Gift Fic for berniechan
GIFT FIC for berniechan
Title: l'amour éternel
Pairing: Junba, Sakuraiba
Rating/Warnings: R for sexual content
Summary: He born with power, fortune and ambitions to control people around him. But, was Masaki able to control his own love fate?
Note: This story is a historical AU, based on love story between Napoleon Bonaparte with Joséphine de Beauharnais and Marie Louise of Austria (with some stuff from author’s brain that hopes the story itself won’t lose its beauty because of that). There is legal marriage between men in the story that is definitely not real and based on real situation. The author is not a history expert which means there is a possibility the story would be far from real event but it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t read and try to understand about this historical event at all. This fic was made for entertainment, not to offend anyone in anyway.
Also, the important part, this fic is for berniechan I hope you liked it and thnks~! Finally I got the opportunity to write historical AU! :)
~*~
1795 - Prospère Republic
He twisted the glass in his hand, leaving the trace of red color in the glass before the wine fill in 1/3 of the curvature. He sipped another few drops and felt the expensive liquid gone through his throat. He didn’t like parties…
At all…
Nonetheless he was there, alone with a glass of wine in his hand just to work on his brother’s advice… that a party is important. ‘Party is an event where all important people gather, you can get more strong endorsers there…’ was what his younger brother said. But for him, a party was just an event to show off, that money can buy everything, including status, respect, dignity and love. He preferred to give the money to someone in the corner of the town, somewhere downhill, far away from this elegance, who can’t even buy a meal to continue their lives. But he was born rich, powerful, far away from that kind of lives nor people who involved on that kind of lives because his mom, never let him to know. He turned from the moon, or his thought because he practically didn’t enjoy the full moon preview, when someone patted his shoulder lightly.
“Why don’t you at least try to enjoy the party, bro!” A man with an elegant suits leaned himself beside him, he brought a glass of wine as well in his hand. A smart smile spread across his cheeks.
“I’m trying, Kazu…”
“Well… I’m not stupid, nor blind and I lived with you for years…” the guy quoted, “unfortunately…”
The guy ignored his brother’s bratty comment and answered, “I just think it is better to spend money to help people…” he shrugged as he voiced out his opinion, “This is why we always hate Prospère, remember? Because they spend money like there is no tomorrow, and true, there is no tomorrow for them.”
“Stop thinking about hard stuff at least for 2 hours, will you? You can’t save others for 24 hours a day and you will make ‘tomorrow’ for this country,” he showed his understanding smile to his brother, “I can’t believe someone silly like you can save a country, for you… Masaki, new future of Prospère…” he raised his glass as a sign for a toast. Masaki hit his glass slowly to his brother’s as he pretended to sip his wine. Right at that time he caught a silhouette of a young man with a modest but classy suits pass through a group of generals as he bowed lightly to them. His hair was wavy black and although with his simple appearance Masaki somehow felt he drew so much attention with his presence.
“Don’t… he is the rose…” Kazunari whispered.
Masaki looked at him in confusion, “I hate to tell you all over again but you are really easy to read… and I just told you to not get any closer to that guy…”
“Do I look that obvious? Besides I don’t even take any move and why is that…?”
“I told you he is the rose… he is here to warm the bed of people who needed it…”
Masaki couldn’t hide his shock, “He doesn’t look like one for me though…”
“That’s why I said you are silly, brother and probably stupid too. That’s one of so many reasons people want him… because he looks normal… yet… tempting…”
Masaki nodded his head although he didn’t really take his brother’s words as a serious matter. His eyes got caught by the guy’s eyes who was obviously noticing how Masaki stared at him and now walked toward him, a small smile appearing on guy’s lips. “Don’t you dare to say I wasn’t telling you later, stubborn!” Kazunari mumbled in anger but left his brother when the guy came closer.
The guy smiled to Masaki as he nodded his head, “My lucky day to meet the new hero of Prospère, I heard your name everywhere, Masaki-san…” He offered his hand to Masaki as the later accepted it, “Jun, it’s my pleasure to meet you…”
“You make such a big fuss about it, Jun… I’m not that great…” Masaki smiled at him as he let his hand drop to his side.
“You are being modest…” Jun smiled, his smile was pure, or at least that’s what Masaki thought. Sometime Kazunari could be overreacting about stuff considering the fact that he never really trusts anyone. Masaki concluded that his brother was just overreacting because Masaki showed his interest to other people, so suddenly, which was not that normal judging from Kazu’s reaction, obviously. That part shocked him also nevertheless. Jun stared at him, Masaki understood that he probably waited for an answer or further conversation since they practically flirted with each other but Masaki was always not good with new people…
“Umm…” Masaki muttered, trying so hard to find anything to talk, he almost brought up about lame and cheesy stuff like how beautiful the moon is when Jun asked him, “So, you are not a party person?” Jun concluded and Masaki nodded fast in response.
Jun found it cute and innocent when Masaki nodded his head energetically. He had no idea that someone who wants to be general can look so adorable. “I see… that’s why you are not dancing?”
“I can’t dance…” Masaki answered, half true, because he practically never really tried before. He was too clumsy for his own taste so he was afraid he would step on his partner’s feet or other’s which is even worse.
“That’s nonsense! Everyone can dance,” Jun frowned in disagreement. Masaki understood that in the next seconds Jun would ask him to dance which was not possible because -excluding that he was supper clumsy- the fact that both of them were men. But Jun looked like he didn’t really care about that, which meant good for Masaki.
“Let’s dance, my lord…”Jun offered his hand, “if you don’t mind to dance with someone like me, that is.”
“Of course I don’t mind!” Masaki gasped, believed that he almost made other people feel like they have lower position than him. Jun grasped on his hand and guided him to the dance floor. “I know, I just wanted to make you agree to dance with me…” the other winked to him as he placed Masaki’s hand to his shoulder while he placed his palm to the other’s waist, pulled him to lessen their distance. Masaki could smell fairly the other’s perfume, he didn’t like people who use perfume too much but this guy… was nothing like that. It was like he calculated and considered so many stuff, he didn’t pull Masaki too close to him but made sure the other felt his breath brush against Masaki’s neck from time to time, instead of talking face to face that would make Masaki nervous, he chose to whispered to his ear.
When the night became late and people started to free the dance floor, Masaki already drowned to the other’s eyes and voices. Without Jun’s need to make initiative, Masaki already rested his head to the other’s crook. He felt Jun’s breath on his ear when the other’s whispered, “Do you hate kiss after dance?”
He frowned but let a giggle out of his lips, “If I told you I hate it, will you not kiss me?”
“I won’t but I don’t think I will like you as much as I do now…” Jun laughed lightly. “So, do you want me to like you, like… a lot?”
Masaki lifted his face to meet Jun’s eyes, “I want you to like me a lot…”
Without asking further questions or actually caring about his surrounding, Jun landed a chaste kiss to Masaki’s lips. The latter startled and moved back while he felt Jun’s hands around his waist withstand him to make any distance, “You never mentioned kissing in public!”
Jun shrugged but his face was full of contentment, ignoring the other’s annoyance, “You never mentioned anything about limitations.” He chimed smartly but spited Masaki enough.
“You are forbidden to do that again!”
Jun looked into the other eyes, “There will be another time in private place? If no then make limitation for me, because I can’t promise that I won’t try to kiss you again, if you don’t make it clear…”
He leads Jun out of the room as he felt Kazunari’s eyes were following them. Masaki stopped his step in the backyard of the building where the shadows from the trees hid them from other peoples’ sight. Masaki sighed as he pulled Jun closer and kissed him passionately while the other replied it as fervent as the guy in front of him. They broke when the oxygen ran out of their lungs while Jun stared to Masaki’s lips tempted to continue so badly. He tilted his head when Masaki placed his fingers to Jun’s lips to stop him, “Did I make it clear?”
Jun nodded impatiently, “crystal clear.”
“Good…”he panted breathlessly, while he let Jun to move his fingers from his lips.
Jun shook his head in disagreement, “No, it’s perfect…” before he glued their lips again as one.
~*~
January 8th, 1796
To my love Jun…
You once asked me, what is the reasons that makes me different than other people who want you…
Once you asked me, when will I stop loving you…
Once you asked me, when will I leave you…
Once you asked me, when will I start to love another person… someone better than you…
But I do need to ask you instead, why do I need to do all of that if the only thing I want is staying beside you and loving you?
Why do I need to do that if the only reason I want to come back alive is you?
Why are you so stubborn about me loving someone else when I want you only...?
Why do you make it so hard for me to love you?
Why do you make it hard for me to ask you to marry me?
Please just make everything simple once and say yes…
M.
~*~
March 10th, 1796
Masaki snuggled closer to the warmth when he felt a soft poke on his nose, whined softly when he felt the arms leave his waist. “Cold…” he mumbled half awake. He heard a soft giggle as he felt his heart warm up by only hearing it, “I’m not your blanket, love…”
“You can act like one for some more minutes…” he whined again and positioned himself close to Jun’s chest, trying to absorb the other’s fresh morning scents. Jun laughed as he gave his lover a soft peck on his forehead, he stroke the captain’s hair lazily, “I have acted like your blanket for the whole night, still not enough, eh?” Nonetheless he placed his arms around the slender guy again, defeated by the other’s half awake whine.
“Bad blanket, he tried to swallow me alive last night,” Masaki pouted as he opened his eyes lazily, “thrice!”
“Four times actually,” Jun laughed again to the lame calculation of his lover as he brushed their lips together, “You didn’t let me do the fifth,” he shrugged and returned to his lover’s lips.
“Are you trying to kill me?” Masaki exclaimed as he broke the kiss.
“No, I was just trying to make you unable to walk and stop thinking to save the world for one day, so we can spend our honeymoon peacefully…” Jun calmly answered the captain’s question. He couldn’t really believe he agreed to marry him, he knew that Masaki would be busy with country stuff to spend a night with him, he would be lonely, lover-less, sleep in their big bed alone, waiting for him to come back every day. He also understood that there will always be a big chance that Masaki would never return from the war… Jun tried to shrug the thought out of his mind. No one would understand his small needs while they the country’s future depended on someone who leaned on his shoulder at that moment. Who cares about little Jun who needed to be loved while they needed his lover to go to the war, to sacrifice himself to the death? But Jun understood, it will always be Masaki’s wish and that was the consequence of marrying a captain.
“We can continue our honeymoon…” Masaki cupped Jun’s face to meet a pair of his beamed eyes.
Jun looked at his lover as he kept his hand busy with Masaki’s hair trying to not absorb too much into the other’s eyes, “In the middle of a war? No, Masaki…” Jun couldn’t stop to think that he actually married a silly and innocent guy instead someone who leads thousands of people to the war. “A honeymoon is supposed to be lovely, not bloody…”
“C’mon… it’s not that bad…” he whined, see… how come a captain can whine…? “At least we are together… and some people bring their lover as well…”
Jun moved a bit to bring Masaki closer to him until he felt the leader’s breath brushed his chest, “I will wait for you, Masaki… in our home…” he patted Masaki’s head tenderly, “but really, can’t people at least have a bit respect to us? They send you to war two days after the wedding, God, please spare me!” Jun’s grumbles filled their first morning together.
~*~March, 1798
To half of my soul, Jun…
Jun… Jun… Jun…
How many times I chanted your name but I can’t ease the feeling of missing your presence beside me…
What are you doing now?
What are you thinking now?
Do you think of me? Do you miss me? Do you love me?
“Please don’t write a personal letter at not so personal place…” There was a familiar voice behind Masaki that startled him, he hastily tried to hide the letter he wrote to Jun in his pocket.
“For heaven’s sake!” Masaki jumped from his chair, “You shocked me, don’t do that again! It’s not good for my heart!”
“Thinking of him is not good for your heart also and your brain if I may add…” the owner of the voice sneered.
Aiba peeved with his younger brother’s behaviors already as he answered, trying to act patiently, “You can stop it, Kazunari, I’m not leaving him… He is your brother in law now so you better be good to him…”
Kazunari leaned his back to the wall behind him, “I always do, although I heard so many rumors about him. Partying, doing adultery with some random guys when you are not home…”
“Oh, shut up!” the captain cracked, “he is not like that! Not even close!”
“You know what, I told you about this because…” he pulled Masaki’s room curtain and showed a dark skin guy with spiky hair stood behind it, looked amazingly calm. “Satoshi saw it by himself… and he is confused how to tell you or not tell you at all!”
Seeing his older brother standing behind the curtain made him flabbergasted. It’s rare for him to meet his older brother because Satoshi never really go out if he didn’t need to. Satoshi stepped inside the room and closed the curtain again, trying to block their serious conversation from other peoples’ ears, “I did see it with my own eyes when I came to one of the parties in your residence, I think I would meet you after so long but the thing I found is that your husband flirted with other guy…”
“Flirted?” Masaki retorted, still not able believe his own ears.
“Dancing, hugging, hiding in the shadow…” Satoshi watched his little brother’s expression before he continued, “I caught them in your room, he begged me not to tell you, that he would stop and be faithful to you, but… you are my brother, the one I care a lot for…”
“I told you! I told you to not get any closer to him! I was against your marriage! And what did you do? Oh yeah, ignoring me!”
Satoshi placed his palm on the youngest shoulder, “stop it, Kazu…” then he continued calmly, “I was never against anything you do as long as you are happy, Masaki. But I think you really need to re-think about your marriage…”
Masaki looked like lost of words but his brothers could see the tears form in the corner of his eyes. They understood that Jun was his first love, he dated with other people before but they knew, he didn’t love them as much as he loved Jun, or he didn’t love them at all. Kazunari stepped closer to his brother as he patted his shoulder, “He doesn’t deserve your tears… Masaki, your marriage is not only yours, it will be the whole country’s soon… Let’s be realistic, my brother… when they give the crown to you, he will become your partner to rule this country… I don’t want to see someone like him stand beside you… for this country and for yourself…”
Masaki hated it, he hated to agree to what Kazu said, it was absolutely true. If he placed himself to his people’s place, he won’t want to have Jun -a hellbender, spree, cheater as their leader’s partner. But it wasn’t fair for him, it was his marriage yet he had to give it up because he needed to consider about the whole country, what about him? What about his feelings? He broke and wrecked…
“I need to get back home…” Masaki staggered and leaned himself to the table near him. “I need to meet him… in person… can I go back home?”
His little brother gazed to the oldest one, asking for approval. Satoshi nodded, “sure… I will try to manage everything here until you are back… please use your time wisely…” He grasped on his brother’s shoulder, “and make up your mind and heart, Masaki. You will be okay…”
But no… Masaki wasn’t okay. Although he left the campaign and went home -finally- after so long he was waiting to meet Jun, he still couldn’t feel at ease. Was that the reason Jun rejected to accompany him? Jun couldn’t get over his old life, of course Masaki heard everything from Kazunari, he sometimes thought Kazunari liked to exaggerate things but he never thought that his brother was a liar, he fully trusted his brother. He arrived to his home just to find its empty, Jun wasn’t home for days as he heard from the maids. “Jun-sama left three days ago, he didn’t tell us when he will be back…”
Masaki frowned to the report, “did he do it a lot?”
The head of the butler moved to the space between him and the maids, “Could you please define ‘a lot’ to me, my lord…?” He personally felt responsible because what had happened at his mater’s residence. Of course they saw how their master’s lover behaved when he was gone to the campaign. But he couldn’t do anything… What a low butler and maids would possible to do anyway… He shut his mouth up about his master’s lover adulteries, feeling terrible whenever his master returned, knowing nothing and looked peaceful when he hugged Jun. But guess someone already told their master about that…
Masaki banged his hand to the table in anger, partly trying to hold back his tears, “Leave! And bring Jun here when he is back!”
But after nine days Masaki returned to his residence, there was no track of Jun yet nor gave no impression of coming back home soon. Masaki understood he had no time to wait for Jun anymore… He brought his broken heart back to his campaign as he finished to write a letter for Jun, a very short one…
My beloved Jun…
I’m done with everything including your lies…
Maybe this is perfect time to be separated, formally and forever.
M.
Kazunari immediately welcomed him with a not very nice attitude when he arrived in the camp that day, “Do you really need that long to take care of your cheater mate?!”
But Masaki just shrugged him away, “I didn’t even meet him!” the older retorted.
Kazunari frowned as he recognized his brother expression perfectly, broken heart, “he is not home?” he lowered his voice as he thought Masaki was still in the broke down state. “Why… you were waiting for him? For nine days?”
“I don’t know what am I supposed to do anymore, Kazunari. Can we not talk about this? I want to get over it! Now, what did I miss?”
“Just some boring meetings and I think you can take your place in this afternoon meeting then? Bonheur people are here…”
Masaki nodded as his brother continued, “and please don’t show that sullen face to them, it’s terrible… You know Masaki, sometimes I missed your old self, unmarried and happy…”
Masaki didn’t want to think that his marriage was a mistake but it definitely was. Jun made him feel betrayed, unwanted, unloved, and whenever he thought about how much he loved Jun and how Jun didn’t love him back despite their marriage, Masaki felt the sting of tears at the corner of his eyes. He found himself sit in the meeting room in their camp waiting for the prospect king of Bonheur kingdom while his mind still drifting to his lover. But when the young prince stepped in the room with an elegance movement, Masaki’s thoughts about Jun blew out from his brain. Swiftly, Masaki stood up and bowed lowly to the prince, “Thank you for your time, your highness…”
“It’s my pleasure to meet you, Masaki-san…” The prince stated as he sat down to the chair in front of Masaki. The general straightened his back to meet a pair of eyes look back at him as the owner waved lightly to his guard to move out from the room and leave him with the general alone. Masaki never expected he would meet such a good looking prince in a meeting, since he usually met an old boring minister.
The throne successor smiled to him, “I’m Sho of Bonheur…” Masaki was astonished at the prince’s tranquil and aloofness as he sat back to his chair. “I’m pretty much having interest with your plan to make this mainland become one, under one commander, one big country…”
Masaki stared at the prince, “I sense a but…”
Sho laughed as he nodded, “You looked kinda loose but you’re actually smart, eh? No wonder you got your position in such a young age…” Masaki didn’t replicate as the prince continued, “If we follow your plan, then our nobility will be cut down and our monarchy will end. We don’t want a war but we do want a negotiation…”
“What kind of negotiation?” the general frowned.
“I saw the way you climbed to get to this position, Masaki-san. I know you won’t stop until you get the crown and the whole mainland as yours… I honestly like your ambitions…” Sho looked like deep in thoughts as he continued, “I can be your proponent to get everything you want… You can control my country through me and I can be your tools, without a need for war, without need to make some wives lose their husbands, because I know, you don’t like that…”
Masaki raised his eyebrow, “If you think about marriage…”
“Exactly!” the young prince exclaimed.
Perplexed, the general asked to the prince in front of him, “Is that the negotiation? We both married?”
Sho shrugged, “It’s a win-win.”
“We just met…”
Sho chortled, “You believe in love, I see… that’s cute…”
Masaki pouted at Sho’s insult, “I’m married to someone…”
“I know…” Sho leaned to the table as he props his chin, his eyes calmed and looked at Masaki without any sign of insulting, “He is the best partner, isn’t he? The one who can support you fully and love you eternally?”
Masaki felt his heart sank as he kept his lips closed. The prince cocked his head, “I can be your best partner, your loyal mate, I think I can love you eventually and I’m positive you will love me back if you try…”
It was awkward to talk about marriage to someone who Masaki just met some hours ago as if he was single, he still had Jun no matter what, before they formally divorce. “I will think about it, in the meanwhile we can know each other more…”
Sho smiled understandingly, “I understand…”
Sho rose from his chair as the general walked closer to him, he offered his hand to the general as Masaki grasped to the young prince’s hand, “I will meet you often then, Masaki?”
Masaki nodded in agreement, “For sure…”
Sho caught Masaki’s hand before he loosened his grasp and buried his other hand to the general’s hair as the prince brought them into a kiss, “We can start to know each other from now… What do you think?”
Masaki found himself drowned in Sho’s eyes, he found lots of things that he didn’t find in Jun’s eyes. The courage, determination, the passion… If he felt calm and restful besides Jun, the opposite happened with Sho, he could awaken Masaki by his challenging eyes. “I think you are trapping me…”
“I think you are enjoying it…” Sho planted another kiss on Masaki’s lips.
The both leaders walked from the room with an obvious different tension than the first time the guards left them in the same room as Sho smiled sheepishly to Masaki while the latter replied it with a bright one. Kazunari who was born with sharp eyes and intuition immediately noticed it. “You look happy… and red…” he cornered his brother immediately.
“What now? I think you want me to be happy…”
“Without a doubt…” Kazu sneered, “So you were flirting with a prince… Good thing your level grows up…”
“Please… I’m still a married man…”
“Sure and I’m not blind,” Kazunari chimed, “Talk about married man, Jun is waiting for you, in your tent…”
“What?” Masaki shrieked.
“He arrived when you were in the middle of a meeting with the prince…”
Masaki didn’t wait until Kazu finished his sentence, he ran through the camp to his tent, ignoring the subordinates salute. He barged in to his own tent as he saw Jun was bending in his bed, folding up Masaki’s clothes were that shattered on the mattress. His lover turned around when he heard Masaki’s arrival, his eyes looked tired, “Masaki…”
“What are you doing here?” Jun whimpered when he heard the harsh tone leave Masaki’s lips. Masaki was always so kind.
Jun walked slowly to close their distance, “I’m here to run after you… to run after my love…”
A sarcastic laugh left the general’s lips, “Oh please… we both know what’s the meaning of love for you! You don’t love me, Jun… never did and never will… and I was just too stupid and naïve to notice it!”
“No!” Jun grasped to Masaki’s hands, “No, please… don’t break up with me… please… I love you Masaki, I love you! I’m just late to realize it but I’m here and I’m yours… yours only… I will follow you to wherever you go, I promise! But don’t leave me, Masaki… I will die without you…”
Masaki stunned, his mind blank as if to disenchant Masaki from his turmoil, Jun brought him to his embrace. The familiar scent that created calm effect infiltrated Masaki’s smelling. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I love you, Masaki… only you…” Jun chanted love to his ears as Masaki let himself down to the other’s spells, once more…
~*~
After that Masaki and Jun couldn’t be separated, Jun made sure he followed Masaki anywhere, except the meeting room… whenever Masaki got the regular visit from a prince of Bonheur. It wasn’t like Jun didn’t know Masaki’s relationship with the prince, he blinded, he deafen himself to stay beside Masaki. He tried not to care when he noticed Masaki smelled like the prince after they met, because once Jun came across the prince in the hall and couldn’t forget the classy scent of Sho, and whenever Masaki met Sho, that scent would left on Masaki’s body, just like an open challenge from the young heir for Jun. That was frustrating, to share his lover to someone else, while Jun understood, he was nothing compared to the young prince. So he kept his eyes closed whenever he saw a new red marks on Masaki’s neck or chest, that weren’t his.
Jun tried desperately to fix his relationship with Masaki, to get his lover’s heart back but none seemed to be working. He felt like a pretty doll who stayed beside Masaki to make him look nice, while Masaki’s love was out of his reach. Jun was ready if Masaki would kick him out someday but in the end of his eight years with Masaki, as everyone expected from long time ago, Masaki became the emperor of Prospère, while Jun got the crown himself. Jun got back his confidence, Masaki would never divorce him, although he was still meeting with Sho, sometime he would leave Jun for weeks to meet the prince, a thing that lately made them entangled into a never ending argument, Masaki tired with everything, Jun didn’t face it better. As fast as they got into argument, they made up easily as well, Jun would apologize, for being so jealousy and fussy, Masaki would apologize because he didn’t have much time for Jun and they would be in each other arms soon after that. That was their routine, the rotation of life that they face, would never change, would never be better…
At the same time Masaki never left Sho, not when Bonheur broke their alliance with Prospère, nor when they build the agreement all over again. Sho was part of Masaki’s life, that wasn’t a secret anymore, as Jun always thought Masaki loved Sho more than he loved Jun, despite Jun got the formal position as Masaki’s husband. Jun was falling… so damn hard, a thing that he didn’t expect when he started to date, even married Masaki. He needed money and status so bad and Masaki had them and Masaki loved Jun… Now he wasn’t… he didn’t love Jun anymore when Jun couldn’t continue his life without Masaki… when Jun couldn’t share Masaki to anyone else, not even to a classy prince from Bonheur…
Because Masaki was only his…
“Jun… let’s end everything… I’m tired of it…” was the sentence Masaki said in a candle light dinner with Jun, when Jun dressed nicely and cooked Masaki’s favorite foods. The emperor didn’t even startle when the plate slipped from Jun’s hands, crashed and shattered in the marble floor.
“No…” was the only thing Jun was able to say. No more…
He destroyed…
…trampled in the feet of the emperor… he was wrong… Masaki never forgave him… Never gave him a second chance… Everything he did for Masaki meant nothing… His love for Masaki means nothing… Nothing more than lies in Masaki’s eyes…
“There is no love between us…”
No, I love you… was a sentence that strangled in Jun’s throat… a sentence that Masaki would never hear…
~*~
March, 1810
Masaki stood by the window as the wind wafted his hair lazily, it was a nice spring morning. He felt someone leaned closer to him, caught him between a pair of strong arms as he felt that someone sniffed lightly to his neck. He smiled when that person moved their body slowly like they danced in slow melody. “I didn’t hear you wake up…” Masaki tilted his head to feel the presence of the guy even more.
He felt the other’s lips trace his neck slowly, “so the morning view is better than pillow talk with me?”
Masaki chuckled, “We are doing window talk, isn’t it enough?”
“Not funny…”
The emperor touched the arms around his waist tenderly, “I’m married to a man who has no sense of humor then…”
“Poor you…”
Masaki laughed lightly, “I love him though… I love you, Sho…” The emperor found himself sandwiched between Sho’s body and the window’s as the prince’s hands rest on the sides of his body to preventing him from struggling to free himself who didn’t want to in the first place. A soft sigh left Masaki’s lips and he felt Sho lift his body to settle in the window frame while he invaded to Masaki’s private area. Masaki traced his husband’s naked chest when he heard Sho whispered back to his ear, very softly, almost inaudible, “I love you too…”
~*~
April 11, 1814
The only thing Masaki wanted in his elderly life is being settled in a peaceful place with Sho, to love him until the end of his life and to be loved by him. He had been thinking and fighting for his country since he was a teenager so he really wanted to be a bit egoist for one time or two… if living peacefully with Sho could count as egoist. But no… after his reverse, when people judged that he lost his touch, that his perception of strategies weren’t accurate anymore, they dumped him, barricade him, as in the end he had to abdicate. The emperor Masaki, from a king to nothing.
Their subjects forgot about his glorious era, the Prospère greatness period and without even giving him any chance to fix it, they snatched Sho away from him. Sho was his only hope but as his punishment, they separated Sho from him. One morning he simply found out that all Sho’s belongings were gone from their room as if he was nothing more than a nice dream in the middle of misery. The only evidence that the prince used to be there was a crumpled paper left in the night stand, clearly written in a rush…
Masaki my love…
I love you…
I love you and will always love you…
If this is your punishment then I want to bear it with you but they make me disappear from your life as one of your punishments… as I want you to live, Masaki…
Not only ended up in Guillotine…
I don’t want to lose you…
At least this way… I still know you are alive, in the other side of the world…
And maybe someday we can meet again and I can embrace you again in my arms…
-Sho-
He wanted to cry in despair, he wanted to run after Sho, he wanted to beg them, to be egoist and made Sho live in exile with him. He snatched everything from him, his crown, his life, even his love and Masaki was left with nothing, no more than a hapless old man.
In despair he lived for the rest of his life, he tried to end his life, to make everything easier for him. But his heart stubbornly beated, betrayed his owner. He couldn’t end his life even when he heard about Jun’s death one month after he moved in a small house of his exile location. He locked himself, rejected to eat anything, mourning his first love’s death, until his maids found him unconscious in his room but again God didn’t take his soul just yet. He continued to live just for the sake of nothing but waiting for the death itself, when it became clearly and close, Masaki finally thought that he could fly to the sky freely. He smiled as his consciousness started to fade from his body, he knew, it was the time… and the only thing that appeared in his weak thought was a young guy with a genuine smile, his hair was wavy black with full lips and mole under his lips, “Jun…”
The great emperor left the world to pursue the dream he never reached… to fly to the sky freely…
March, 1821
I feel the time is coming Jun…
When we will meet again in the vast sky…
I feel the time is coming…
When all misery is lifted from my shoulders and finally I can spread my wings…
But before I’m coming with you, Jun, my love…
I have to make sure my beloved Sho is living in blissfulness… then with that I can leave this world with you, finally… forever…
M.