Play By Heart
Title: Play By Heart
By: arashiforyou
Genre: Romance/ Drama/ Angst/ AU/ Music
Rating: R
Pairings: Sakumiya (main)/ Jun x Kiko Mizuhara/ Aiba x Yuka/ Ohno x Minami Hinase (broken)
Summary: Nino is an autistic savant and a brilliant violinist. The only hard part for him and his sister, who takes care of him, is finding a consistent and patient piano accompanist for Nino's solo performances. One day, Nino's sister finds Sakurai Sho, a man with a mysterious past but gifted in music. Together, the two musicians must learn to communicate with other, live with each other, and possible love each other.
Warnings: It's rated R for: sensual scenes (softporn), parenting struggles, sexual assault, divorce, character deaths, and mental disorders/illnesses.
Music reference: Jon Lord - Durham Nocturne
Chapter 10 - Nocturne
Aiba woke up with a phone call from the hospital. It was an emergency call that they needed his prognosis for a new patient. Apparently, it was an infant and they were short-hand on experts in the pediatrics department (despite the fact he was in the neurology department. Everyone has already associated him with children). When he arrived at his office, Aiba sat down at his desk and opened his case file. A six month old baby girl was admitted to the ER with poor breathing and low muscle tone. One look at the premature birth status told Aiba a lot already besides the obvious symptoms-he had study cases like these many times to recognize the signs. Aiba frowned slightly in the privacy of his office before he mentally prepared himself. The parents of the child were waiting for him.
The one of the hardest parts of being a doctor was delivering the bad news.
Aiba knocked on the door and slid it open. "Excuse me."
The moment Aiba set foot in the room, the husband stood up looking flustered and anxious. "What's wrong with her?"
"Please try to relax," Aiba said calmly with his hand out. Usually Aiba's smile would smooth over even the worse tension. But at times like these, a smile wouldn't help them nor bring the right message. "I'm Doctor Aiba Masaki. I'm a neurologist."
The wife covered her gasp with a trembling hand. "Oh god. Is something mentally wrong with my baby?"
Aiba glanced down at the said patient. A ventilator hooked to the child like a life line, but Aiba could see the little girl's chest rising and falling normally. The parents were lucky to act quickly and bring her to the hospital.
"I can only give a prognosis at the moment," Aiba explained slowly and calmly as he could despite the husband glaring hard at him. "Until I perform the proper assessment, I cannot say what she has for sure. However, her condition as well as her history points to possible clues that this is a serious condition."
"Then just tell us already," the man blurted out sharply. "Just tell us what you think it is. Stop making us more worried as it is!"
Aiba sucked in his breath to calm himself down. Jun-as said in the case file that Aiba read beforehand-walked around Sachiko's bed to stand closer to Aiba as if to threaten. The wife, Kiko, remained next to her daughter and holding her tiny hand.
The doctor let out a sigh and spoke in a clear and soft voice. "I believe your daughter is suffering from cerebral palsy. It is a disorder that impairs movement because the lack of brain development." Aiba could see the couple's eyes widen with fear the more he talked. "It is extremely hard to detect in infants. Usually symptoms don't show until two or three years of age. However, there are links that in vitro fertilization and premature birth increases the chances for a child to have cerebral palsy. It is possible that Sachiko may suffer from future problems such as seizures and difficulty in speech, movement, sleeping, and eating...I'm so sorry."
The air was thick with tension, and Aiba wished he had more to say. Finally, Kiko let out a sob and hid her face into the bed sheets. Jun's eyes were wide and glossy, and Aiba had a hard time looking away from them. Aiba could almost see his reflection. But Jun's expression was full of pain and disbelief.
"Is...is there a cure?" Jun croaked at last. "You can fix Sachiko, right?"
Aiba dropped his gaze for only a mere second when Jun suddenly grabbed a fist full of his white coat. Jun brought his face close to Aiba's and snarled. "Is there a cure?!"
"Jun, stop..." Kiko moaned from across the room, but Jun didn't let go.
"I'm afraid there isn't," Aiba uttered quietly, but Kiko cried even harder into the bed. "But it can be managed with treatment and proper therapy. In some cases, surgery might also-"
"Stop kidding with me!" Jun shouted and shoved Aiba away.
"Matsumoto-san, I must ask you to lower your voice," Aiba said sternly, his glasses slightly crooked from the push. "This is a hospital, and your daughter is still recovering."
Jun didn't shout after Aiba's words, but the anger was still present in his voice. "Your prognosis is wrong, and I demand for my daughter to have a proper diagnosis!"
"I need for her to be awake before I carry on with the rest of the assessment," Aiba tried to stand his ground. "Please, Matsumoto-san. I know this is a very difficult time for you, and I understand what you're going through, but-"
"Do you?!" Jun glared at him, his eyebrow twitching. "Do you know what it's like for a doctor to tell you that your child can no longer eat, sleep, and play like a normal person anymore?! Do you really know the fear of your child no longer breathing in your hands?!"
Aiba clenched his jaw.
Jun's vicious eyes suddenly turned soft as the tears finally started brimming in his eyes. As if frustrated with emotions surfacing, Jun bowed his head and headed out the door. Kiko didn't call after him, and Aiba was alone with her and Sachiko. At least with Jun out of the picture, Aiba's breathing and heart rate became steady again. He started approaching Kiko, but the tired mother heard his footsteps and raised her head.
"Please...give me some time, Doctor," Kiko moaned before her sobs came back. "I just...I w-wish to be alone with Sachiko..."
Aiba felt his heart sink at the sound of her shaky voice. He was a doctor; he was supposed to help people. But he obeyed her wishes and quietly left the room. He leaned against the wall and took off his glasses. He rubbed the bridge of his nose before sliding his hand over his tired face. It wasn't the first time Aiba had to deal with difficult parents over their child, but it still exhausted every part of his body. The clock over his head read half past midnight, so he headed back to his office to finish up his report.
When he turned around a corner, Aiba saw his wife sitting on the floor with her knees up and her head bowed down against her arms. Their nurse shortage was worse than ever for the past few weeks, and Aiba could see the stress gradually building up on their staff. Seeing his wife so defeated always breaks his heart. Aiba approached Yuka and sat down next to her alone in the hallway. She looked up to see who decided to accompany her in this late hour, and he gave her a warm smile when she saw him. Yuka grinned back as well.
But the smile was short-lived.
Yuka's eyes turned red as tears started seeping out and down her cheeks. Aiba's eyebrows pinched together as he watched Yuka break down in front of him. She sniffed quietly as Aiba let her head rest against his shoulder in the deserted hallway. The hospital setting was tough. There were times when Aiba's miracle smile was contagious to everyone in the ward. But every once in a while, there would be those long exhausted days that drains everyone. Even Aiba and his wife.
"I'm so tired, Masaki," she sobbed. "These children...always crying and crying at night...I'm so tired..."
Aiba only glanced up at the opposite wall, recalling Jun's sadden face and his angry words. "...I know. But they're not the only ones in pain."
*****
Sho woke up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee. He rolled to his side, snuggling the blankets closer to his face, and inhaled deeply. Only then did his eyes snapped opened when he realized he wasn't the one that made coffee.
"Nino?"
Sho hurried out of his room and found Nino in the kitchen chopping tofu and green onions for the miso soup. This was the first time Sho has ever seen Nino cooking, and Sho's mouth was stuck in an awestruck expression. Nino glanced up and smirked.
"Morning."
"M-morning," Sho grinned back and walked up to him. "You're cooking?"
"I've seen you and Sachi do it a bunch of times," Nino pouted, concentrating on the amount of miso paste he was supposed to put in. "It can't be that hard, right?"
Sho chuckled after Nino poured in the paste. "Well for starters, you put too much in."
"...ah."
"I can fix it," Sho said, ready to take the spoon away from Nino.
But the violinist turned away from Sho. "No, let me do it. I want to do this by myself. I know I can but...just watch over me."
Sho still had his hand out, but he took a step back and watched Nino make breakfast. The autistic savant moved a lot slower than he normally does when he plays his violin. Sho assumed Nino's skilled fingers would be efficient at other tasks, but Nino had a hard time planning out the next step of the process. Every time Sho tried to tell him the correct answer, Nino would hush him up and figured it out himself.
In the end, Nino pulled off a successful meal. And the man seemed proud of himself.
"It's sorta like music, only it's with different sounds," Nino explained over the table. "If I think of the noises as music, then the set becomes clear and I can understand the order."
"I'm not sure what that means," Sho chuckled with his left cheek full with rice, "but I'm glad you're finally starting to cook."
Nino set his chopsticks. His eyes cast down with his brow furrowed. "I want to do more. Sachi had always been there to take care of me. But now that she's gone, I realize I can't go on like this."
Sho slowed down his chewing. The seriousness in Nino's tone perked up Sho's attention greatly. "Do you mean...you're going to start living on your own?"
Nino quickly gazed up. "You've taught me how to play the piano, and you've stayed with me after I lost Sachi." Nino gave a confident nod. "I want to know how to pay my own bills, how to fill the bathtub, how to manage my schedule. I need to be more responsible. I have to stop relying on people like my sister...and you."
There was utter silence between them, and Sho couldn't take his eyes away from the sincerity in Nino's face. Sensing their awkwardness, Nino glanced away and resumed back to eating as if they never had this conversation. But in the back of Sho's mind, a new pending fear was growing.
At one point, Sho would have loved to hear those words come out of Nino's mouth. It felt like ages ago when Sho wanted nothing more than to leave Nino's home early instead of dragging his feet back for practice. Sho hardly did what he wanted, and his individuality was draining away just by living with Nino. But everything has changed. Now, Sho yearns for Nino's dependency. There was something about caring for someone for so long but not being able to let go. Sho liked the feeling to be relied on.
Now, Nino talks about being more responsible?! Where would Sho's place be then?
Sho cleared his throat. "But you need me, right?"
Without looking up, Nino replied back. "Of course. I can't learn all of these things by myself."
As subtly as he could, Sho let out a sigh of relief. So long as someone needs him, Sho's guilt-ridden past wouldn't have to suffocate him...
*****
Now the bartender was telling Jun to stop, and he finally understood why Ohno was so annoyed with the man. Jun clicked his tongue in annoyance, and the bartender quickly refilled his drink. At least Jun had a little more bite to get what he wanted from the bartender than Ohno. Jun swallowed another gulp of beer and lowered his head.
Ever since he left the hospital in the early morning, Jun spent all day on his own roaming around the city and still dulled from his shock. He shed stubborn tears every other hour, more so whenever he came across kids running under the summer sun. Kiko kept calling on his cell phone, but he just wanted to be alone and lost with his thoughts. When night came, Jun's eyes were dry and practically bloodshot, and all he could think of was find a place to drink.
And here he was, drinking in the same lonely bar.
Jun wasn't even sure where he was heading until his feet led him back to the same bar. It was quiet, no loud music, and the bartender wasn't always nagging (aside from the drinking). At least here, Jun could unwind and calm down a little even though the grief was still swirling deep inside him. Jun always associate alcohol as a cleanser of that grief, but this pain would never go away. Never.
Jun slammed down his empty glass before moaning quietly to himself. "Sachiko..."
"So you finally said something."
Jun glanced to his side and saw it was his drinking buddy Ohno. He didn't even notice the man until just now. Jun sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Sorry...a lot has happened."
"Same," Ohno replied. "Who wants to go first?"
Jun waited for the bartender to finish wiping a few glasses and heading to the back to read his magazine. He leaned on the counter and played around with his shot glass. "Remember the last time I ran out before my wife was in labor?"
"Hmm."
"It was a premature birth."
He could see from the corner of his eye that Ohno turned to look at him. "Is she alright?"
Jun lifted his glass to his lips. "She...she had a birth detect...cerebral palsy." And Jun down the last of his drink.
There was long pause between them, but Jun was thankful. It meant Ohno was really taking it all in for him. Somehow, Jun wished he met Ohno sooner to appreciate his company more. Rather than looking for advice, Ohno offered him an ear to listen. And that was all Jun really wanted.
"I can only imagine," Ohno uttered softly. "But in some sense...I do know what it's like to feel helpless...and see someone you care for suffer."
Jun gazed back and spotted a silicone bracelet on Ohno's wrist. When he saw the familiar hospital's logo, Jun pointed at it. "What's that?"
Ohno glanced down at his bracelet. "This? Doctor Aiba gave this to me."
Jun's eyebrows shot up. "You know Doctor Aiba?"
"Yeah, he was my son's neurologist," Ohno explained before rubbing the bracelet between his fingers. "The hospital is holding a charity concert for the children." Jun spotted Ohno's lips twitched slightly upward. "He told me he once had a daughter. But one day while playing baseball, she got hit by a car. He gave me a good lecture on how lucky I should be that my child is alive. Aiba told me to fight for my child...but I don't even know anymore."
Jun sat there in silence as traces of guilt start building up inside. He let out a quiet moan as he realized the things he yelled at Aiba not too long ago. Jun was just worried for Sachiko, and his angry words just spilled out of him. He had no idea the pain Aiba must have been through when he listened to Jun's rage.
Jun glanced back at his drinking buddy and noticed the man was still staring down at the charity bracelet. "Why wouldn't you fight? Kenta is your son. I...I would do anything to protect me daughter."
"Kenta is not my son," Ohno sighed, and Jun's lips parted in shock. "One day when I went to the hospital for Kenta's therapy, Ninomiya Kazunari was there."
"Really?!" Jun gawked.
Ohno nodded. "Apparently, Aiba is also his doctor as well. Funny how you introduced me his music and suddenly I met him. Well, I didn't really met him face-to-face. A...complication happened."
Jun waited as Ohno took another gulp of his beer, groaned out loud, and continued with his story.
"I met with my ex-wife," Ohno said, his eyes gazing down at his drink. "She was there to take Kenta back. We argued and suddenly...this man showed up, and Minami started shouting at him. He was one that started all this." Ohno's brow furrowed briefly as if there was a hidden hatred buried inside him. "He must be Kenta's real father."
"Did you catch his face?" Jun asked, feeling intrigued with Ohno's story.
Ohno shook his head. "Only for a few seconds, but he ran away the moment Minami started pointing at him. But I did hear Ninomiya yelling "Sho" to him. I think that's his name."
Jun's heart jolted for a split second. "Did you say Sho?!"
Ohno glanced back at him from his sudden volume. "Yeah. It seemed like Ninomiya knew him. Why?"
"I think I know who you're talking about," Jun nodded. "Nino's sister died recently, and we attended the memorial service. There was a man named Sho who was with Nino. Kiko told me that he is Nino's new piano accompanist. But now that his sister died, Nino's new caretaker is him...Sakurai Sho. I can give you their address. You should talk to him."
Ohno's eyes were wide with the new information. He sat more straight in his seat as if he was eager to know more. But then Ohno's eyelids drooped and so did his position. He resumed back to his original hunch and brought his drink closer.
Jun frowned. "Ohno?"
"What's the point?" Ohno mumbled, looking more defeated and dampened. "Minami wouldn't let me see Kenta. And frankly, I don't think I want to see the guy. Knowing what he did and what he started. I probably wouldn't even control myself if I saw him again. And Kenta...Kenta is better off with his mother."
Jun sucked in his bottom lip. He wasn't sure why he felt this urge to help Ohno, but the sight of Ohno's poor, sorry, hunched-over demeanor made Jun think of his own future. This man was once a father for a good six months, and now his child was taken away from him. Jun wondered if he'll end up like Ohno: depressed, child-less, and nursing hangovers.
Jun quickly pulled out his cellphone and scrolled through his contacts. He used to think Kiko's nagging behavior of organizing his contacts was pointless. But now he was sending silent thank you notes to her in his head as he found Nino's new home address. Sachi made sure that if anything happened, Nino could call either Kiko or Jun.
He asked the bartender for pen and pencil, and he scribbled down the address before passing it to Ohno.
"Talk to him," Jun said firmly.
"I don't want to."
"Then ask him for a DNA test," Jun snapped back. "You can pound his face all you want, but get his DNA so you can finally get rid of that doubt inside you."
Ohno stared back at Jun as if he was a mad man. "Why are you always helping me?"
Jun lowered his gaze. He stood up and pushed the note closer to Ohno. "I believe what Aiba said. You should fight for your child. Ohno...you really have no idea how lucky you are to have your child healthy and alive." Jun pulled out his wallet to pay his tab. He was about to leave until he glanced over his shoulder. "Ohno, you make a great father. Otherwise, you wouldn't be sitting here brooding about your son."
Jun left the bar and walked down the streets. The July night air felt welcoming despite swallowing down shots of grieving alcohol, and he flagged down a taxi. As the driver made their way back to the hospital, Jun glanced down at his watch. It was already one in the morning.
There was something he had to do first.
The main lobby and hallways were absent of any visitors and patients except for the night shift employees-Kiko might be at home-but Jun wasn't heading for Sachiko's room. He found the neurology department and walked down the halls with his loud footsteps. He found Aiba's office, but the room was empty.
Jun held onto a slimmer of hope that Aiba hadn't left home yet, and he continued to look around the dark empty ward until he entered an open playing room for kids. Someone with a green and white shirt sat on one of the kiddie benches while holding a baseball in his hand. Jun approached from behind, and Aiba turned around at the sound of Jun's boots.
"Matsumoto..."
Jun made an awkward swing with his arms. "You can call me Jun."
Aiba only nodded and turned back to stare down at the lonely baseball. Jun came around and sat next to the doctor. "I just want to say...I'm sorry for what I said." Aiba gazed up at him. Jun noticed he had his glasses off. "I overreacted. I should have been more mature about the situation. I was just so worried and so scared, and things just started coming out of my mouth without thinking. I know you can only do so much and-"
"Jun," Aiba sighed quietly yet it was enough to silence Jun's blabbering. "It's okay. I'm used to it. As a doctor, I run into these situations."
"Well, I mean...it's just...I had no idea."
"About what?"
"Ohno told me...about how your daughter died. And yet I said those awful things. I'm so sorry."
Despite the lack of light in the ward, Jun was able to see a bright smile spread across Aiba's face. "You know Ohno-san too? The man was right. It is a small world. I'm almost tempted to ask if you personally know the violinist Ninomiya as well...wait. Don't answer me. That look on your face is starting to scare me."
Jun let out a chuckle. It was strange how even in the darkness, Aiba was able to change the mood from mourning to silly. Perhaps that's why so many people are drawn to the man. Ohno, Nino, and now Jun are connected to him. Jun was thankful he finally met Aiba.
He stood up and bowed to Aiba. "Please take care of Sachiko."
Aiba grinned and uttered as sweet as honey. "I'll do my best."
Jun took Aiba's hands and shook them heartily. For a moment, Jun could feel his eyes burning again, and he quickly made one last bow and left the ward. Everything will be alright. Jun will fight with Sachiko, and hopefully Ohno will do so for his kid.
At least they both have a common ally. Aiba Masaki.
*****
When Jun left, Aiba let out another tired sigh before standing up. He stretched his back and tossed the baseball back into the toy box. He glasses was still in his breast pocket, but he glanced at the clock. He knew his shift ended since evening. But even though it was past midnight, Aiba always had his habit of checking his rounds through the pediatric ward.
The children were fast asleep, and Aiba also spotted a few nurses sleeping as well. But he didn't have the heart to wake them up. These nurses worked so hard; it was almost cruel that the administrators refuse to change their schedules. But what choice do they have with so little at hand. Yuka was lucky to have her shift end early. However, she insisted to stay and help relieve some burden from the other nurses. But Aiba told her to go home.
Finally, he entered the last room of pediatrics department. It was empty, but he walked in anyway. The bed was neatly pressed and ready for a new patient. But Aiba recalled a time when Koharu laid in that very bed...
*****
He didn't mean to throw too hard. And he didn't see the car coming. But by the time he did, Koharu had already ran out into the street to get the ball. Aiba dashed as hard as he could, but the truck already ran over her and Koharu laid unconscious. The driver had the decency to call an ambulance while Aiba tried to resuscitate her.
"Koharu!" Aiba cried. "It's okay, Koharu-chan! Papa will make you better!"
But there was so much blood...so much damage...
By the time they reached the hospital, Aiba feared the worse. The emergency doctors and nurses ran around frantically, trying to recover Koharu. But they're doing it all wrong. They're doing it wrong! Aiba rushed out and tried to push the useless nurses and physicians out of the way so he could save Koharu himself.
"Let me do it!" Aiba shouted as a few nurses pushed him away. "Let me do it! I'm a student doctor!"
But they only pushed him farther away and out of the ER room. They wheeled her into surgery, and Aiba had to wait for long agonizing hours. His wife came after he called her, but she was brave enough not to cry. They held each other close and waited for the surgeon to give his report.
Finally, they were allowed to see her. But it was worse that Aiba imagined.
"She has severe damage to her brain. I'm afraid if she doesn't recover, she might enter a vegetative state."
They moved her to the neurology department where she remained for weeks. The care was intense and excruciating. Yuka took time off her part-time job so the nurses wouldn't have to deal with a brain-dead child. Aiba studied even harder in his field, hoping there was some way to wake Koharu. But nothing came to him.
One night, while Yuka was looking for a new job, Aiba visited Koharu alone. Her eyes were partly open and staring forever at the same spot in the ceiling for the past two months. There were so many machines just to keep Koharu alive: feeding tubes, heart monitor, ventilator. Aiba stood in the dark, looming over her, and spotted a single tear slid down Koharu's cheek.
He couldn't take it anymore. Why must his daughter have to suffer more? If he was a good father, maybe none of this would have happened. If he was a better father, maybe Koharu wouldn't have to cry.
He found a box of rubber gloves and slipped them on.
He switched off all the machines and gently closed Koharu's eyelids...
*****
Aiba stood over the same bed, now empty, and his tears wouldn't stop falling....
-------------
end of chapter
To Chapter 11 >> http://arashiforyou.livejournal.com/65919.html
that's two! (kinda) :3
sorry for the lack of sakumiya. the side stories were getting some focus in this chapter. but i hope you enjoyed some of the insight from aiba's pov and how everyone is coming together!
By: arashiforyou
Genre: Romance/ Drama/ Angst/ AU/ Music
Rating: R
Pairings: Sakumiya (main)/ Jun x Kiko Mizuhara/ Aiba x Yuka/ Ohno x Minami Hinase (broken)
Summary: Nino is an autistic savant and a brilliant violinist. The only hard part for him and his sister, who takes care of him, is finding a consistent and patient piano accompanist for Nino's solo performances. One day, Nino's sister finds Sakurai Sho, a man with a mysterious past but gifted in music. Together, the two musicians must learn to communicate with other, live with each other, and possible love each other.
Warnings: It's rated R for: sensual scenes (softporn), parenting struggles, sexual assault, divorce, character deaths, and mental disorders/illnesses.
Music reference: Jon Lord - Durham Nocturne
Chapter 10 - Nocturne
Aiba woke up with a phone call from the hospital. It was an emergency call that they needed his prognosis for a new patient. Apparently, it was an infant and they were short-hand on experts in the pediatrics department (despite the fact he was in the neurology department. Everyone has already associated him with children). When he arrived at his office, Aiba sat down at his desk and opened his case file. A six month old baby girl was admitted to the ER with poor breathing and low muscle tone. One look at the premature birth status told Aiba a lot already besides the obvious symptoms-he had study cases like these many times to recognize the signs. Aiba frowned slightly in the privacy of his office before he mentally prepared himself. The parents of the child were waiting for him.
The one of the hardest parts of being a doctor was delivering the bad news.
Aiba knocked on the door and slid it open. "Excuse me."
The moment Aiba set foot in the room, the husband stood up looking flustered and anxious. "What's wrong with her?"
"Please try to relax," Aiba said calmly with his hand out. Usually Aiba's smile would smooth over even the worse tension. But at times like these, a smile wouldn't help them nor bring the right message. "I'm Doctor Aiba Masaki. I'm a neurologist."
The wife covered her gasp with a trembling hand. "Oh god. Is something mentally wrong with my baby?"
Aiba glanced down at the said patient. A ventilator hooked to the child like a life line, but Aiba could see the little girl's chest rising and falling normally. The parents were lucky to act quickly and bring her to the hospital.
"I can only give a prognosis at the moment," Aiba explained slowly and calmly as he could despite the husband glaring hard at him. "Until I perform the proper assessment, I cannot say what she has for sure. However, her condition as well as her history points to possible clues that this is a serious condition."
"Then just tell us already," the man blurted out sharply. "Just tell us what you think it is. Stop making us more worried as it is!"
Aiba sucked in his breath to calm himself down. Jun-as said in the case file that Aiba read beforehand-walked around Sachiko's bed to stand closer to Aiba as if to threaten. The wife, Kiko, remained next to her daughter and holding her tiny hand.
The doctor let out a sigh and spoke in a clear and soft voice. "I believe your daughter is suffering from cerebral palsy. It is a disorder that impairs movement because the lack of brain development." Aiba could see the couple's eyes widen with fear the more he talked. "It is extremely hard to detect in infants. Usually symptoms don't show until two or three years of age. However, there are links that in vitro fertilization and premature birth increases the chances for a child to have cerebral palsy. It is possible that Sachiko may suffer from future problems such as seizures and difficulty in speech, movement, sleeping, and eating...I'm so sorry."
The air was thick with tension, and Aiba wished he had more to say. Finally, Kiko let out a sob and hid her face into the bed sheets. Jun's eyes were wide and glossy, and Aiba had a hard time looking away from them. Aiba could almost see his reflection. But Jun's expression was full of pain and disbelief.
"Is...is there a cure?" Jun croaked at last. "You can fix Sachiko, right?"
Aiba dropped his gaze for only a mere second when Jun suddenly grabbed a fist full of his white coat. Jun brought his face close to Aiba's and snarled. "Is there a cure?!"
"Jun, stop..." Kiko moaned from across the room, but Jun didn't let go.
"I'm afraid there isn't," Aiba uttered quietly, but Kiko cried even harder into the bed. "But it can be managed with treatment and proper therapy. In some cases, surgery might also-"
"Stop kidding with me!" Jun shouted and shoved Aiba away.
"Matsumoto-san, I must ask you to lower your voice," Aiba said sternly, his glasses slightly crooked from the push. "This is a hospital, and your daughter is still recovering."
Jun didn't shout after Aiba's words, but the anger was still present in his voice. "Your prognosis is wrong, and I demand for my daughter to have a proper diagnosis!"
"I need for her to be awake before I carry on with the rest of the assessment," Aiba tried to stand his ground. "Please, Matsumoto-san. I know this is a very difficult time for you, and I understand what you're going through, but-"
"Do you?!" Jun glared at him, his eyebrow twitching. "Do you know what it's like for a doctor to tell you that your child can no longer eat, sleep, and play like a normal person anymore?! Do you really know the fear of your child no longer breathing in your hands?!"
Aiba clenched his jaw.
Jun's vicious eyes suddenly turned soft as the tears finally started brimming in his eyes. As if frustrated with emotions surfacing, Jun bowed his head and headed out the door. Kiko didn't call after him, and Aiba was alone with her and Sachiko. At least with Jun out of the picture, Aiba's breathing and heart rate became steady again. He started approaching Kiko, but the tired mother heard his footsteps and raised her head.
"Please...give me some time, Doctor," Kiko moaned before her sobs came back. "I just...I w-wish to be alone with Sachiko..."
Aiba felt his heart sink at the sound of her shaky voice. He was a doctor; he was supposed to help people. But he obeyed her wishes and quietly left the room. He leaned against the wall and took off his glasses. He rubbed the bridge of his nose before sliding his hand over his tired face. It wasn't the first time Aiba had to deal with difficult parents over their child, but it still exhausted every part of his body. The clock over his head read half past midnight, so he headed back to his office to finish up his report.
When he turned around a corner, Aiba saw his wife sitting on the floor with her knees up and her head bowed down against her arms. Their nurse shortage was worse than ever for the past few weeks, and Aiba could see the stress gradually building up on their staff. Seeing his wife so defeated always breaks his heart. Aiba approached Yuka and sat down next to her alone in the hallway. She looked up to see who decided to accompany her in this late hour, and he gave her a warm smile when she saw him. Yuka grinned back as well.
But the smile was short-lived.
Yuka's eyes turned red as tears started seeping out and down her cheeks. Aiba's eyebrows pinched together as he watched Yuka break down in front of him. She sniffed quietly as Aiba let her head rest against his shoulder in the deserted hallway. The hospital setting was tough. There were times when Aiba's miracle smile was contagious to everyone in the ward. But every once in a while, there would be those long exhausted days that drains everyone. Even Aiba and his wife.
"I'm so tired, Masaki," she sobbed. "These children...always crying and crying at night...I'm so tired..."
Aiba only glanced up at the opposite wall, recalling Jun's sadden face and his angry words. "...I know. But they're not the only ones in pain."
*****
Sho woke up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee. He rolled to his side, snuggling the blankets closer to his face, and inhaled deeply. Only then did his eyes snapped opened when he realized he wasn't the one that made coffee.
"Nino?"
Sho hurried out of his room and found Nino in the kitchen chopping tofu and green onions for the miso soup. This was the first time Sho has ever seen Nino cooking, and Sho's mouth was stuck in an awestruck expression. Nino glanced up and smirked.
"Morning."
"M-morning," Sho grinned back and walked up to him. "You're cooking?"
"I've seen you and Sachi do it a bunch of times," Nino pouted, concentrating on the amount of miso paste he was supposed to put in. "It can't be that hard, right?"
Sho chuckled after Nino poured in the paste. "Well for starters, you put too much in."
"...ah."
"I can fix it," Sho said, ready to take the spoon away from Nino.
But the violinist turned away from Sho. "No, let me do it. I want to do this by myself. I know I can but...just watch over me."
Sho still had his hand out, but he took a step back and watched Nino make breakfast. The autistic savant moved a lot slower than he normally does when he plays his violin. Sho assumed Nino's skilled fingers would be efficient at other tasks, but Nino had a hard time planning out the next step of the process. Every time Sho tried to tell him the correct answer, Nino would hush him up and figured it out himself.
In the end, Nino pulled off a successful meal. And the man seemed proud of himself.
"It's sorta like music, only it's with different sounds," Nino explained over the table. "If I think of the noises as music, then the set becomes clear and I can understand the order."
"I'm not sure what that means," Sho chuckled with his left cheek full with rice, "but I'm glad you're finally starting to cook."
Nino set his chopsticks. His eyes cast down with his brow furrowed. "I want to do more. Sachi had always been there to take care of me. But now that she's gone, I realize I can't go on like this."
Sho slowed down his chewing. The seriousness in Nino's tone perked up Sho's attention greatly. "Do you mean...you're going to start living on your own?"
Nino quickly gazed up. "You've taught me how to play the piano, and you've stayed with me after I lost Sachi." Nino gave a confident nod. "I want to know how to pay my own bills, how to fill the bathtub, how to manage my schedule. I need to be more responsible. I have to stop relying on people like my sister...and you."
There was utter silence between them, and Sho couldn't take his eyes away from the sincerity in Nino's face. Sensing their awkwardness, Nino glanced away and resumed back to eating as if they never had this conversation. But in the back of Sho's mind, a new pending fear was growing.
At one point, Sho would have loved to hear those words come out of Nino's mouth. It felt like ages ago when Sho wanted nothing more than to leave Nino's home early instead of dragging his feet back for practice. Sho hardly did what he wanted, and his individuality was draining away just by living with Nino. But everything has changed. Now, Sho yearns for Nino's dependency. There was something about caring for someone for so long but not being able to let go. Sho liked the feeling to be relied on.
Now, Nino talks about being more responsible?! Where would Sho's place be then?
Sho cleared his throat. "But you need me, right?"
Without looking up, Nino replied back. "Of course. I can't learn all of these things by myself."
As subtly as he could, Sho let out a sigh of relief. So long as someone needs him, Sho's guilt-ridden past wouldn't have to suffocate him...
*****
Now the bartender was telling Jun to stop, and he finally understood why Ohno was so annoyed with the man. Jun clicked his tongue in annoyance, and the bartender quickly refilled his drink. At least Jun had a little more bite to get what he wanted from the bartender than Ohno. Jun swallowed another gulp of beer and lowered his head.
Ever since he left the hospital in the early morning, Jun spent all day on his own roaming around the city and still dulled from his shock. He shed stubborn tears every other hour, more so whenever he came across kids running under the summer sun. Kiko kept calling on his cell phone, but he just wanted to be alone and lost with his thoughts. When night came, Jun's eyes were dry and practically bloodshot, and all he could think of was find a place to drink.
And here he was, drinking in the same lonely bar.
Jun wasn't even sure where he was heading until his feet led him back to the same bar. It was quiet, no loud music, and the bartender wasn't always nagging (aside from the drinking). At least here, Jun could unwind and calm down a little even though the grief was still swirling deep inside him. Jun always associate alcohol as a cleanser of that grief, but this pain would never go away. Never.
Jun slammed down his empty glass before moaning quietly to himself. "Sachiko..."
"So you finally said something."
Jun glanced to his side and saw it was his drinking buddy Ohno. He didn't even notice the man until just now. Jun sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Sorry...a lot has happened."
"Same," Ohno replied. "Who wants to go first?"
Jun waited for the bartender to finish wiping a few glasses and heading to the back to read his magazine. He leaned on the counter and played around with his shot glass. "Remember the last time I ran out before my wife was in labor?"
"Hmm."
"It was a premature birth."
He could see from the corner of his eye that Ohno turned to look at him. "Is she alright?"
Jun lifted his glass to his lips. "She...she had a birth detect...cerebral palsy." And Jun down the last of his drink.
There was long pause between them, but Jun was thankful. It meant Ohno was really taking it all in for him. Somehow, Jun wished he met Ohno sooner to appreciate his company more. Rather than looking for advice, Ohno offered him an ear to listen. And that was all Jun really wanted.
"I can only imagine," Ohno uttered softly. "But in some sense...I do know what it's like to feel helpless...and see someone you care for suffer."
Jun gazed back and spotted a silicone bracelet on Ohno's wrist. When he saw the familiar hospital's logo, Jun pointed at it. "What's that?"
Ohno glanced down at his bracelet. "This? Doctor Aiba gave this to me."
Jun's eyebrows shot up. "You know Doctor Aiba?"
"Yeah, he was my son's neurologist," Ohno explained before rubbing the bracelet between his fingers. "The hospital is holding a charity concert for the children." Jun spotted Ohno's lips twitched slightly upward. "He told me he once had a daughter. But one day while playing baseball, she got hit by a car. He gave me a good lecture on how lucky I should be that my child is alive. Aiba told me to fight for my child...but I don't even know anymore."
Jun sat there in silence as traces of guilt start building up inside. He let out a quiet moan as he realized the things he yelled at Aiba not too long ago. Jun was just worried for Sachiko, and his angry words just spilled out of him. He had no idea the pain Aiba must have been through when he listened to Jun's rage.
Jun glanced back at his drinking buddy and noticed the man was still staring down at the charity bracelet. "Why wouldn't you fight? Kenta is your son. I...I would do anything to protect me daughter."
"Kenta is not my son," Ohno sighed, and Jun's lips parted in shock. "One day when I went to the hospital for Kenta's therapy, Ninomiya Kazunari was there."
"Really?!" Jun gawked.
Ohno nodded. "Apparently, Aiba is also his doctor as well. Funny how you introduced me his music and suddenly I met him. Well, I didn't really met him face-to-face. A...complication happened."
Jun waited as Ohno took another gulp of his beer, groaned out loud, and continued with his story.
"I met with my ex-wife," Ohno said, his eyes gazing down at his drink. "She was there to take Kenta back. We argued and suddenly...this man showed up, and Minami started shouting at him. He was one that started all this." Ohno's brow furrowed briefly as if there was a hidden hatred buried inside him. "He must be Kenta's real father."
"Did you catch his face?" Jun asked, feeling intrigued with Ohno's story.
Ohno shook his head. "Only for a few seconds, but he ran away the moment Minami started pointing at him. But I did hear Ninomiya yelling "Sho" to him. I think that's his name."
Jun's heart jolted for a split second. "Did you say Sho?!"
Ohno glanced back at him from his sudden volume. "Yeah. It seemed like Ninomiya knew him. Why?"
"I think I know who you're talking about," Jun nodded. "Nino's sister died recently, and we attended the memorial service. There was a man named Sho who was with Nino. Kiko told me that he is Nino's new piano accompanist. But now that his sister died, Nino's new caretaker is him...Sakurai Sho. I can give you their address. You should talk to him."
Ohno's eyes were wide with the new information. He sat more straight in his seat as if he was eager to know more. But then Ohno's eyelids drooped and so did his position. He resumed back to his original hunch and brought his drink closer.
Jun frowned. "Ohno?"
"What's the point?" Ohno mumbled, looking more defeated and dampened. "Minami wouldn't let me see Kenta. And frankly, I don't think I want to see the guy. Knowing what he did and what he started. I probably wouldn't even control myself if I saw him again. And Kenta...Kenta is better off with his mother."
Jun sucked in his bottom lip. He wasn't sure why he felt this urge to help Ohno, but the sight of Ohno's poor, sorry, hunched-over demeanor made Jun think of his own future. This man was once a father for a good six months, and now his child was taken away from him. Jun wondered if he'll end up like Ohno: depressed, child-less, and nursing hangovers.
Jun quickly pulled out his cellphone and scrolled through his contacts. He used to think Kiko's nagging behavior of organizing his contacts was pointless. But now he was sending silent thank you notes to her in his head as he found Nino's new home address. Sachi made sure that if anything happened, Nino could call either Kiko or Jun.
He asked the bartender for pen and pencil, and he scribbled down the address before passing it to Ohno.
"Talk to him," Jun said firmly.
"I don't want to."
"Then ask him for a DNA test," Jun snapped back. "You can pound his face all you want, but get his DNA so you can finally get rid of that doubt inside you."
Ohno stared back at Jun as if he was a mad man. "Why are you always helping me?"
Jun lowered his gaze. He stood up and pushed the note closer to Ohno. "I believe what Aiba said. You should fight for your child. Ohno...you really have no idea how lucky you are to have your child healthy and alive." Jun pulled out his wallet to pay his tab. He was about to leave until he glanced over his shoulder. "Ohno, you make a great father. Otherwise, you wouldn't be sitting here brooding about your son."
Jun left the bar and walked down the streets. The July night air felt welcoming despite swallowing down shots of grieving alcohol, and he flagged down a taxi. As the driver made their way back to the hospital, Jun glanced down at his watch. It was already one in the morning.
There was something he had to do first.
The main lobby and hallways were absent of any visitors and patients except for the night shift employees-Kiko might be at home-but Jun wasn't heading for Sachiko's room. He found the neurology department and walked down the halls with his loud footsteps. He found Aiba's office, but the room was empty.
Jun held onto a slimmer of hope that Aiba hadn't left home yet, and he continued to look around the dark empty ward until he entered an open playing room for kids. Someone with a green and white shirt sat on one of the kiddie benches while holding a baseball in his hand. Jun approached from behind, and Aiba turned around at the sound of Jun's boots.
"Matsumoto..."
Jun made an awkward swing with his arms. "You can call me Jun."
Aiba only nodded and turned back to stare down at the lonely baseball. Jun came around and sat next to the doctor. "I just want to say...I'm sorry for what I said." Aiba gazed up at him. Jun noticed he had his glasses off. "I overreacted. I should have been more mature about the situation. I was just so worried and so scared, and things just started coming out of my mouth without thinking. I know you can only do so much and-"
"Jun," Aiba sighed quietly yet it was enough to silence Jun's blabbering. "It's okay. I'm used to it. As a doctor, I run into these situations."
"Well, I mean...it's just...I had no idea."
"About what?"
"Ohno told me...about how your daughter died. And yet I said those awful things. I'm so sorry."
Despite the lack of light in the ward, Jun was able to see a bright smile spread across Aiba's face. "You know Ohno-san too? The man was right. It is a small world. I'm almost tempted to ask if you personally know the violinist Ninomiya as well...wait. Don't answer me. That look on your face is starting to scare me."
Jun let out a chuckle. It was strange how even in the darkness, Aiba was able to change the mood from mourning to silly. Perhaps that's why so many people are drawn to the man. Ohno, Nino, and now Jun are connected to him. Jun was thankful he finally met Aiba.
He stood up and bowed to Aiba. "Please take care of Sachiko."
Aiba grinned and uttered as sweet as honey. "I'll do my best."
Jun took Aiba's hands and shook them heartily. For a moment, Jun could feel his eyes burning again, and he quickly made one last bow and left the ward. Everything will be alright. Jun will fight with Sachiko, and hopefully Ohno will do so for his kid.
At least they both have a common ally. Aiba Masaki.
*****
When Jun left, Aiba let out another tired sigh before standing up. He stretched his back and tossed the baseball back into the toy box. He glasses was still in his breast pocket, but he glanced at the clock. He knew his shift ended since evening. But even though it was past midnight, Aiba always had his habit of checking his rounds through the pediatric ward.
The children were fast asleep, and Aiba also spotted a few nurses sleeping as well. But he didn't have the heart to wake them up. These nurses worked so hard; it was almost cruel that the administrators refuse to change their schedules. But what choice do they have with so little at hand. Yuka was lucky to have her shift end early. However, she insisted to stay and help relieve some burden from the other nurses. But Aiba told her to go home.
Finally, he entered the last room of pediatrics department. It was empty, but he walked in anyway. The bed was neatly pressed and ready for a new patient. But Aiba recalled a time when Koharu laid in that very bed...
*****
He didn't mean to throw too hard. And he didn't see the car coming. But by the time he did, Koharu had already ran out into the street to get the ball. Aiba dashed as hard as he could, but the truck already ran over her and Koharu laid unconscious. The driver had the decency to call an ambulance while Aiba tried to resuscitate her.
"Koharu!" Aiba cried. "It's okay, Koharu-chan! Papa will make you better!"
But there was so much blood...so much damage...
By the time they reached the hospital, Aiba feared the worse. The emergency doctors and nurses ran around frantically, trying to recover Koharu. But they're doing it all wrong. They're doing it wrong! Aiba rushed out and tried to push the useless nurses and physicians out of the way so he could save Koharu himself.
"Let me do it!" Aiba shouted as a few nurses pushed him away. "Let me do it! I'm a student doctor!"
But they only pushed him farther away and out of the ER room. They wheeled her into surgery, and Aiba had to wait for long agonizing hours. His wife came after he called her, but she was brave enough not to cry. They held each other close and waited for the surgeon to give his report.
Finally, they were allowed to see her. But it was worse that Aiba imagined.
"She has severe damage to her brain. I'm afraid if she doesn't recover, she might enter a vegetative state."
They moved her to the neurology department where she remained for weeks. The care was intense and excruciating. Yuka took time off her part-time job so the nurses wouldn't have to deal with a brain-dead child. Aiba studied even harder in his field, hoping there was some way to wake Koharu. But nothing came to him.
One night, while Yuka was looking for a new job, Aiba visited Koharu alone. Her eyes were partly open and staring forever at the same spot in the ceiling for the past two months. There were so many machines just to keep Koharu alive: feeding tubes, heart monitor, ventilator. Aiba stood in the dark, looming over her, and spotted a single tear slid down Koharu's cheek.
He couldn't take it anymore. Why must his daughter have to suffer more? If he was a good father, maybe none of this would have happened. If he was a better father, maybe Koharu wouldn't have to cry.
He found a box of rubber gloves and slipped them on.
He switched off all the machines and gently closed Koharu's eyelids...
*****
Aiba stood over the same bed, now empty, and his tears wouldn't stop falling....
-------------
end of chapter
To Chapter 11 >> http://arashiforyou.livejournal.com/65919.html
that's two! (kinda) :3
sorry for the lack of sakumiya. the side stories were getting some focus in this chapter. but i hope you enjoyed some of the insight from aiba's pov and how everyone is coming together!