The state of me
So. I had been planning on posting more to DW/LJ this year, using this journal to chronicle some big changes.
Hubby and I found out in November that we were expecting twins. It was a whirlwind of emotions, and scrambling to get our heads around it. We were looking forward to the challenge, though, and we were confident we'd make it work.
Unfortunately I had another miscarriage two days before Christmas. We pulled together, told his family the bad news, and went to spend some time with them. Whereupon they spent an hour grilling me about why I don't have a job, under the guise of "concern" for my husband - concern which didn't extend to asking him how he's feeling about the miscarriage.
We were pretty stunned and hurt, and we left pretty much immediately. It's one thing to suspect they didn't like me much, and another thing entirely to find out they think our ten-year relationship is a joke with my husband being the punchline. They haven't spoken to us since, and it's been almost three weeks. I don't know what to do, or what to think; mostly I'm upset that we can't spend time with our nephews, since their parents (hubby's brother and his wife) are being assholes. And hubby's dad is being an asshole. And hubby's sister is being an asshole. Basically every single family member we have in Australia turned against us because I'm not getting well from PTSD fast enough for their liking.
I count myself lucky to have cultivated some great friendships with the kind of people who will drop everything to be here for me if need be. I don't know how I would survive without them; I've been so close to the edge over the past month. Hubby isn't much better, but he's had to go back to work so he's had no time to grieve and no support from his family.
I'm not really sure what to use this journal for now, except that I feel lost and hollow, and I need somewhere to pour out my heartbreak. Please don't feel obligated to read if you don't have the spoons. Crossposted from http://ariadne83.dreamwidth.org/108525.html, where it has
comments
Hubby and I found out in November that we were expecting twins. It was a whirlwind of emotions, and scrambling to get our heads around it. We were looking forward to the challenge, though, and we were confident we'd make it work.
Unfortunately I had another miscarriage two days before Christmas. We pulled together, told his family the bad news, and went to spend some time with them. Whereupon they spent an hour grilling me about why I don't have a job, under the guise of "concern" for my husband - concern which didn't extend to asking him how he's feeling about the miscarriage.
We were pretty stunned and hurt, and we left pretty much immediately. It's one thing to suspect they didn't like me much, and another thing entirely to find out they think our ten-year relationship is a joke with my husband being the punchline. They haven't spoken to us since, and it's been almost three weeks. I don't know what to do, or what to think; mostly I'm upset that we can't spend time with our nephews, since their parents (hubby's brother and his wife) are being assholes. And hubby's dad is being an asshole. And hubby's sister is being an asshole. Basically every single family member we have in Australia turned against us because I'm not getting well from PTSD fast enough for their liking.
I count myself lucky to have cultivated some great friendships with the kind of people who will drop everything to be here for me if need be. I don't know how I would survive without them; I've been so close to the edge over the past month. Hubby isn't much better, but he's had to go back to work so he's had no time to grieve and no support from his family.
I'm not really sure what to use this journal for now, except that I feel lost and hollow, and I need somewhere to pour out my heartbreak. Please don't feel obligated to read if you don't have the spoons. Crossposted from http://ariadne83.dreamwidth.org/108525.html, where it has
comments