[Fic] I'll find you
Title: I’ll find you
Author: are_in
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I love the boys…and they love me back (in dreams)
Summary: He need to find him back
Warning: non-beta.
An 1: Sequel to drabble Leaving
The sun shines in through the opened window, straight to the face of the only occupant of the room. Feeling the hot beam of the sunlight on his face, the eyes move behind the eyelids. After a few second, the eyelids slowly opened only to closed back after a few moments. Moments later, the eyelids fluttered open again and blinked rapidly, giving the eyes a chance to get used to the bright sunlight.
“Urgh….damn it.” The occupant of the room, Akanishi Jin, a former member of a boyband -KAT-TUN- cursed, as his head was spinning furiously. He had woken up to a huge hangover, the after effect for drinking glasses of liquor last night.
Getting up from the bed, he walked to the bathroom cabinet, with sole intention of finding some painkiller for his headache. After downing a painkiller, he walked out of his bedroom to the kitchen. He took out coffee powder from the cabinet and went to the coffee maker, putting in the powder. He left the coffee maker to brew the coffee and went to the bathroom for shower.
Finishing his shower, he went back to kitchen, totally freshen up. He took out a mug from the cabinet and pour the coffee into the said mug. He smelled the freshly brewed coffee and smile to himself. He love his coffee black without the addition of sugar or creamer.
He lean against the table, slowly sipping his hot coffee, looking into his living room. The place was totally in mess. The beer bottles, the take out boxes, the chips bags were scattering around the living room. He and his best friend, Yamapi and Ryo, were having their private party last night to celebrate the success of Ryo’s new drama.
“Stupid best friends. They leave without even telling me and now I have to clean up by myself.” He sighs. Finishing his coffee, he washed the mug and put it on the rack to dry up. He then took the garbage bags and went to the living room to start clean up the mess.
After an hour, he finished cleaning up his living room. He brought the garbage out and dumped them at the dumpster. He went back into his apartment and threw himself onto the couch. He stretch his body, feeling his muscle deliciously stretch, and let out a satisfied sigh.
Man, cleaning up is sure tiring. He thought to himself.
Looking at his watch, he decided to call for take out for lunch, since he felt so lazy to go out and too tired to move. After making the call, he turn on the television and tried to find something interesting to watch. Finding nothing interesting on television, he decided to just watch DVD.
He got up from his couch and went to the cabinet where he kept his DVD’s collections. He shuffle through the DVD, trying to find something that was interesting to watch. As he goes through his vast collection of DVD, one particular DVD caught his attention.
He gingerly took out the DVD and look at the cover. His heart clench as he saw what the DVD was. It was the KAT-TUN’s concert DVD, the Break The Record concert. The concert was the last concert with complete member, the six of them.
He still clearly remember the announcement that had been made during the last day of the concert, as if they just happened yesterday. He remember the yelled, the angry voice, the insult that had been thrown.
Flashback
It was the last day of the Break the Record concert. The group members were walking back to the backstage. They had just finished their last encore and were ready for celebration. All members were walking happily, laughing, teasing one another except for one particular person that was walking way behind the laughing members.
Jin stop in his track as he realize that one member was missing. He look back behind them and saw the missing member walking slowly, head bent down. He waited patiently for the other to catching up.
“Hey Kazu, what’s wrong?” He asked worriedly. The other had been quiet since the beginning of the concert. He’s not being himself. He’s not teasing Nakamaru as he usually did during the MC. Seems like something was bothering him and Jin felt useless because he can’t help the other.
Kamenashi Kazuya looked up when he heard Jin’s voice. He smile and shook his head. “I’m fine. Just tired.”
“Really?” Jin seems unconvinced with Kazuya answer.
“Really. Come on. Let’s go change then we can go home.” Kazuya said. He took Jin’s hand and dragged him to their changing room.
They stepped into the living room and saw that their manager was there. Jin felt Kazuya stiffened by his side as he see their manager, and it confuse him more. He dragged Kazuya inside and went to their dressing table.
Their manager looked up when he heard the door being closed. He got up from his seat and cleared his throat.
“Since all members were here, there’s an announcement that I want to make.” KAT-TUN turned to face their manager and wait for the announcement.
“Kamenashi-kun, please come here.” The manager beckons Kazuya to the front. AT-TUN turned to look at Kazuya with questioning look. They followed him with their eyes as he walked to their manager.
“Well, I know that all of you not gonna like this, but I have to tell you. May I?” The manager looked at Kazuya asking his permission. The other nodded his head.
“How can I say it…this concert will be last concert that all of you gonna have with Kamenashi.” The manager said. This statement earned a loud gasp from the other member. They look at Kazuya, but the other just look down.
“What do you meant?” Koki asked slowly.
“Kamenashi will leave the group. And he will resign from being a part of Johnny’s.” The manager explained.
A loud chorused of ‘what’ can be heard from the inside of KAT-TUN’s dressing room. All members’ attention now focused on Kazuya. He still didn’t lift his head, finding the floor’s more interesting than facing the wrath of his bandmates.
“Why?” Jin asked. He marched to Kazuya and grabs his shoulders tightly.
“Why?”He asked again, shaking Kazuya slightly. Kazuya looked up straight into Jin’s eyes, but he stayed silent. Unable to stand the disappointed look in Jin’s eyes any longer, he avert his eyes, looking at his other bandmates behind Jin’s shoulder.
He saw that they were shaking trying to contain their anger. He knew that he had disappointed them all He had betrayed them. He knew that he need to explain, but no he can’t. Explaining to them only make things worse. He knew them by heart, and he knew what they’re going to do if he tells the truth, so he decided to just keep quite.
Jin released his hold on Kazuya and turned, his back facing Kazuya. In a blink of an eye, Kazuya found himself sprawling on the floor. His left cheek hurt. Jin had hit him. After the punch, hell break loose. The commotion inside the dressing room can be heard from the outside.
End flashback
Two years after Kazuya left the group, KAT-TUN was disbanded. The reason Kazuya left the group still remain a mystery to the other member.
Jin remember the day after the concert, they all had ignore Kazuya when he went to take his things in their dressing room. And Kazuya had left without saying goodbye.
Jin looked at the DVD cover. His heart clench, his eyes sting as he observe the picture on it. He slowly run his finger along Kazuya’s profile. He clenched his eyes shut, stopping the tears from falling down.
Kazuya, his bandmate, his best friend and most importantly his lover - ex lover, he correct himself- had betrayed him. Had betrayed their dreams. His healing heart broken into pieces as he remembers the happy time with Kazuya. They’d broken up the day the announcement was made.
His thought was broken when one of the DVD fallen out from the DVD case and rolled under the cabinet. He bent down and look under the cabinet to retrieve the DVD back when something caught his eyes. He put the DVD back into the case and store the DVD into the cabinet. He bent down again and pulled out the thing that had caught his eyes.
It was an envelope. He had never seen the envelope. How it can be under the cabinet. He turned the envelope only to be met with a familiar handwriting. Even though it’s been four years since he last saw the owner of the handwriting, he still remembers about the tiny details of the said owner.
His heart was beating faster. His curiosity wants him to open the enveloped while his heart didn’t want him to open it. He closed his eyes and tries to clam himself. After a while battling with himself, he decided to open the enveloped.
His hand move to the edge of the enveloped and started to tear it opened when the door bell ring. He cursed at the disturbance. He put the envelope on the DVD cabinetand went to open the door only to come face to face with the delivery man.
Well, time for lunch.
~~~
He had just finished his dinner and was lounging in front of the television. He kept changing the channel since he can’t find something interesting to watch.
It’s only 10 o’clock, and he was bored to death. He can’t asked his best friends to hang out since Ryo was back in Osaka while Yamapi was busy promoting NewS new single. He turned off the television after a while and decided to turned in early today,
He got up from the couch and went to switch off the light. Before he switch off the light, he turned to look around his living room, to make sure that everything was in perfect condition, and the envelope that he found earlier caught his eyes. He almost forgot about the envelope. He switches off the light, take the envelope, and went inside his bedroom.
He switches on the light and went to lie down on his bed. He looked at the envelope, contemplating whether to open it or not. After a while, he decided to open it. He tears open the envelope and took out a folded.
Gingerly he opened the folded paper and stare at the familiar handwriting for a while. The letter was dated 2 years back. Jin tried to calm himself down, and slowly started to read the letter.
Dear Jin,
I knew that I have no right to called you Jin after all these years, but to me you’re still Jin, not Akanishi, and you’re still dear to me. And I don’t know whether you gonna read this letter or throw it, but I gonna take the risk and write to you.
I miss you, Jin. I really do. After all these years, I still love you, even though I know that your love to me had long die after I left KAT-TUN. I can’t help it. You’re my first and last love. I don’t know whether I can fall in love again in the future or not.
Anyway, that’s not the reason I write to you, well maybe part of it, but the real reason I write this letter because I want to tell you the reason I left KAT-TUN. May be you’re wondering why now, why not back then. The answer is simple Jin. Because I know you, I know them and I know what you guys gonna do if I tell the truth. So I decided to keep quite.
Jin, do you remember about the acting offer. The oversea one. That’s the reason I had to leave KAT-TUN. Don’t get me wrong, Jin. I do not accept the offer. Because rejecting the offer, I’d to leave KAT-TUN. Do you remember the time that Johnny-san called me to his office. He gave me two choices, Jin. Accept the offer and leave the group for half a year or reject and leave KAT-TUN forever. Apparently, the acting offer was Johnny’s way to widen his range to oversea and the producer for the movie had specifically asked for me. It’s whether me or no one else. The producer refused to accept anyone else other than me.
I want to discuss about the offer with you. I don’t want to accept the offer because I have to leave for half a year but I can’t reject the offer because I don’t want to KAT-TUN, I don’t want to leave you forever.
But seems like you already knew about the offer since when I got back home, you asked me to reject it. You know I can never say no to your request Jin, so the next day I told Johnny-san that I can’t accept the offer.
Johnny-san was so mad Jin. He asked me to leave instantly but I begged him to let me stay until the concert’s over. It’s only two more days left for to our last concert, so I begged him, I kneel down before him to let me stay. I’m lucky Jin since our manager was with me that day. He asked Johnny-san to let me stay until the last concert. Johnny-san give in and allow me to stay until the last concert, but I’ve to leave the next day after the concert.
Remember our last concert, when all of you were yelling at me, our manager almost tell all of you the reason. I don’t want you guys to know. If you guys know about the real reason, I’m 100% sure that all of you’re going to confront Johnny-san, especially you Jin. I don’t want because of me all of you lost the thing that you love. And I know how much you love performing.
And the reason I’m telling you about this now because I know you, all of you had quit Johnny’s, and all of you had succeed, doing things that you love in your own way. And I don’t want all of you live in the dark about my leaving. Besides, I’m tired Jin. Too tired to keep this all to myself. I just need to let it out. So I decided to tell you this.
You can hate me. You can blame me for KAT-TUN’s downfall. I will accept that since it’s really my fault. And I really want to apologize to all of you face to face, but I’m a coward Jin. I can’t stand the hatred, the anger all of you held against me. Especially you Jin. You, the one that I truly love.
I’m leaving Jin. I’m leaving Japan, for good. After we broken up, I’ve tired to move on. I really tried. I’ve tried to date. But who am I to lie to my own heart. I can’t forget you. I can’t forget the things that we have shared together. And right now I still in love with you. If I stay here, I don’t think that I can move on. May be if I don’t stay in Japan, I can learn to forget you. I can learn to move on.
My only wish Jin, I want to see you for the last time. My flight’s on this Saturday, 4 p.m. I’ll wait for you there Jin. I’ll wait until the last call. If you’re able to forgive me after reading this letter, if there’s still love left for me, I hope to meet you there.
Truly,
Kamenashi Kazuya.
Jin wipes the tears that silently fell on his cheek. He didn’t know that horrible things that had happened to Kazuya. All this time, he was the reason that Kazuya left the group. He was force to left the group because he had told Kazuya to reject the offer.
Damn Johnny, damn you.
Kazuya, please forgive me. I didn’t know.
~~~
“So, what’s the important thing that you want to tell us?” Ueda asked.
After reading Kazuya’s letter, he had decided to let the others know the real reason Kazuya had to leave the group. He knew that they had moved on from the incident, even though the disappointment, the anger was still there, but he want they to know that Kazuya’s not the one at fault. Kazuya’s not the one to blame.
“It’s about Kazuya.” Jin said.
“Huh, on first name basis I see. What, had you forgive him already?” Koki sneer. No one can really blame him since he was the one that really close to Kazuya aside from Jin. Kazuya’s betrayal really had hit him hard.
“Koki, please…listen to me” Jin pleaded.
“No you listen to me. I will never forgive what he had done to us. He betrayed us Jin. Have you forgotten that. He left us to struggle to keep KAT-TUN back on track after he left. Then what, he went missing and no one can find him. No one Jin. Not even his family.” Koki snapped.
“IT’S NOT HIS FAULT.” Jin shouted.
“What do you mean it’s not his fault. He’s the one who left KAT-TUN.”
“That’s why I want you to listen to me, please.” Jin looks pleadingly to the others. Seeing the pleading looks, Koki gave in and tried to calm himself down.
“Five days ago I got a letter. From Kazuya.” He said slowly.
“What.” The other chorused. They looked at Jin quizzically.
“Not really get. Well, the letter dated two years ago and I just found it. I don’t know how it get under the DVD cabinet.” Jin explained.
“What did he wrote.” Nakamaru asked. Until this days, he still can’t believe that Kazuya just left KAT-TUN without any concrete reason, and the letter gives him hope that may be, just may be, Kazuya had told Jin the real reason.
“Here, read it yourself.” He gives the letter and Ueda quickly grabbed it. The others huddled beside Ueda to read it too. Jin watched his ex-band mate read the letter and saw their expression change from shock to angry to guilty.
“Oh my god. Why didn’t he tell us about this.” Junno asked. His voice broke.
“Because he knows us. He doesn’t want us to regret doing something stupid.” Jin said.
“Where’s now Jin. I want to see him.” Koki voice croaks when he speaks.
“I don’t know Koki. I really don’t. I went to his apartment but the landlady told me that the apartment had been empty for two years and she didn’t know where he goes. His family refuses to tell me anything.” Jin said. “ But I might have an idea where he went and I’m going there.” He continues.
“Are you sure he’s going to be there. What if he’s not, Jin.” Nakamaru asked.
“That’s the gamble that I’m going to make. The risk that I’m going to take to asked for his forgiveness.” Jin said determinedly.
~~~
“Ne Jin. Nino-sempai shows me his pictures when he went to Paris. It’s really beautiful. I wish I can go there.” Kazuya said. That day was their rare day-off. After they had debuted, they rarely had the day-off, and want to spend their time together. They were in Kazuya’s apartment, lazing on the couch, watching television.
“Really? But I’m sure there’s something more beautiful thank that pic.”Jin said peering down at Kazuya.
“What’s that?” Kazuya asked.
“You.” Jin smirked. Mischievous shining in his eyes.
Kazuya blush hearing praise. He tried to cover it up by averting his eyes from Jin’s. Jin laughs seeing the shy behavior of his lover. They had been dating for almost five years, but Kazuya shyness towards his praise still didn’t ceased and that amused him.
“Sap.”Kazuya retorted. “But seriously Jin, I really want to go there. No, I think I want to stay there.” Kazuya said seriously.
“Stay there? You mean like live there?” Jin asked.
“Yup. You know what Jin. I think when I’m tired of all this fame, this performance things, when I ready to settle down and live an ordinary life, I want to move there,” Kazuya said. His eyes shine with excitement.
“Okay let’s say that day come, what you want to do.”
“I want to run a café. You know how much I love cooking and baking right. I want to open a café and name it Sunshine Café.”Kazuya said dreamily. His lips curve into a tiny smile, imagining the future ahead.
“You want to open a café? Really? But if it’s you I’m sure you’ll succeed. One question though. Why Paris? Why Sunshine café?” Jin asked.
“That’s two questions Jin.” Kazuya said teasingly.
“Shut up. Just answer the questions.”
“Okay, okay. Don’t be mad.”
“I not mad.”
“Yes you do.”
“Do not”
“Do too”
“Do not”
“Do too”
“Do not”
“Okay you’re not”
“Do too. Damn it just answer the questions.”
“See you’re mad.” Kazuya laugh seeing Jin’s reaction. He tried to sober up as he see Jin’s pout making it appearance.
“Okay, sorry. Just your reaction is so funny.” Jin glared at Kazuya as he see his lover still laughing.
He cleared his throat as he started speaking again. “What’s the questions again. Oh right. Why Paris. It’s simple. Because Paris is a city for lover. And I want to spend my life with my love. An why Sunshine Café. Because when you smile, you brighten my life, just like sunshine brighten the world. So Jin, do you want to spend your life with me?” Kazuya looks deeply into Jin’s eyes as he utter the words.
He put his hands above Kazuya’s hands that were cupping his face. “Of course I do. You’re my one and only love.” Hearing Jin’s word, a bright smile broke upon Kazuya’s face. “Now, who’s the sap here.” Jin tease. And the words earn a laugh from Kazuya.
~~~
Paris, France.
“Bienvenue à café Sunshine." He greeted as he heard the bell at the front door jingle. His face broke into a smile as he saw a couple walk in.
“Que puis-je obtenir pour vous, Mademoiselle, Monsieur?” He asked as the couple reached the counter. The couple peers behind his shoulder to look at the menu.
“Nous aurons un café noir et une latte, veuillez” The customer said.
“Est que tous, Monsieur ?” He asked again. He key in the orders when the customer nodded.
“Ce serait € 5.20.” Ha accept the money and give the change back. He left the counter to prepare the ordered drinks. It’s a busy day since it’s Sunday and he’s short handed since one of his crew called in sick.
Finished preparing the drinks, he went back to the front counter and hand them to the customer, bidding them goodbye. Left alone at the counter, he looks around his café. His café’s packed with customers, mostly regular. It had been two years since he opened the café. At first, it had been so hard to make profit since he’s new and non-local. But seems luck was beside him when one day a stranger had walked into his café during a rainy day and he had serves the stranger his own made pastries. Unknown to him, the stranger‘s actually a food critic and the next thing he know, his café’s flooded with customers and some of them had been his regular.
“Ce que vous pensez?” His friend’s query snapped him back to reality.
“Rien. Pensée juste sur le passé.” He turned to his friend and gives him a reassuring smile, telling him that he is alright. He’s about to add when the ring jingle again u for umpteenth time, not that he mind. He turned to the door and greets the new arrival.
“Bienvenue à café Sun….." His greeting dies in the middle. He stared wide eye at the new comer. His mouth hang opened. He watched as the newcomer made his way slowly to the counter.
Jin.
~~~
Jin stood in front of the counter. His heart leap with joy at seeing Kazuya. He want to cry. He wants to shout. The gamble that he made do not come back fruitless. Ha had found Kazuya. After his long disappearance, he finally find him again.
“Long time no see, Kazu.” Jin greets the still shock Kazuya. He tried to look as calm ac possible, but the inside, he was nervous like hell.
“Jin…wha-…what…how…” Kazuya stuttered. He’s shock And Jin calling him using his nickname doesn’t make it even better.
“Kazuya, do you know him?” His friend asked.
“Yes, Rene. I know him.” Kazuya answer. Eyes never leaving Jin’s. “Ahhh…sor..sorry. Rene this is Jin, Akanishi Jin. Jin this is Rene.” Kazuya introduce Rene and Jin to each other.
“Nice to meet you Jin.” Rene held out his hand and shaking hand with Jin. “Wait Jin…Jin…where did I ever heard that name.” He looked at Jin and study his face. He turned to Kazuya when something click in his mind. “Ahhh you’re Jin. Well, Kazuya. You better bring him to the back room. I’m sure there’s a lot of thing that both of you to catch up, right.”
Kazuya nodded his head and thanks his friend when he said that we will cover up the counter for him. He then lead Jin to the back room of the café.
Once inside, he gesture Jin to sit on the couch. He took the seat opposite to Jin. They sat in silence for a moment and Jin took the time to observe Kazuya. He seems healthier than the last time he has seen him and there’s more meat covering the bone. Kazuya on the other hand was nervous under Jin’s intense stare. He fidget in his seat, eyes avoiding from Jin’s.
“What’re you doing here Jin.” The silence was broken by Kazuya’s voice.
“Looking for you.” Jin said.
“Why.”
“Because I want to asked for your forgiveness. I know I’d been blind all this time. I should know there’s a reason for each of your behavior. That time I was blinded by my anger. I thought that you had betrayed our dreams because you left KAT-TUN. I know I’m such a jerk. I hurt you. Will you be able to forgive me.”
“Jin, you don’t have to ask for my forgiveness. It’s my fault that I left KAT-TUN. I betrayed you. I betrayed the others too.” Kazuya looked up into Jin’s eyes.
“No Kazuya. It’s my fault. Our fault for not understanding you. For not knowing you too well. Now that we know the real reason you left KAT-TUN, we felt like jerks for reacting the way we did. Please Kazuya. Please tell me that you forgive us. Forgive me.” Jin went to sit beside Kazuya. He held Kazuya’s hand and looks pleadingly into his eyes. His heart broke as he saw tears streaming down Kazuya’s face. He reaches forward and wipe them off.
“I already forgive all of you long time ago. There’s no way I be mad at you guys when I know I deserve it. I can’t be mad at you Jin. Never in my life.” Kazuya’s voice broke when he said that.
“I’m sorry Kazuya. I’m sorry for being a fool.” He hugs Kazuya tightly. His own tears started to fall down.
“I thought you would never forgive me. I wait for you Jin. I wait for you at the airport. But you didn’t come. I thought that you really hate me.” Kazuya sobbed. His body shook in Jin’s tight embrace.
“Ahh about that. I’m sorry Kazuya. It’s my fault that let you think like that.”
“Why’s that.” Kazuya wriggle out from Jin’s embrace and look into his eyes.
“Well….I never knew that the letter exist and I just found it recently. I swear I don’t know how the letter got there.” Jin tried to defense himself.
“Got where?” Kazuya asked. He looks at Jin questioningly.
“DVD cabinet.” Jin smile sheepishly looking at Kazuya’s shock face.
“Ohh Jin. You never change.” He smile at Jin’s stupidity. “Hey Jin. How did you know about the café and where to find me?”
“I remember Kazuya. I remember you once tell me that you want to settle down here after you quit entertainment. I remember that you told me you want to open the café. And I still remember the name and the reason you want name the café Sunshine.” He look at Kazuya dearly.
It took Kazuya a moment to remember their conversation sometimes ago. He had told Jin that he want to settle down in Paris and run a café here. He remember that he asked Jin whether he want to spend his life with him and Jin had agree. His heart clench as he remember that. It’s been too long they had separated. Maybe Jin had change his mind. He thought bitterly
"My answer is still the same Kazuya.” Jin’s voice take Kazuya back from his trance.
“Eh.”
“I said my answer is still the same. The question is, do you, Kazuya, want to spend your life with me?” Kazuya look at Jin shockingly. His face broke into a bright smile as Jin’s word register in his mind. He quickly pull Jin into a tight embrace. Tears of happiness stream down his face.
“I do, Jin. Because you’re my one and only love.”
AN 2: As always, comments are love
Author: are_in
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I love the boys…and they love me back (in dreams)
Summary: He need to find him back
Warning: non-beta.
An 1: Sequel to drabble Leaving
The sun shines in through the opened window, straight to the face of the only occupant of the room. Feeling the hot beam of the sunlight on his face, the eyes move behind the eyelids. After a few second, the eyelids slowly opened only to closed back after a few moments. Moments later, the eyelids fluttered open again and blinked rapidly, giving the eyes a chance to get used to the bright sunlight.
“Urgh….damn it.” The occupant of the room, Akanishi Jin, a former member of a boyband -KAT-TUN- cursed, as his head was spinning furiously. He had woken up to a huge hangover, the after effect for drinking glasses of liquor last night.
Getting up from the bed, he walked to the bathroom cabinet, with sole intention of finding some painkiller for his headache. After downing a painkiller, he walked out of his bedroom to the kitchen. He took out coffee powder from the cabinet and went to the coffee maker, putting in the powder. He left the coffee maker to brew the coffee and went to the bathroom for shower.
Finishing his shower, he went back to kitchen, totally freshen up. He took out a mug from the cabinet and pour the coffee into the said mug. He smelled the freshly brewed coffee and smile to himself. He love his coffee black without the addition of sugar or creamer.
He lean against the table, slowly sipping his hot coffee, looking into his living room. The place was totally in mess. The beer bottles, the take out boxes, the chips bags were scattering around the living room. He and his best friend, Yamapi and Ryo, were having their private party last night to celebrate the success of Ryo’s new drama.
“Stupid best friends. They leave without even telling me and now I have to clean up by myself.” He sighs. Finishing his coffee, he washed the mug and put it on the rack to dry up. He then took the garbage bags and went to the living room to start clean up the mess.
After an hour, he finished cleaning up his living room. He brought the garbage out and dumped them at the dumpster. He went back into his apartment and threw himself onto the couch. He stretch his body, feeling his muscle deliciously stretch, and let out a satisfied sigh.
Man, cleaning up is sure tiring. He thought to himself.
Looking at his watch, he decided to call for take out for lunch, since he felt so lazy to go out and too tired to move. After making the call, he turn on the television and tried to find something interesting to watch. Finding nothing interesting on television, he decided to just watch DVD.
He got up from his couch and went to the cabinet where he kept his DVD’s collections. He shuffle through the DVD, trying to find something that was interesting to watch. As he goes through his vast collection of DVD, one particular DVD caught his attention.
He gingerly took out the DVD and look at the cover. His heart clench as he saw what the DVD was. It was the KAT-TUN’s concert DVD, the Break The Record concert. The concert was the last concert with complete member, the six of them.
He still clearly remember the announcement that had been made during the last day of the concert, as if they just happened yesterday. He remember the yelled, the angry voice, the insult that had been thrown.
Flashback
It was the last day of the Break the Record concert. The group members were walking back to the backstage. They had just finished their last encore and were ready for celebration. All members were walking happily, laughing, teasing one another except for one particular person that was walking way behind the laughing members.
Jin stop in his track as he realize that one member was missing. He look back behind them and saw the missing member walking slowly, head bent down. He waited patiently for the other to catching up.
“Hey Kazu, what’s wrong?” He asked worriedly. The other had been quiet since the beginning of the concert. He’s not being himself. He’s not teasing Nakamaru as he usually did during the MC. Seems like something was bothering him and Jin felt useless because he can’t help the other.
Kamenashi Kazuya looked up when he heard Jin’s voice. He smile and shook his head. “I’m fine. Just tired.”
“Really?” Jin seems unconvinced with Kazuya answer.
“Really. Come on. Let’s go change then we can go home.” Kazuya said. He took Jin’s hand and dragged him to their changing room.
They stepped into the living room and saw that their manager was there. Jin felt Kazuya stiffened by his side as he see their manager, and it confuse him more. He dragged Kazuya inside and went to their dressing table.
Their manager looked up when he heard the door being closed. He got up from his seat and cleared his throat.
“Since all members were here, there’s an announcement that I want to make.” KAT-TUN turned to face their manager and wait for the announcement.
“Kamenashi-kun, please come here.” The manager beckons Kazuya to the front. AT-TUN turned to look at Kazuya with questioning look. They followed him with their eyes as he walked to their manager.
“Well, I know that all of you not gonna like this, but I have to tell you. May I?” The manager looked at Kazuya asking his permission. The other nodded his head.
“How can I say it…this concert will be last concert that all of you gonna have with Kamenashi.” The manager said. This statement earned a loud gasp from the other member. They look at Kazuya, but the other just look down.
“What do you meant?” Koki asked slowly.
“Kamenashi will leave the group. And he will resign from being a part of Johnny’s.” The manager explained.
A loud chorused of ‘what’ can be heard from the inside of KAT-TUN’s dressing room. All members’ attention now focused on Kazuya. He still didn’t lift his head, finding the floor’s more interesting than facing the wrath of his bandmates.
“Why?” Jin asked. He marched to Kazuya and grabs his shoulders tightly.
“Why?”He asked again, shaking Kazuya slightly. Kazuya looked up straight into Jin’s eyes, but he stayed silent. Unable to stand the disappointed look in Jin’s eyes any longer, he avert his eyes, looking at his other bandmates behind Jin’s shoulder.
He saw that they were shaking trying to contain their anger. He knew that he had disappointed them all He had betrayed them. He knew that he need to explain, but no he can’t. Explaining to them only make things worse. He knew them by heart, and he knew what they’re going to do if he tells the truth, so he decided to just keep quite.
Jin released his hold on Kazuya and turned, his back facing Kazuya. In a blink of an eye, Kazuya found himself sprawling on the floor. His left cheek hurt. Jin had hit him. After the punch, hell break loose. The commotion inside the dressing room can be heard from the outside.
End flashback
Two years after Kazuya left the group, KAT-TUN was disbanded. The reason Kazuya left the group still remain a mystery to the other member.
Jin remember the day after the concert, they all had ignore Kazuya when he went to take his things in their dressing room. And Kazuya had left without saying goodbye.
Jin looked at the DVD cover. His heart clench, his eyes sting as he observe the picture on it. He slowly run his finger along Kazuya’s profile. He clenched his eyes shut, stopping the tears from falling down.
Kazuya, his bandmate, his best friend and most importantly his lover - ex lover, he correct himself- had betrayed him. Had betrayed their dreams. His healing heart broken into pieces as he remembers the happy time with Kazuya. They’d broken up the day the announcement was made.
His thought was broken when one of the DVD fallen out from the DVD case and rolled under the cabinet. He bent down and look under the cabinet to retrieve the DVD back when something caught his eyes. He put the DVD back into the case and store the DVD into the cabinet. He bent down again and pulled out the thing that had caught his eyes.
It was an envelope. He had never seen the envelope. How it can be under the cabinet. He turned the envelope only to be met with a familiar handwriting. Even though it’s been four years since he last saw the owner of the handwriting, he still remembers about the tiny details of the said owner.
His heart was beating faster. His curiosity wants him to open the enveloped while his heart didn’t want him to open it. He closed his eyes and tries to clam himself. After a while battling with himself, he decided to open the enveloped.
His hand move to the edge of the enveloped and started to tear it opened when the door bell ring. He cursed at the disturbance. He put the envelope on the DVD cabinetand went to open the door only to come face to face with the delivery man.
Well, time for lunch.
~~~
He had just finished his dinner and was lounging in front of the television. He kept changing the channel since he can’t find something interesting to watch.
It’s only 10 o’clock, and he was bored to death. He can’t asked his best friends to hang out since Ryo was back in Osaka while Yamapi was busy promoting NewS new single. He turned off the television after a while and decided to turned in early today,
He got up from the couch and went to switch off the light. Before he switch off the light, he turned to look around his living room, to make sure that everything was in perfect condition, and the envelope that he found earlier caught his eyes. He almost forgot about the envelope. He switches off the light, take the envelope, and went inside his bedroom.
He switches on the light and went to lie down on his bed. He looked at the envelope, contemplating whether to open it or not. After a while, he decided to open it. He tears open the envelope and took out a folded.
Gingerly he opened the folded paper and stare at the familiar handwriting for a while. The letter was dated 2 years back. Jin tried to calm himself down, and slowly started to read the letter.
Dear Jin,
I knew that I have no right to called you Jin after all these years, but to me you’re still Jin, not Akanishi, and you’re still dear to me. And I don’t know whether you gonna read this letter or throw it, but I gonna take the risk and write to you.
I miss you, Jin. I really do. After all these years, I still love you, even though I know that your love to me had long die after I left KAT-TUN. I can’t help it. You’re my first and last love. I don’t know whether I can fall in love again in the future or not.
Anyway, that’s not the reason I write to you, well maybe part of it, but the real reason I write this letter because I want to tell you the reason I left KAT-TUN. May be you’re wondering why now, why not back then. The answer is simple Jin. Because I know you, I know them and I know what you guys gonna do if I tell the truth. So I decided to keep quite.
Jin, do you remember about the acting offer. The oversea one. That’s the reason I had to leave KAT-TUN. Don’t get me wrong, Jin. I do not accept the offer. Because rejecting the offer, I’d to leave KAT-TUN. Do you remember the time that Johnny-san called me to his office. He gave me two choices, Jin. Accept the offer and leave the group for half a year or reject and leave KAT-TUN forever. Apparently, the acting offer was Johnny’s way to widen his range to oversea and the producer for the movie had specifically asked for me. It’s whether me or no one else. The producer refused to accept anyone else other than me.
I want to discuss about the offer with you. I don’t want to accept the offer because I have to leave for half a year but I can’t reject the offer because I don’t want to KAT-TUN, I don’t want to leave you forever.
But seems like you already knew about the offer since when I got back home, you asked me to reject it. You know I can never say no to your request Jin, so the next day I told Johnny-san that I can’t accept the offer.
Johnny-san was so mad Jin. He asked me to leave instantly but I begged him to let me stay until the concert’s over. It’s only two more days left for to our last concert, so I begged him, I kneel down before him to let me stay. I’m lucky Jin since our manager was with me that day. He asked Johnny-san to let me stay until the last concert. Johnny-san give in and allow me to stay until the last concert, but I’ve to leave the next day after the concert.
Remember our last concert, when all of you were yelling at me, our manager almost tell all of you the reason. I don’t want you guys to know. If you guys know about the real reason, I’m 100% sure that all of you’re going to confront Johnny-san, especially you Jin. I don’t want because of me all of you lost the thing that you love. And I know how much you love performing.
And the reason I’m telling you about this now because I know you, all of you had quit Johnny’s, and all of you had succeed, doing things that you love in your own way. And I don’t want all of you live in the dark about my leaving. Besides, I’m tired Jin. Too tired to keep this all to myself. I just need to let it out. So I decided to tell you this.
You can hate me. You can blame me for KAT-TUN’s downfall. I will accept that since it’s really my fault. And I really want to apologize to all of you face to face, but I’m a coward Jin. I can’t stand the hatred, the anger all of you held against me. Especially you Jin. You, the one that I truly love.
I’m leaving Jin. I’m leaving Japan, for good. After we broken up, I’ve tired to move on. I really tried. I’ve tried to date. But who am I to lie to my own heart. I can’t forget you. I can’t forget the things that we have shared together. And right now I still in love with you. If I stay here, I don’t think that I can move on. May be if I don’t stay in Japan, I can learn to forget you. I can learn to move on.
My only wish Jin, I want to see you for the last time. My flight’s on this Saturday, 4 p.m. I’ll wait for you there Jin. I’ll wait until the last call. If you’re able to forgive me after reading this letter, if there’s still love left for me, I hope to meet you there.
Truly,
Kamenashi Kazuya.
Jin wipes the tears that silently fell on his cheek. He didn’t know that horrible things that had happened to Kazuya. All this time, he was the reason that Kazuya left the group. He was force to left the group because he had told Kazuya to reject the offer.
Damn Johnny, damn you.
Kazuya, please forgive me. I didn’t know.
~~~
“So, what’s the important thing that you want to tell us?” Ueda asked.
After reading Kazuya’s letter, he had decided to let the others know the real reason Kazuya had to leave the group. He knew that they had moved on from the incident, even though the disappointment, the anger was still there, but he want they to know that Kazuya’s not the one at fault. Kazuya’s not the one to blame.
“It’s about Kazuya.” Jin said.
“Huh, on first name basis I see. What, had you forgive him already?” Koki sneer. No one can really blame him since he was the one that really close to Kazuya aside from Jin. Kazuya’s betrayal really had hit him hard.
“Koki, please…listen to me” Jin pleaded.
“No you listen to me. I will never forgive what he had done to us. He betrayed us Jin. Have you forgotten that. He left us to struggle to keep KAT-TUN back on track after he left. Then what, he went missing and no one can find him. No one Jin. Not even his family.” Koki snapped.
“IT’S NOT HIS FAULT.” Jin shouted.
“What do you mean it’s not his fault. He’s the one who left KAT-TUN.”
“That’s why I want you to listen to me, please.” Jin looks pleadingly to the others. Seeing the pleading looks, Koki gave in and tried to calm himself down.
“Five days ago I got a letter. From Kazuya.” He said slowly.
“What.” The other chorused. They looked at Jin quizzically.
“Not really get. Well, the letter dated two years ago and I just found it. I don’t know how it get under the DVD cabinet.” Jin explained.
“What did he wrote.” Nakamaru asked. Until this days, he still can’t believe that Kazuya just left KAT-TUN without any concrete reason, and the letter gives him hope that may be, just may be, Kazuya had told Jin the real reason.
“Here, read it yourself.” He gives the letter and Ueda quickly grabbed it. The others huddled beside Ueda to read it too. Jin watched his ex-band mate read the letter and saw their expression change from shock to angry to guilty.
“Oh my god. Why didn’t he tell us about this.” Junno asked. His voice broke.
“Because he knows us. He doesn’t want us to regret doing something stupid.” Jin said.
“Where’s now Jin. I want to see him.” Koki voice croaks when he speaks.
“I don’t know Koki. I really don’t. I went to his apartment but the landlady told me that the apartment had been empty for two years and she didn’t know where he goes. His family refuses to tell me anything.” Jin said. “ But I might have an idea where he went and I’m going there.” He continues.
“Are you sure he’s going to be there. What if he’s not, Jin.” Nakamaru asked.
“That’s the gamble that I’m going to make. The risk that I’m going to take to asked for his forgiveness.” Jin said determinedly.
~~~
“Ne Jin. Nino-sempai shows me his pictures when he went to Paris. It’s really beautiful. I wish I can go there.” Kazuya said. That day was their rare day-off. After they had debuted, they rarely had the day-off, and want to spend their time together. They were in Kazuya’s apartment, lazing on the couch, watching television.
“Really? But I’m sure there’s something more beautiful thank that pic.”Jin said peering down at Kazuya.
“What’s that?” Kazuya asked.
“You.” Jin smirked. Mischievous shining in his eyes.
Kazuya blush hearing praise. He tried to cover it up by averting his eyes from Jin’s. Jin laughs seeing the shy behavior of his lover. They had been dating for almost five years, but Kazuya shyness towards his praise still didn’t ceased and that amused him.
“Sap.”Kazuya retorted. “But seriously Jin, I really want to go there. No, I think I want to stay there.” Kazuya said seriously.
“Stay there? You mean like live there?” Jin asked.
“Yup. You know what Jin. I think when I’m tired of all this fame, this performance things, when I ready to settle down and live an ordinary life, I want to move there,” Kazuya said. His eyes shine with excitement.
“Okay let’s say that day come, what you want to do.”
“I want to run a café. You know how much I love cooking and baking right. I want to open a café and name it Sunshine Café.”Kazuya said dreamily. His lips curve into a tiny smile, imagining the future ahead.
“You want to open a café? Really? But if it’s you I’m sure you’ll succeed. One question though. Why Paris? Why Sunshine café?” Jin asked.
“That’s two questions Jin.” Kazuya said teasingly.
“Shut up. Just answer the questions.”
“Okay, okay. Don’t be mad.”
“I not mad.”
“Yes you do.”
“Do not”
“Do too”
“Do not”
“Do too”
“Do not”
“Okay you’re not”
“Do too. Damn it just answer the questions.”
“See you’re mad.” Kazuya laugh seeing Jin’s reaction. He tried to sober up as he see Jin’s pout making it appearance.
“Okay, sorry. Just your reaction is so funny.” Jin glared at Kazuya as he see his lover still laughing.
He cleared his throat as he started speaking again. “What’s the questions again. Oh right. Why Paris. It’s simple. Because Paris is a city for lover. And I want to spend my life with my love. An why Sunshine Café. Because when you smile, you brighten my life, just like sunshine brighten the world. So Jin, do you want to spend your life with me?” Kazuya looks deeply into Jin’s eyes as he utter the words.
He put his hands above Kazuya’s hands that were cupping his face. “Of course I do. You’re my one and only love.” Hearing Jin’s word, a bright smile broke upon Kazuya’s face. “Now, who’s the sap here.” Jin tease. And the words earn a laugh from Kazuya.
~~~
Paris, France.
“Bienvenue à café Sunshine." He greeted as he heard the bell at the front door jingle. His face broke into a smile as he saw a couple walk in.
“Que puis-je obtenir pour vous, Mademoiselle, Monsieur?” He asked as the couple reached the counter. The couple peers behind his shoulder to look at the menu.
“Nous aurons un café noir et une latte, veuillez” The customer said.
“Est que tous, Monsieur ?” He asked again. He key in the orders when the customer nodded.
“Ce serait € 5.20.” Ha accept the money and give the change back. He left the counter to prepare the ordered drinks. It’s a busy day since it’s Sunday and he’s short handed since one of his crew called in sick.
Finished preparing the drinks, he went back to the front counter and hand them to the customer, bidding them goodbye. Left alone at the counter, he looks around his café. His café’s packed with customers, mostly regular. It had been two years since he opened the café. At first, it had been so hard to make profit since he’s new and non-local. But seems luck was beside him when one day a stranger had walked into his café during a rainy day and he had serves the stranger his own made pastries. Unknown to him, the stranger‘s actually a food critic and the next thing he know, his café’s flooded with customers and some of them had been his regular.
“Ce que vous pensez?” His friend’s query snapped him back to reality.
“Rien. Pensée juste sur le passé.” He turned to his friend and gives him a reassuring smile, telling him that he is alright. He’s about to add when the ring jingle again u for umpteenth time, not that he mind. He turned to the door and greets the new arrival.
“Bienvenue à café Sun….." His greeting dies in the middle. He stared wide eye at the new comer. His mouth hang opened. He watched as the newcomer made his way slowly to the counter.
Jin.
~~~
Jin stood in front of the counter. His heart leap with joy at seeing Kazuya. He want to cry. He wants to shout. The gamble that he made do not come back fruitless. Ha had found Kazuya. After his long disappearance, he finally find him again.
“Long time no see, Kazu.” Jin greets the still shock Kazuya. He tried to look as calm ac possible, but the inside, he was nervous like hell.
“Jin…wha-…what…how…” Kazuya stuttered. He’s shock And Jin calling him using his nickname doesn’t make it even better.
“Kazuya, do you know him?” His friend asked.
“Yes, Rene. I know him.” Kazuya answer. Eyes never leaving Jin’s. “Ahhh…sor..sorry. Rene this is Jin, Akanishi Jin. Jin this is Rene.” Kazuya introduce Rene and Jin to each other.
“Nice to meet you Jin.” Rene held out his hand and shaking hand with Jin. “Wait Jin…Jin…where did I ever heard that name.” He looked at Jin and study his face. He turned to Kazuya when something click in his mind. “Ahhh you’re Jin. Well, Kazuya. You better bring him to the back room. I’m sure there’s a lot of thing that both of you to catch up, right.”
Kazuya nodded his head and thanks his friend when he said that we will cover up the counter for him. He then lead Jin to the back room of the café.
Once inside, he gesture Jin to sit on the couch. He took the seat opposite to Jin. They sat in silence for a moment and Jin took the time to observe Kazuya. He seems healthier than the last time he has seen him and there’s more meat covering the bone. Kazuya on the other hand was nervous under Jin’s intense stare. He fidget in his seat, eyes avoiding from Jin’s.
“What’re you doing here Jin.” The silence was broken by Kazuya’s voice.
“Looking for you.” Jin said.
“Why.”
“Because I want to asked for your forgiveness. I know I’d been blind all this time. I should know there’s a reason for each of your behavior. That time I was blinded by my anger. I thought that you had betrayed our dreams because you left KAT-TUN. I know I’m such a jerk. I hurt you. Will you be able to forgive me.”
“Jin, you don’t have to ask for my forgiveness. It’s my fault that I left KAT-TUN. I betrayed you. I betrayed the others too.” Kazuya looked up into Jin’s eyes.
“No Kazuya. It’s my fault. Our fault for not understanding you. For not knowing you too well. Now that we know the real reason you left KAT-TUN, we felt like jerks for reacting the way we did. Please Kazuya. Please tell me that you forgive us. Forgive me.” Jin went to sit beside Kazuya. He held Kazuya’s hand and looks pleadingly into his eyes. His heart broke as he saw tears streaming down Kazuya’s face. He reaches forward and wipe them off.
“I already forgive all of you long time ago. There’s no way I be mad at you guys when I know I deserve it. I can’t be mad at you Jin. Never in my life.” Kazuya’s voice broke when he said that.
“I’m sorry Kazuya. I’m sorry for being a fool.” He hugs Kazuya tightly. His own tears started to fall down.
“I thought you would never forgive me. I wait for you Jin. I wait for you at the airport. But you didn’t come. I thought that you really hate me.” Kazuya sobbed. His body shook in Jin’s tight embrace.
“Ahh about that. I’m sorry Kazuya. It’s my fault that let you think like that.”
“Why’s that.” Kazuya wriggle out from Jin’s embrace and look into his eyes.
“Well….I never knew that the letter exist and I just found it recently. I swear I don’t know how the letter got there.” Jin tried to defense himself.
“Got where?” Kazuya asked. He looks at Jin questioningly.
“DVD cabinet.” Jin smile sheepishly looking at Kazuya’s shock face.
“Ohh Jin. You never change.” He smile at Jin’s stupidity. “Hey Jin. How did you know about the café and where to find me?”
“I remember Kazuya. I remember you once tell me that you want to settle down here after you quit entertainment. I remember that you told me you want to open the café. And I still remember the name and the reason you want name the café Sunshine.” He look at Kazuya dearly.
It took Kazuya a moment to remember their conversation sometimes ago. He had told Jin that he want to settle down in Paris and run a café here. He remember that he asked Jin whether he want to spend his life with him and Jin had agree. His heart clench as he remember that. It’s been too long they had separated. Maybe Jin had change his mind. He thought bitterly
"My answer is still the same Kazuya.” Jin’s voice take Kazuya back from his trance.
“Eh.”
“I said my answer is still the same. The question is, do you, Kazuya, want to spend your life with me?” Kazuya look at Jin shockingly. His face broke into a bright smile as Jin’s word register in his mind. He quickly pull Jin into a tight embrace. Tears of happiness stream down his face.
“I do, Jin. Because you’re my one and only love.”
AN 2: As always, comments are love