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Jul 13, 2007 04:18

I know I've been away for a while. My apologies for that, it's not been easy with my summer curriculum, part time job, and reserve duty ongoing.

I spoke with my father last night. It's not often that we get to actually talk, and in fact most of our communication goes on via chat. There are days when I wonder if one day I'll very much come to regret that... but he wrote this to me:"Some day and I hope not too late for me (before I die) I need to talk to you and see where I am going. I sometimes want to retire and to get lost, go away and see if perhaps in my old age I can find hapiness. I am getting tired of living alone. I want and need to know what I am going to do with the house in Alamogordo, this house here in El Paso, all the furniture, and other things. I am thinking about selling this house as soon as I retire. I still want to see if I can buy a house in Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan, Cancun or La Paz (Cabo San Lucas). Some place near the ocean where I can live, go fishing, have an easier life worry-free of any financial burden and meditate about my life..... I will talk to you about all these things and more I hope not in a long future!!"
      I've no idea what he might have in mind, but I know this is a man who hasn't had an easy life. I have an image in my mind of the main protagonist in the Shawshank Redemption film, having escaped some harrowing experience and living out the rest of his days in peace. Perhaps the story of a man living in a world that would have all but destroyed him, had he not absconded to this tiny island-like paradise by the ocean. Though I can't empathize, I can sympathize and understand the need to live out one's final days trying to piece together some meaning, some larger moral to this life-story.

Imagine yourself now, in a moment of monumental transaction, spending your life savings to go to another time and place to do no other than to arrive at some understanding, some semblance of balance of all that has occurred. Our emotional and spiritual ledgers detailing the deficits and surpluses we've acquired over our lifetimes, calculating their worth, and assigning values to the things we told ourselves to forget when it was not convenient to dwell on them. We, the younger generation, typically don't seem to have much patience for these kinds of moments of appraisal. We don't often take moments away from the temporary pursuits of pleasure, distraction, progression, or simply "the next step" to take stock of what we do have.

I hope when that time comes for me, and for my father, that it's not too late. Maybe we'll get the chance to say all the things to one another to avoid the "should have saids" later on. I hope that day comes soon. He deserves the rest, and like any good son, I would appreciate greater perspective.
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