Secret Whispers - Chapter sixteen [part II]

[aroruae]

PART I

Kazuya lit the two candles on the table in his living room, adjusting the last details of his dinner with Ryo. He looked around and agreed that everything looked perfectly romantic and just as he wanted it to be. But not everything was as he wanted, because it could not be like that at all. And all of this was because of Jin and his new discovered feelings. No, correction, his resurfaced feelings.

Because Kazuya was now sure that he had never stopped loving Jin, he had only been suppressing his feelings in order to be able to move on. He had pretended to leave everything behind just to be able to sleep and look forward to a new tomorrow. But Jin had come back into his life, had come to turn his new world upside down and to stir all of these feelings again. And he had successfully managed because he was now so painfully aware of his love for the actor that sometimes he felt like choking. And it hadn’t even been a day since he realized his true feelings. And there was guilt too. A guilt so big that was washing over him, making him feel so dirty and unworthy of the single person that had given him everything - Ryo. He had betrayed him in so many ways he had never thought he’d do. And there was no way of taking all the kisses or feelings he had shared with Jin, he had no option in changing his mistakes because deep down, he knew perfectly well that he’ll do them again.

He was the worst and as he promised to himself last night… he will forget Jin and give all of himself to Ryo. He’ll try to love him and show his love by any means, because Ryo was the most important person in his life. No matter what Jin was trying to do right now.

The doorbell suddenly rang and Kazuya was startled for the moment, he had forgotten that it was time for his lover to arrive. He checked the living and table once again before he headed to the front door, switching off the light in the room, now only the candles burning in the night.

“Hey.” He said softly as he opened the door and looked at Ryo who was smiling at him, seeming all shy but confident in the same time. Kazuya loved this part at him.

“Am I late?” Ryo asked as he entered the house with a chuckle on his lips, seeming to be in a good mood. “I hope not.” He then added with a lower voice and a smirk, closing the door with his foot and leaning closer to Kazuya to show him the flowers he had been hiding until then at his back. He didn’t wait for his lover to give a reaction and got a little closer again to be able to kiss his lips and nibble on them, his hands settling on his waist as his eyes closed and his body enjoyed the warmth of Kazuya’s one.

The younger hummed pleased against his lover’s lips, a small smile blooming on his face. “You’re right on time.” He added and pulled a bit away from Ryo, his eyes now resting on the flowers he had just received. They were red roses bordered with white roses in a medium bouquet that was spreading a nice scent and making him feel a bit nostalgic. Jin had sent him roses before, but he had never done that again as he had found out that Kazuya preferred simpler and smaller flowers like lily-of-the-valley. But Ryo didn’t know about his preferences and he had never taken time to say this. In fact, he hadn’t said to Jin either, but the older one had found out and he had managed to touch Kazuya in a way he had never expected to be touched.

But wait… what was he doing right now?! The younger actor mentally slapped himself as he took the flowers from Ryo and kissed his lover again. “Thanks, they’re beautiful.” He murmured and linked his fingers with the older one’s, pulling him into the living. “I hope you like this…” Kazuya said as he let go of Ryo and went to put the flowers in a vase, glancing to his lover, wanting to see his reaction at what he had prepared. He also hoped he hadn’t been too cheesy and out of place with all the setting he had done to his room for a romantic dinner.

Ryo’s eyes widened, obviously not expecting such a thing from his lover. He looked through the room, at the table prepared for the two of them and his eyes landed on the two candles that shone in the dim light of the room. He carefully walked to it and his hand gently caressed the back of the chair as he took in the image in front of his eyes. “What’s the special occasion?” he asked with an arched eyebrow. After all, even if Kazuya would often surprise him, it wasn’t like him to do something like this for no reason.

Kazuya panicked for a second, but thankfully he managed to hide his panic with a chuckle as he went to his surprised lover. “I wanted a special date with you.” He replied as he slipped his hands around Ryo’s waist, letting his chin resting on his shoulder. “Is it wrong?” Kazuya asked with a slightly worried tone. Thank God he was able to control his feelings otherwise the guilt that was eating him from inside out might have made its presence. And the last thing he wanted was Ryo to know anything of what had happened between him and Jin. Despite his honest self when it came to the director, Kazuya concluded that it was for the best if his lover didn’t know of what Jin was doing to get him back. It would hurt less, no?

“No, of course not.” Ryo replied, his tone still a little suspicious but he let his doubts go away and circled his hands around Kazuya’s waist to keep him close. “In fact, I might consider myself to be rather spoiled if you continue like this.” He chuckled in the boy’s ear, dropping a kiss on his cheek and going lower with his lip, on his chin and then pressing kisses all over his neck.

Kazuya shivered and for a moment, he let himself be swayed by Ryo, wanting to forget about everything that had happened, wanting to lose himself in such a pure love and not as tainted as his and Jin’s. At this particular thought, his hands gripped a bit Ryo’s shoulders before he cupped his lover’s face and brought it to the same level as his. “Don’t get this hungry… or you won’t be eating what I cooked.” He joked, pecking Ryo’s lips from time to time. He was such a liar… He couldn’t kiss Ryo when Jin was on his mind, could he?

“I can’t help it.” Ryo smirked perversely, bringing his own hands on Kazuya’s and deepening their kiss for a few seconds, before retreating himself a few inches, his breath still above the boy’s lips. “I always get hungry when I see you.” He confessed and pecked again his lips, nibbling on the lower one and then going to the upper one to give the same treatment.

Kazuya moaned at Ryo’s sudden way of kissing him, his confession making him feel even guiltier for not being able to return this hunger, this feeling of wanting to be with Ryo and only him. “R-Ryo…” he managed to utter between the slow kisses the older one was giving him. He looked at him with a flushed expression, his eyes glowing with well-put desire.

“What?” Ryo chuckled, obviously enjoying teasing Kazuya and ravishing his lips to leave him hanging and wanting for more. “Want more?” he whispered the words at the boy’s ear, clutching his fingers into Kazuya’s hair and tilting his head to have more access to his neck and pale skin.

A strangled noise came out from Kazuya’s throat as he clung onto Ryo, feeling so good but so wrong in the same time. He let himself slip in lust and desire, needing to feel more of Ryo and his touch. But as he went further, he could only remember Jin. Jin and his lips, Jin and his hands, Jin and his touches. So, in the end he pushed himself a little from Ryo, breaking their closeness, keeping both of them at a safe distance. He looked at Ryo with a lustful and guilty expression in the same time.

“I -” Kazuya cleared his voice as it came out more as a feeble sound. “Let’s eat or it will get cold.” He said with a shy smile.

A hint of something flashed in front of Ryo’s eyes but it disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. Not wanting to let Kazuya think something was wrong, he smiled teasingly at the boy and leaned down to peck his lips again. “Can I have dessert later?” he asked with a husky voice, the tone implying what he was referring to but didn’t want to say as if it was a secret known by only the two of them.

Kazuya felt panic raising in him, but he kept his cool. “If you behave…” he teased and smiled as he bit on Ryo’s lower lip, then completely pulled away. It was quite dangerous the way they were playing and Kazuya wasn’t sure he could completely control all of this.

Ryo sighed in disappointment but still accepted Kazuya’s invitation and sat down at the table. “But it still seems suspicious to me that you prepared all of this.” He chuckled with what he wanted to be an amused tone, pretending to be a joke but not quite.

Kazuya was on the way to kitchen as he heard Ryo’s words and stiffened a bit. As he returned with two plates filled with delicious food and put one in front of Ryo and the other in front of where he will be sitting, Kazuya turned his attention back on the older one. He let his hand slip through Ryo’s black locks until he grasped them a bit and made his lover let his head back. Kazuya leaned and kissed him roughly and passionately, not letting him breathe at all. When they parted, both of them had rasp breathings and Kazuya was looking particularly smug.

“Maybe I want to take advantage of you.” He replied smoothly as he took his chair and looked at Ryo. “And I agree with you on me being suspicious as I rarely get the opportunity to spoil you like this.” Kazuya smiled and dipped his spoon in the curry.

“True.” Ryo replied uncertainly and with a half breath, still trying to recover after that ravishing kiss. But it had made him more suspicious. Kazuya was daring and often surprised Ryo, but he had never been the one to initiate such a rough kiss, like he wanted to tell Ryo that he belonged to him or that… he wanted to tell himself whom he belonged to. “Kazuya, did something happen?” he finally asked, fearing the answer and waiting for it anxiously as his eyes studied Kazuya’s small face for any reaction.

The younger one tried to calm his sudden panic and he hoped that Ryo hadn’t seen the way his spoon had shaken. “Should it?” he asked back with a calm he really didn’t possess in that moment. “Really, Ryo… are you this surprised to have me prepare a special night just for us?” He pouted, feigning hurt.

“No, but I think that I know you enough to realize that there’s something wrong with my boyfriend.” He stated, his tone slightly accusing. If Kazuya wanted to play this game, then fine. He could also do it. “And I also think that I deserve the truth and not some half-baked lies.” He snorted, crossing his arms and looking defiantly at his lover. “Or do I need to remind you that you suck at lying no matter how good of an actor you are?” he cocked an inquiring eyebrow.

Kazuya watched Ryo carefully as he set his spoon aside and wiped his mouth. “Jin hasn’t given up.” He said and his eyes dropped to the food in front of him. “He… sent me flowers, he continues to say that he loves me.” He continued and his voice was slightly trembling. “It makes me feel guilty.” Kazuya added and looked up at Ryo.

“And that’s all?” the director asked, still not feeling ready to believe in Kazuya’s words. “He hadn’t kidnapped you again, had he?” he wanted to know, thinking that Jin was capable of such a thing. It wasn’t such a big surprise that he hadn’t given up. After all, Jin had said so to Ryo. The fact that Kazuya was feeling guilty because of it was bothering Ryo though, because it wasn’t exactly normal to feel this way because a guy loved you. Uncomfortable maybe, but not guilty. Not if you hadn’t done anything.

Kazuya gulped, he wasn’t sure if he should say everything to Ryo - of the photo Jin had of him, of their night date or… No, he shouldn’t. It would only make things worse between them, it would only make Ryo feel betrayed and Kazuya didn’t want that, even if he had indeed betrayed him. “Mostly.” He replied vaguely. “It’s that he… unsettles me. He’s so sure that I’ll return to him…” His voice faded as he looked away from Ryo.

The director sighed. Of course Jin was sure and won’t give up. Only his logic would create something where it didn’t exist and he was the only one to pursue his beliefs so intently. “I really don’t think he’ll give up any time soon.” Ryo announced, finally letting himself be a little relieved and trying the curry that his lover had made for him, closing his eyes in delight after the first bite. “Fortunately, it doesn’t take long for him to get bored so he should be off your back in a couple of weeks.” He said with a knowing tone, remembering all the other times Jin had done the same time. Kazuya hadn’t really talked much about his relationship with the singer, but if he wanted to believe the boy, then Jin had acted the same way when he had first met the younger and had received what he wanted pretty quickly - it never happened other way, Ryo mused. But if he should believe Jin… then the fool really was in love with Kazuya.

“Besides, I’ll try to keep him away from you if you want.” He then shrugged, like it was an innocent suggestion. He refused to think that he had already banned Jin to come close to his lover as it seemed that it had had no effect. Ryo hadn’t really believed it would actually work, but it didn’t mean that he liked it any more.

Kazuya smiled at Ryo and took his hand into his, slowly brushing his fingers over. “Thanks.” He muttered with a soft expression on his face. “And this is why I lured you out to my apartment.” He then added and his voice suddenly sounded amused. “I need you.” Kazuya’s eyes glittered in the candle light as they locked with Ryo’s.

“I know.” His lover replied gently, his lips curling up as he stared into Kazuya’s brown orbs and let himself be enveloped by a feeling he had thought he’ll never recover from. “And I’ll be here to protect you.” He continued, entwining his hands with Kazuya’s. “Just…” Ryo stopped himself for a moment and looked anywhere else than Kazuya before finally letting his eyes fall on the boy’s, “just don’t lie to me. That’s all that I ask.”

Kazuya’s eyes darkened at this request, but he ended up nodding. Forgive me, Ryo, the younger boy said to himself as he concluded that he’ll never be able to tell his lover that he had had another date with Jin and had kissed him a second time. Some things were better kept secret. “So… are we going to eat?” He then laughed as he looked at their still full plates.

Ryo laughed back and nodded as he started to eat again, a wide and half-fake smile plastered on his face.

Yeah, some things were indeed better as a secret.

*

A week passed after Kazuya had spent the night with Jin and despite all his worries regarding how he will not be able to fall asleep, actually he had been the first one to go in dreamland and maybe for the first time, he had managed to sleep peacefully. But when the morning had come, all of his insecurities, his feelings and memories came back to him, making him realize that the night was over and that Cinderella’s magic had disappeared.

So, he had crept out of bed, looked at Jin’s sleeping face and although his heart clutched, he took his clothes and exited the room while making the minimal noise possible. He was leaving once again, just like in that morning. Except that now, Jin was beside him and still sleeping…

And now, all that happened between them seemed so far away and seeing how days had passed and Jin hadn’t come to bother him anymore, Kazuya concluded that he had finally given up on him and he could go back to his old life. Though he wasn’t quite the same, as he had just admitted he was still having feelings for Jin, he was still in love with the actor. But Ryo was with him and this way, he could forget, he could suppress all that he was feeling and in the end, he could lie to himself again.

Actually, seeing how Jin hadn’t contacted him anymore, in a strange sort of way, made him lonely. Of course, he had been doing his best at work, he was still as loving as he usually was with Ryo, but when he’d be all alone… his thoughts will all head to Jin and make him feel miserable and alone. And even now he felt this way and he could only blame it on the rain. It was pouring down and he couldn’t help but feel nostalgic, sad and thoughtful of the days when he had first met Jin. If someone would have told him that he’d get this hooked up over a man, he’ll say he had had too many beers to drink. But seeing it now, how he was suffering, Kazuya couldn’t help but to wonder where was the fate in all this? And why did it choose to make the two of them fall for each other when their relationship had been this hard to maintain?

As Kazuya wheeled the car to park it in front of his block, the glitter of a silver pinky ring had drawn his attention. The memories of the ring came assaulting him and when he finally parked the car, Kazuya couldn’t wait to get inside his house, make himself a hot cocoa and get under the covers to forget about everything. He dashed out in the rain, heading for the building’s entrance and all of a sudden he halted, rain pouring down on him as he looked at the figure standing next to the door, shivering and looking all wet.

“J-Jin?” He said with a small voice, drowned by the rain. “Jin.” His voice was louder now and he got close enough to have the man hear him.

“Yo.” Jin raised his hand in a salute and tried to laugh a little. He had been waiting for a while and even if he was sheltered from the hard pouring rain at that moment, it had still managed to get him wet and freezing in the few minutes he had run from his car to the younger’s building. Plus, the fact that he had remained in the cold of the ending autumn season made things a little worse and it wasn’t good that he had a weak body in the first place. He would definitely catch a cold after this, Jin mused as he looked at Kazuya taking cover next to him. “I wanted to see you.” The older confessed with a silly smile though it seemed more like a grimace.

Kazuya went to his side, away from the rain, now both of them standing in the small place in front of the door’s entrance. The younger looked at Jin with a curious gaze, though you could still see the surprise on his face. He really hadn’t expected to see him anymore. “I thought you left.” Kazuya replied with a calm voice, nothing betraying the fact that he had been convincing himself for a week that everything was back to normal, that Jin won’t come back this time.

“Leave where?” Jin chuckled slightly as he brushed his hands on his arms in a useless attempt to get warm. “Or did you miss me because I haven’t come to see you for a week?” he then teased the boy, the look on his face saying that he’d enjoy it very much if this were true.

Kazuya snorted and looked through his bag for his entrance pass. “It’s you who missed me if you came to see me through this horrible rain.” He replied as he kept searching for the pass, but not quite finding it. “Fuck…” he muttered to himself as he looked at his parked car. He must have let it in there, he thought as he looked at Jin. “Why did you come here tonight?” Kazuya asked harshly, though his tone was this way mostly because of his entrance pass still being inside the car.

“I wanted to see you.” Jin repeated his words from earlier, suddenly feeling a little warmer as if only Kazuya’s presence helped. Oh, the miracles of love, the older thought quite amused by this. “And you’re right, I missed you very much to be out on this weather.” He confessed with a silly grin and thought that Kazuya had no idea how easy he could get sick. If he knew, he’d realize what this meant for Jin.

Kazuya didn’t let himself be swayed by Jin, even if his heart skipped a beat at his confession. “Well, you saw me, then you can go back.” He replied a bit coldly and looked once more at his car. Damn, that fucking key card!

“Don’t be so cold with someone who waited for you so many hours…” Jin pouted as he lied a bit, as he hadn’t been standing there for that long, maybe an hour top. Though as impulsive - and rather crazy - as he usually was, he didn’t really think that Kazuya would doubt his words. “I actually came to give you something.” He continued and bit his lips hard, anxious and nervous and not sure at all if he had done the right thing in bringing this present for Kazuya.

The younger rolled his eyes, though inside he kind of worried about the fact Jin had been waiting for this long and it also kind of warmed him a bit. “Don’t tell me you bought another present.” He said with a dramatic sigh, clearly expressing his dislike towards such things. And really, why was Jin still coming back?

“Actually…” Jin smiled teasingly and let his hand travel to the back of his pants to retrieve something from it. “A little girl came to me today and gave me a bouquet of your favorite flowers,” he said shyly, holding one of the said flowers in front of Kazuya’s eyes, “and I thought that I should give one to you too.” He confessed and his cheek reddened a little, his eyes jumping from Kazuya’s ones to his nose or lips or anywhere else.

Kazuya stared at the small lily-of-the-valley and gulped a bit. A million emotions passed through him, each of it surpassing the other. Why was Jin doing this to him? Why was he still coming after him even if Kazuya had showed expressively that he didn’t want to have anything to do with him? Even if he had hurt Jin occasionally? Why couldn’t he give up and go on his way?! Kazuya didn’t seem to understand this and he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

“I don’t want it.” Kazuya tore his eyes away from the flower and looked out in the rain.

“But it will be lonely.” Jin whined and pouted as he moved the flower to be again in front of Kazuya’s eyes, a few drops of water falling on it. “It wants to be yours, it even has a note that says so.” He chirped with a happy voice, pointing to the little flower.

Kazuya’s brown eyes fell on the little white heads of the flower. It seemed so fragile, but he knew best - such flowers were stronger than any kind. And somehow, he remembered that once he had wished to be as strong as this flower. But he had never succeeded, not even now as he lifted his hand and grabbed gently the thin body of the flower. With his other hand, he lifted the note to read it as glimmers from inside the block hit on the silver ring on his pinky.

At the sloppy handwriting, Kazuya couldn’t help but to smile a bit. It carried the same message as the one from years ago, when Jin had given him a watch.

I want to be Kazuya’s :)

“Cheesy as ever.” The younger remarked as he lifted his eyes to meet Jin’s. “But… thanks, I guess.” He then added, feeling a bit awkward and not knowing what to do or say anymore.

Jin didn’t answer. He didn’t blink and he seemed to not even breathe as his gaze rested on the younger’s pinky finger, like his eyes were glued to the small object on it and couldn’t tore them apart no matter what. He opened his mouth to say something but found himself incapable of uttering one word, not knowing what he should say first. Those rings were the symbol of their relationship, of their love, of everything that had been between them. They represented them and the fact that they had been together at one point in the time and had promised to never be apart, to not let anyone come between them. He could still remember the night of his birthday when he had received his ring and how happy he had been to have received a gift from Kazuya, even more when it was something like this. He could still remember the night he had found out that the ring had a pair, each second of that special moment being engraved in his mind and heart.

That had been the night they had made love for the first and last time. That had been the night when Kazuya had said his first words of love towards Jin and had prepared candles and flowers and a romantic atmosphere to confess his feelings. Those rings meant so much for them that no one could even express it in words, as they had been there for the beginning of their relationship in the night when Jin had realized he was in love with Kazuya, to the ending of it when the younger had gone to Jin’s concert and had left the next morning without a word.

He didn’t say anything and just kept staring at the ring which was once more on Kazuya’s finger while his own was hidden by his shirt, tied to the necklace. His grin had never been wider and Jin could feel his cheeks starting to hurt, but he paid no attention. He was feeling beyond happy. The fact that Kazuya was wearing their ring was saying words which the younger would never express.

And it brought a new sense to Jin’s world.

Kazuya frowned at Jin’s sudden look of happiness on his face and something told him that it wasn’t because of him accepting the flower. “Umm… earth to Jin?” Kazuya waved a hand in front of Jin, the one with the ring. “Are you still here?” He asked mockingly, a derisive smile on his face.

Jin’s eyes followed the hand - more precisely, the finger with the ring - as Kazuya moved it in front of his eyes, the older one’s grin becoming more and more stupid. He grabbed the boy’s arm to stop it from moving and carefully brought it closer, examining the ring he had so many memories attached to. “You’re still wearing it.” He stated as if that explained everything, the smile on his face not disappearing and the way his eyes sparkled as he glanced from the ring to Kazuya’s eyes becoming more obvious.

The younger one’s smile disappeared from his face as he understood Jin’s reason to being happy. And even as he turned a bit pale, Kazuya didn’t show anything of what he might be feeling as Jin realized his proof of still clinging to the past. “It’s just an accessory.” He replied coldly and his lips curled sardonically. “In fact, it isn’t even mine. It’s from the photo shooting I had today.” The younger shrugged, easily lying.

Jin raised a mocking eyebrow. “And you really think I’d believe that?” he asked with a taunting voice, his eyes now glued to the boy’s brown orbs, not letting himself be swayed by Kazuya’s words. “It’s the same as mine,” he continued as he searched for his necklace and brought it out from under his shirt, showing the younger his own ring attached to the chain, “and after more than three years of wearing it, I can recognize it from a thousand.” He smiled almost gently now, like he understood that Kazuya wanted to hide this, but silently telling him that he couldn’t.

Kazuya snorted. “Believe what you want.” He said as he pulled his hand away, hiding it in his pocket. His heart had done a flip-flop as Jin had showed the ring he had given to him years ago, it clutched too painfully to it. Jin shouldn’t have worn it anymore, he shouldn’t give his chained love wings. “It’s a simple accessory, a no-brand ring.” He smiled coldly at Jin, his palm fisted in his pocket.

“But it means so much more to us.” Jin pointed out with a devilish smile as he started to get closer to the boy. “It represents our bond, it represents the night when we first made love.” He said and caught Kazuya’s hands again, forcing him to take the left out from his pocket. “It represents the words ‘I love you’ that you told me that night.” He whispered and lowered his head a little to place his lips over Kazuya’s still fisted palm, Jin’s eyes still studying the younger’s expression.

Kazuya hated the words Jin was saying, hated the effect it had on him and most surely hated the truth in them. “Stop it.” He growled displeased and yanked his hand free from Jin’s grasp. “It means nothing.” He glared at Jin, baring his teeth in a mocking smile. “It only means the pain and the wrong in my life. Our lives.”

“Oh, come on!” Jin rolled his eyes, completely not convinced of the younger’s act and even starting to get a little annoyed by it. It was already obvious what the truth was and Kazuya still wanted to maintain this masquerade. “Kazuya, it’s obvious that you still love me so please don’t deny it anymore.” The older said with a shook of his head, like there couldn’t be any other truth than this.

Kazuya laughed, not letting it show that Jin hit the jackpot. “And because of a ring, you concluded that I still love you?” He asked with a mocking voice. “Well, I’m happy I didn’t give you anything else. If by mistake I would have bought something like that over the years, you’d say more idiocies than you are doing now.” He laughed some more, rolling his eyes as he turned to watch the rain that had simply intensified in the meantime. “Just please, don’t be more pathetic than you have already been.” He threw a glance to Jin, obviously disgusted by the older one’s words. And oh, how much his own words were hurting him more than he would have thought.

Jin didn’t seem to be as affected by Kazuya’s words as the younger was. “Well, I’d rather be pathetic than to lie to myself and deny the truth.” He confessed with a light pout forming on his lips. “Besides,” he continued with a knowing smirk, “I think you secretly enjoy seeing this pathetic me who continually seeks your attention.” He leaned over Kazuya’s shoulder to whisper the words into his ear - though his voice had been a little louder than a whisper to cover the sound of the rain - while he used his index and thumb fingers to gently tuck the boy’s hair under his ear.

After all, Kazuya had indeed been disappointed that Jin hadn’t visited for a week and had certainly seemed that he wanted explanations for that. Besides, this had also happened the first time, right? When they first got together, Jin had tried and had tried again to make Kazuya his, kind of how he was doing now.

The younger one pushed Jin away from him, annoyed at himself and at Jin in the same time. He looked angry at the other one, detesting that he got so close to him, enough to make him feel weak in the knees and his heart to beat faster. “Fuck you.” He snarled and not wanting to stand there anymore, he went out in the rain, heading for his car.

“You’re not going to escape this time.” Jin muttered under his breath as he went after the boy and grabbed his hand to pull him back into his arms, the older one’s hands now holding him tightly. “How long are you going to run from the truth?!” he demanded to know, now slightly pissed that Kazuya had tried to escape for what seemed to be the millionth time.

Kazuya struggled to get himself free, though the rain was kind of making things hard as his clothes got heavier on his body. “Leave me alone!” He said with a harsh voice, pushing Jin with his fists, but it wasn’t much. “There’s no truth between us!” He then added, trying unceasingly to escape from Jin’s arms.

“Even your own body betrays you.” Jin snapped and forced his tongue between Kazuya’s parted lips, pushing deep and asking for more. He was sick of this situation. He was sick and tired of Kazuya denying his feelings and trying to pretend like there was nothing between them or that it hadn’t meant anything. He had it with Kazuya’s way of defending himself while saying that only his body wanted him. He was only lying, because it was obvious that his whole self was screaming after his ex-lover.

And Jin was planning to prove it with any cost.

Kazuya was shocked at first by this sudden action of Jin’s, the warmth of his mouth covering his own sending shivers all over his body, the fury in the kiss making him respond the same and even though his hands had clutched on Jin’s wet jacket, it wasn’t to send him away, but to pull him closer. Why was he letting Jin kiss him again? But there was again this hunger that was consuming both him and Jin. So he had to consume before he’d be consumed. Kazuya gripped harder on Jin’s shirt, took more of Jin’s mouth, sucked on his tongue and lips, rain pouring down on them as they kissed with fierce passion, unspoken desires.

“Kazuya…” Jin said with a husky voice, tilting the boy’s head to deepen the kiss and to taste more of him. He brought him closer, their bodies gluing and the rain making them seem like they were one. He carefully slipped a leg between Kazuya’s ones and pushed a little, swallowing the needy moan that the younger’s mouth uttered and continuing to grind his hips into the boy’s, to search for more friction as his hands now let Kazuya’s arms free to clutch on his back, holding tight on his jacket like he wanted to tear it apart. “I love you.” He whispered in the silence of the night where only their moans and the sound of the rain kept them company, parting from the boy’s lips only to breathe and then attacking them again. “I need you.” He continued as he let his lips travel further, pressing wet kisses on Kazuya’s neck and still whispering words of love.

Maybe he needed him too much.

Kazuya’s hands lost themselves in Jin’s wet hair, his head bent as he allowed the other to kiss him more, as the rain fell on his face, not managing to cool off either of them. He needed Jin as much as the older one needed him, he knew that very well. But all this scared him so much, made him feel so much… like he hadn’t felt in a while now. “Jin…” He said with a throaty voice the other’s name, pulling on the actor’s hair and bringing their mouths together once more. He needed more of those lips, of that tongue inside his mouth, of Jin’s taste mixing with his, burning and cursing him in the same time.

But it was too much, it was too deep and too scary. And exactly as they parted for a breath, Kazuya opened his eyes and looked at Jin. “I…” he seemed to say, but stopped in time as he realized just how close he had been to say that he loved Jin too, that he needed him too. And this truth worked on him more than the cold and pouring rain. With panicked moves, he pushed Jin away, backing as far away as possible from him. “If you ever touch me again…” Kazuya said with a shaking voice as he looked at Jin, feeling lost, aroused and desperate.

“If I ever touch you again what?!” Jin almost yelled, mad that after kissing him desperately and showing his true self, Kazuya was still stubborn enough to retreat again in his shell. “You’ll do what?” he insisted when the younger didn’t answer, just stared at Jin with trembling eyes. “You’ll say again that we were a mistake? You’ll lie to me, to yourself and to everyone else?” he asked with an imperious voice and his eyes seemed to sparkle with something when he continued. “You’ll kiss me again and ask me to make love to you and then you’ll go back to Ryo to fuck you?” he hissed the words, having lost control of himself and saying the most hidden fears of his.

Since the words were hurting him so much, Kazuya didn’t have any other options than to answer - “YES!” His voice sounded like a thunder over the roaring rain as he passed a hand over his wet hair. “I’ll do all of these if this way I’ll have you out of my life!” He continued and with fury, he took out his pinky ring and showed it to Jin. “If by throwing everything that has any connection with you, I can be free of you…” His voice choked a little as his hand hid the ring and he let his head down, but quickly looked up at Jin, his eyes determined and fierce. “If I can forget you, I’ll do this and even more!” And with a swift move that cost him everything, he threw the ring in the rainy night, knowing very well that he had just thrown away his heart.

Jin suddenly froze. He had been betting on all of this because he had seen Kazuya still wearing his ring. He had been so sure now - even if it wasn’t exactly the first time - that Kazuya still loved him because of that ring. He had said such things and had acted so confident because of that damned ring!!

Somehow, the simple act of Kazuya’s throwing away a piece of jewelry destroyed him more than simple words could. Because Jin had learnt to see behind the words the younger would often use to keep him away. He had learnt that he needed to watch the way Kazuya’s body would react or how his eyes would flicker sometimes or how he could be caught with something like the ring which represented their promise of a lifetime. And now… he had seen all of those sign crash in front of his eyes.

He looked at Kazuya, the rain making the pain in his eyes seem even more obvious. He turned his back on the boy and looked at the shiny little thing a few steps away from him, standing in the rain and still shining proudly. He slowly made way to it and crouched down, taking it in his hands and studying it even if he could barely see anything because of the dark and the rain that kept on pouring. “You really want to throw this away?” Jin asked and his voice seemed to break towards the end. No, he didn’t believe in Kazuya’s words. He knew that the younger still loved him, he had seen this so many times now.

But…

Kazuya stood firm on his place, though he was dying to go next to Jin, to snatch the ring and tell him that he had never wanted to do this, but… what? He had been forced? Did someone put a gun to his temple and said to him to throw the ring? No. He had done it willingly, even if it tore him apart, even if his heart was now lying in Jin’s hand together with the ring. “Isn’t it obvious?” He said with a cold voice as he turned away and went to his car, looking for his electronic pass as he so much wanted to get inside his apartment, to hide under his blankets and forget about the world, about Jin. He retrieved the pass, left the car and headed for the block, stopping only for a brief moment next to Jin. “You can keep that no-brand ring.” Kazuya said harshly and moved on. It was time to move on from Jin too.

“Well, then I don’t need them anymore either.” Jin suddenly said and took two little stones from the ground, throwing them far away and not even seeing where they had dropped. Maybe he was a little cruel making Kazuya think that he had also thrown both of their rings, but Kazuya had been much crueler when he had actually threw his away.

He didn’t regret a thing, Jin said to himself as he also turned his back on the boy and started walking away. This was another challenge for him and tomorrow, when he’ll wake up, he’ll see this night with different eyes and he’ll realize that it had been just another attempt of Kazuya’s to chase him away. He’ll know then that everything had again been a lie and he’ll be again sure that Kazuya still loved him.

But tonight… Jin allowed himself to grieve.