Office Antics, Episode 6 Bonus
Titl Office Antics, Episode 6 Bonus
Ratin PG-13
Word Coun 1,600...or something
Pairing Baekyeol, Kaisoo
Summary office!au] Twelve guys and one software startup. Baekhyun’s that new guy, Chanyeol's the guy who falls for the new guy, Kyungsoo has pedo problems, Junmyeon's the oblivious CEO, Kris is the cutthroat CFO, Yixing’s out to get more vacation time, Tao’s a receptionist (sorta), Minseok is a closeted romantic, Jongin’s the intern that actually does stuff, Sehun’s the intern that doesn’t, and Luhan and Jongdae just like messing around.
The cool of the kitchen tile against his cheek feels nice, Junmyeon decides after some light-headed drunken deliberation. Though it’s really the one of the two feelings Junmyeon can comprehend, second to the fuzzy numbness that seems to tinge all of his senses. He begins to trace patterns on the floor with a numb finger, first a smiley face, next a demented pineapple, before growing tired and allowing his hand to flop limply against the ground.
It feels really nice, Junmyeon thinks again. He’d even go as far as call it comfortable, and he wonders torpidly why adobe clay isn’t a popular material for pillows. It would be pretty damn comfortable, Junmyeon contemplates as he rubs his cheek into the ground, finding a good position for the angle of his neck before he lethargically curls up and attempts to slip into sleep.
“Hey.”
Junmyeon frowns. It’s an impatient tone he really doesn’t want to hear right now, followed by a light kick to his shin he really doesn’t want to feel right now. He slowly curls into a defensive ball and shields his face in an ostrich attempt to make things go away. Maybe if he can’t see it, it doesn’t exist.
“Hey, Junmyeon. I need your help.”
“How…about no.” Junmyeon whimpers.
“It’s not a question.”
Junmyeon slowly uncovers his face and cracks his eyes open, letting in the light and a blurry image of a displeased Kris.
“Whaddyu want,” Junmyeon groaned, shutting his eyes again.
“I need to save my bathroom rug,” Kris stares down at Junmyeon imposingly. “From stains.”
Junmyeon blinks for a good minute before creasing his face into a frown. “…what?”
“Jongin and Kyungsoo are in the bathroom.”
“So?” Junmyeon rubs his eyes.
“Jongin and Kyungsoo are in the bathroom,” Kris repeats slowly. “And there’s a very expensive rug right next to the sink. I need to prevent stains.”
Junmyeon frowns again, contorting his face into an awkward scowl as he attempts to comprehend Kris’ words. He gives up after a second, unable to make any meaning out of vague hints. He’s too drunk for this.
“Tell them to sit down when they piss,” Junmyeon yawns before settling back into a sleeping position. “Reduces splashing…probably…I don’t know…what are you asking me to do...and why are they in there together anyway?”
“You don’t get it do you,” Kris kicks Junmyeon in the shin again.
“Ow,” Junmyeon winces. “No…I don’t. Just…let me go to sleep.”
“They’re…how do I say this,” Kris taps his head for a moment before he rolls his eyes and sighs. “drunk fucking. In my bathroom, and I want them out.”
“Okay, nope, you’re…definitely on your own,” Junmyeon really doesn’t want to deal with this right now, and closes his eyes defiantly “Good night.”
“Nope,” Kris bends down with a sigh, picks up one of Junmyeon’s arms and begins to drag him relentlessly towards the hall. “You’re coming with me.”
“…whatever,” Junmyeon lets his eyes slide closed, slipping away from consciousness as the cool tile runs along his cheek.
“Uhh…whoops,” Kris sarcastically apologizes as he turns, allowing Junmyeon’s head to clip against the foot of a chair.
“Ow,” Junmyeon groans.
“Whoops…again,” Kris steps over an empty glass bottle, allowing Junmyeon’s head to ram straight into it.
“Ow,” Junmyeon groans again, wincing both at the pain in his head and the sharp sound of the bottle clattering against the tile.
“This one’s going to hurt,” Kris preemptively warns as he takes a sharp right around down the hall, allowing Junmyeon to swing and hit the wall hard.
“Oh…fuck you,” Junmyeon groans a third time, rubbing his head with his free hand.
“In this situation, I can’t even make a joke out of that,” Kris mutters, giving one last tug to Junmyeon before stopping and dropping his arm. “We’re here.”
“That’s nice,” Lying face-down in front of the bathroom door, Junmyeon lets his arm flop limply to the ground.
“Do something about this,” Kris hisses and gestures towards the bathroom door.
“I feel like…we were in a similar situation a week ago,” Junmyeon mumbles. “And no, this is your bathroom.”
“You’re the CEO.”
“We already went over this,” Junmyeon squints up at Kris. “Not in my job description. Just use what we learned from last week’s deal.”
“Like what? All I took away from that is that Baekhyun and Chanyeol sound like dogs in heat when they play Warcraft.”
“Well, there you go,” Junmyeon rolls over and nestles his head into the ground.
“That makes no sense,” Kris looks down at Junmyeon with an expression that somewhat resembled pleadingly. “Help out a friend?”
“Ugh, fine” Junmyeon turns to the door and raises a fist.
There’s an assortment of sounds coming from the bathroom that Junmyeon’s too muddled to decipher, and when he bangs on the door a few times, everything falls silent.
“Heeeeeeeey,” Junmyeon calls blearily. “Kris would like two you to stop fucking in the bathroom.”
“What the fuck are you doing,” Kris hisses.
“This is a friendly Public Service Announcement from Junmyeon,” Junmyeon lets his hand fall to the ground.
“No,” Kris kicks Junmyeon’s shin again. “I want you to get them out of there.”
“Augh,” Junmyeon curls an arm around his legs. “Could you not do that? I kind of need these…to walk.”
“Then get them out of there.”
“Why aren’t you doing this again?”
“I don’t feel like it.”
“…What?”
“Just do it,” Kris lifts his leg back.
“Okay, okay,” Junmyeon, not in the frame of mind to argue, braces himself against the ground and gingerly lifts himself up. Scratching his hair and yawning, he bangs against the door again, “Kris would like you two to exit the bathroom.”
There’s no response, and Junmyeon waits a minute before he presses his ear against the door. He’s met by more silence.
“Are you sure they’re in there still?” Junmyeon turns around to face Kris.
“Yes.”
“Really?” Junmyeon reaches down towards the knob.
“Oh,” Kris shields his eyes with his arm. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
And Junmyeon instantly regrets it as he pushes the door open and with a shock, gets an eyeful of more Jongin and Kyungsoo, and Jongin with Kyungsoo, than he’s ever cared to see. Junmyeon, now significantly sober, or at least alert, quickly snaps his eyes shut and slams the door closed.
“Are they gone?” Kris asks cautiously, arms still defensively covering his eyes.
Junmyeon ignores him and stumbles down the hallway instead, and into a storage closet. He fumbles with the cabinets, pulling out an assortment of paper towels and cleaning solutions.
Junmyeon then blunders back to the bathroom and back to Kris, grabbing a pen and post it of a counter on the way and scribbling in a barely legible font: Please clean up after yourselves. ☺
Then he bangs on the door twice before squinting his eyes shut. He opens the door and quickly deposits the cleaning supplies on the ground, laying the note on top of the pile, and closing the door with a snap.
“It’s closed,” Junmyeon yawns.
“But they’re still in there,” Kris frowns, slowly lowering his arms.
“They’ll clean up.” Junmyeon reassures Kris. “Or at least Kyungsoo will.”
“But…” Kris protests. “What if I wake up tomorrow and forget they’re there? Then I’ll have to see-“
“Stop being such a pussy,” Junmyeon grumbles, and wanders back to get another post it and some tape.
He roughly sketches the biohazard symbol in the center in red before writing “CAUTION” in bold at the top. Then he slaps it definitively against the door, taping it sloppily at the edges before turning and giving Kris a thumbs up.
“If the door’s open, and they’re not there in the morning,” Junmyeon snorts. “It’s safe.”
“Thanks,” Kris glares. “That’s not really helpful.”
“Whatever,” Junmyeon shrugs with callousness that was only possible under the influence of alcohol. He’s kind of done right now, his head is starting to pound, it’s three in the morning, and all he really wants to do is sleep. “Is Jongdae still here?”
“Yeah, I think.”
“Okay, that’s my ride.” Junmyeon begins to amble down the hall. “See you tomorrow, or today, or Monday, or whatever.”
“But,” Kris gestures wildly at the bathroom. “What about this?”
“Well unless you physically drag them out of there, I don’t think they’re leaving.”
“My rug.”
“No one cares,” Junmyeon stops for a moment then turns and pounds on the wall. “Hey kids, enjoy it now, because it’s going to fucking hell tomorrow.”
“I don’t even.”
“Oh,” Junmyeon pounds on the wall again. “And practice safe sex.”
“You’re not being helpful.”
“And try to avoid staining the rug,” Junmyeon calls. “If you guys could. Kris would appreciate.”
Kris lets out an odd gargling sound.
“No need to thank me,” Junmyeon then turns around begins to make his way down the hall, and lifts a hand into the air, waving it unsympathetically, “These have been friendly Public Service Announcements from Junmyeon.”
~◙~
|| episode 7 ||
Ratin PG-13
Word Coun 1,600...or something
Pairing Baekyeol, Kaisoo
Summary office!au] Twelve guys and one software startup. Baekhyun’s that new guy, Chanyeol's the guy who falls for the new guy, Kyungsoo has pedo problems, Junmyeon's the oblivious CEO, Kris is the cutthroat CFO, Yixing’s out to get more vacation time, Tao’s a receptionist (sorta), Minseok is a closeted romantic, Jongin’s the intern that actually does stuff, Sehun’s the intern that doesn’t, and Luhan and Jongdae just like messing around.
The cool of the kitchen tile against his cheek feels nice, Junmyeon decides after some light-headed drunken deliberation. Though it’s really the one of the two feelings Junmyeon can comprehend, second to the fuzzy numbness that seems to tinge all of his senses. He begins to trace patterns on the floor with a numb finger, first a smiley face, next a demented pineapple, before growing tired and allowing his hand to flop limply against the ground.
It feels really nice, Junmyeon thinks again. He’d even go as far as call it comfortable, and he wonders torpidly why adobe clay isn’t a popular material for pillows. It would be pretty damn comfortable, Junmyeon contemplates as he rubs his cheek into the ground, finding a good position for the angle of his neck before he lethargically curls up and attempts to slip into sleep.
“Hey.”
Junmyeon frowns. It’s an impatient tone he really doesn’t want to hear right now, followed by a light kick to his shin he really doesn’t want to feel right now. He slowly curls into a defensive ball and shields his face in an ostrich attempt to make things go away. Maybe if he can’t see it, it doesn’t exist.
“Hey, Junmyeon. I need your help.”
“How…about no.” Junmyeon whimpers.
“It’s not a question.”
Junmyeon slowly uncovers his face and cracks his eyes open, letting in the light and a blurry image of a displeased Kris.
“Whaddyu want,” Junmyeon groaned, shutting his eyes again.
“I need to save my bathroom rug,” Kris stares down at Junmyeon imposingly. “From stains.”
Junmyeon blinks for a good minute before creasing his face into a frown. “…what?”
“Jongin and Kyungsoo are in the bathroom.”
“So?” Junmyeon rubs his eyes.
“Jongin and Kyungsoo are in the bathroom,” Kris repeats slowly. “And there’s a very expensive rug right next to the sink. I need to prevent stains.”
Junmyeon frowns again, contorting his face into an awkward scowl as he attempts to comprehend Kris’ words. He gives up after a second, unable to make any meaning out of vague hints. He’s too drunk for this.
“Tell them to sit down when they piss,” Junmyeon yawns before settling back into a sleeping position. “Reduces splashing…probably…I don’t know…what are you asking me to do...and why are they in there together anyway?”
“You don’t get it do you,” Kris kicks Junmyeon in the shin again.
“Ow,” Junmyeon winces. “No…I don’t. Just…let me go to sleep.”
“They’re…how do I say this,” Kris taps his head for a moment before he rolls his eyes and sighs. “drunk fucking. In my bathroom, and I want them out.”
“Okay, nope, you’re…definitely on your own,” Junmyeon really doesn’t want to deal with this right now, and closes his eyes defiantly “Good night.”
“Nope,” Kris bends down with a sigh, picks up one of Junmyeon’s arms and begins to drag him relentlessly towards the hall. “You’re coming with me.”
“…whatever,” Junmyeon lets his eyes slide closed, slipping away from consciousness as the cool tile runs along his cheek.
“Uhh…whoops,” Kris sarcastically apologizes as he turns, allowing Junmyeon’s head to clip against the foot of a chair.
“Ow,” Junmyeon groans.
“Whoops…again,” Kris steps over an empty glass bottle, allowing Junmyeon’s head to ram straight into it.
“Ow,” Junmyeon groans again, wincing both at the pain in his head and the sharp sound of the bottle clattering against the tile.
“This one’s going to hurt,” Kris preemptively warns as he takes a sharp right around down the hall, allowing Junmyeon to swing and hit the wall hard.
“Oh…fuck you,” Junmyeon groans a third time, rubbing his head with his free hand.
“In this situation, I can’t even make a joke out of that,” Kris mutters, giving one last tug to Junmyeon before stopping and dropping his arm. “We’re here.”
“That’s nice,” Lying face-down in front of the bathroom door, Junmyeon lets his arm flop limply to the ground.
“Do something about this,” Kris hisses and gestures towards the bathroom door.
“I feel like…we were in a similar situation a week ago,” Junmyeon mumbles. “And no, this is your bathroom.”
“You’re the CEO.”
“We already went over this,” Junmyeon squints up at Kris. “Not in my job description. Just use what we learned from last week’s deal.”
“Like what? All I took away from that is that Baekhyun and Chanyeol sound like dogs in heat when they play Warcraft.”
“Well, there you go,” Junmyeon rolls over and nestles his head into the ground.
“That makes no sense,” Kris looks down at Junmyeon with an expression that somewhat resembled pleadingly. “Help out a friend?”
“Ugh, fine” Junmyeon turns to the door and raises a fist.
There’s an assortment of sounds coming from the bathroom that Junmyeon’s too muddled to decipher, and when he bangs on the door a few times, everything falls silent.
“Heeeeeeeey,” Junmyeon calls blearily. “Kris would like two you to stop fucking in the bathroom.”
“What the fuck are you doing,” Kris hisses.
“This is a friendly Public Service Announcement from Junmyeon,” Junmyeon lets his hand fall to the ground.
“No,” Kris kicks Junmyeon’s shin again. “I want you to get them out of there.”
“Augh,” Junmyeon curls an arm around his legs. “Could you not do that? I kind of need these…to walk.”
“Then get them out of there.”
“Why aren’t you doing this again?”
“I don’t feel like it.”
“…What?”
“Just do it,” Kris lifts his leg back.
“Okay, okay,” Junmyeon, not in the frame of mind to argue, braces himself against the ground and gingerly lifts himself up. Scratching his hair and yawning, he bangs against the door again, “Kris would like you two to exit the bathroom.”
There’s no response, and Junmyeon waits a minute before he presses his ear against the door. He’s met by more silence.
“Are you sure they’re in there still?” Junmyeon turns around to face Kris.
“Yes.”
“Really?” Junmyeon reaches down towards the knob.
“Oh,” Kris shields his eyes with his arm. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
And Junmyeon instantly regrets it as he pushes the door open and with a shock, gets an eyeful of more Jongin and Kyungsoo, and Jongin with Kyungsoo, than he’s ever cared to see. Junmyeon, now significantly sober, or at least alert, quickly snaps his eyes shut and slams the door closed.
“Are they gone?” Kris asks cautiously, arms still defensively covering his eyes.
Junmyeon ignores him and stumbles down the hallway instead, and into a storage closet. He fumbles with the cabinets, pulling out an assortment of paper towels and cleaning solutions.
Junmyeon then blunders back to the bathroom and back to Kris, grabbing a pen and post it of a counter on the way and scribbling in a barely legible font: Please clean up after yourselves. ☺
Then he bangs on the door twice before squinting his eyes shut. He opens the door and quickly deposits the cleaning supplies on the ground, laying the note on top of the pile, and closing the door with a snap.
“It’s closed,” Junmyeon yawns.
“But they’re still in there,” Kris frowns, slowly lowering his arms.
“They’ll clean up.” Junmyeon reassures Kris. “Or at least Kyungsoo will.”
“But…” Kris protests. “What if I wake up tomorrow and forget they’re there? Then I’ll have to see-“
“Stop being such a pussy,” Junmyeon grumbles, and wanders back to get another post it and some tape.
He roughly sketches the biohazard symbol in the center in red before writing “CAUTION” in bold at the top. Then he slaps it definitively against the door, taping it sloppily at the edges before turning and giving Kris a thumbs up.
“If the door’s open, and they’re not there in the morning,” Junmyeon snorts. “It’s safe.”
“Thanks,” Kris glares. “That’s not really helpful.”
“Whatever,” Junmyeon shrugs with callousness that was only possible under the influence of alcohol. He’s kind of done right now, his head is starting to pound, it’s three in the morning, and all he really wants to do is sleep. “Is Jongdae still here?”
“Yeah, I think.”
“Okay, that’s my ride.” Junmyeon begins to amble down the hall. “See you tomorrow, or today, or Monday, or whatever.”
“But,” Kris gestures wildly at the bathroom. “What about this?”
“Well unless you physically drag them out of there, I don’t think they’re leaving.”
“My rug.”
“No one cares,” Junmyeon stops for a moment then turns and pounds on the wall. “Hey kids, enjoy it now, because it’s going to fucking hell tomorrow.”
“I don’t even.”
“Oh,” Junmyeon pounds on the wall again. “And practice safe sex.”
“You’re not being helpful.”
“And try to avoid staining the rug,” Junmyeon calls. “If you guys could. Kris would appreciate.”
Kris lets out an odd gargling sound.
“No need to thank me,” Junmyeon then turns around begins to make his way down the hall, and lifts a hand into the air, waving it unsympathetically, “These have been friendly Public Service Announcements from Junmyeon.”
~◙~
|| episode 7 ||