sure it's okay to come here like this?" Masaki points at his outfit. "Everyone here looks so stylish! I wish I had worn better clothes today!"
"You look great," Jun says. He means it. In Jun's opinion, Masaki looks best when he isn't even trying to look good. He guesses that's what people call natural beauty. "You are more gorgeous than anyone else in this place."
His compliments, albeit not very frequent, still make Masaki blush. A part of him feels hopeful whenever it happens, interpreting it as a sign that Masaki is still attracted to him. But he doesn't allow himself to hope too much anymore. It's been four years since their breakup. If Masaki wanted to get back together, it would have already happened.
"I see what you're doing," Masaki narrows his eyes at him. "You want me to get distracted, to make me forget about that secret project of yours, don't you?"
Not really. "Ah! You saw right through me!" Jun laughs, although he doesn't feel like it at all.
"I see everything, Jun-chan, everything," Masaki replies with a smug expression.
Do you?
Jun shakes his head. "Yeah, sure you do…"
He isn't over Masaki yet. He doubts he'll ever be.
On the way home, Jun can't help thinking about that day.
It's been a long time. He had just turned twenty-seven some weeks before it happened. His career was at a good point: job offers came quite frequently, his fan club was growing, he won a few awards for his drama roles. Everything was going according to plan.
Until Masaki broke up with him.
It hurt. It still does, actually, although not as much as it used to. Work and a fairly active social life have kept him busy enough to help him move on. His feelings for Masaki haven't changed in the slightest; he won't try to fool himself into believing they have, but he thinks that he's gotten better at keeping them under control -at least he hopes so.
To this day, it amazes him that he agreed to be just friends with Masaki. Sure, they had been friends for a while before they started dating, but he never thought they would go back to that. It took him a few months to get used to it. He doesn't regret it at all. Having Masaki around is enough for him to be content.
That's what he usually tells himself.
From time to time, however, Jun realizes he might not have been ready to deal with it. Masaki, always so affectionate and kind, doesn't seem to realize how much his actions affect Jun. Every time Masaki makes time to meet with Jun despite having far more important things to do, or forgoes sleep just to talk to Jun on the phone, or praises him for something 'cool' he did, it gives Jun hope. And it's not Masaki's fault at all, that's probably the worst part. Jun knows that he shouldn't over think everything Masaki does. "You looked good in that CM" shouldn't be a phrase that makes Jun ask himself "what did he mean?" during a week. Hearing Masaki say "I can't wait to see you" should raise his spirits instead of sending him into an endless search for a mysterious explanation that probably doesn't exist.
"I'm hopeless," Jun sighs. He's in his room, staring at the ceiling because he cannot sleep. He can never sleep after he's spent the night with Masaki. It's like a curse.
He will never feel like this for anyone else. He is certain of it. None of the men he's dated since their breakup have stirred in him anything remotely similar to what he's felt for Masaki during the past nine years.
Nine years. He's been in love with Masaki during most of his adult life. They were almost children back then, or so it seems to Jun now. He still remembers the many times they played in the park with Masaki's dog. When he closes his eyes, he can see Masaki's smile, its image perfectly preserved in his memories. He can hear the sound of Masaki's laughter in a corner of his mind, Masaki's voice saying the words Jun's memorized so well…
"I love you, Jun-chan. You are my best friend."
Ouch.
It's the first day of Jun's dancing lessons.
On the way to the studio, Jun's manager talks non-stop about his instructor, Ohno Satoshi. The guy is the top dancer of Freestyle, an Osaka-based dance company. He will be teaching Jun everything he needs for his upcoming movie, where he will be playing a stripper. It'll definitely be controversial, as most of Jun's past roles. A smirk spreads on his lips as he imagines the reaction the public will have this time. He'll definitely be checking social media after the official announcement is made.
The actual filming won't start until the end of the year, but Jun had requested that his training start as soon as possible. There's no way he'll be walking onto the filming set without making sure that he has mastered the skills his character is supposed to have. His perfectionism won't allow it.
"Here we are," Jun's manager says with a smile as he guides Jun inside the studio. It's completely empty -not a surprise, since the agency is being rather hermetic about this project ever since Jun accepted it. Aside from the two poles right in the middle of the room, it isn't much different from every other dance studio Jun has seen before. High ceilings, wood flooring, and a wall covered entirely in mirrors. There are four windows opposite the wall with mirrors. Jun can see his apartment building from here. It's just a few blocks away. Jun can see why the distance is convenient, but at the same time he wonders if it'll be easy to keep the media away from here.
He'll save those thoughts for later. For now, his attention needs to be elsewhere.
"Interesting," Jun says, eyeing the dancing pole. He holds it with one hand as he twirls, making his manager chuckle. He wraps a leg around the pole, arching his back. It is then that he notices that they aren't alone anymore.
There's a short man standing by the door, watching Jun with an amused expression. He's wearing a faded t-shirt and sweatpants. Nothing about him says 'top dancer', but since he's the only other person inside the studio Jun guesses this is his new instructor, Ohno Satoshi.
"Ohno-san! It's so great to finally meet you!"
Jun's manager beats him to greeting the instructor, immediately sputtering praises about Ohno. Such a fanboy, Jun rolls his eyes at him. Ohno looks a bit embarrassed. It's kind of cute, especially with the way he's smiling. When he starts laughing at whatever Jun's manager is saying, Jun finds himself grinning at the sight.
Wait, what?
Jun shakes his head. What the heck was that? He clears his throat, effectively silencing the other two men. "Shall we get started, Ohno-san?"
"Oh, right!" Ohno laughs a little bit, looking sheepish.
It's easier for Jun to concentrate once they start with the training.
Ohno is kind of hot when he's dancing.
Wait… no.
They will see each other every day for the next few months.
How to avoid attraction, by Matsumoto Jun.
You can't.
End.
Jun used to think that strippers merely took off their clothes to tease their audience, showing off their toned bodies and moving suggestively in order to have them at their complete mercy.
It's not like that, apparently. Not that they don't use nudity at their advantage, they definitely do, but it isn't all about seduction. Direct contact of the skin with the pole makes it easier to do acrobatic movements. Who would have thought it?
Not Jun, obviously.
Seeing Ohno in his boxers when he comes in for his next lesson is a huge surprise… for more reasons than one.
"How is it going?"
"Hmm…?"
"Your dancing training!"
"Ah, that… It's alright, I guess."
"You don't sound very convinced. Anything happened?"
"Eh? No, why?"
"It's just that you were way more excited before you started than now."
"Well… training is more difficult than I expected."
"Oh, really?"
"You can't imagine."
Around the end of the first month of Jun's daily lessons, Ohno has to travel for a while. "Will be in London for a few weeks," he explains. It doesn't mean Jun gets a rest from his dancing lessons. Ohno has actually left him a few pre-recorded lessons on DVDs. Jun will watch them at home and practice, using the brand new dance pole he had installed in his living room some days before -the guy his agency sent to do the job was quite flustered when Jun tested the pole, it was priceless.
"And now, you stretch your legs like this…"
Jun squirms in his seat as he watches the first of the pre-recorded lessons Ohno left him. He is so tempted to jerk off to it now that he's at home and nobody is watching him. He takes deep breaths, trying to focus more on memorizing the sequence of movements than on the man's deliciously sculpted body. The tight boxers Ohno is wearing leaves nothing to imagination. Jun can see the outline of his cock. His blood rushes south as he imagines taking it in his mouth, in his ass, bent over a table as Ohno fills him, rolling his hips expertly as Jun begs for it.
The video continues playing in the background as Jun slips a hand inside his pants. He's already dripping, and if he wasn't so horny he'd probably feel a little bit ashamed. He wraps a hand around the base of his cock and focuses on the screen again. Ohno's legs are stretched apart. He's supporting his body weight only with one arm while his other one is extended, his fingers touching his ankle. Jun can't take his eyes off him.
The heat pooling in his groin is growing with every movement of his hand. His moans resonate in the room. He doesn't care if his neighbors hear it. He doesn't even think of it as he keeps going, bringing himself closer and closer to the edge.
Ohno is swaying sensually to the beat of the background music. As the song progresses, his pace becomes faster. Faster, faster, faster…
Jun comes in his hand, screaming, his vision going blurry. He's sweating, his hair sticking to his forehead. For a while, he doesn't move, not even to clean himself. In the screen, the video keeps playing. Now Ohno is showing him some exercises he's supposed to do before and after his pole dance routine. He should pay attention, but he feels exhausted. He falls asleep as Ohno is saying goodbye to the camera.
The next morning he wakes up to a phone call from his manager. He's thirty minutes late. Mumbling curses between his teeth, he rushes to get ready.
On his way out, he finds a note stuck to his door.
"Partying alone last night? You should have invited me." Jun chuckles as he reads it on the elevator. "Halo night was ruined thanks to you. I hope you're satisfied."
Now he is.
----------
The notes started appearing on his door last year, the day after his birthday party.
Damn, don't you people have to work tomorrow? Cause I fucking do!
It was signed by someone called Nino. Jun went to apologize for the noise, but Nino never answered the door.
Around three weeks later, Jun had someone over. They never made it to the bedroom.
Whoa, that was great… for the three of us. You sound good when someone's fucking you.
Jun didn't know whether to die of embarrassment or feel proud.
He did like the idea of Nino listening to him, though.
----------
"Nino left you another note?" Masaki hasn't stopped giggling since Jun showed him the little piece of paper. "Partying alone last night… Wait, what were you doing?"
Jun's face heats up. "Umm…"
Masaki bursts out laughing. "Cute," he says, pinching Jun's cheek. "You know… you should invite me next time."
Jun's heart beats faster. "Eh?"
Masaki laughs again.
Fucking tease.
Masaki does visit his apartment some days later. His eyebrows shoot up when he sees the dancing pole. "What kind of dance are you learning?"
"Want me to show you?"
Jun means it when he asks. He would love to dance for Masaki, to attempt to seduce him one more time, even if he has the feeling that nothing will change between them, no matter what he does.
"Hmm…" Masaki smirks, his eyes glinting with interest.
Is he…? Will he…?
"Ah, but wouldn't that ruin the surprise, Jun-chan?"
Jun can't say he didn't expect that answer.
He feels disappointed anyway.
Masaki and Jun meet at least three times a week. They talk about the daycare, about Jun's upcoming projects, even about Jun's number one rival, who happens to be one of Masaki's favorite people in the world.
"Sho-chan is very nice. You shouldn't be so mean to him!" Masaki says. "He always speaks so highly of you. It seems he's got a crush on you."
Jun snorts. "Not interested."
"Why not? He's funny, smart, knows a lot of cool places, and he's very good-looking!"
"Then you should date him."
"Hmm… that wouldn't be such a bad idea!"
Jun is fuming.
----------
Sakurai and Masaki's meeting was entirely Jun's fault.
"It will be fun!" Jun had insisted until Masaki accepted to go with him to his agency's end of the year party.
They had a great time. Masaki was very shy, yet somehow when he grew more comfortable, it seemed as though he belonged there, among all those celebrities. He was so charming.
Eventually, they ran into Sakurai who accompanied them the whole night despite Jun giving him the stink eye almost constantly.
On the way home, Masaki gushed non-stop about Sakurai.
Jun just wanted to bang his head against a wall.
----------
Jealousy isn't pretty, Jun has always thought so. That's why he tries to keep his cool whenever Masaki insists on talking about Sakurai Sho, and spends less time with him.
The rest of the time, Jun is either working or staying home, jerking off to the DVDs Ohno left for him. Jun's manager gives him a new one every three or four days. Apparently, Ohno is taking the time to record new lessons, even in the middle of whatever he's doing in London.
His collection of notes from Nino keeps growing. He gets a new one on a daily basis.
Ran out of yellow post-it. Hope you don't mind that I'm using Mario-shaped ones? They're giving them away at work. Couldn't waste the chance to get as many as I could, since you're going through a horny phase.
Anyway, you were awesome as always, thanks a lot. Take care.
-Nino
The reminder that he's misusing Ohno's videos makes Jun feel guilty. On the other hand, fantasizing about Ohno Satoshi is the only effective way that he's found to keep Masaki out of his mind. It's not a valid justification, he knows.
He hopes Ohno will never find out about it.
Ohno comes back after two months.
Jun's manager can't accompany him to the studio the day they schedule the first session due to a doctor's appointment. The man has been getting some serious stomach pains the last few weeks. Jun gives him a call in the morning, to wish him good luck at the doctor and to remind him to rest.
Here we go… Jun takes a deep breath and pushes the studio's door open. He is welcomed by the sight of Ohno Satoshi sitting on a chair, wearing only his boxers. His skin is a bit more tanned than the last time, and his hair is also slightly longer.
Jun's pants are already feeling a bit tight.
"Oh, Matsumoto-san!" Ohno greets him with a smile. "How have you been?"
"Fine. Quite busy," Jun replies, setting his duffel bag in a corner. "How was London?"
"It was great! I met so many interesting people over there. Got some offers to dance in Europe next year. I'm still considering it, but I think I might take it," Ohno mumbles. "It's after recordings for your movie, so it shouldn't be any trouble."
Jun hums. "Congratulations, then," he replies as he takes off his clothes. "So… shall we start?"
When Ohno doesn't give him an answer, Jun turns to look at him with a frown. "What?"
"Today," Ohno pauses, staring right into Jun's eyes, "you are going to dance for me."
Jun gasps. "E-Eh?"
"It's the only way I can tell how much you've progressed since I left," Ohno says. A smirk forms on his lips as he holds Jun's gaze. "You have been practicing properly, haven't you?"
"O-Of course…"
"Then it shouldn't be difficult."
Jun is about to protest when Ohno pushes a button on the remote he has in his hand. Loud music starts blaring in the room. Ohno motions him to go ahead with a wave of his hand.
Standing awkwardly with his eyes fixated on the floor isn't an option, not with the way Ohno is looking at him in the moment. Unlike his usual gentle expression, there's something else there. Jun can't put his finger on it, but it makes him shiver slightly, heat rising to his cheeks involuntarily as he makes his way to the dancing pole.
He knows the moves. He has practiced them for hours, day after day. Even during breaks between his photo shoots and recordings: He flees to a secluded room and practices for as long as he can. He's fallen flat on his face several times, and he almost twisted his ankle one morning while attempting a rather difficult figure -which he mastered around a week later.
Still, once he touches the metal pole, he feels as though it was the first time he did it.
Matsumoto Jun, a supermodel who appears half naked in photo shoots all the time, one of Japan's sex-symbols, the man who prides himself in the fact that no one -aside from a certain Aiba Masaki- has made him blush since high school ended, is feeling self-conscious in front of his appointed dancing trainer.
Trying to keep his cool, Jun focuses solely on the pole, freeing his mind from any distracting thoughts related to the man sitting not far from there. He stretches his legs one moment, and then bends himself in half, his arms extended. The pole is his lifeline, the only thing keeping his sanity and his body in place.
"You're doing it great."
The voice disrupting his inner silence sounds lower, huskier than usual. From the corner of his eye, Jun catches Ohno squirming in his seat, trying to hide a rather obvious bulge in his boxers by crossing his legs.
That's interesting, Jun smirks. The discovery pleases him infinitely. Emboldened by that, he slowly gets down the pole. He continues dancing, letting his instincts take over. He hears Ohno moan, and decides to approach him.
Lust shines in Ohno's dark eyes. Jun's heart beats faster with each step he takes towards the man.
"M-Matsumoto-san…"
Jun shushes him, his index finger on Ohno's lips. Now that they're separated by merely centimeters, he's a bit unsure of how to proceed. That is, until Ohno pulls him by his waist to make him sit on his lap.
"Go on…" Ohno whispers. Their lips are so close, yet neither of them closes the gap. "Go on…" Ohno repeats, bucking his hips slightly upwards, making Jun moan in surprise.
Whatever reservations Jun still had vanish in thin air. Their bodies grind together in perfect synchrony. Jun thrusts forward, feeling Ohno's fingers dig deeper in his skin. He laughs and does it again, getting a groan in response.
"You…" Ohno narrows his eyes at him, a playful smile on his lips. He wraps an arm around Jun, bringing their bodies closer, and starts bucking his hips upwards. His other hand is fumbling with something. Jun only understands what it is when Ohno's hand slips inside his boxers, a lubed finger probing Jun's hole.
Wait…
"You came prepared," Jun mutters. He hisses as Ohno's finger goes deeper inside him. "You planned this, didn't you?"
At least Ohno has the decency to look sheepish for a moment. He shrugs and adds a second finger, making Jun cry out loud. "Doesn't seem to me like it bothers you," he says.
Jun rolls his eyes at him and pulls him for a kiss.
Resisting temptation is hard.
Giving into it… not so much.
The next day, Ohno takes him against the wall, the one with the mirrors on it. Jun thinks his knees will give in any moment, yet he stays upright out of sheer willpower. He makes a mess when he comes. The two of them laugh for a good five minutes before cleaning it up.
The day after that, Ohno gives him a blowjob while they're in the shower. He's as talented with his mouth as he is with the rest of his body.
A few weeks continue in the same manner. They never actually sit to discuss what's going on and just let everything flow. There are no feelings involved from either side, Jun is pretty sure of it, so he doesn't bring it up. It's not necessary. It's just lust.
This new development does have an effect on his habits though. He no longer meets Masaki with the same frequency as before, although they do talk on the phone on a daily basis. Masaki says he sounds different, less stressed than before. Jun doesn't give it much thought.
Around two weeks later, Jun gets a new manager, a stiff woman who is always in a sour mood. His previous manager had a surgery to remove a tumor in his stomach, which means he'll be in the hospital for a while. Jun dropped by the very day the man was allowed to have visitors. "Get well soon, Maruyama-san. It isn't the same without you," he told the man that day, making him smile.
It's the truth. His new manager doesn't give him as much freedom as Maruyama does. She's a nightmare. He's stuck with her until Maruyama recovers though; which is why he slips the key to his apartment and a card with his address in Ohno's pocket three days after his new manager starts working.
Nino is delighted, of course. He continues leaving notes -now he's using Dragon Quest themed ones. Your new fuck buddy sounds even better than you. Jun can't stop laughing at that one. He doesn't show it to Masaki. Actually, he doesn't show him any note that mentions Ohno. Keeping it as a secret is probably for the best, Jun thinks. Masaki would end up making a big deal out of it, when it's definitely not.
When movie filming starts, Jun and Ohno only see each other once a week. Sometimes they decide to postpone it, because Jun is too tired to even think about sex. Some other times Jun gives Ohno an 'emergency call', to let him know that filming ended early and he can drop by.
Like tonight.
They're on Jun's couch, just like most times Ohno 'visits'. Jun is gripping Ohno's shoulders as he lowers himself on Ohno's erection, clenching his walls around Ohno while he sways sensually. "Like that…" Ohno raises his hips to thrust into Jun.
Jun's toes curl. He whines as Ohno continues hitting his prostate dead on.
Life isn't perfect, but Jun is starting to enjoy it more.
What could possibly go wrong?
Masaki finds out about Ohno one day he drops by unannounced.
"Hey!" Jun greets him with his usual smile. He notices something is off by the way Masaki smirks at him. "What-"
Then he holds up a note. Nino's note.
"Anything you want to tell me, Jun-chan?"
Jun is screwed.
Umm, I don't know how to ask this…
My parents are staying at my place for this weekend, and I was wondering if, just for this time, you could keep it down?
It would mean a lot to me.
-Nino
PS: Your lover's voice is so hot. Seriously. Sizzling hot!
"So…"
"So?"
"Who is he?"
"Nobody."
"You like him?"
"I guess."
"Just like, or-"
"We just fuck."
"I see…"
"What now?"
"Eh?"
"Whatever you're thinking, just say it."
"It's nothing."
"Tell me."
"You can't keep running away from love forever, you know."
"This isn't-"
"It could be!"
"Don't be ridiculous."
Silly Masaki… I am not running away from love, no…
Talking about getting a new love with the only man he's ever loved makes Jun feel frustrated. He's going to need it hard tonight in order to forget about it.
"Sorry Nino," Jun mumbles an apology to his neighbor as he texts Ohno, asking him to come earlier than planned.
Or maybe I am, but not the way you think.
"Is this how you want it?" a deep voice whispers in his ear as dexterous fingers slide inside him. Jun whimpers, his voice half-muffled by a gag. "Tell me…" Another hand starts roaming over his chest, stopping to twist one of his nipples.
Jun almost wishes that he hadn't asked to be blindfolded. Almost.
The rattling sound of the handcuffs keeping him tied to the dancing pole distracts him for a second until a finger finds his spot, making him see white.
He's waited all week for this.
An escape from routine, from reality, from himself…
From thinking about Masaki.
Fuck you.
-Nino
PS: My mom sends you her best.
Jun can't help laughing -and feeling just slightly guilty- when he sees Nino's note. It must have been an awkward family night for him.
It's his day off, so he makes himself a big breakfast. It's been days since he had time to cook. His phone buzzes while he's pouring himself some tea. He sputters in his mug once he checks his messages.
Ohno sent him some pictures he snapped the previous night through LINE. Jun blushes furiously as he checks them, yet he feels strangely aroused seeing himself like that.
He decides to save the pictures on his phone.
The marks around his wrists have finally faded, thankfully. Not that Jun has any problem with them, but the stylist wouldn't have been very forgiving if he showed up like that for work.
"Good morning, Matsumoto-kun!"
Jun heaves a deep sigh. Of course that of all people, they had to pick him for this photo shoot. "You? Seriously?"
The other man chuckles. "Yeah."
Jun wasn't all that enthusiastic when he was informed that the theme for this month's photo shoot would be weddings. He still accepted, thinking that it could be a good challenge.
Until he saw his surprise partner.
"Sakurai-san, would you come over here for a moment?"
When Sakurai leaves the room, Jun feels oddly relieved.
It's not that Jun hates Sakurai, although half of the people he knows seem to believe so. Okay, maybe when they were younger Jun did a few things that could be misinterpreted as 'hate'; and he may or may not have gotten really drunk and said pretty horrible things about Sakurai one or two -actually five- times; and a video of it may or may not have leaked to national TV.
But he doesn't hate Sakurai. He just stopped idolizing him the moment he got that second piercing and started wearing fake jeans. Because… eww. How can anyone take that man seriously as a model when he struts around in those monstrosities? They're ugly, they look cheap, and they do nothing for his ass -and man, does Sakurai have a nice ass.
Also, they got very competitive with each other as years passed, and they may or may have not spent one night yelling at each other -after which Jun may or may not have cried himself dry and burned his collection of magazines where Sakurai appeared-, but nobody needs to know that.
Things have gotten less hostile between them during the last few months, thank goodness. Mostly because Jun has finally stopped accusing Sakurai of being an envious little bitch every time they meet. Not that he doesn't believe it anymore, he just doesn't voice it.
"Ready?" Sakurai offers Jun his arm as they're about to enter the church. Yes, they're in an actual church, not a set. Jun doesn't know whether the photographer is merely ignorant of what Christians think of two dudes marrying each other or is doing it on purpose, but Jun enjoys the blasphemy anyway. So, just for this time, he takes Sakurai's arm.
They end up having a great time. Sakurai even plays something for him on the church's piano.
"Umm… Matsumoto-kun…"
When Jun turns to see him, Sakurai is a little bit pink. "Yes?"
"I was wondering…"
"MATSUMOTO!"
The two of them turn towards the door. Their boss is there, and he's looking positively murderous. There's a crumpled newspaper in his left hand, which he throws in Jun's face as soon as he steps inside the dressing room.
In the first page, there's a picture of Jun.
Naked and tied to a dancing pole.
Everything. Everything is going wrong.
Follow the link for part 2