[Fic] Painted Nails - Chapter 9: White is the Colour of...
Here's the newest installation to the Painted Nails series.
Chapter 1: Painting the Town Maroon
Chapter 2: Maybe a Different Color
Chapter 3: A Case of the Blues
Chapter 4: Colourless, Like Tears
Chapter 5: Dark is the Tinge for Inner Voices
Chapter 6: The Gray Foreboding Trepidation
Chapter 7: The Black-clad Figure of Fear
Chapter 8: Watered Down Red
Title : Painted Nails - Chapter 9
Author: ardentsinner
Pairing: maruda, junda.
Genre : romance/drama
Rating : PG-13 (reader’s discretion for sexual innuendos and language)
Disclaimer: The boys do not belong to me, in real life, anyway. Everything else does, though. :P This is as usual, unbeta-ed. Volunteers are welcomed.
Summary:
Previously on Painted Nails, author tried her hand at short sentence writing. Oh yeah, Maru got aggressive and kidnapped Ueda. Ueda cried. Ueda showed morbid fascination with blood and needles. Maru discovered something grave about Ueda. Koki failed as appointed councilor. Maru’s plagued with guilt and Ueda avoided Maru like a plague.
This episode, the Akame pair were spirited away to re-enact their fantasy love-situation in Gokusen II and Koki made a day trip elsewhere and thus the three of them shall not be appearing here. Ueda on the other hand suffers an emotional breakdown by his lonesome; Nakamaru gets jumpy from caffeine overdose and Taguchi plays hide and seek by himself.
Italics are thoughts.
//italics// are flashbacks.
The Undying, Relentless Effort to Save the Ones You Care about… Maru read in his head the words printed on the wall of a blood donation drive. He smiled a bit, not really knowing what to think of it. Tipping the can over his parched lips, he drained the last of its contents.
Maru stretched and unceremoniously dumped the can into the trash can. It’s been a week since the incident and the situation hasn’t improved in the least. He hasn’t spoken a word to Ueda. Actually, Ueda just never gave Maru a chance to speak to him.
“Ah, I really should cut down on the caffeine,” he said to himself, trying to shake the weariness out of his veins. Coffee had helped him stay alert or at least become more awake, but it made him a nervous wreck. He could almost jump out of his skin.
Maru walked around restlessly. He could literally feel the bags sag under his eyes. Sleep has been escaping him lately and he barely got by with the little amount he got. The guilt, worry and anxiety all rolled up into a big bundle of nerves; threatening to spin out of control the moment he let his guard down.
Oh, just admit it, you feel bad about what you did, said a sharp tiny voice at the back of his head that he’d been hearing a lot from lately.
I do! Of course I would feel bad, after what I did to him, Maru thought wearily.
But your reason for feeling bad isn’t all that selfless, now is it? In there lies a lonely, selfish thought that ‘maybe if I didn’t do that he’d still be talking to me; maybe I wouldn’t be so lonely’, isn’t there? The voice cut in bluntly and without mercy.
Maru stopped in his tracks; he just couldn’t answer to that. A reply refused to form in his mind. Shaking the traitorous thought out of his mind, he picked up his pace and almost stomped his way about in his frustration. He sighed deeply; wandering around aimlessly. Finally, he stopped in front of the fire escape door. Maru stared at the looming door for a quiet moment before coming to a decision.
He gently pushed the door open; it slid heavily but soundlessly. He had expected that the place was unoccupied; so when he heard sobbing down the stairs, he was stunned in his tracks. He made a move to leave the weeping soul alone; to let it do what it came down there to do in peace, but then the voice struck a familiar chord. It didn’t take long for Maru to realize that the hunching figure at the bottom of the flight of stairs was, in fact, no stranger at all. It was the person who recently occupied his every thought, inducing the guilt constantly bubbling up inside Maru.
But his feelings in this didn’t matter because seeing Ueda like that made Maru feel like the worst bastard in the world. Maru thought about calling out but thinking better of it, he caught himself just in time. He couldn’t have Ueda turning him away before he could get even a word in or even get close enough to even try.
Maru didn’t think he was being that stealthy, but Ueda didn’t even notice him approaching until he was already seated next to his crying friend. Ueda had his face buried in his arms hugging his folded knees and there was gentle but perceptible sobbing.
“Tat-chan,” Maru ventured gently.
The body next to Maru went tense but refused to turn to him.
“Go away! Leave me ALONE!” it had meant to be harsh but the sleeves muffled the words, softening them to Maru’s ears. It still made him wince, though. However, instead of turning away, Maru shifted closer until their legs were brushing each other. Ueda jerked and shoved Maru away, but Maru was relentless; he wasn’t ready to give up, knowing full well what he did right then would determine the status of their relationship in the future. It depended on him making the right decision.
“Leave me the fuck alone, Maru! Haven’t you done enough?!” Ueda rasped out brokenly.
“I’m sorry,” was all that Maru said. It was all he could say, even as he reached out to Ueda again. Maru’s persistence earned him a slap, a punch and another shove. But Maru was still persistent and with each assault he received, he apologized. For a fleeting moment, Maru remembered the fight between Kame and Ueda where they ended up punching each other and how Kame bled from coming in contact with Ueda’s fist. Ueda’s punches and slaps now worryingly did not hurt that bad, but a punch did get Maru just above his chin, across his cheek and made him bite the insides of his cheek. Although the hits barely stung, Maru was sure there’d be a bruise or two showing tomorrow.
“Shh. Shh. I’m sorry,” Maru said again, reaching over for the worn and sobbing Ueda. Ueda finally relented and allowed Maru to hold his tired body. Ueda remained rigid in Maru’s embrace as a final act of defiance he could muster up. But even that didn’t last long; fatigue and Maru’s warm, comforting embrace was too hard to resist.
Maru, glad to have Ueda stop fighting him, pulled the rigid Ueda awkwardly to his chest and ran his hand soothingly over his hair and down his back comfortingly. Slowly, Ueda began to thaw and allowed himself to relax into Maru’s hold.
“Shh, Tat-chan, shhhh. I’m sorry I hurt you. I really am. But I’m here. Don’t cry anymore, please,” Maru had said. And for Ueda, that was the final straw. He grabbed the front of Maru’s shirt and buried his face in Maru’s chest and sobbed hard. Maru crooned out soothing words and comforted with gentle touches. With some effort, he shifted to accommodate Ueda’s leaning form.
By the time Ueda’s heartbreaking sobs had softened down to mere sniffles, Ueda was partially draped over Maru. Using the wall for support, Maru cradled Ueda between his open arms and legs as comfortably as the stairs and their jutting angles would allow. Ueda had shifted in response until his face and ear was pressed comfortably right over Maru’s heart.
“Tat-chan…” Maru reached up from rubbing the younger man’s back and brushed Ueda’s hair out of his wet, tear-streaked face. Maru wondered briefly if Ueda could hear his heart thump away erratically.
“Hmm,” Ueda said tiredly, too drained to move from his position on Maru’s chest.
“The doctor…she called me about your test results,” Maru said, trying to broach the subject. Ueda didn’t answer contenting himself with listening to Maru’s heartbeats, so Maru took that as a sign to go on, “The results are out. Do you want to know about it?”
Ueda heard Maru’s heart pick up speed. Ueda wondered for a while whether he wanted to know about it or not. “Is…is it bad?” Ueda spoke hesitantly, unintentionally coming across as almost childish; then, just to make sure he added tentatively “is there a cure?”
“No, it’s nothing that bad,” Maru allowed a smile to creep into his voice at Ueda’s child-like tone of inquiry “And yes, trust me, there is a cure.”
“Okay then…what did she say?” Ueda relented; his insecurity mollified.
“You have an intermediate case of anemia, Tat-chan,” Maru revealed to Ueda. Maru felt Ueda tense a bit in his hold. Maru stopped touching and rested his hand on the younger man’s shoulder but continued, “I did some reading about it. Your level isn’t that serious yet. Tat-chan…do you get painful stomachaches sometimes? Since…I don’t know, a long time ago?”
Ueda looked up to Maru, surprised; he had never told anyone about that before, how could anyone have known about it?! Slowly, he nodded, still keeping his eyes on Maru’s concerned gaze framed by gentle frowning brows.
Maru had subconsciously began caressing Ueda again, lightly messaging Ueda’s tired shoulders in tiny, rhythmic circles, “That’s because you may also have peptic ulcer and the doctor said this might have caused it or made it worse. It could also be your diet. Listen, Tat-chan; we can do something about this, okay? I can help you...will you let me?”
Ueda remained quiet, trying to absorb all the information Maru told him. Maru, too, did not expect an immediate answer so the silence didn’t unnerve him in the least. But he had to apologize for what he did and Ueda needed the distraction. So he took it as the most opportune moment and took the plunge.
“Ne, Tatsuya…I’m really sorry…for forcing you that day. I’m sorry I hurt you so much,” Maru said quietly.
Ueda’s heart ached and clenched for an eternity that was a second as he heard his name tumbled from Maru’s lips; followed by words so sincere, Ueda could feel the tiny pain pricking away when they struck his heart.
“You did it for my sake, didn’t you?” Ueda had to ask, though he already knew the answer.
“Yeah, but I still shouldn’t have,” Maru admitted. Ueda fell silent again he contemplated it over. Maru was quiet, too, not knowing what else to say.
After a moment Ueda spoke, breaking the pause before it grew awkward, “Ne, Yucchi?”
“Hmm?”
“I’m sorry, too.”
“What for? Being so stubborn?” Maru tried to joke to lighten the mood.
Ueda chuckled tiredly, “That. And for blaming you… I was shocked and afraid, you know…and angry. But mostly scared. I had to let it out and you just happened to be there. And after that….well, I was just too scared to talk to you.”
Maru nodded but didn’t say anything for a moment, just silently contenting himself with rubbing circles down Ueda’s back but realizing how insecure his friend might be feeling, he gave an immediate answer, “I know. And I deserved it.”
“Yeah… but I’m sorry anyway,” Ueda declared self-righteously to which Maru merely chuckle. After another short pause, Ueda added, “I was lonely. I felt alone; I mean I know I couldn’t tell anyone because of so many things but I didn’t want to go through it alone.”
“You’re not alone! You know I’m here for you,” Maru said, pulling away for a bit to look sternly into Ueda’s eyes to emphasize his point.
Ueda suddenly developed a great interest in a spot on the wall a few feet off Maru’s left shoulder that prior to that moment, had never existed before. Ueda’s lips curved a slight bit more as he admitted rather sheepishly, “I know, but I was angry with you.”
“Are you still?” Maru asked, suddenly realizing that he desperately needed to know.
“A bit…but I want you to help me get better. I don’t want to be sick anymore,” Ueda said finally turning up to look at Maru full in the eye. And at that moment, everything that had Maru wondering for the past weeks became clear; he would brave the gates of Hell for this man.
“Anything…” Maru whispered, and then said, “I’ll do everything I can. For starters, here…”
Maru gently sat Ueda up and dug into one of his pockets and fished out a white packet. He took Ueda’s hand and placed the packet in his upturned palm. It was much handled and the creases were there to prove it. On it was printed Ueda’s name with the medicine’s name and consuming instructions below. “These are the iron supplement pills.”
Ueda was shocked, “But-”
//
“It is not usual for men to suffer from anemia unless there is internal bleeding. There’s a high probability that ulcer is causing this. It’s like a serious case of gastric. If the internal walls of the stomach bleeds and the patient already has a naturally low red blood cell count, which he does, it’s not surprising that he’d suffer from it. It is either that or colon cancer or both, but I think the chances are that he has peptic ulcer,” the doctor explained.
“So, if he has ulcer; to treat the anemia, we have to cure the ulcer?” Maru asked.
“That’s right. But that alone is not enough. He needs to eat properly and take iron and vitamin supplements. For the ulcer, I’ll prescribe some antibiotic and for the gastric: magnesium milk. And he’ll have to come in for check-ups every fortnight or so just to be safe,” she said as a matter-of-factly.
“I understand. Leave that to me,” Maru informed her over the phone and hastily added, “and doctor… about the medical cost, it won’t be an issue. Just tell me what you need.”
//
“It’s okay. I want you to get better,” Maru said quickly, knowing what Ueda was about to say but he added as a second thought, “there’s more but they need to have another check up for the other medications and we’ll have to go for check-ups every 2 weeks.”
Ueda smiled a bit at the way Maru said ’we’ when he spoke about the check-up and in a way that he couldn’t understand, he felt confusingly happy.
Maru touched Ueda’s shoulder gently and looked at Ueda with eyes so serious, it became almost black and a face so compassionate, it would shame a nun, “And there’s one more thing; I’d like you to inform your parents about this, Tatsuya.”
“No,” Ueda said, shaking his head, “I don’t want Mama to be sad.”
“Tatsuya, she needs to know. I think I’d be hurt if my son hid something like that from me,” Maru said as he turned to look at Ueda who was looking forlornly at the white packet in his hand. He placed his hand over the pale ones clutching the medicine, his voice filled with understanding he said, “I’m here for you.”
“…Alright. You have to be there with me, okay? Keep me company. Give me strength,” Ueda conceded.
Maru smiled and patted Ueda’s head affectionately.
***
Junno walked down the corridors and peered into room by room, looking for Ueda. He was getting worried.
“He said he wanted to go to the toilet but that was more than an hour ago. I wonder if he’s okay,” Junno said to himself. He walked on in disappointment as each of the doors he opened revealed no glimpse of Ueda.
Then, he came to the fire escape door at the end of his walk. It was slightly ajar and seemed inviting, so Junno pushed it open. It slid open without a sound and he saw, at the bottom of the steps were Maru and Ueda, sitting huddled together as if sharing a secret. Maru had Ueda’s hands in his and after an exchange of a few words the older man patted Ueda’s head and brushed some stray hair from the younger man’s face.
What are they doing in such an odd place, I wonder? Junno thought and a much-less innocent thought interjected in, and looking oh-so-very-intimate, too!
“Ueda,” Junno called out.
Hearing his name being called, Ueda turned. Seeing Junno at the top of the stairs, he smiled. His tears were gone and although the swelling was still there, it had become less obvious. Maru raised his hand and gave Junno an “Ous!” as a manner of greeting, grin already on his face. Ueda stood up, said some words in a hushed voice and patted Maru’s arm in gratefulness then climbed the stairs towards Junno.
“Cheating on me?” Junno asked in a light tone that almost belied the smile that didn’t quite reach his ears.
“What? Don’t be silly. Nakamaru is straight,” Ueda said with a small smile, only half joking. He glanced wistfully at Maru, soft smile still lingering on his lips. Seeing Maru already getting on his feet, he turned to Junno and dragged the taller man out into the corridor.
Maru zipped up his jacket to hide Ueda’s tear-stains, still damp on his shirt front from curious eyes, dusted his pants and pretended he didn’t hear Ueda’s words that echoed in the closed space of the staircase as well as in the depths of his heart. A small sad smile graced his face, only as straight as you want me to be.
***
“Are you alright?” Junno asked as they walked away from the stairs.
“What? Of course. Why?” Ueda tilted his head to the side and gave Junno a puzzled frown.
“Oh, it’s just that you’ve been away for a really long time,” he answered, shrugging.
“Oh, I just needed some time to think alone,” Ueda said, omitting the part about crying and the whole fight-make up part with Maru.
“With Maru?” Junno asked, unable to keep the suspicion out of his voice.
“No, he came later,” Ueda told the partial truth. Not that much later but I can’t imagine how it’d be if he didn’t come…then he changed the direction of the talk so as to not talk about him and Maru anymore, “Don’t tell me you’re jealous!”
“What? No!”
“Well, there’s nothing to be jealous of. It’d be stupid. He’s straight and very much into girls, anyway,” Ueda said nonchalantly. Deep within his pants pocket, clammy fingers curled around the white plastic with the pills in their aluminum casing just as fingers of regret wrapped their dark fingers around Ueda’s heart.
Junno laughed sheepishly, feeling very silly, as he considered what Ueda had said.
But what both of them didn’t realize was that those words planted a seed of doubt within Ueda’s heart that one day would eventually grow and tear the foundations of his belief apart.
***
END OF CHAPTER 9 - White is the Colour of …
A.N.: Hi guys! Congratulations for reaching this ninth installment along with me. I’m sorry I postponed posting this because I was hoping I could add some more to this chapter but it seems like this is the best place to end this…
…chapter. But, no worries, the story is no where near over. So stay with me, yeah?
Thanks for your support all this while; I really adore, cherish and appreciate them. I will keep working harder~!