There's a part of me that wants to purge, and then there's the realization that my lj is a chronicle of not only the hardest years thusfar of my trite life, but a chronicle of my perception of those years. My self delusion, realization, loathing. I'm not sure I want to lose those passages. I may find myself in different, but equally self deceptive circumstances. If I purge that former life, though I may think that I've learned, there is no contradictory proof. Though my lj is even at times painful to read, it is a self authored confession, and validation of my ability to distort my own perception. Do I keep my shame, and passivley embrace it? Or do I erase the outward record of my own wrongdoing, and rely only on my ever so flawed memory?
Now I realize that my entries, though few and far between, have been labeled private. Though we've never met, I'm adjusting the security criteria so that you can read them.
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Do I keep my shame, and passivley embrace it? Or do I erase the outward record of my own wrongdoing, and rely only on my ever so flawed memory?
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