Office Antics (Prologue)
Title Office Antics, Prologue
Rating PG-13
Word Count 1,538
Summary [office!au] Twelve guys and one software startup. Baekhyun’s that new guy, Chanyeol's the guy who falls for the new guy, Kyungsoo has pedo problems, Junmyeon's the oblivious CEO, Kris is the cutthroat CFO, Yixing’s out to get more vacation time, Tao’s a receptionist (sorta), Minseok is a closeted romantic, Jongin’s the intern that actually does stuff, Sehun’s the intern that doesn’t, and Luhan and Jongdae just like messing around.
Prologue: Pilot
There are plenty of reasons why dropping out of college in the middle of junior year to work for a start up is a great idea, Baekhyun tells himself as he slides himself into his freshly-pressed dress shirt, carefully buttoning to the top.
The six-figure starting salary is one of them. Invaluable working experience is another. The title he could add to his resume would look awesome (he’d be a “Director,” even if the company was so small every single engineer by default was a Director). And if the start up hit it big and goes public, the stock options, oh the stock options.
He scrutinizes himself in the mirror as he works gel into his hair.
It might be a problem that he still doesn’t quite know the name of the company. The guy that recruited him (introduced himself as Junmyeon, CEO, obnoxious red hair) called it EXO KM Systems, and told Baekhyun to ignore whatever the CFO said. But the CFO (low voice, thick eyebrows, was it Kris, Wufan, or Kevin) assured him no, no Junmyeon’s a tard and it’s definitely EXO MK Systems, tapping on the letterhead on hiring contract as proof. Baekhyun really could have cared less either way, his attention was focused on his starting salary.
Loop over, form a triangle, pull, and Baekhyun’s tie slides into place. Stepping back, he takes a minute to appreciate his handiwork before grabbing his laptop case and stepping out of his apartment into the early, spring sun.
At the end of a 20 minute drive he pulls into a relatively new, four story office complex and per Junmyeon’s instructions, takes the elevator up the the third floor. It’s a nice building, with off-white washed walls and the typical firm blue carpet. The waiting area is spotless save for a spent tube of purple glitter glue in the corner. There’s an oak door at the end of the short hallway, with an 8x11 “EXO MK SYSTEMS,” stuck in the middle with a single piece of tape. When he nears and places his hand on the doorknob Baekhyun notices in faint, messily-erased pencil someone had crossed out MK and scrawled KM systems on top. Okay then.
Baekhyun twists the knob. It doesn’t budge. Just as he’s fishing out the keys Kris handed him last Thursday (‘You lose these, you get to replace all 12 copies and the locks. So take care of them.’), something purple and glittery smeared across the knob catches his eye. He bends down to get a better look, and immediately slaps his forehead, bringing his hand down over his face. The keyhole is cemented shut with fucking glitter glue.
Baekhyun raps on the door for a good 30 seconds before he gives up. He crouches down and gets off a few flakes before he hears murmuring from behind the door. Baekhyun leans in just a bit to get a better gauge, hand poised to pound on the door as soon as he deems it’s worth it. He frowns, because the murmuring is getting louder at an unusually fast rate, and now it’s accompanied by fast, pounding footsteps, and now he can make out words, like “Do you think he’s outsi-”
And suddenly the door’s open, and he’s on the floor, pure pain welling up in the center of his face. He hears a hiss, “Shit I think you broke his nose, Luhan.” Immediately Baekhyun’s vision is filled with blurry blond as “Luhan” takes stock of his face.
“Nope, I think it’ll just be a bruise.”
“He’s clutching his face,” black hair with wide-eyes enters Baehyun’s vision. “How can you tell?”
“He’d be bleeding if I broke his nose. Probably. Oh and hey, you’re the new guy?”
Baekhyun winces as he nods.
“Sorry about that. And about the glue in the keyhole. There’s a second door we usually through,” Luhan points to a whitewashed door behind Baekhyun as Wide-Eyes helps him up.
As Wide-Eyes brushes him off, Baekhyun sudden feels very overdressed. Luhan is standing cheerfully, arms on waist, with a t-shirt, shorts, and converse. Even though Wide-Eyes is in a dress shirt, he’s wearing it like an unbuttoned jacket over a t-shirt (it reads ‘There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don’t,’ and Baekhyun snorts) with jeans and sandals.
“Yeah, you might want to dress more casually next time,” Luhan says as Baekhyun looks down at his own silk tie, tucked and buttoned dress shirt, black slacks, and shiny dress shoes.
“Oh but we should hurry, the meeting already started,” Luhan cheerfully pushes Baekhyun through the door and down the hall. “We’re both engineers you’ll be working with by the way. You’ve already heard, but I’m Luhan.”
“And I’m Kyungsoo,” the Wide-Eyes chirps.
“With you, we have 12 people working in this office now, and you’ll meet the other 9...right..now,” Luhan takes a sharp right, shoving Baekhyun through an open door and in the focal points of nine pairs of eyes. “Hey I found him outside, we accidently locked him out.”
“You clearly mean “we” as in you, and “locked him out” as glued the fucking door shut, right,” a deep voice cuts in. Baekhyun dimly recognizes that it belongs to Kris. “I told you to take care of it last week, I’m just going to rip funds from your paycheck now.”
Luhan laughs nervously and claps Baekhyun on the back, “Yes, yes. Let’s settle that later, but for now let’s get this guy acquainted, yes?”
Baekhyun likes to label people, and after a quick glance around the room he’s given everyone names. There’s a Bun Head who keeps puffing his cheeks next to Sharp Feature Face who looks completely unimpressed, Panda Eyes who’s giving Baekhyun what he thinks might be a glare (or maybe it’s just his natural expression), Impressive Brows Kris/Wufan/Kevin who’s seated between Micky Yoochun’s Undiscovered Twin and Panda Eyes, and across from a tall Perm Head whose back is facing Baekhyun. There’s also Wide-Eyes Kyungsoo who takes a seat next to Tan Man who’s staring cooly at the table next to Brown Hair Bowlcut. Obnoxious Red Hair Junmyeon is standing up at the whiteboard and he waves at Baekhyun.
“Kris and me have already met you, so I’ll introduce you to the rest of these knaves.”
“Kris and I, your grammar sucks,” someone whispers. Junmyeon ignores it.
“Including you, we have five engineers. You’ve already met two, Luhan and Kyungsoo. We also have Yixing and Jongdae,” Junmyeon points to Yoochun’s Undiscovered Twin and Sharp Feature Face respectively. Yixing nods and Jongdae waves before ducking under the table to retrieve a fallen pencil.
“Minseok’s over there,” Junmyeon points at Bun Head. “He’s in charge of technical writing.”
“He also goes by Baozi,” Luhan whispers loudly. “It’s his favorite nickname.”
“No I don’t. And it’s not.” Minseok quickly interjects, staring at Baekhyun with an expression that plainly reads ‘don’t even try, mofo.’
“Tao, over there, was originally recruited for quality assurance, then added on security testing because our product launch rate was too slow and he’d have nothing to do for months,” Junmyeon points to Panda Eyes. “Then he decided he really liked the the location of the receptionist’s desk-”
“It’s really nice there,” Tao cuts in. “I’m not weird.”
“-and so now he’s our receptionist too.”
“That thing there,” Junmyeon gestures towards Perm Head. “Is Chanyeol, our lone sales guy.”
When Chanyeol turns around, Baekhyun’s heart starts thudding just a little bit faster, because wow, that face. But Baekhyun’s not rendered speechless until Chanyeol opens his mouth and speaks, baritone voice ringing in his ears.
“Hey.”
Baekhyun stares. Luhan notices and sniggers.
“We have two interns here as well,” Junmyeon points at Tan Man. “That over there is Jongin, he’s being mentored by Kyungsoo.”
“This kid has some serious skills, I barely have anything to teach him,” Kyungsoo smiles. “We might have to start paying him full time.”
Jongin looks up hopefully.
“Nope, nope,” Kris waves Kyungsoo off. “No budget for that. Going to be an intern for a while.”
“And that there is our youngest, Sehun, intern under Luhan,” Junmyeon points to Brown Hair Bowlcut.
“But being the youngest doesn’t mean I’m not the awethomest!”
“The fact that you use ‘awesomest’ to describe yourself already invalidates your point,” Luhan sighs. “Also, you were so useless at programming that we had to move you to data entry. So stop talking. And take out your retainer during meetings, you sound ridiculous.”
“Anyway, there’s the whole office. Uh, meeting adjourned,” Junmyeon claps. “Here Baekhyun, I’ll show you around the office and-”
There’s a loud crash and Baekhyun spins around to see Kris and Tao tripped up on the floor, shoes laced together.
“Okay, who the fuck did this,” Kris rubs his head, glaring at the onlookers.
“...they’re triple knotted,” Tao says in disbelief, fruitlessly picking at his laces.
Suddenly Jongdae darts out of the conference room, maniacally laughing.
“I am going to KILL YOU,” Kris lunges forward, forgetting that Tao is still tethered to his shoe, and falls on his face again.
There are plenty of reasons why dropping out of college to work for a start up is a great idea, Baekhyun tries to convince himself.
|| episode 1 ||
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Rating PG-13
Word Count 1,538
Summary [office!au] Twelve guys and one software startup. Baekhyun’s that new guy, Chanyeol's the guy who falls for the new guy, Kyungsoo has pedo problems, Junmyeon's the oblivious CEO, Kris is the cutthroat CFO, Yixing’s out to get more vacation time, Tao’s a receptionist (sorta), Minseok is a closeted romantic, Jongin’s the intern that actually does stuff, Sehun’s the intern that doesn’t, and Luhan and Jongdae just like messing around.
Prologue: Pilot
There are plenty of reasons why dropping out of college in the middle of junior year to work for a start up is a great idea, Baekhyun tells himself as he slides himself into his freshly-pressed dress shirt, carefully buttoning to the top.
The six-figure starting salary is one of them. Invaluable working experience is another. The title he could add to his resume would look awesome (he’d be a “Director,” even if the company was so small every single engineer by default was a Director). And if the start up hit it big and goes public, the stock options, oh the stock options.
He scrutinizes himself in the mirror as he works gel into his hair.
It might be a problem that he still doesn’t quite know the name of the company. The guy that recruited him (introduced himself as Junmyeon, CEO, obnoxious red hair) called it EXO KM Systems, and told Baekhyun to ignore whatever the CFO said. But the CFO (low voice, thick eyebrows, was it Kris, Wufan, or Kevin) assured him no, no Junmyeon’s a tard and it’s definitely EXO MK Systems, tapping on the letterhead on hiring contract as proof. Baekhyun really could have cared less either way, his attention was focused on his starting salary.
Loop over, form a triangle, pull, and Baekhyun’s tie slides into place. Stepping back, he takes a minute to appreciate his handiwork before grabbing his laptop case and stepping out of his apartment into the early, spring sun.
At the end of a 20 minute drive he pulls into a relatively new, four story office complex and per Junmyeon’s instructions, takes the elevator up the the third floor. It’s a nice building, with off-white washed walls and the typical firm blue carpet. The waiting area is spotless save for a spent tube of purple glitter glue in the corner. There’s an oak door at the end of the short hallway, with an 8x11 “EXO MK SYSTEMS,” stuck in the middle with a single piece of tape. When he nears and places his hand on the doorknob Baekhyun notices in faint, messily-erased pencil someone had crossed out MK and scrawled KM systems on top. Okay then.
Baekhyun twists the knob. It doesn’t budge. Just as he’s fishing out the keys Kris handed him last Thursday (‘You lose these, you get to replace all 12 copies and the locks. So take care of them.’), something purple and glittery smeared across the knob catches his eye. He bends down to get a better look, and immediately slaps his forehead, bringing his hand down over his face. The keyhole is cemented shut with fucking glitter glue.
Baekhyun raps on the door for a good 30 seconds before he gives up. He crouches down and gets off a few flakes before he hears murmuring from behind the door. Baekhyun leans in just a bit to get a better gauge, hand poised to pound on the door as soon as he deems it’s worth it. He frowns, because the murmuring is getting louder at an unusually fast rate, and now it’s accompanied by fast, pounding footsteps, and now he can make out words, like “Do you think he’s outsi-”
And suddenly the door’s open, and he’s on the floor, pure pain welling up in the center of his face. He hears a hiss, “Shit I think you broke his nose, Luhan.” Immediately Baekhyun’s vision is filled with blurry blond as “Luhan” takes stock of his face.
“Nope, I think it’ll just be a bruise.”
“He’s clutching his face,” black hair with wide-eyes enters Baehyun’s vision. “How can you tell?”
“He’d be bleeding if I broke his nose. Probably. Oh and hey, you’re the new guy?”
Baekhyun winces as he nods.
“Sorry about that. And about the glue in the keyhole. There’s a second door we usually through,” Luhan points to a whitewashed door behind Baekhyun as Wide-Eyes helps him up.
As Wide-Eyes brushes him off, Baekhyun sudden feels very overdressed. Luhan is standing cheerfully, arms on waist, with a t-shirt, shorts, and converse. Even though Wide-Eyes is in a dress shirt, he’s wearing it like an unbuttoned jacket over a t-shirt (it reads ‘There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don’t,’ and Baekhyun snorts) with jeans and sandals.
“Yeah, you might want to dress more casually next time,” Luhan says as Baekhyun looks down at his own silk tie, tucked and buttoned dress shirt, black slacks, and shiny dress shoes.
“Oh but we should hurry, the meeting already started,” Luhan cheerfully pushes Baekhyun through the door and down the hall. “We’re both engineers you’ll be working with by the way. You’ve already heard, but I’m Luhan.”
“And I’m Kyungsoo,” the Wide-Eyes chirps.
“With you, we have 12 people working in this office now, and you’ll meet the other 9...right..now,” Luhan takes a sharp right, shoving Baekhyun through an open door and in the focal points of nine pairs of eyes. “Hey I found him outside, we accidently locked him out.”
“You clearly mean “we” as in you, and “locked him out” as glued the fucking door shut, right,” a deep voice cuts in. Baekhyun dimly recognizes that it belongs to Kris. “I told you to take care of it last week, I’m just going to rip funds from your paycheck now.”
Luhan laughs nervously and claps Baekhyun on the back, “Yes, yes. Let’s settle that later, but for now let’s get this guy acquainted, yes?”
Baekhyun likes to label people, and after a quick glance around the room he’s given everyone names. There’s a Bun Head who keeps puffing his cheeks next to Sharp Feature Face who looks completely unimpressed, Panda Eyes who’s giving Baekhyun what he thinks might be a glare (or maybe it’s just his natural expression), Impressive Brows Kris/Wufan/Kevin who’s seated between Micky Yoochun’s Undiscovered Twin and Panda Eyes, and across from a tall Perm Head whose back is facing Baekhyun. There’s also Wide-Eyes Kyungsoo who takes a seat next to Tan Man who’s staring cooly at the table next to Brown Hair Bowlcut. Obnoxious Red Hair Junmyeon is standing up at the whiteboard and he waves at Baekhyun.
“Kris and me have already met you, so I’ll introduce you to the rest of these knaves.”
“Kris and I, your grammar sucks,” someone whispers. Junmyeon ignores it.
“Including you, we have five engineers. You’ve already met two, Luhan and Kyungsoo. We also have Yixing and Jongdae,” Junmyeon points to Yoochun’s Undiscovered Twin and Sharp Feature Face respectively. Yixing nods and Jongdae waves before ducking under the table to retrieve a fallen pencil.
“Minseok’s over there,” Junmyeon points at Bun Head. “He’s in charge of technical writing.”
“He also goes by Baozi,” Luhan whispers loudly. “It’s his favorite nickname.”
“No I don’t. And it’s not.” Minseok quickly interjects, staring at Baekhyun with an expression that plainly reads ‘don’t even try, mofo.’
“Tao, over there, was originally recruited for quality assurance, then added on security testing because our product launch rate was too slow and he’d have nothing to do for months,” Junmyeon points to Panda Eyes. “Then he decided he really liked the the location of the receptionist’s desk-”
“It’s really nice there,” Tao cuts in. “I’m not weird.”
“-and so now he’s our receptionist too.”
“That thing there,” Junmyeon gestures towards Perm Head. “Is Chanyeol, our lone sales guy.”
When Chanyeol turns around, Baekhyun’s heart starts thudding just a little bit faster, because wow, that face. But Baekhyun’s not rendered speechless until Chanyeol opens his mouth and speaks, baritone voice ringing in his ears.
“Hey.”
Baekhyun stares. Luhan notices and sniggers.
“We have two interns here as well,” Junmyeon points at Tan Man. “That over there is Jongin, he’s being mentored by Kyungsoo.”
“This kid has some serious skills, I barely have anything to teach him,” Kyungsoo smiles. “We might have to start paying him full time.”
Jongin looks up hopefully.
“Nope, nope,” Kris waves Kyungsoo off. “No budget for that. Going to be an intern for a while.”
“And that there is our youngest, Sehun, intern under Luhan,” Junmyeon points to Brown Hair Bowlcut.
“But being the youngest doesn’t mean I’m not the awethomest!”
“The fact that you use ‘awesomest’ to describe yourself already invalidates your point,” Luhan sighs. “Also, you were so useless at programming that we had to move you to data entry. So stop talking. And take out your retainer during meetings, you sound ridiculous.”
“Anyway, there’s the whole office. Uh, meeting adjourned,” Junmyeon claps. “Here Baekhyun, I’ll show you around the office and-”
There’s a loud crash and Baekhyun spins around to see Kris and Tao tripped up on the floor, shoes laced together.
“Okay, who the fuck did this,” Kris rubs his head, glaring at the onlookers.
“...they’re triple knotted,” Tao says in disbelief, fruitlessly picking at his laces.
Suddenly Jongdae darts out of the conference room, maniacally laughing.
“I am going to KILL YOU,” Kris lunges forward, forgetting that Tao is still tethered to his shoe, and falls on his face again.
There are plenty of reasons why dropping out of college to work for a start up is a great idea, Baekhyun tries to convince himself.
|| episode 1 ||
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