"London is Calling 5" demi lovato/selena gomez - t
Title: London is Calling, Part 5/?
Fandom: Disney RPF
Pairing: Demi/Selena
Rating: T
Words: ~3200
Disclaimer: This is a work of art, not intended for profit or offense. I own no rights to the subjects.
Summary Selena finally tries to address and understand what she’s feeling.
Part One, please
Part Two, please
Part Three, please
Part Four, please
Blindside - She Shut Your Eyes | Lyrics
Dedicated to Everyone who reads it. Ily.
“Selena?”
“Demi... I had a feeling you’d call.”
A heart beat. Two. Three. Fo- “-It’s ah- it’s good… to hear your voice…” Demi stutters quietly. Selena just breathes, perhaps a bit heavier than normal. Demi ventures a bit further. “I’ve… I’ve missed the sound of it.”
Selena shifts on her seat, brings her knee up to her chest and her newly developed worry lines (on a 16 year old?) become a bit more pronounced. But not a sound escapes her pursed lips.
“Although it would be helpful if I actually could hear it right now, heh,” Demi tries to lightly laugh off her awkward start. It makes her feel even more desperate. Miley, on her way out the door to give Demi some space, nods at her to go on, as Selena breathes again and mutters a very soft, almost miss-able, “Sorry.”
“Did you get my letter?” Demi presses the phone closer to her ear, anxious for the answer.
“I did. And I read it. All of it.” Selena’s eyes find it on the table. She hasn’t thrown it in the trash or burned it or ripped it to pieces and eaten it, like her impulses kept telling her to do. Actually, she can’t even touch it.
“Ok, so, then. I uh… I guess you know how I feel then…”
“I have a pretty good idea, yea.”
Demi expected this would happen. Selena likes to bottle things up more than Demi. Demi likes to steam roll through her emotions and get out everything that’s eating at her. Sometimes she thought that’s one of the things that made them such a great pair. They were each other’s controls.
“All right, good. Now’s the part in this sharing exercise where you tell me how you feel, Selena.”
“I’ve said this before Demi - I feel betrayed and heartbroken, but other than that, pretty damn numb. Still in shock mode, I guess.” Selena sighs into the phone, and despite herself, Demi feels a twinge of hope, that at least Selena is tiring of fortifying her bastion. Perhaps Miley was right, and Demi is the one who can break through.
“All right, so we’re both feeling terrible. We’re in the same boat then. Next step, I think, is to figure out how to fix it - fix us. I think I’ve made it clear I’m willing to do anything for you, Selena.”
Selena clears her throat roughly on the line. “I’m just… I don’t think I’m ready yet.”
“What do you mean not ready? Not ready to heal? That’s all we need to do!”
“It’s more complicated than that Demi; don’t patronize me.”
“I’m-! I’m not! It’s not complicated, it’s simple! Sel, you know me! I’ve bared my soul to you a thousand times over! I’ve given you everything! I’ve -”
“Not everything.” Selena never meant for the bitter reactionary thought to escape from her mouth, but it did, and it tore a fresh wound in both their broken hearts, and put a stop to Demi’s torrent.
Their special first time can be no more than like sloppy seconds now.
“… I’m… I’m so sorry Selena. It was the biggest mistake of my life, and I’d do anything to take it back.” Selena clears her throat again, but it might have just been to cover up for a scoff. Demi takes a few moments to collect herself.
“I want to give myself to you, I want you to have all of me. All that’s left of this broken and stupid teenager.” Demi feels the hot tears spill down her cheeks, but commands her lungs not to sob. “I know it’s probably not all that enticing, but I just… I just want you. You’re all I want.”
“Okay.” Selena says after another long pause.
“Okay? What do mean ‘okay’!? How am I supposed to react to that??” Demi snaps.
Selena swipes away a single tear trying to race down to her chin. “Just ‘okay’. You’ve said your piece, you’ve cleared your chest. And I listened, and I’m glad you feel better now that it’s not eating away at you. Meanwhile, nothing has happened to change my situation. So, all I can think to say is ‘okay’.”
Selena’s monotone slices through Demi’s heart like a steel blade. She deflates again. At a loss. “…what? Selena, you know that that’s not what I wanted from this-“
“I’m noticing you’ve been talking a lot about what you want lately. You want me back, you want to apologize, you want to clear Miley’s name so that you can enjoy seeing us be civil to each other, YOU want forgiveness.”
Demi holds her tongue and wipes her tears.
“Well, sorry. It’s just not that simple this time. We can’t just tell each other what we’re feeling and say sorry and move on -“
“But why Selena? Why? What happened to make this so hard?” Demi inhales quickly and adjusts the question, “And don’t say it’s Miley, because she was never, ever going to tear us apart. It feels like you’re the only one trying to keep us apart now.” Demi’s voice cracks violently and she almost can’t get the words out, but she manages.
Selena summons up the reasoning that has been running through her mind since finishing the letter. Her reasoning why she can’t forgive and forget, live and let live. “Listen, Puerto Rico is over. That summer is over, Demi. I miss it, I miss what we had, I do… but we can’t go back to that. We've changed.”
“We’ve changed?” Demi repeats in a disbelieving monotone.
“Don’t act like you haven’t noticed, Demi,” Selena bites.
Demi can’t think of anything to retort with, because yes, she’s right. Of course she is.
The seconds tick by and Demi’s mind is frantically searching for something to say that will keep Selena from hanging up the phone. Selena just breathes.
Demi speaks without really grasping what she’s saying. “Can we make something new then?”
“W-What?”
“Well… I mean… we’ve changed, right? If we’re different people, then maybe we can build a different relationship. Can’t we?”
Selena is silent.
“So? So maybe I’ve wrecked what we had before. Doesn't mean we have to try living in the past. We can have something new. If you just say yes, Selena...”
Selena’s throat clearing this time sounds a little like the way she used to half-laugh at Demi when they would lie together lazily entwined and the singer said something not funny, but it was funny that she said it anyway. She takes in a deep breath, cool air rushing past chapped lips, and Demi feels like Selena’s got control of her lungs, too.
“C- can this wait until I get back home? Please?”
Demi falters at the pleading in Selena’s voice. But her mind and heart are racing at that small sliver of hope she can feel.
“Of course. Yea sure, absolutely. We’ll talk once you get back home.”
“Okay. Good… thanks.” Demi wipes the last remnants of her tears with a swipe of her fingers. Selena does the same.
“Okay… I have to go.”
“Yea, all right. I’ll talk to you soo - uh, when you’re ready.”
“Thanks. Bye Demi.” Demi almost chokes when she realizes her tongue and lips have temporarily forgotten how to form the words “good bye.” What she does verbalize is a pitchy, “Mmhmm,” before -
click.
~~//~~
“…can’t believe you convinced me to do this on my day off,” Selena mutters as she adjusts her hold on her jacket slung over her arm. Her co-star Jennifer Stone just raises an eyebrow and picks up her pace as they walk from the Nordstrom parking lot across the intersection to the frozen yogurt shop. Selena’s in town for just a few days before she has head back to Canada for the last days of shooting Ramona, and she’s a little bitter that her planned comfortable movie date with Jen has escalated to something she was hoping to put off.
“You can’t avoid her forever, you know - that’s just stupid.”
“Thanks for calling me stupid, Jen.”
“Don’t mention it, hun. Felt like you needed it.”
“I did.”
“I know. That’s why I said it.” Jen’s voice gets sassy and lifts like a rhetorical question and Selena can’t help but chuckle.
Jen holds open the door for Selena, and puts a firm hand behind the small of her back, pushing into the store, where Demi is getting up from her seat close by.
“Thanks for meeting me,” Demi says as she quickly swoops in to hug Selena before she can say anything.
“Yea well, Jen figured yogurt would make for a good snack during a Charlie Chaplin movie afternoon,” Selena replies with a little hitch of surprise.
“Thank god for slapstick,”Jen interrupts and places herself between the girls.“Everyday troubles just melt away whenever you see someone get knocked on the head by a concrete block, or slip on a banana peel.”
The three girls each grab a cup and Selena wanders down to the far corner to inspect the mango flavor. Jen follows Demi to the toppings bar, “Hey, Demi…?”
“Yea, Jen?” Demi replies while lifting the lid to the cereal bits.
Slap!
The sound is louder than Jennifer anticipated, so her face mirrors Demi’s shocked features; but a split second later, her visage changes to haughty and she raises her eyebrows and waves her finger at Demi.
“You know what that’s for.” Demi just holds her slightly stinging cheek and balks.
Jennifer huffs a relieved sigh, “Ok, we’re even now. You can continue on your mission to earn Selena’s forgiveness. But let this be a lesson to you,” Jen says as she waves her finger a bit more, before moving in on the Oreo chunks. Demi recovers and looks around, hoping no one saw the domestic friend abuse that just occurred. Selena didn’t notice a thing, she’s too busy licking strawberry yogurt from her thumb where it toppled over the side of her cup.
They gather their preferred flavors and toppings, and Demi pays for them all. Jen lifts up her cup in salute as she backs away toward the door. “Ok, I’ve got my yogurt, I’m going to go find mom somewhere in the shoe department of Nordstrom, and be back for our rendezvous point outside. B R B.” And Jen leaves.
Selena nods to Demi and follows her to the back corner of the store, to sit on brightly colored plastic chairs that have odd curves and cold metal. Demi’s a bit fidgety with her yogurt, and ends up mixing it into a big brown mush.
“Ok, so. Hi,” Selena says. She’s put a cover on her yogurt, not really feeling hungry. Or capable of swallowing.
“…Hi….uhm.. How’s Canada?”
“It’s cold. But pretty. Vancouver’s great.”
“Ah, that’s nice. I miss Tornoto, I’m excited to go back soon.”
“Yea…”
“And little Joey? How’s she?”
“Joey? She’s… happy-go-lucky, as usual. She’s been… really great. She’s adorable.”
Selena lifts an eyebrow at Demi, who shakes her head and lets go of her spoon. “Sorry,” she says, “I’m nervous. I had all this stuff I wanted to say… but it’s... gone now.”
“Let’s just cut to it, then. Time hasn’t healed this wound yet, Demi. I’m not ready to just go back to the way things were.”
Demi clears her throat and pouts a little. The sight brings a twinge of feeling to Selena’s heart, but it’s still too raw and bruised to do anything but recoil.
“I understand that. But… like… how much time do you need? We’ve been apart for several weeks now… I mean, I can wait, absolutely, because,” and here, Demi lowers her voice to an almost incomprehensible whisper, “I love you, Selena, I really do., and I know what we had was something -“
Selena holds up her hand, “Nothing you say right now is going to make a difference. I’ve told you - I’m just not ready for anything else yet.”
“Anything else? Else of what? What do we have right now?!” Demi gets teary-eyed and her voices raises to a dangerous level in the not-quite empty store. She realizes she’s attracted stares and stands up abruptly to go to the bathroom, leaving her soupy yogurt forgotten.
Selena picks up her own yogurt and purse to follow her, stepping aside politely as a mother holding her small child exits the bathroom. Selena is reminded to keep her composure. As Selena enters, Demi lets her tears fall. They aren’t many, but they mess up her mascara a bit.
Seeing Demi with fresh tears in her eyes calls up something in Selena, something she thought had died when the breakup happened. But it’s not as strong as it used to be. If anything it’s something akin to pity.
“I’m not sure what we are right now, Demi. But I think it’s obvious I can’t really avoid you forever… that’d be stupid,” Selena smiles softly as Jen’s words circle her mind.
Selena comes closer, and that feeling, that weak feeling in her heart, gets a spark of strength and drives her run her index finger over Demi’s manicured eyebrow, and down to swipe away a tear.
“You’re too pretty to cry…” the words are remnants of their younger days, when the sight of red eyes and wet cheeks were all too familiar between them. Demi looks at Selena softly.
“Can I see you again? When you get back?” Demi asks in an uncharacteristically timid voice.
“…..Yea… yea, you can.” Selena wipes another tear before her text alert sounds from her purse.
“That’s probably Jen. I should go…”
Demi steps back and nods, turning to the bathroom mirror to check her makeup. “I’ll talk to you when I get back, then. Bye.”
Selena’s already out the door when Demi returns the farewell. Demi steels herself in the mirror, then trots out, her black ankle boots clicking against the tile.
Outside, Selena is walking to Jen’s mother’s car, idling near the parking lot exit. Selena notices out of the corner of her eye, the flash of a camera. She’s unfazed, until she catches Jen’s confused face staring at something behind her. Before she can turn around, she feels her herself being tugged back. It’s Demi, with a firm but gentle hold on her forearm.
Selena is visibly surprised and inwardly cringes as the flash of another snapshot captures it. Demi leans in close and says softly, squeezing her arm, “I won’t give up. I can’t.” She lets go and waves to Jen before moving swiftly back to the safety of the yogurt store.
Selena enters the car with a bemused look on her face and the same feeling from before pulsing in her stomach.
~~//~~
Selena’s back home. She’s just finished piling in her dirty laundry from her suitcase into the washing machine. Placing her hands on her hips, the actress sighs heavily, brokenly, as she leans back to catch a glimpse through the doorway into the kitchen. Her mother is at the table with Selena’s band rehearsal schedule in front of her, cross checking dates and making notes in bright highlighter.
Selena runs a hand roughly through her hair before slapping her cheeks with both hands - It’s now or never. Or rather, it’s only now, because Selena knows damn well she can’t keep this up until never arrives.
Mandy glances up as Selena enters the kitchen, a smile in her eyes. Quickly replaced with worrisome frown, as Selena leans heavily against the countertop next to the fridge.
Her mother calls her to come closer, sit down, tell her what’s eating her. Selena declines and wraps her hands over her stomach.
“Mama… what I have to say is not easy. I doubt it ever is…” Selena hugs herself tightly, to give her the strength to look up from that white square tile on the floor in front of her. “…But it kills me that I haven’t told you yet, and you deserve to know why I’ve been so… -”
Her mother leans forward and tries to lighten the mood by supplying, “Bitchy?”
Selena widens her eyes at her mother in false admonishment, before looking back down to her floor spot. Mandy lifts her hands in defense silently, but then urges Selena to continue. Selena looks away from her spot and glances out the window. Taking a deep breath, she says it.
“I’ve been in a relationship, mama. Since last summer. And I’ve kept it from you because I - I just wasn’t sure how to tell you, because it just changed everything… and yet everything was still the same.”
Her mother purses her lips, she thinks back to all those interviews Selena’s given about boys, how she would need her parent’s approval before she even thought about it. She wonders who it could be, faces flash through her mind, but she can’t pinpoint a face that she would dislike, that would cause Selena to not feel comfortable telling her about. She’s always trusted Selena’s judgment of character.
Finally, her mother questions, “Who is it?”
“It was,” Selena pauses for a beat, unconsciously emphasizing the break in both relationship and sentence, “…Demi.”
Mandy Gomez Teefey takes a sharp inhale through her nose and holds it, trying to form questions with it, as images and scenarios rush by in her mind. But she ends up exhaling her frustrations and inhales again, only to exhale again without a question.
Selena is looking at her now, couldn’t help but be drawn to see her mother’s reaction. She wants to glance at the clock, to check if Brian will be home soon. But she can’t tear her eyes away from her mother’s young, still very pretty face, waiting for preoccupied gaze to find her’s again.
At last, Mandy decides on the most important thing she must convey to her daughter. “I’m not angry, honey.”
Another deep breath, to gather her next thought, “I still love you, you know that.”
Selena moves to the kitchen stool across from her mother and sits down carefully, not taking her eyes off her mother’s. But she gulps, trying to wet her dry throat.
Mandy smiles warmly. She walks to the refrigerator, grabs the milk carton, pours a class, and places it in the microwave for a minute. Selena’s eyes follow her every move. She still can’t swallow right.
The microwave dings, and the sound echoes in Selena’s bones. Mandy hands her the warm glass of milk and hugs her tightly. “Now that I know, if you wanna cry over your breakup, I think we can squeeze that part in as well.”
Selena laughs shakily, and as she feels relief spread through her body, she feels hot tears flow down her cheeks. Placing the glass on the table, Selena clings to her mother, and lets herself be swallowed by her sobs.
This is what she’s needed all along. Her family, to hold her and accept her and let her come undone in their loving arms.
When it’s all over, and Selena is alone in her bed, she wonders why she told her mother about a broken relationship - it’s over, isn’t it? Why should she bring up old wounds?
And Selena wonders if maybe, subconsciously… there’s still something there.
~to be continued
Fandom: Disney RPF
Pairing: Demi/Selena
Rating: T
Words: ~3200
Disclaimer: This is a work of art, not intended for profit or offense. I own no rights to the subjects.
Summary Selena finally tries to address and understand what she’s feeling.
Part One, please
Part Two, please
Part Three, please
Part Four, please
Blindside - She Shut Your Eyes | Lyrics
Dedicated to Everyone who reads it. Ily.
“Selena?”
“Demi... I had a feeling you’d call.”
A heart beat. Two. Three. Fo- “-It’s ah- it’s good… to hear your voice…” Demi stutters quietly. Selena just breathes, perhaps a bit heavier than normal. Demi ventures a bit further. “I’ve… I’ve missed the sound of it.”
Selena shifts on her seat, brings her knee up to her chest and her newly developed worry lines (on a 16 year old?) become a bit more pronounced. But not a sound escapes her pursed lips.
“Although it would be helpful if I actually could hear it right now, heh,” Demi tries to lightly laugh off her awkward start. It makes her feel even more desperate. Miley, on her way out the door to give Demi some space, nods at her to go on, as Selena breathes again and mutters a very soft, almost miss-able, “Sorry.”
“Did you get my letter?” Demi presses the phone closer to her ear, anxious for the answer.
“I did. And I read it. All of it.” Selena’s eyes find it on the table. She hasn’t thrown it in the trash or burned it or ripped it to pieces and eaten it, like her impulses kept telling her to do. Actually, she can’t even touch it.
“Ok, so, then. I uh… I guess you know how I feel then…”
“I have a pretty good idea, yea.”
Demi expected this would happen. Selena likes to bottle things up more than Demi. Demi likes to steam roll through her emotions and get out everything that’s eating at her. Sometimes she thought that’s one of the things that made them such a great pair. They were each other’s controls.
“All right, good. Now’s the part in this sharing exercise where you tell me how you feel, Selena.”
“I’ve said this before Demi - I feel betrayed and heartbroken, but other than that, pretty damn numb. Still in shock mode, I guess.” Selena sighs into the phone, and despite herself, Demi feels a twinge of hope, that at least Selena is tiring of fortifying her bastion. Perhaps Miley was right, and Demi is the one who can break through.
“All right, so we’re both feeling terrible. We’re in the same boat then. Next step, I think, is to figure out how to fix it - fix us. I think I’ve made it clear I’m willing to do anything for you, Selena.”
Selena clears her throat roughly on the line. “I’m just… I don’t think I’m ready yet.”
“What do you mean not ready? Not ready to heal? That’s all we need to do!”
“It’s more complicated than that Demi; don’t patronize me.”
“I’m-! I’m not! It’s not complicated, it’s simple! Sel, you know me! I’ve bared my soul to you a thousand times over! I’ve given you everything! I’ve -”
“Not everything.” Selena never meant for the bitter reactionary thought to escape from her mouth, but it did, and it tore a fresh wound in both their broken hearts, and put a stop to Demi’s torrent.
Their special first time can be no more than like sloppy seconds now.
“… I’m… I’m so sorry Selena. It was the biggest mistake of my life, and I’d do anything to take it back.” Selena clears her throat again, but it might have just been to cover up for a scoff. Demi takes a few moments to collect herself.
“I want to give myself to you, I want you to have all of me. All that’s left of this broken and stupid teenager.” Demi feels the hot tears spill down her cheeks, but commands her lungs not to sob. “I know it’s probably not all that enticing, but I just… I just want you. You’re all I want.”
“Okay.” Selena says after another long pause.
“Okay? What do mean ‘okay’!? How am I supposed to react to that??” Demi snaps.
Selena swipes away a single tear trying to race down to her chin. “Just ‘okay’. You’ve said your piece, you’ve cleared your chest. And I listened, and I’m glad you feel better now that it’s not eating away at you. Meanwhile, nothing has happened to change my situation. So, all I can think to say is ‘okay’.”
Selena’s monotone slices through Demi’s heart like a steel blade. She deflates again. At a loss. “…what? Selena, you know that that’s not what I wanted from this-“
“I’m noticing you’ve been talking a lot about what you want lately. You want me back, you want to apologize, you want to clear Miley’s name so that you can enjoy seeing us be civil to each other, YOU want forgiveness.”
Demi holds her tongue and wipes her tears.
“Well, sorry. It’s just not that simple this time. We can’t just tell each other what we’re feeling and say sorry and move on -“
“But why Selena? Why? What happened to make this so hard?” Demi inhales quickly and adjusts the question, “And don’t say it’s Miley, because she was never, ever going to tear us apart. It feels like you’re the only one trying to keep us apart now.” Demi’s voice cracks violently and she almost can’t get the words out, but she manages.
Selena summons up the reasoning that has been running through her mind since finishing the letter. Her reasoning why she can’t forgive and forget, live and let live. “Listen, Puerto Rico is over. That summer is over, Demi. I miss it, I miss what we had, I do… but we can’t go back to that. We've changed.”
“We’ve changed?” Demi repeats in a disbelieving monotone.
“Don’t act like you haven’t noticed, Demi,” Selena bites.
Demi can’t think of anything to retort with, because yes, she’s right. Of course she is.
The seconds tick by and Demi’s mind is frantically searching for something to say that will keep Selena from hanging up the phone. Selena just breathes.
Demi speaks without really grasping what she’s saying. “Can we make something new then?”
“W-What?”
“Well… I mean… we’ve changed, right? If we’re different people, then maybe we can build a different relationship. Can’t we?”
Selena is silent.
“So? So maybe I’ve wrecked what we had before. Doesn't mean we have to try living in the past. We can have something new. If you just say yes, Selena...”
Selena’s throat clearing this time sounds a little like the way she used to half-laugh at Demi when they would lie together lazily entwined and the singer said something not funny, but it was funny that she said it anyway. She takes in a deep breath, cool air rushing past chapped lips, and Demi feels like Selena’s got control of her lungs, too.
“C- can this wait until I get back home? Please?”
Demi falters at the pleading in Selena’s voice. But her mind and heart are racing at that small sliver of hope she can feel.
“Of course. Yea sure, absolutely. We’ll talk once you get back home.”
“Okay. Good… thanks.” Demi wipes the last remnants of her tears with a swipe of her fingers. Selena does the same.
“Okay… I have to go.”
“Yea, all right. I’ll talk to you soo - uh, when you’re ready.”
“Thanks. Bye Demi.” Demi almost chokes when she realizes her tongue and lips have temporarily forgotten how to form the words “good bye.” What she does verbalize is a pitchy, “Mmhmm,” before -
click.
~~//~~
“…can’t believe you convinced me to do this on my day off,” Selena mutters as she adjusts her hold on her jacket slung over her arm. Her co-star Jennifer Stone just raises an eyebrow and picks up her pace as they walk from the Nordstrom parking lot across the intersection to the frozen yogurt shop. Selena’s in town for just a few days before she has head back to Canada for the last days of shooting Ramona, and she’s a little bitter that her planned comfortable movie date with Jen has escalated to something she was hoping to put off.
“You can’t avoid her forever, you know - that’s just stupid.”
“Thanks for calling me stupid, Jen.”
“Don’t mention it, hun. Felt like you needed it.”
“I did.”
“I know. That’s why I said it.” Jen’s voice gets sassy and lifts like a rhetorical question and Selena can’t help but chuckle.
Jen holds open the door for Selena, and puts a firm hand behind the small of her back, pushing into the store, where Demi is getting up from her seat close by.
“Thanks for meeting me,” Demi says as she quickly swoops in to hug Selena before she can say anything.
“Yea well, Jen figured yogurt would make for a good snack during a Charlie Chaplin movie afternoon,” Selena replies with a little hitch of surprise.
“Thank god for slapstick,”Jen interrupts and places herself between the girls.“Everyday troubles just melt away whenever you see someone get knocked on the head by a concrete block, or slip on a banana peel.”
The three girls each grab a cup and Selena wanders down to the far corner to inspect the mango flavor. Jen follows Demi to the toppings bar, “Hey, Demi…?”
“Yea, Jen?” Demi replies while lifting the lid to the cereal bits.
Slap!
The sound is louder than Jennifer anticipated, so her face mirrors Demi’s shocked features; but a split second later, her visage changes to haughty and she raises her eyebrows and waves her finger at Demi.
“You know what that’s for.” Demi just holds her slightly stinging cheek and balks.
Jennifer huffs a relieved sigh, “Ok, we’re even now. You can continue on your mission to earn Selena’s forgiveness. But let this be a lesson to you,” Jen says as she waves her finger a bit more, before moving in on the Oreo chunks. Demi recovers and looks around, hoping no one saw the domestic friend abuse that just occurred. Selena didn’t notice a thing, she’s too busy licking strawberry yogurt from her thumb where it toppled over the side of her cup.
They gather their preferred flavors and toppings, and Demi pays for them all. Jen lifts up her cup in salute as she backs away toward the door. “Ok, I’ve got my yogurt, I’m going to go find mom somewhere in the shoe department of Nordstrom, and be back for our rendezvous point outside. B R B.” And Jen leaves.
Selena nods to Demi and follows her to the back corner of the store, to sit on brightly colored plastic chairs that have odd curves and cold metal. Demi’s a bit fidgety with her yogurt, and ends up mixing it into a big brown mush.
“Ok, so. Hi,” Selena says. She’s put a cover on her yogurt, not really feeling hungry. Or capable of swallowing.
“…Hi….uhm.. How’s Canada?”
“It’s cold. But pretty. Vancouver’s great.”
“Ah, that’s nice. I miss Tornoto, I’m excited to go back soon.”
“Yea…”
“And little Joey? How’s she?”
“Joey? She’s… happy-go-lucky, as usual. She’s been… really great. She’s adorable.”
Selena lifts an eyebrow at Demi, who shakes her head and lets go of her spoon. “Sorry,” she says, “I’m nervous. I had all this stuff I wanted to say… but it’s... gone now.”
“Let’s just cut to it, then. Time hasn’t healed this wound yet, Demi. I’m not ready to just go back to the way things were.”
Demi clears her throat and pouts a little. The sight brings a twinge of feeling to Selena’s heart, but it’s still too raw and bruised to do anything but recoil.
“I understand that. But… like… how much time do you need? We’ve been apart for several weeks now… I mean, I can wait, absolutely, because,” and here, Demi lowers her voice to an almost incomprehensible whisper, “I love you, Selena, I really do., and I know what we had was something -“
Selena holds up her hand, “Nothing you say right now is going to make a difference. I’ve told you - I’m just not ready for anything else yet.”
“Anything else? Else of what? What do we have right now?!” Demi gets teary-eyed and her voices raises to a dangerous level in the not-quite empty store. She realizes she’s attracted stares and stands up abruptly to go to the bathroom, leaving her soupy yogurt forgotten.
Selena picks up her own yogurt and purse to follow her, stepping aside politely as a mother holding her small child exits the bathroom. Selena is reminded to keep her composure. As Selena enters, Demi lets her tears fall. They aren’t many, but they mess up her mascara a bit.
Seeing Demi with fresh tears in her eyes calls up something in Selena, something she thought had died when the breakup happened. But it’s not as strong as it used to be. If anything it’s something akin to pity.
“I’m not sure what we are right now, Demi. But I think it’s obvious I can’t really avoid you forever… that’d be stupid,” Selena smiles softly as Jen’s words circle her mind.
Selena comes closer, and that feeling, that weak feeling in her heart, gets a spark of strength and drives her run her index finger over Demi’s manicured eyebrow, and down to swipe away a tear.
“You’re too pretty to cry…” the words are remnants of their younger days, when the sight of red eyes and wet cheeks were all too familiar between them. Demi looks at Selena softly.
“Can I see you again? When you get back?” Demi asks in an uncharacteristically timid voice.
“…..Yea… yea, you can.” Selena wipes another tear before her text alert sounds from her purse.
“That’s probably Jen. I should go…”
Demi steps back and nods, turning to the bathroom mirror to check her makeup. “I’ll talk to you when I get back, then. Bye.”
Selena’s already out the door when Demi returns the farewell. Demi steels herself in the mirror, then trots out, her black ankle boots clicking against the tile.
Outside, Selena is walking to Jen’s mother’s car, idling near the parking lot exit. Selena notices out of the corner of her eye, the flash of a camera. She’s unfazed, until she catches Jen’s confused face staring at something behind her. Before she can turn around, she feels her herself being tugged back. It’s Demi, with a firm but gentle hold on her forearm.
Selena is visibly surprised and inwardly cringes as the flash of another snapshot captures it. Demi leans in close and says softly, squeezing her arm, “I won’t give up. I can’t.” She lets go and waves to Jen before moving swiftly back to the safety of the yogurt store.
Selena enters the car with a bemused look on her face and the same feeling from before pulsing in her stomach.
~~//~~
Selena’s back home. She’s just finished piling in her dirty laundry from her suitcase into the washing machine. Placing her hands on her hips, the actress sighs heavily, brokenly, as she leans back to catch a glimpse through the doorway into the kitchen. Her mother is at the table with Selena’s band rehearsal schedule in front of her, cross checking dates and making notes in bright highlighter.
Selena runs a hand roughly through her hair before slapping her cheeks with both hands - It’s now or never. Or rather, it’s only now, because Selena knows damn well she can’t keep this up until never arrives.
Mandy glances up as Selena enters the kitchen, a smile in her eyes. Quickly replaced with worrisome frown, as Selena leans heavily against the countertop next to the fridge.
Her mother calls her to come closer, sit down, tell her what’s eating her. Selena declines and wraps her hands over her stomach.
“Mama… what I have to say is not easy. I doubt it ever is…” Selena hugs herself tightly, to give her the strength to look up from that white square tile on the floor in front of her. “…But it kills me that I haven’t told you yet, and you deserve to know why I’ve been so… -”
Her mother leans forward and tries to lighten the mood by supplying, “Bitchy?”
Selena widens her eyes at her mother in false admonishment, before looking back down to her floor spot. Mandy lifts her hands in defense silently, but then urges Selena to continue. Selena looks away from her spot and glances out the window. Taking a deep breath, she says it.
“I’ve been in a relationship, mama. Since last summer. And I’ve kept it from you because I - I just wasn’t sure how to tell you, because it just changed everything… and yet everything was still the same.”
Her mother purses her lips, she thinks back to all those interviews Selena’s given about boys, how she would need her parent’s approval before she even thought about it. She wonders who it could be, faces flash through her mind, but she can’t pinpoint a face that she would dislike, that would cause Selena to not feel comfortable telling her about. She’s always trusted Selena’s judgment of character.
Finally, her mother questions, “Who is it?”
“It was,” Selena pauses for a beat, unconsciously emphasizing the break in both relationship and sentence, “…Demi.”
Mandy Gomez Teefey takes a sharp inhale through her nose and holds it, trying to form questions with it, as images and scenarios rush by in her mind. But she ends up exhaling her frustrations and inhales again, only to exhale again without a question.
Selena is looking at her now, couldn’t help but be drawn to see her mother’s reaction. She wants to glance at the clock, to check if Brian will be home soon. But she can’t tear her eyes away from her mother’s young, still very pretty face, waiting for preoccupied gaze to find her’s again.
At last, Mandy decides on the most important thing she must convey to her daughter. “I’m not angry, honey.”
Another deep breath, to gather her next thought, “I still love you, you know that.”
Selena moves to the kitchen stool across from her mother and sits down carefully, not taking her eyes off her mother’s. But she gulps, trying to wet her dry throat.
Mandy smiles warmly. She walks to the refrigerator, grabs the milk carton, pours a class, and places it in the microwave for a minute. Selena’s eyes follow her every move. She still can’t swallow right.
The microwave dings, and the sound echoes in Selena’s bones. Mandy hands her the warm glass of milk and hugs her tightly. “Now that I know, if you wanna cry over your breakup, I think we can squeeze that part in as well.”
Selena laughs shakily, and as she feels relief spread through her body, she feels hot tears flow down her cheeks. Placing the glass on the table, Selena clings to her mother, and lets herself be swallowed by her sobs.
This is what she’s needed all along. Her family, to hold her and accept her and let her come undone in their loving arms.
When it’s all over, and Selena is alone in her bed, she wonders why she told her mother about a broken relationship - it’s over, isn’t it? Why should she bring up old wounds?
And Selena wonders if maybe, subconsciously… there’s still something there.
~to be continued