homesick.
this isn't just homesickness...it's the plague. the fact that my time in my true home is approaching has somehow made me long for that place even more...little things get to me. like gardettos - they make me think of lunch with ashlea, waiting in a ridiculously long line for shitty food, but having a good time of it because we're so fucking entertaining. and houston calls - seeing them the day school got out with daphne loves derby (a $10 well-spent) and ashlea and sterling and i just having a blast and getting so many rad pictures. then there's all the suburban adventures to the mall and starbucks, shootin the shit and having a blast being who we are. and the football games, going during the 3rd quarter to visit my silverwings and have some friday fun, watching the hawks go on to be STATE CHAMPIONS!!!! thinking of ashlea, of course, makes me think of tay, and i miss that boy like no other. knowing someone since you were 3 really creates a deep tie that's never broken, no matter how hard the bullshit of high school tries to get in the way of what we really enjoy. and i miss lyndsay and kim intensely...we are, after all, JKL. (go look on your cell phone. see the 5 key? yeah, that's us. we fit there.) late nights with northern exposure or x files, being retarded and trying to knit (wtf were we thinking?), mulligan and sweetie (lyndsay's 2 dogs) being retarded, the stress of acdec and cracking under the pressure and ending up laughing at every halfway decent chuck norris joke, having the sleeping bag fajita and the ghetto picnics and singing along to stupid shit in the car as loud as we can because we know that we're only this age once, only have this freedom once, so we have to make the most of it and cram everything in so we don't forget anything. i miss all of that, and more. there's too much to put on here, and maybe i'm going on too long already, but i don't really care. i need to get this out there. i miss some of the stupidest shit, like my room. i miss my mess, my overflowing hamper, my bookshelf overstuffed with just about everything, my action figure collection, my stupid blue curtains that i've never liked, my 7 blankets layered on my bed instead of a comforter...and as much as i miss it, i know that when i go back, things will be different - a little off. i had that feeling about july, when i looked around the living room and realized that that place would never be the same home it had been for those 8 years. i can't wait to go back and lay on the carpet, look up at the vaulted ceiling, and think that if the house ever flipped over, our living room would make a sick-ass hot tub (that's something i've been thinking since 6th grade. don't judge me!!). i can't wait to go to the kitchen at midnight when it's raining and listen to the rain on the skylight. i can't wait to be in the computer room at 3 a.m. and have my mom come in, asking if i'm at all part vampire. i can't wait to see the rocking chair that has been my constant since...as long as i can remember. i teethed on it (the marks are still there), i was rocked to sleep in it (i would try to keep one eye open so i could stay awake to see diana rigg host "mystery!" on pbs)...basically, it's my wailing wall. distance has made all of this seem better somehow. i used to get so annoyed at random shitty little things about our house. i used to hate the dust that gathered in the corners of windows and at the baseboards - but now i realize that it wasn't because my mom and i were lazy, or that we didn't know how to clean...we just had better things to do.
please don't get me wrong with this. don't misunderstand me - megan, heather, esmerelda, flint, brittney, jenna, mara, and even aleks (the register biscuit!!) - y'all are amazing people, and i love all of you. but this doesn't really feel like my home, not yet. texas is still where i hang my hat, and i know that y'all can understand that. just as soon as i'm fixin' to leave here, i'll be fixin' to come back, since this break is so short.
4 days have never seemed so beautiful to me.