so um, i have a heart murmur. i've heard of them for as long as i can remember, but this just doesn't seem real. i'm scared. i have no idea what this means yet for my daily life or for my future. am i still commissionable? i have no idea. i'm left to sit and wait for the doctors to get back to me, to answer these questions that terrify me. they won ( Read more... )

oops.

i'm really starting believe that to be the title of my life. so many decisions i've made, choices i've pursued, actions i've followed through with. they all come down to "oops." i just want it all to stop, to go away, to leave me. free from the pain of it all. just stop the tears. please?

Thanksgiving down in Visalia, California with extended family. So much fun!

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Who's a Cadet-in-Good-Standing?

OOH PICK ME! I KNOW!

I AM! I AM!

ANOTHER BLESSED AND BEAUTIFUL DAY HERE ON GOD'S EARTH!

yes it is raining and overcast and freezing cold, but those are irrelevant and inconsequential.

it also happens to be the 17th birthday of the coolest person in the entire world! Yay Katie Gene! Love you!

Blah. Jenny's right. I'm tired of being vague. This year has been crazy but I hope I'm a better person for it. One last dose of being vague: I've made choices and I've done things I would never have dreamed of doing, and I've made and lost friends, but I think that I'm still better for all of that. Okay done. Reading through that again, yeah I can ( Read more... )

i don't make sense anymore.

i hate that i so often wish i could be the living, breathing stereotype of the cadet girl. i'm tired of the drama. i hate the magnitude and the insincerity of the attention, the dirty thoughts behind it all, the nasty rumors and assumptions, and the eagerness of everyone else to lap it all up. i hate that i would ever wish that because i despise ( Read more... )

so i guess a lot has changed since that last entry. i know i'm staying here at least through this year, and if i had to make a decision this exact moment, i'd be staying all the way through graduation. right after i had finally gotten all of that last entry off my chest i began the global engagement program here at usafa. it was basically running ( Read more... )