Paving Pathways for the Lost, the Bitter and Recluse

[argen]

So, I've been attempting this online dating thing and, most recently, have been doing so through the site OkCupid. I chose this site because it had exactly what it was looking for in an online dating service: no cost. Up until now I haven't thought that the internet dating "scene" was a particularly fantastic place. The other day I ended up

Comments

[zowch]

This is less true than intuition would lead you to believe. The major reason is because most of those sites also offer the ability to create a profile even if you don't pay, and then you just have to pay to be able to send messages and whatnot. Which means that at the time of profile viewing, you have no idea whether somebody is paid or not, and it's the same giant pool of people. All you know is that you don't get a response back, and you have to assume it's because you're ugly and not because they don't pay.

In honestly, of the ones I've used OkCupid is probably the most interesting, just because they've at least made some effort to turn it from 'meat market' into 'social community', which makes it a more pleasant experience overall, but also gets you a lot of weirdos.

[tj9582]

He clearly said only to respond if you're hot. Please respect the man's wishes.

[argen]

I've tried some of the pay sites and didn't find them all that great. eHarmony's guided communication meant you spend a lot of time and energy before one of you just srtopped responding and it was difficult to fast track it. Match.com just...didn't do it for me? Not sure. I wasn't on that one too long before I started dating Jessa.

[esotericara]

First of all, let me say that I only glanced at the user picture and thought it was one of my other friends writing this entry. So, until about halfway through, I thought my friend was now interested in girls. Which was a strange experience, mostly because I was totally unprepared.

So, I feel the need to point out that health is important to me. Fitness...meh. I dunno. Because I'm a girl and single and whatnot, I feel the need to prepare you for many women finding that offensive. It translates to, "I want a skinny woman who runs marathons." Which, you know, is likely what you meant. Just be prepared for women to be offended by that. As such, I get the feeling that I would not make the cut, as I may be hot, but I don't think I work out enough to say that, "Health and fitness are important to me."

[zowch]

I really don't understand how "I want a girl who thinks health and fitness are important" is 'offensive'. I can understand it making you uninterested in somebody, because perhaps health and fitness aren't important to you, and you think running is only good for escaping predators (hi!). But really, how is it any different from saying "I want a girl who thinks the BeeGees are super keen."?

Shared interests and life outlooks are at least SOMEWHAT important, and somebody who goes to the gym obsessively would PROBABLY not be happy with somebody who uses that time instead to make and eat vast quantities of bacon, beautiful personality notwithstanding.

P.S. If you know any of the latter girls, please send them my way, because I love bacon.

[tj9582]

And there you go *again*.

[esotericara]

Well, see, that's why I decided to respond. A guy would likely not see that response coming. I'd need a few days to figure out why I just know that some would take offense to that. It has occurred to me, though, that Tim may not want to date the kind of girl who would take offense to that, so maybe this was all pointless.

Also, it's always important to remember that many girls think guys only want to date perfect girls, which is really a sore spot for us. The big problem is that what girls assume to be guys' definition of "perfect" is not necessarily what they guys themselves would say. In some cases it is, in which case those guys are not really worth fretting over.

Girls have been given a license to stamp "SHALLOW" on any statement by a man having to do with appearance. It's not fair and it's not reasonable, but it happens. I'm just trying to warn a friend because I have inside information. I not only know girls are crazy and evil, but I often know in which specific ways. I don't often know why.

[tj9582]

Did you actually phrase it "Are you hot and single?" Because I can see how that might put her off a bit.

Remember, telling the flat-out truth is the surest way to kill a relationship. You need to be circumspect about these things. Try "So what do you think about bacon covered in cheese? Also, do you share it with your boyfriend?" If she answers the first question with "I eat it every day for lunch *and* dinner," you probably want to keep looking. (Breakfast is ok, obviously.)

If she answers the second question with "yes" or "no," you've established that she's not single. If she answers "I don't have a boyfriend, but I would share cheese-bacon with him if I did" she's single. However, what she really means is she'll say "oh, I don't want any cheese-bacon," but then take *your* cheese-bacon. I hate when women do that.

-Professor Love

[argen]

Yeah, I used that phrase. It seemed the most appropriate at the time. Turns out not so much apparently.

[periwinklepatch]

Stop whining. You're lucky someone wants your cheese-bacon.

[periwinklepatch]

No girl wants to be fat and ugly, but every girl wants to believe that their guy would love them if they were fat and ugly. And if they are not currently fat and ugly, they want to believe that their guy would still love them if they got fat and ugly.

I do think it's interesting that your criteria for physically attractiveness is physical size. There are some ugly skinny people and cute bigger people - or is it only girls who can see that?

[argen]

"I do think it's interesting that one of your criteria for physically attractiveness is physical size."

I added a little bit to your above statement although said statement just proves what I'm talking about. If I say that I want a girl that is healthy and relatively fit, girls tend to think that's all I care about. Guys can be shallow sometimes but we're not that shallow. Not all of us anyway.