Revelation

[aravis128]

Once upon a upon a time I suffered terribly from a broken heart and I barely survived it. I don't think I could handle that type of pain again. I may appear strong. I may be strong. But I am not strong enough for that

Comments

love for Betsy, and my thoughts on the matter

[narel]

The first is much worse. By choosing the potentiality of the second, there is a lot more open to you. By avoiding those kinds of experiences, you're avoiding (yes, pain, but it's going to happen anyway) the opportunity to learn- about yourself, about others, about anything really- the opportunity to expand yourself and someone else too. Keeping yourself in stasis isn't going to do you any good. It's only by breaking down and rebuilding oneself that we can learn and grow and expand and become stronger and better and more knowledgable about ourselves and human beings in general. The only reason I ever got a boyfriend is that I purposefully ignored my fear of pain (I thought of it as a sort of experiment- yeah, stupid, young, immature me right?). And then when it ended, it was like everything supporting me had suddenly collapsed into rubble without warning- my entire world turned upside down and inside out and shattered. I turned in and avoided anything emotional for two years (because once again I was afraid of pain, and this

[volemaster]

To answer your rhetorical question: if both are inevitable, then the shattering is probably worse; at least you can take the ache in smaller doses.

Of course the shattering part *isn't* inevitable, and the weighted risk of it may very well be worth the gamble.

With any risk taking, however, you have to decide what an acceptable loss is: what are you willing to risk, what are you willing to lose? Does the risk meet those parameters? And then, if it does, what do you have to gain, and what is its weighted value (considering the risk of failure, etc.).

It's a clinical sounding evaluation, but my real point is this: you're not inevitably doomed to lonliness or heartbreak. You're quite a special person (as probably many others would tell you... and recognize) and, while this doesn't mean that you're a good romantic match for all of us, it certainly doesn't mean you're a poor fit for all of us. If that makes sense.

Anyway... my love and best wishes. And I'm sure I'm not alone.

[rhathumos]

I've had my heart broken, and I've been alone. I think, like in most respects, whichever pain you have you wish you had the other instead. like freezing to death, but thinking "oh, if only it were 150º right now i would be so much happier." it is dangerous to trade one extreme for the other, because i think an extreme on either end does just as much damage.

I would follow your heart, rather than your mind. that generally seems to be the way to work well in this world. in a sense, having your heart broken is having pain inflicted by another, so your body and mind can focus on healing yourself without causing more pain. yet if you are causing your own pain by self-isolation, that's a much more difficult pain to deal with because its self-imposed. it is easier to set a broken bone than mend an ulcer.

[gothpanda]

Once you've had your heart broken, really shattered, you learn to protect yourself a little more. You will never suffer a heartbreak that severe ever again, because you will always hold back more of yourself than you did in that first relationship. You learn to keep a private life for yourself, a little bubble, so that if future relationships fail you won't be quite so completely shattered. You will still have yourself to rely on.

And I agree with what everyone else has said so far. That said, however, relationships are not for everyone--but if your loneliness is causing you a dull ache, then you're probably not someone who should be a hermit. :) If you think you're ready, you should go on some dates. You don't have to jump right into a serious relationship. Dating can be really fun, I kind of miss it sometimes (shhh, don't tell).