Office Antics, Episode 9, part II

[sutecha]

|| part one ||

Episode 9: At Wit's End, part II

| the fools of april |

“This is the last fucking time I let you get near my car,” Kyungsoo hears Jongin hiss, the door slamming behind him with a definitive thud.

“Well, I mean technically you didn’t let me near your car,” Sehun’s amused tone floats through the hallway. “I went there myself. During fifth period actually. “

“I’m never giving you a ride again.”

“Well I have my own license…so…”

“Never,” Jongin glowers as he strides into view, plainly glaring at Sehun. “Again.”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” Sehun stops at his own cubicle, hands defensively up and car keys swinging from his fingers.

“No,” Jongin shakes his head. “You’re not.”

“Uh…okay. I guess I’m not.”

“I hope it was worth it.”

“It was,” Sehun laughs again. “Okay you gotta admit that it was at least slightly funny.”

“You try cutting through eight layers of half-melted seran wrapping shit for an hour, and then come back and tell me to my face that it’s funny.”

“Okay then it’s slightly funny for me.”

“What’s funny?” Kyungsoo interjects, his curiosity thoroughly piqued.

“This,” Sehun pulls out his phone, pulls up a photo and hands it to Kyungsoo.

It’s a shot of Jongin’s car balled up in swathes of seran wrap, enough to look eight layers think, with an extremely pissed-off appearing Jongin stooping at the edge with a pair of scissors, plainly unamused and fruitlessly attempting to hack at the bottom.

“Half. Fucking. Melted,” Jongin growls. “There are still pieces of shit stuck to my car.”

“Okay, look, you got me back,” Sehun flicks the screen, revealing a picture of Sehun’s own ride plus a classy addition of a gigantic recycling bin and trash can perilously perched on the roof. “Especially when the seagulls starting swarming.”

“Deserved it,” Jongin drops his backpack on the ground with a thump loud enough to make Kyungsoo cringe.

“Seagulls are shitting machines,” Sehun continues, wrinkling his nose. “That uric acid is not going to be good for the paint.”

“Don’t care,” Jongin shrugs as he makes his way to his chair, tripping slightly over his backpack on the way.

“Hey Jongin, oops careful…” Kyungsoo winces, holding out a wary hand as Jongin hops awkwardly over to his chair as he tries to regain balance. “Also, you might not want to sit on-“

“Huh?” Jongin looks up just as he’s about to put his weight on the chair. A split-second later, the chair collapses with Jongin in it, screws and hard plastic pieces bouncing and rolling across the carpeted floor.

“-that, oops,” Kyungsoo hurries to pull Jongin off the ground. “Luhan messed with the chair earlier and I was going to tell you.”

“Happy April Fools Day, Jongin,” Luhan pops up over the divider and hi-fives Sehun.

“I should have expected this,” Jongin groans as he picks himself off the floor, grasping Kyungsoo’s outstretched hand in his own warm one and hoisting himself up. “Thanks Kyungsoo.”

“At least spare the interns,” Kyungsoo mildly chides Luhan.

“I did, I went easy on them,” Luhan grins, drumming his fingers against the top of Kyungsoo’s cubicle. “Well, comparatively. I was pretty mean to Tao.”

Jongin’s still holding onto Kyungsoo’s hand as he distractedly looks over Kyungsoo at Baekhyun’s door, seemingly forgetting about his fingers being loosely wrapped around Kyungsoo’s palm, comfortably linking their extremities together.

“Where is Tao by the way?” Kyungsoo peers over at the empty receptionist desk.

“He went home.”

“Feeling sick?”

“Kind of?” Luhan bobbles his head from side to side. “I changed his desktop to a bloody ghost picture and he nearly had a heart attack. I’m surprised you didn’t hear him.”

“Oh. I stepped out for a bit earlier.”

“Hah, you probably missed it then. I didn’t know his voice register could go that high. And like,” Luhan jabs a thumb in the direction of Baekhyun’s office. “I mean I could have done something like that.”

Kyungsoo turns around to find Baekhyun’s door sealed shut, completely strapped shut with vertical silver duct tape strips, from floor to the top of the doorframe, and Kyungsoo can hear the rattling of a door handle and Baekhyun’s confused voice, faint and muffled from the other side, “What the…”

And then there’s a succession of violent thuds followed by a horrible ripping sound as Baekhyun forces the door open on the fourth slam, the vicious separation of duct tape from wall ripping off a few substantial chunks of paint in the process. Kyungsoo jumps slightly and to his slight disappointment, Jongin lets his hand slip away.

“Ooo,” Luhan grimaces as he cracks an eye open. “Kris and Junmyeon are not going to be happy about that.”

Without even so much as a glance at the wreckage, Baekhyun stretches, cracking his neck and a few fingers before stalking out of his office to view the rest of Luhan’s messy masterpiece. He flicks a few of the tape-ends hanging from his door with his fingers before staring impassively at Luhan.

“Impressive work,” Baekhyun nods nonchalantly, pursing his lips somewhat threateningly as he brushes off dust from his polo.

“Thanks,” Luhan nods back at Baekhyun, and waves at the tape destruction hanging on his doorframe. “You’re not bad yourself.”

“Thirteen years of hapkido tends to do that for you,” Baekhyun smiles, lips curling up menacingly as he reaches out a hand and yanks a strip of duct tape off the doorframe with a swift snap of his wrist.

“Annnd,” Luhan sucks in a breath, air whistling loudly between his teeth. “Taping your door will never happen again.”

“That would be nice. Really nice.” Baekhyun gives another tight-lipped grin, expression not quite meeting his eyes as he balls up the tape wad and throws it into his trash bin with a vindictive flair before stalking back into his cave.

“Minseok got me good this morning though,” Luhan turns back to Kyungsoo as Baekhyun steps back into his office. Luhan sighs, subtly lifting his arm and sniffing the air. “He somehow changed my deodorant to a block of cream cheese when he was over yesterday.”

“Oh you fell for it?” Minseok excitedly clamors to his doorway, lips pulling into a gummy smile and as he pumps a fist into the air. “Yeesss, score!”

“How…how did you not notice…?” Kyungsoo asks, scrunching his eyebrows in confusion.

“I was tired this morning,” Luhan snorts defensively, putting his arm down and wrinkling his nose. “Cream cheese to the pits-2 out of 10, seriously would not recommend.”

“I’d like to thank the internet for the idea.”

Luhan laments loudly, “Not even original.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

“Oh, by the way,” Minseok leans out into the hall. “How were you suggesting I increase the speed of my computer? Something about control and…?”

“Control, F4,” Luhan calls over his shoulder.

“Okay, thanks!” Minseok disappears back into his office.

“Wow, you’re mean,” Kyungsoo wrinkles his nose.

A second later Minseok returns, a little angrier, “It just closed the window I was in.”

“Oh sorry,” Luhan grins ruefully. “You first have to delete system 32 to get it to work?”

“How do you do that?”

“Google it.”

Minseok looks up at the ceiling, bobbing his head as he appears to be committing the instructions to memory, muttering, “delete system 32….”

“I’m going to step in right here and tell you probably don’t want to do that,” Junmyeon sticks his head out of his office and shakes his head slowly.

Minseok pauses, “Why?”

Junmyeon sighs, “Deleting system 32 basically gets rid of all of your pc’s core components. Basically, you’re deleting the computer itself. It’ll shut down and you won’t be about to boot it back up. You won’t be able to do anything with it.”

“Luhan…” Minseok growls. “Is that true?”

“…yes?” Luhan grins ruefully. “Eye for an eye?”

“Since when is destroying my hard drive equivalent to the unpleasantness of cream cheese in your armpit?”

“Well I knew you weren’t actually going to go through with it,” Luhan grins widely. “You’re too…smart…for that? And in the relatively probable event that you weren’t, I would have stopped you.”

“Too smart for that huh?” Minseok looks satisfied for a minute before a look of realization dawns on his expression. “Hey…wait…that sounded like an interrogative-”

“Well more like possibly stopped you. On a good day,” Luhan speaks over Minseok, jokingly biting his lip. “Is today a good day?”

“Just possibly?!” Minseok’s voice squeaks slightly.

“No, it hasn’t really been a good day,” Luhan ignores Minseok and muses, staring at his thumb for a second before showing Kyungsoo. “I jammed my finger so hard in my front door this morning that it’s gone all purple and shit. Might even lose the nail.”

“What does this have to do with anything?!” Minseok indignantly squeaks.

“I’m trying to determine the likelihood that I would have helped you,” Luhan raises a finger to his lips sticks his non-injured hand in his back pocket. Suddenly his face lights up, he fiddles for a second and slips out a twenty-dollar bill, “Well fancy meeting you here Andrew Jackson.”

“…What?”

“Andrew Jackson’s on the twenty dollar bill,” Luhan looks confused and holds up the bill. “Don’t tell me you’ve never seen a twenty…”

“Yes I’ve seen it, and I know that,” Minseok snapped. “What I don’t get is how it’s related.”

“Okay, since I just found money in my pocket, my day’s been made exponentially better and subsequently the likelihood of me helping you just been bumped up to a solid ‘probably’. I ‘probably’ would have stopped you.”

“Probably?!”

“Fine,” Luhan sighs, slightly exasperated. “Yes, I would have. Happy?”

“No.” Minseok crosses his arms. “You don’t sound like you mean it.”

“Oh come on.”

“Com on and what, give you a break?” Minseok grows more indignant by the second. “We are talking about you nearly destroying my livelihood here, I was working on important stuff-”

“Everything on your hard drive automatically gets backed up like every 10 minutes here, and system restore would have taken care of it anyway if you fixed it immediately,” Luhan interrupts Minseok, waving his hand around the office. “The most you would have lost is the time spent reinstalling the operating system. Like half-an-hour. Not a huge deal. It’s not like you have a lot of work anyway.”

“I-I do-“

“Hey Kyungsoo,” Yixing appears behind Luhan, interrupting Minseok. “I think I’m going to take the day off early, but I just sent you some stuff to look over. Like diagrams for the revamped internal messaging system and stuff.”

“Okay, sure, I think I got a notification for the email,” Kyungsoo rolls his chair over to his computer. “Why are you leaving?”

“This guy,” Yixing lightly smacks Luhan. “Filled my entire room with packing peanuts, about a foot deep. I can’t function at all so I’m going to work from home until it gets cleaned up.”

“Pretty good wasn’t it?” Luhan grin evilly. “I am enjoying this April Fools.”

“Evidently. But you better watch out, you’re not making many friends today,“ Yixing comments dryly. “On the same tangent….how is Chanyeol doing?”

“I was talking-“ Minseok attempts to interject.

“Haven’t seen him for the last hour,” Luhan cranes his neck in the direction of Chanyeol’s office, “but I don’t think he’s noticed yet.”

“How can you tell?”

“You guys-“ Minseok tries again.

“It’d be…louder,” Luhan muttered. “I feel like.”

“What’d you do to Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo glances from Luhan to Yixing to Chanyeol’s open door.

“Hey,” Minseok blurts. “Don’t just ignore me.”

“Okay, look, I’m sorry Minseok, from the bottom of my heart,” Luhan taps the right side of his chest.

“Your heart is on the other side,” Minseok rolls his eyes.

“Oh, right.” Luhan quickly taps the left side, ears tinged with the lightest shade of embarrassment pink. “Again, I’m sorry from the bottom of my heart.”

“Oh really.”

“Really,” Luhan nods. “Only from right ventricle though, not the left one. Because the right one sends out productive blood cells, you know, wouldn’t really be representative of you, if you know what I mean-”

“I feel like you’re insinuating something about that I don’t quite like here,” Minseok scowls. “But I can’t quite figure it out because it’s such a crappy analogy.”

“-no it’s a brilliant analogy-but at least be appreciative I didn’t do that to you,” Luhan starts snickering for a little bit, pointing at Chanyeol’s office covering his face with his hand, trying to calm himself between giggles before he doubles over and loses himself to full blown laughter.

“Didn’t do what?” Minseok looks around.

Suddenly Kyungsoo gets his answer as Chanyeol bursts out of his office moaning and frantically waving his phone, “Okay who changed all of the names of my contacts to ‘LOLWTFBBQ’?”

Luhan just ducks behind the cubicles, still convulsing in amusement.

“Shit you guys,” Chanyeol moans, a hapless smile plastered on his face. “Please.”

“Doesn’t he…have some really important business contacts on there?” Kyungsoo asks carefully.

“Yeah, but I wouldn’t be too worried about it,” Yixing remarked calmly, forearm resting on the divider.

“Okay guys,” Chanyeol grabs his hair. “Hah hah, Happy April Fools, you got me pretty good, but I have to call a client in 20 minutes, so please undo it.”

Yixing peers down at Luhan, “You saved all of real names, didn’t you?”

“Yup,” Luhan wipes a tear of mirth from his eye and pulls out a list triumphantly. “I probably should go fix it now, don’t want him to actually miss a call.”

“Wow, you’re actually being thoughtful,” Yixing raises a brow.

“Aren’t I?” Luhan folds the piece of paper neatly in half. “Well it’s that, and the fact that Chanyeol’s ability to close a deal is directly related to me getting paid. So...”

“Sooooo thoughtful,” Yixing mutters sarcastically.

“It’s about maintaining my financial security,” Luhan grins before loping off to Chanyeol’s office. “So, thoughtful, yes.”

“Thoughtful about yourself.”

As Kyungsoo watches Luhan stick his head through Chanyeol’s open door, a low grumble grabs his attention, rumbling from the vicinity of Kris’s office. There’s a slight scuffling sound, the irritated wave of plastic against wood and another low grouse before the less-than-light tap of a computer mouse against desk.

The pattern continues, the grumblings slowly escalating into disgruntled growls and the irritate taps beating louder until they’re full-on slams of plastic against wood. Kyungsoo cautiously peeks over his divider just in time to see Kris abruptly stand up from his chair, yank his mouse out of his computer in with a violent jerk and stalk over to the main floor holding the apparatus by the end of its wire like some sort of desk-job flail.

“Okay, who fucked with my mouse? It barely works anymore,” Kris swings the device forward, accidently hitting the doorway with a clatter and causing the mouse to ricochet off his leg. “Ow.”

He’s answered with a momentary silence, his audience’s attention rapt just for a few seconds before the low lull of conversation resumes.

“I’d like an answer because I know it’s April Fool’s day, but some people,” Kris grabs the body of the mouse and flails it in the air. “Are trying to get work done.”

Still no one responds, and the sound of Junmyeon’s door swinging shut in the background fills the silence.

“And if you hadn’t guessed,” Kris continues, brows knitting together. “That person would be me.”

“Hey Kris,” Yixing lifts a finger, inching towards Kris. “One second.”

“Oh,” Kris turns and glares at Yixing. “So you’re responsible?”

“Well no, but there’s a-“

“Then whatever you’re going to say is irrelevant,” Kris looks back at the rest of the office. “Doing shit to my mouse doesn’t move anything forward-”

“-I think I know what the problem is,“ Yixing reaches for the mouse. “Just hand me the mouse-“

“I bet you guys like wrote a script of something to inhibit the mouse, and somehow installed it onto my computer when I was away-“

“No I don’t think it’s a script, Kris, stop moving for like just a moment-” Yixing attempts to grab the swinging mouse, only to be successfully smacked between the eyes with the plastic apparatus. “Ow.”

“You know if you all just spent half the time you spend goofing off on productive things, we’d be a lot further-“ Kris flails the mouse again.

“-okay you can ignore me but just look at the bottom of your mouse, whoa, dude-“ Yixing interjects, clutching his head and narrowly dodging another swing.

“Be quiet Yixing,” Kris spares Yixing a split second glance before resuming his preaching. “Really guys it’s irritating.”

“Kris, like listen for one sec-” Yixing attempts another swipe, missing and grabbing empty air again. “-your mouse-“

“We’re going to need to set some parameters on this type of funny business, and maybe introduce some disciplinary measures or something.”

“Kris-“

“I mean seriously, you guys are like a bunch of kids-“ Kris swings and accidently hits Yixing with a solid-sounding smack to the eye with the mouse.

“AUGH KRIS,” Yixing suddenly yells, covering half of his face with his hand.

“WHAT?” Kris jumps.

“JUST GIVE ME THE MOUSE.”

Kris, thoroughly startled, slowly holds up the mouse. Yixing rips it out of his fingers with a glare, blinking and shaking his head slightly, he hisses, “Fucking ow that last one hurt.”

“…sorry.”

“What I’ve been trying to tell you for the better part of five minutes is that this thing,” Yixing quickly rips off something off the bottom of the mouse, and waves it in front of Kris’s confusion-wrought face before promptly and brusquely slapping it onto the middle his forehead. “Is the reason why it’s not working. There was a piece of scotch tape stuck over the sensor.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Absolutely nothing hi-tech,” Yixing places a hand over his eye.” You didn’t think someone would spend that much time on you, did you?”

Kris peels off the tape, analyzes it for a second before pointing around wildly. “So someone did fuck around with my mouse. Who did it?”

“Probably no one,” Yixing shakes his head, and leans against the wall. “More likely than anything you had that piece lying face up and accidently put your mouse on top of it.”

“Oh,” Kris looks back down and the tape. “Huh.”

“Yeah.” Yixing winces. “Ah dammit I think I’m going to need ice for my eye.”

“Huh,” Kris looks down, biting his lip. “Uh…sorry again. And is it...okay?”

“Yes, you should be sorry,” Yixing uncovers his eye, a slight swell already framing the region. “And that’s not a smart question, does it look okay?”

“Ouch,” Kris winces and sucks in a breath. “I’m sorry, like actually sorry.”

“As opposed to being what kind of sorry? Yixing quips as he squints his eye.

“Uh,” Kris looks around the room as he evades the question. “Do you…want me to get ice?”

“No, not at all,” Yixing begins to totter towards the conference room. “You’ve done more than enough today. Just go back into your office before you embarrass yourself further. Please.”

“Huh,” Kris mutters for a third time as he begins to back into his office, pausing for a second to lob another round of apologies. “Uh. Sorry again. Really sorry.”

“Mhm sure.” Yixing calls over his shoulder as he enters the break room before muttering, “Ow, shit, ow.”

“Well, carry on then,” Kris slightly retreats, hiding behind the door as he calls down the hall. “I really am sorry.”

“Whatever,” Yixing’s angry grumble echoes down the hallway just after Kris shuts his door. “Also you fucking suck Luhan.”

“What did I do?” Luhan gasps, slapping a splayed hand on his chest.

“You asked me for scotch tape earlier, don’t think I can’t put two and two together,” Yixing leans out of the doorframe, icepack slapped over his face and glares, pointing two fingers at his eyes and then at Luhan, “I’m watching you.”

Luhan just snickers for a moment before copying Yixing’s motion, except he only points to one eye with his index finger, “Sorry, but, wouldn’t this be more accurate?”

“Oh, sorry, yeah,” Yixing mimics Luhan with his middle finger, finishing gesture lingering in the air long enough to make Yixing’s message apparent before he stalks back through the break room door.

•
-sent 12:12pm, april 1-
Yixing: i’ve gathered you all here today
Yixing: in this group text
Yixing: because we have endured this oppression for far too long.
Yixing: he has struck down 11 of our finest men
Kyungsoo: He hasn’t pranked me yet.
Yixing: he has struck down 10 of our finest men
Kyungsoo: Or Sehun either, actually.
Yixing: he has struck down 9 of our finest men.
Kyungsoo: Has he pranked you Jongdae?
Jongdae: nope
Yixing: goshdamn
Yixing: he has struck down
Yixing: some
Yixing: of our finest men
Kyungsoo: Okay.
Yixing: the time for revolution is nigh
Yixing: this is a call to arms
Minseok: why are you being so dramatic
Yixing: lol idk
Yixing: we shud do sumting u guise
Minseok: just kidding, please go back to how you were typing before
Yixing: 2 lat
Minseok: im going to leave if you don’t, this is burning my eyes out
Minseok: literally
Yixing: as an English major you should be the one that knows that it isn’t literally burning your eyes out, because then your eyes
Yixing: physically would be burned & as cool as it would be that my words had the ability to scorch flesh, im not entirely sure that’s
Yixing: accurate.
Minseok: the times have changed man, the dictionaries have amended the definition of literally
Yixing: you lie
Minseok: nope.
Minseok: via Oxford dictionary, literally is “informally used for emphasis or to express strong feeling while not being literally true”
Minseok: boom
Yixing: this is a crime
Minseok: no, this is the EVOLUTION OF LANGUAGE

-sent 12:44pm, april 1-
Baekhyun: what was the point of this group text again
Jongdae: i’m kind of curious as well
Chanyeol: me too
Jongdae: technically, Chanyeol, “me three”
Chanyeol: what?
Jongdae: you’re the third person, hence me “three”
Chanyeol: huh.
Chanyeol: is this actually a thing?
Jongdae: yea, get with the times bro
Chanyeol: me three.
Baekhyun: so what was the point of this group text again
Yixing: oh. I thought I should assemble the ranks for an organized rebellion against Luhan
Yixing: his pranks have gone too far
Yixing: so we need to get him back
Minseok: sounds good
Chanyeol: im for it
Jongdae: k
Baekhyun: count me in too
Chanyeol: I think you mean “four”
Baekhyun: huh?
Chanyeol: like you’re the fourth person
Chanyeol: so four
Chanyeol: count me in, “four”
Baekhyun: …uhm…
Chanyeol: nm, im sorry
Jongdae: u should be srry

-sent 12:50pm, april 1-
Yixing: so any proposals?
Chanyeol: how about we change all the contacts in his phone
Yixing: that’s boring, it’s already been done
Chanyeol: ):
Jongdae: how about seran wrap the urinals, so like when he tries takes a piss he can’t
Baekhyun: I can see that backfiring really badly
Jongdae: how so?
Baekhyun: what if I need to relieve myself in the middle of the day
Jongdae: there’s a bathroom down in the lobby
Baekhyun: what if Luhan doesn’t notice and it gets all over the floor
Jongdae: that’s disgusting
Baekhyun: exactly
Baekhyun: so let’s just not
Kyungsoo: im not a fan of the bathroom prank either
Kyungsoo: didn’t he drive his cousin’s vw bug to work today?
Jongdae: I think so
Yixing: were you thinking of what im now thinking
Kyungsoo: there’s only one thing worthwhile for a vw bug prank
Minseok: hah, this is so mean
Minseok: meet in fifteen?
Baekhyun: I’ll bring tools
Chanyeol: I’ll bring drinks
Jongdae: and I, my razor sharp wit
Minseok: please leave that at home

-sent 1:01pm, april 1-
Baekhyun: how are we distracting him?
Kyungsoo: I think he’s out right now, but let me check.
Kyungsoo: Yes, he’s out.
Baekhyun: cool
Jongdae: doing what?
Kyungsoo: Jongin says he went out for lunch.
Jongdae: And he didn’t invite us? What a prick.
Baekhyun: wow they’re out of school for the day already?
Kyungsoo: They had a Minimum Day today.
Kyungsoo: And Jongin says Sehun took Luhan out to lunch.
Jongdae: Oh.
Jongdae: looooooooooooooooool.
Baekhyun: lol
Minseok: lol

-sent 12:05pm, april 1-
Yixing: commence retribution

•

Not that this was a date (to Luhan’s knowledge), but if it had been one, Luhan might have dumped Sehun purely due to his driving skills. If course it had been partially his fault since he had been the one trusting enough to accept Sehun’s offer to drive. In his defense, the allure of obtaining burritos with minimum effort had clouded his better judgment, and so he had happily pranced after Sehun into the parking lot with no qualms.

It was rocky right from the beginning, when a mere heartbeat after the words, I am a good driver, had left Sehun’s lips, he had smashed his car into the parking lot’s bordering chain-link fence.

(“Are you a good driver?” Luhan asked, only halfway jokingly.

“I think so,” Sehun said, wrinkling his nose as he turned on his ignition.

“Think so?” Luhan teased, watching Sehun as he changed the gears.

“I mean I passed the license test,” Sehun muttered, putting a hand behind Luhan’s chair and twisted around to check his blind spots.

“That’s generally good to hear from someone behind the wheel.”

“Fine,” Sehun rolled his eyes before pressing down on the gas pedal. “I am a good driver.”

“Hey,” Luhan enunciated, just noticing that the gear was set unsettlingly to drive rather than reverse. “I think you’re in-“

The subsequent clanging jangle of car against rusty twisted metal had crushed a small part of Luhan’s car-loving soul.)

There were other small things that concerned Luhan, like Sehun’s tendency to go twenty-five miles over the speed limit without noticing.

(“We’re going a little fast, don’t you think?” Luhan raised a brow, staring at the speedometer needle, his knuckles glowing white as he held onto the door handle for something close to dear life.

Sehun had followed Luhan’s gaze before balking, “Oh shit, I’m going 95.”

“How did you not even notice?!” Luhan had said, clutching his seatbelt with his other hand as Sehun tapped (Sehun’s opinion)/slammed (Luhan’s opinion) on the breaks.

“Car drives very smoothly?” Sehun shrugged sheepishly.)

Of course some of it had been Luhan’s fault, He had never been a direction-savvy guy, and even if it was the most logical thing to do given his passenger-seat status, it really had been a mistake to put him in charge of navigation.

(“Turn left up here,” Luhan looked up from his phone and pointed at the stop sign.

“Okay,” Sehun hit the merge signal as he looks over his left shoulder.

“Turn left,” Luhan repeated, slight urgency seeping into his tone.

“Yeah,” Sehun glanced at Luhan as the car rolled closer to the intersection. “That’s where I’m going.”

“Turn left, I said turn left,” Luhan said with blatant irritation. “You’re in the wrong lane.”

“I am in the left lane,” Sehun raised a hand and pointed it at the intersection. “It’s not the left lane?!”

“No, it’s no-” Luhan looks up from the directions on his phone for a moment, squinting into the distance before he realizes, “oh, my bad, I meant the right lane.”

“Really?” Sehun lightly hammered his head against the wheel.

“I’m bad with directions, okay?”

“Getting right and left confused is not the same.”)

But somehow, between Sehun’s behind-the-wheel obliviousness and Luhan’s inability to navigate even the back of his hand, they had successfully made it to their destination and were currently sitting down at a rickety table, happily chewing on the purpose of their journey.

Something Luhan had never seen before was Sehun’s incredible ability to raze down food, and so he sits, slightly stunned in silence as Sehun takes the first half of his meal to town, finishing it off in roughly four well-placed bites.

“So,” Luhan mumbles as he brings a napkin up to his own face, watching with fascination as Sehun demolishes his burrito. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much,” Sehun mutters as he goes in for another bite, awkwardly stooping over his burrito.

“Ah, cool,” Luhan nods awkwardly as he watches with a bit of fascination as Sehun demolishes his burrito. After a minute, the solitary sound of munching gets too uncomfortable to bear, and Luhan awkwardly tries again, “So what did you get?”

Sehun looks up briefly, mumbling through a particularly large bite. “Al Pastor.”

“What’s that?”

“Pork,” Sehun manages to cough before he restarts his meal siege. “Marinated pork.”

In three more bites, Sehun is done, sighing contentedly as he wipes off his face and balls up the remnants of aluminum foil into a post-burrito golf ball. Luhan blinks for moment, glancing down at his watch only to find out that five minutes had passed, then looking back up to Sehun in mild concern.

“Anything wrong?” Sehun pauses mid-stretch, eyebrow cocked and shirt subtly exposing midriff. Not that Luhan goes out of his way to look for these things, but Sehun had a nice torso.

“Nope,” Luhan shakes his head slowly and stares back down at the majority of a burrito he had left. “Just you’re going to have to be here for a while because unlike you I can’t inhale my food.”

“No worries,” Sehun laughs. “Everyone tells me that, especially my friend Kr-“

Suddenly Sehun grunts as linked hands drape themselves around his neck and pull him slightly back, and the face of a pretty girl appears on his right (or was it left?) side shoulder.

“Hi,” she giggles. “What are you doing here?”

“Eating, what does it look like,” Sehun motions to the table. His tone isn’t unkind, rather it’s enduring, and he tops it off with a slight grin.

A bit of apprehension begins to simmer at the base of Luhan’s stomach as the girl takes a hand and lightly smacks Sehun in the head. Apprehension towards what, exactly, was something that Luhan was loath to admit even to himself.

“I know that,” she rolls her eyes.

“Then why’d you ask?”

“You didn’t invite me,” she pouts. “I thought we were friends.”

“More like you didn’t invite me,” Sehun throws his hands up in the air. “You were already driving out the parking lot before I even got to my car.”

“I thought you had work,” she pulls back slightly to aim an accusatory glare at Sehun. “And I kind of didn’t want to wait for you to clean your car.”

“I do! This is a lunch break,” Sehun mumbles. He glances up at Luhan as if just remembering that he was there, “Oh, Luhan, this is Krystal, a classmate of mine-“

“Classmate?” Krystal smacks Sehun in the head again, hard enough that he almost falls out of his seat.

“Ow,” Sehun groans, clutching his head. “What was that for?”

“I’ve been your friend since elementary school, douchebag, I think I deserve a title a little less distant than classmate.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Sehun holds up his hands in defense. “This is Krystal, a close friend of mine.”

“Oh but hi Luhan, I’m Krystal,” she suddenly changes her tone, extending a hand and shaking Luhan’s quite firmly.

“Hi,” Luhan says politely, hand slightly throbbing after she lets go. “Nice to meet you.”

“Same,” Krystal says as she flashes an attractive grin, but something in her eyes speaks differently. There’s a flash of something on Krystal’s face that Luhan can’t quite place. It’s not quite an expression, more like belaying an action, but it’s gone before Luhan can process it. She messes with Sehun’s hair fondly, “Well, I’d stay and chat more, but I’ve got to get going. Field hockey practice starts in thirty minutes.”

“They’re making you go to practice even on a minimum day?”

“Yeah,” She sighs. “Only varsity.”

“That blows,” Sehun pats her head sympathetically. “Say hi to Jinri for me-“

“Just say hi to me yourself,” another girl, assumedly Jinri, retorts as she strides past.

“Oh, oops, hi Jinri.”

“Bye, loser,” Jinri throws up a hand as she exits through the doors. “Let’s go, Krystal.”

“Okay,” Krystal calls. She pauses for a moment, carefully tucking a strand of Sehun’s hair behind his ear, eyes discreetly flicking towards Luhan, before patting Sehun on his shoulder. “See you tomorrow?”

“Yup,” Sehun waves Krystal off.

“Wow, she’s cute,” Luhan remarks offhandedly once Krystal’s out of earshot. “Hot, even.”

Sehun freezes for a second, before he cautiously asks, “You think that?”

“Yeah. You two would look good together,” Luhan stiffly nods as he tears off another strip of aluminum foil. Jealously wasn’t exactly the right word for what he was feeling. But uncomfortable didn’t quite cover it either, “Duuude. Total girlfriend material.”

Something like a weird mixture of relief and resigned disappointment flashes across Sehun’s face, and he quickly looks at his hands, “Oh.”

“She totally digs you too,” Luhan slaps Sehun on the shoulder.

“Naw, I don’t think so,” Sehun mutters. “She’s just a friend.”

“Dude, she totally does,” Luhan laughs loudly. “So when are you going to ask her out?”

Sehun looks up at Luhan for a moment, searching for something in his eyes before offering a noncommittal shrug.

•
The ride back is mostly quiet, silence only punctured by the occasional “do I turn here” brought forth by Sehun. A residual food coma was probably the main cause of Luhan’s lack of verbal interaction, but there was also a certain awkward tension strung through the air.

It was easily mendable, however, and after a few blurted anecdotes about dumb things that had happened in the office earlier in the day (like how they collectively tricked Junmyeon into playing the scary maze game, which resulted in Junmyeon punching his computer monitor nearly in half), Luhan easily had Sehun laughing into the curve of his hand.

Sehun’s amusement in particular was infectious, and so Luhan found himself snickering right besides him as they pulled into the parking lot, and even as they entered the office.

“Hey,” Yixing taps the cubical wall. “Have a nice lunch?”

“Yeah,” Luhan swivels around.

“Where’d you go?”

“That burrito place right off the expressway.”

“Oh that’s nice,” Yixing takes a swig from his mug. “Who drove?”

“Sehun did.”

“Very nice,” Yixing nods, aimlessly staring at a patch right next to Luhan’s shoulder.

“Yeah…” Luhan follows Yixing’s gaze. There’s nothing outstanding there, and so he turns back to Yixing, slightly confused, “So…do you need anything?”

“Nope,” Yixing shakes his head slowly, lower lip jutted out in a slight pout.

“Cool,” Luhan nods. “Don’t you have work?”

“Yeah,” Yixing yawns. “But I’m kind of tired, taking a break.”

“From what?”

“Oh, Assembly. “

“Like…the language?” Luhan furrows his brows. “But you don’t use it.”

“Oh no, no, no,” Yixing flicks a finger. “Physical assembly. Like the action of putting something together.”

“…what?”

“Say,” Yixing mumbles as he brings the hand with his mug to his face, “Have you seen your car recently?”

Suddenly a chill runs down Luhan’s spine and he bolts over to the nearest window. The space where his car should have been was empty, the telltale splotches from the car’s leaking coolant tank still dark against the pavement.

“What did you do?” Luhan whirs around.

Yixing stands there for a moment, bottom lip trembling before he breaks out in a full laugh, clutching his sides.

“What did you do?” Luhan stalks over to Yixing.

“Che…hahaha…check…haah…the restroom HAHA,” Yixing manages to wheeze before he doubles over again in mirth.

“The…restroom? But I’m asking about the car.”

“Just check it,” Baekhyun leans against his doorframe.

It’s obviously a prank, Luhan wasn’t stupid, and that makes him wary as he makes his way down the hall.

The eyes of the a majority of the office are on him at this point, a collective baited breath causing a hush to fall over the floor. Luhan’s eyes dart awkwardly as he approaches he door, hand outstretched and psyche braced just incase it was a shock prank. The handle the bathroom feels cool to touch and he gingerly pries the door open, squinting his eyes and cringing as the hinges creak.

Nothing happens, and Luhan cracks an eye open to gauge the situation.

“You’re supposed to look inside,” Minseok calls unhelpfully. “Nothing’s going to jump out at you. It’s funnier than that.”

“Oh…what do you mean by funni-” Luhan stands up straight and flings the door open.

First he blinks. Then he rubs his eyes. Then he blinks again, because his mind was failing to process the sight in front of him.

After a few long seconds, when he finally accepts it, his jaw goes slack, “…how….the…fuck….”

Sitting there, right next to the urinals, practically glowing under the fluorescent, was the car.

“Seriously,” Luhan looks at Yixing and points to the car. “Fucking how?”

“Took off the frame and hauled the entire thing in,” Kyungsoo chirps proudly over his cubical wall, safety goggles still strapped to the top of his head. “Its light so it was pretty easy.”

“Payback times ten,” Chanyeol grins evilly. “Even takes the place of an apology.”

“April fools, Luhan,” Jongdae cheerfully claps him on the shoulder. “Because you are an April fool.”

“Just a less-than-gentle reminder,” Baekhyun smiles pleasantly. “To take next year’s April Fools easier.”

•
It’s hard to give up on something that he’s never set out to gain in the first place, and so a sort of premeditated defeat buzzed low in the pit of Sehun’s stomach as he slid into his car. Shocked? Not really. Disappointed? Somewhat. It had felt like the slap of rejection when he hadn’t even been looking for acceptance. Though he supposed he was asking for it when he resigned himself to unrequited affection. It was just part of the job.

The echoing thunk of knuckles on glass shakes him from his thoughts, and he looks up with slight surprise to find Luhan rapping on his passenger-side window with the back of a curled index finger.

“Yeah?” Sehun rolls the window down, lips involuntarily curving into a grin.

“Can I get a ride home? Or at least to the subway station,” Luhan peeks through the window frame, one corner of his lips tugged into a frown. He jabs a thumb towards the building, “Certain…complications…have left me carless. They won’t disassemble it until tomorrow because the building’s closing down early for some utility maintenance or something.”

“Haha,” Sehun’s mouth flicks out the answer before his mind registers the question, “Sure.”

“Thanks,” Luhan sighs gratefully before he slides into the car, tugging his messenger bag over his head. “Sorry, it’s a little far.”

“Not a problem,” for the second time that day Sehun’s heart honestly feels like it’s going to jump out of his chest, but hey, he could get used to this. Slightly high off elation, he quirks his lips a cheeky smile, “If you give me the right directions this time.”

“Hey,” Luhan glares.

Sehun points to the left, teasing lightly, “Which way’s that?”

“Left, thank you very much,” Luhan gripes, head lolling to the side in his lack of amusement as he scowls at Sehun.

Sehun raises a brow, “…you sure?”

Luhan hesitates for moment, eyes darting to the left before he nods determinately, rolling his eyes at Sehun, “Yes.”

“Just checking,” Sehun shrugs as he clicks his seatbelt into place.

“Hilarious.”

Sehun’s just about to start the ignition when he sees Yixing saunters up to his side of the car, expression advertising the fact he had something to say, and mischievous glint in his eye warning Sehun of it’s nature.

“Heyo, drive safe,” Yixing smirks as Sehun rolls the window down, patting a hand against the roof of the car.

“Oh, thanks?” Sehun peers up at Yixing.

“…and try to keep it above the waist,” Yixing clicks his tongue and points at Luhan.

“Above….the waist?” Sehun looks first at Yixing who shrugs and begins to walk away. Then he glances at Luhan in pursuit an explanation, only to find him gone ridged.

“Don’t ask,” Luhan hisses through his wane smile before quickly leaning and reaching for the window control button with his index finger. He misses by half an inch, and falls unceremoniously face-first into Sehun’s lap, fairly close to Sehun’s crotch, much to the hilarity of the growing audience.

“ABOVE THE WAIST, ABOVE THE WAIST.” Jongdae hoots, covering his eyes with both hands, chest shaking with laughter.

“Above the waist…” Sehun repeats, blankly looking down at Luhan struggling to get up from his lap. Then it hits him like a train and his face flares with heat. “Oh. “

“FUCK YOU GUYS,” Luhan yells. He attempts to push himself up with a hand against Sehun’s thigh before slipping and desperately grabbing onto the front of Sehun’s polo for support.

Unfortunately the “breathable, durable cotton mesh” of Sehun’s shirt was designed for comfort and not to save a grown man from falling. And so all Luhan succeeds in doing is pulling down Sehun’s shirt and revealing more chest than Sehun had ever cared to show, while continuing to fall in an ungainly and unromantic fashion into Sehun’s awkwardly outstretched arms.

“Awh keep it PG you two, there are minors present,” Chanyeol joins in, cracking up as he grabs Minseok and covers his eyes with a clumsy hand.

“Respect your elders,” Minseok swats Chanyeol’s hand away from his face with a glare. “And if I’m a minor then what does that make you?”

“Okay, people who look like minors,” Chanyeol concedes, shrugging and snickering, lazily slinging his loosened tie over his shoulder. He slings an arm around an unsuspecting Kyungsoo, “Like this guy too.”

Kyungsoo heaves a small sigh, “Hah hah. Funny.”

“Hey Chanyeol, are we going to leave soon?” Baekhyun emerges from the front door of the building, swinging his keys around his finger and glancing impassively from Chanyeol to Kyungsoo. His tone is almost unsuitably polite, and tinted with nearly imperceptible irritation, “Or are you going home with Kyungsoo again?”

“Nope, I’m going with you,” Chanyeol swiftly unhooks his arm and scampers after Baekhyun. As they walk away, Chanyeol peers down worriedly, “Are you feeling okay?”

Baekhyun nods blithely as they turn the corner.

“Ready to go?” Sehun asks, awkwardly glancing back over at Luhan as he finally starts the ignition.

“Yeah,” Luhan mutters as he releases the seatbelt to reset the lock and settles into his seat. “Just drive please.”

◙

|| episode 10 ||