Secret Whispers - Chapter twenty [part II]

[aroruae]

PART I

This time, Jin didn’t reject Kazuya and instead he kissed him back with anger and raw power, pouring all of his feelings into that kiss. His hands fell from Kazuya’s arms and Jin let one of them settle on the boy’s waist to bring him closer, not even wanting to hide the moan that escaped his lips at the sudden contact of their bodies. He had been hard for a while now and even if he had forgotten all about it in the middle of this conversation - rather fight - with Kazuya, his body seemed to remember his needs and desires at only a slight brush of their lips. He kissed the younger, letting their tongues get tangled into a dance that neither of them could win even if Jin was dominating the kiss and having the upper hand. His free hand traveled on Kazuya’s back, drawing circles on his already hot skin and grazing it with his nails as it climbed even more and settled into the boy’s hair, forcibly tilting his head and deepening the kiss, wanting more, needing more and telling all of this to Kazuya through his body.

The younger welcomed everything Jin offered, taking and giving back twice as much. He had been lusting for Jin for the past days, he had been wanting to touch him and to be touched by him. Last time they had slept together, it had been rushed, dominated by thoughts of revenge and Kazuya had only let himself feel everything just to remind himself how Jin had ruined him. And how wrong he had been.

“J-Jin…” Kazuya whispered into their kiss, his hands touching and feeling Jin’s body, passing his fingers over his chest, over his abdomen, teasing his waist only to go up again. “Ah, Jin…” He moaned into their kiss, just as the older one took more of him, pressed their bodies closer and the only thing Kazuya could do was to cling onto Jin’s shoulders, letting himself be loved. How unworthy of this.

Jin completely ignored the silent pleas and fastened his moves, thinking that they were in public - and in a church above it all! - and that anyone could find them there. They had to finish this quick and as much as it pained him to have to go through this rush again, he let his hands roam over Kazuya’s back, climbing down on his body and slipping without any effort in his boxers. He felt Kazuya tensing in his arms and Jin soothed him with his lips, kissing him again and sucking on his tongue as his fingers gently teased his hole, wanting to penetrate it.

Kazuya held tighter onto Jin, feeling that maybe they were going a little too fast. But quickly this thought was replaced by the one saying that too much time had passed between them, too much time he had lost without Jin’s touch, so nothing was in a hurry right now. Though he still couldn’t suppress the feeling he had always had since he had made love with Jin - it will hurt. At first it will hurt and then it will turn into pleasure. But it will definitely hurt, even if Jin was gentle with him. His nails dug into his lover’s skin, shivering at the thought of feeling Jin inside of him once more. He will give anything to Jin - even if it hurt.

Kazuya tensed once more as he felt one finger entering him, holding his breath as Jin’s lips left his mouth and started to press kisses all over his skin, his free hand making him stand up on his knees as Jin proceeded to pull down his boxers, revealing Kazuya’s erection. The older didn’t waste any more time and wrapped his fingers around the younger’s cock as he inserted another one into his hole, his lips continuing to kiss him as Kazuya’s fingers dug into his shoulder because of the sudden pain and because of the rushed pace that Jin was using. He didn’t stop there though and inserted one more finger, moving them inside of Kazuya and feeling like he wanted to cry as he heard a loud moan escaping the boy’s lips as he found that sweet spot. He continued to push against it for a few more times, giving Kazuya time to adjust with the feeling of being invaded with something and then retreated his fingers, quickly replacing them with his cock.

Everything stilled around them as they became one. Jin closed with eyes with a loud groan and let his head fall on Kazuya’s shoulder, too engrossed into the feeling of being inside the boy to even notice the way Kazuya had stilled or how blood had started to appear where the younger’s nails had hurt him. “Are you okay?” he asked with a raw voice, aware that he had been too rough but not being able to stop himself from being this way even more.

Kazuya let out a strangled sound, unable to properly answer to Jin, the feeling of having the other one inside of him once more - even as hurried as it had been - making him incapable of thinking anything beyond that it hurt and it was good in the same time, that Jin was once more his. He held tighter onto Jin and pushed all of his weight down on Jin’s shaft, more of it entering him. Kazuya stifled a moan by biting Jin’s shoulder, tasting his skin, the salted sweat on it.

“Jin.” The name came out with a shaken voice and there was plea and pain mixed together.

The older one forced himself to close his eyes and ignore all of the things that he would have liked to say. Instead, he let his hands roam once more on Kazuya’s back as he started to move his hips, with a slower pace at the beginning but thrusting faster and faster as the moans from Kazuya were getting louder with each movement of his. They kissed again, their lips meeting into a sloppy kiss as neither one of them could stop anymore, chasing the sweet feeling of release that they already knew how much of a bliss it was.

It ended as fast as it had started. Jin pushed a few more times into Kazuya’s hole, groaning as he continued to pump the younger’s cock, bringing him to release. He felt the walls tightening around his shaft and Jin dropped all of his defenses as he came with a loud growl, his lips instinctively searching for Kazuya’s and catching them into a new kiss as both of them rode their orgasm.

This hadn’t been love, Kazuya realized as he kissed Jin, trying to reach his feelings, trying to bring out the emotion that had first brought them together. It had been pure and raw desire, need and nothing else. Maybe bitterness, but Kazuya didn’t want to think of it - it was better if he thought of this act between them as pure sex. Because Jin, despite being gentle, hadn’t made love to him, he had just taken what Kazuya had offered from the beginning. And this was the only explanation the younger could give to the throbbing in his chest, to the pain in his heart. Jin had used him, just like he had used him last time.

Kazuya slowed down their kiss, their tongues now only a brush of wetness and fire, their lips a gentle rub. He felt Jin pulling out of him and a soft gasp left his throat. What had he done? In a church nonetheless, where all the saints had been watching. He was the worst, Jin had been right.

“The rain stopped.” Jin suddenly said, lifting Kazuya up a little so that he could move the boy next to him. He didn’t spare him even a glance as he sat up and started to look for his clothes which he had thrown earlier in his rush to get warm. It hurt, it really hurt to know what had just happened and how badly he had snapped, but there was nothing else he could do now but to face the consequences of his own actions.

Kazuya clutched onto the blanket Jin had left behind and tightened it around his sudden shivering body. He looked away from Jin, realizing once more how wrong he had been in his actions. Not the ones from now, but from his past. What happened between them right now wasn’t even the shadow of what they could have if they would simply love each other and this fact, the one that Kazuya had lost something so wonderful because of his stupidity, made him feel meaningless, it tore him apart. Would they ever get over what had happened between them? Would they ever be able to love each other freely once more?

Kazuya sobbed and wiped his tears, feeling not only his heart in pain, but also his body. He didn’t dare to face Jin.

“Dress already, we can’t afford to be seen here.” Jin said with a slight annoyed voice, glancing at Kazuya as he pulled up his wet pants and looked for his shirt. They also couldn’t stay like this for any longer, they would catch a cold for sure if those wet clothes stayed for much longer on their hot skins and Jin really didn’t want this to happen as he knew perfectly well that the first thing to happen for him was to lose his voice. “Or what,” he continued with a slight amused voice as he turned to look at Kazuya, his fingers buttoning his shirt and his eyes stubbornly avoiding the younger’s ones, “aren’t the saints watching you anymore?” he mocked the boy, rolling his eyes and promptly turning his back on Kazuya. The last thing he wanted to see was the person he loved most crying.

Kazuya curled a little as he heard Jin’s mockery and he tried to ignore the arrow of pain that soared in his body at this little action. “Tell me your address… I’ll take a taxi and come later.” He said with a hoarse voice, his head lowered so that his hair was falling on his face, hiding it from Jin’s eyes, that if he bothered to look at him.

“Kazuya, I’ll start dressing you myself if you don’t start moving right now.” Jin sighed tiredly, now putting on his shoes as he sat down a chair, his face turned towards Kazuya but his eyes looking at a distant point behind the younger.

“Why?” Kazuya asked and gave a light shrug. “Wouldn’t it be better if you left me here and went back home?” He continued and he hated the tremble in his voice. “I’ll find an excuse to tell your mother why we didn’t come home together, if this is what worries you.” He curled a bit more and bit his lip at the slight throb of pain in his lower part.

Jin couldn’t suppress his anger anymore as he dashed towards Kazuya, catching him by his arms and pulling him up without a word. The younger one let out a soft cry, feeling his legs like gum and his body aching. He looked at Jin with a pained look and tried to move away from him, though it only made him wince in pain. Then he felt something dripping down on one of his legs and he glanced down, surprised to see the red line making its way to the floor. “Let me go, Jin.” Kazuya looked at him with a frantic expression and tried to get away even more, ignoring his pain. He didn’t want Jin to see the blood, it was his punishment. “I’ll come later, really.” He begged and pulled away again, only to be brought back into Jin’s arms.

“We left together and we’ll come back together.” Jin said with determination in his voice, showing that he wasn’t going to accept another ending. He pulled on Kazuya’s arm to drag the boy after him, stopping next to the chair where he had left his clothes. Only then Jin released Kazuya’s arm, though it was only for the second that it took him to take the boy’s blouse and force Kazuya to pull it on.

“No, Jin, stop.” Kazuya pushed his hands away, holding his legs glued to each other as he tried to move as farther away as he could from Jin. But seeing that the older was so determined in his actions, Kazuya didn’t see other solution than - “Stop, it hurts, Jin!” He said with a raised voice and bent forward, trying to curl and gather all the pain in just a place, not letting it spread in his body.

Jin’s eyes widened at the sudden statement of Kazuya’s. He looked at him with worried eyes, trying to figure what had happened and if he had been too rough with the boy. A glance to the spot where Kazuya had been standing the first time answered him as Jin saw blood on the floor. He let his eyes travel over Kazuya’s body and saw more drops of blood dripping off his legs. Oh, God, what had he done?

“We need to take you to the hospital.” He said with a concerned and guilty voice, not bearing to look any more at the consequences of his own actions. He should have stopped, he should have thought more at what he was doing… This just showed that they were better off each other.

Kazuya looked up at Jin and there was a flash of anger in his eyes. “I don’t need anything. I’m okay, I just need to stay -” he took a deep breath, “- alone.” He added and closed his eyes a little. “It was bound to happen sometimes, after all I haven’t been sleeping with other men besides you.” He chuckled, recalling that he had read about something like this happening to those who were into anal sex. “And don’t start blaming yourself!” Kazuya warned and looked at Jin piercingly. “It just happens. If it’s you, I don’t mind.” He exhaled deeply and looked around, feeling like he couldn’t stand on his feet anymore.

Jin looked like he had something to say about this, but he chose to shut up for the moment, knowing that he couldn’t change Kazuya’s mind no matter what he did. The guilty look didn’t disappear from his eyes as he took a step back and proceeded to examine Kazuya further, wanting to see how much damage he had done. “I’m not leaving here without you.” He finally said after a moment of silence, his voice sounding half cold and half caring. “Get dressed if you don’t want someone to find us here and then publish things about us, especially seeing the condition you are in.” he added, thinking that this might be the only argument to convince Kazuya. Even if he didn’t care about himself or his own career, Jin couldn’t bring himself to believe that he didn’t care anymore about his too.

Kazuya groaned. “That’s why I’m telling you to leave me here.” He said and slowly let himself down on the floor. “I’ll head to your house as soon as I’ll get a grip of myself.” He added with a half smile half grimace. He looked then at his wet shirt and ripped a part of it, folding it neatly. “Would you mind turning around?” He asked Jin as he looked up, putting the ripped and wet cloth on his leg, erasing the blood. First thing first - he had to clean himself.

Jin had the decency to blush a little as he turned his back on Kazuya like he had been caught in action. In fact, he had been staring at the younger and at how the blood seemed to drop on his legs - though the bleeding had stopped long ago and Jin was only imagining now the worst things. What if it was worse than he had thought? What if Kazuya will catch a disease or something like that because of him? What if…

Oh, God, he really had to stop thinking.

“At least let me take you home if you don’t want to go to the hospital.” Jin argued, the tone of his voice betraying how guilty he was still feeling about this. But this way he could be with Kazuya and take care of him even if that stupid boy refused to have a doctor check him.

“Actually, I’d like to go to a hotel.” Kazuya replied as he parted his legs a little, lifting his body and pampering the wet cloth against his abused hole. “I don’t want your mother to worry about me.” He then added, hoping that Jin didn’t think anything else about his wish. Although he would have liked to go with Jin to a hotel from other reasons, but even if he wanted, his body couldn’t take it. Damn, he should have tried to slow down things a bit. It was his fault that he let everything develop so fast, he should have known.

After he cleaned himself, though he wasn’t sure how bad things were, he lifted himself up, pulling his boxers on and then his jeans. He also hid the bloodied cloth, knowing that Jin would feel guiltier at the sight of it. And it wasn’t his fault, it lied with Kazuya only. “And we should stop at a pharmacy, I’ll need some things.” He said as he zipped his jeans.

“Okay.” Jin accepted with a half voice as he turned to look at Kazuya, obviously happier that the boy had finally given in. “Just wait here, I’ll go bring the car so that you don’t have to walk that far.” He then added and headed to the exit, not wanting to waste any more time if Kazuya’s life was in danger.

As Jin left, Kazuya sighed and passed a trembling hand through his hair. He’d have to go to the hospital as soon as he will get back to Tokyo. He won’t worry Jin about his condition, it was something he had to deal with by himself. So he should bear with this all and when he’ll go to the hotel, he’ll tend to himself as much as he could. He won’t have Jin know that it was actually a danger to let yourself like this, untreated. But it was his punishment for hurting Jin, it was his fault and Kazuya had to take it as a man.

He smiled and looked around. This was a holy place and he had tainted it, he didn’t deserve to be here, he didn’t deserve to even be loved. He turned and his eyes landed on the sanctuary where the cross of Jesus was and Kazuya felt like was being bashed away from there. Of course, there wasn’t a place for him there. He wasn’t a Christian, but there were gods here too. He sighed and exited the church, thinking that together with his sinful self, he had dragged Jin in being sinful too. Was it okay for him to try and win him back?

Kazuya limped his way in front of the church, looking right and left for Jin’s car. Outside the wind was chilly and it made him shiver.

It only took a couple of minutes before Jin pulled the car in front of Kazuya and exited it to go next to the younger and try to help him on. “Come on.” He said with a voice as gentle as he could, trying to ignore the pain in his heart and concentrate only on Kazuya’s wellbeing, as he grabbed the boy’s arm to lead him to the car.

The younger one chuckled a little as he tried to walk as normally as he could, not wanting Jin to worry more. “I’m not invalid, Jin.” He said gently, though he leaned on his hand, he accepted his help. “I can still walk.” He added as he looked at the older one who was now opening the car’s door and then helping him get inside. Kazuya winced as he sat down on the front chair. “You worrywart.” He said as Jin also entered the car.

“Well, I have the right to worry because…” Jin stopped himself and looked unsure for a moment as he bit his lower lip to not let the rest of his sentence out - because I love you. “Because I’m partly at fault for what happened.” He recovered in a matter of seconds and closed the door of the car, turning on the engine and leaving the church.

“I told you that you’re not at fault at all.” Kazuya said and looked outside the window at the grey skies. “It usually happens.” He added, not wanting to say that it usually happened because one of the partners was too hurried or that the other one wasn’t prepared enough. Kazuya won’t add to Jin’s guilt. “And I told you that I’m okay with it. I know what I need to do.” He turned and looked at Jin, smiling a bit, hoping that it was reassuringly enough.

“Now look who’s the sudden expert in sex between men.” Jin snorted, annoyed that Kazuya still tried to make him the innocent one and leave the fault on fate. This wasn’t something that should happen when having sex and Jin knew at least this. Nothing that the boy said could make him stop blaming himself.

“You know, before I slept with you for the first time, I did some research.” Kazuya said hotly, hating that Jin was underestimating him. “I wanted us to feel good, not to stumble onto a problem and not know how to solve it. So I kind of know what was to happen and this was one of them.” He continued, crossing his arms as he kept looking at Jin. “So unless you slept with other men beside me, yes, that makes me the expert in sex between men.” Kazuya stated and inside his heart, he hoped Jin will deny having relations with other men. He wanted to believe that he was special.

Jin threw Kazuya a surprised look, feeling like it was a little hard to believe this. But in the same time, it wasn’t and it was a perfectly normal thing to do, especially when you didn’t trust that much the person you were sleeping with, right? Kazuya had to be prepared in case Jin would do something stupid and… He really needed to stop thinking. “Somehow, I find it hard to see you the expert one in this.” He said, glancing at the boy.

Kazuya blushed, feeling like he was some teenager at his first time. “Well then, sorry for caring more about my work and not having sex right and left.” He mumbled angry and turned to look outside the window. “Unlike Akanishi-sama who fucked girls -” he stopped and took a breath “- and boys in Japan and America.” He completed frowning. Jin didn’t deny sleeping with other men!

Jin shrugged. “You should try it too sometimes, it releases the stress.” He explained, wondering if Kazuya really was jealous of the idea of Jin sleeping with other people or he was just being possessive of his toy playing with other men. “Look at me.” He then added as he referred to what had happened between them earlier, knowing that it was a cruel thing to say and purposely saying it.

“Hell, I wonder why do we even need love when we could bang every person on the street, since it relieves stress.” Kazuya said, thinking yet again that Jin wasn’t denying anything at all. So this was how he had loved him during the past three years? By sleeping with others? After all, he did say that he needed to satisfy his needs at least once a month. Kazuya wanted to kick Jin with something, too bad he was hurting and the stupid was driving. But well, at least, they could die together - the happy end!

“It’s not like you need love to have sex.” Jin argued, thinking that if he had waited for him to fall in love, he would have still been a virgin the first time he had slept with Kazuya. “If you like each other enough, you don’t need more than this.” He said, knowing that this had definitely been enough for him every time he had had sex.

Love was overrated after all.

“So you like me enough to have sex with me?” Kazuya snorted, totally bothered by Jin’s way of thinking. “Then we should have sex more often since I like you enough either.” He then added like it was no big deal, though you could sense the anger and hurt in his voice. Were feelings not important anymore when having relations with someone?

“You annoy me enough to make me want to shut you up with sex.” Jin denied with a light voice, still concentrating on the road and now searching for a hotel that he knew it shouldn’t be that far. He wasn’t that far from the truth either and he had really slept with Kazuya this time just to shut him up, but… in the same time, it was much more than this.

Kazuya turned and looked at Jin with angry eyes. “Then stop the car and make me shut up.” He demanded to Jin, raising his chin defiantly. “If I annoy you this much, then show it.” He provoked, knowing that Jin won’t do anything to him. “Or you’re all just talk?” Kazuya arched an eyebrow with a mocking expression. What the hell was he doing?!

“You aren’t really annoying me right now.” Jin pointed out, not even bothering to spare a glance at the younger. “But if you did, I’d have another way to make shut up and that would be to take you directly to a doctor.” He said, showing that he hadn’t forgotten that Kazuya was still injured and that it was Jin’s fault.

“Yeah, right.” Kazuya rolled his eyes and resumed his watching outside the window. “Like you can make me go to a doctor without drawing attention on us.” He snorted, thinking that Jin won’t risk his star-name after he had publicly declared he didn’t know Kazuya. “Also, you should stop at a pharmacy.” He added as his eyes spotted the green cross of a pharmacy a few meters ahead of them.

Jin rolled his eyes yet again, wondering if Kazuya really was this stupid and didn’t already know that Jin didn’t care about anything else as long as he was okay. He sighed though and didn’t say anything, passing the pharmacy and driving a little more as he entered the underground parking of a hotel and stopped the car near the elevators.

“Why didn’t you stop at the pharmacy?!” Kazuya asked with a loud voice, clearly angered. “Did you turn blind all of a sudden or what?” He continued, cursing under his breath. Jin just killed the engine and Kazuya didn’t wait for anything as he opened the door, taking him every bit of power to force himself to get out that fast, but anger was a good helper. He started limping towards the elevators, closing his eyes from time to time to forget about the pain in his lower part.

Jin found himself once again rolling his eyes as he followed the boy and entered the elevator with him. Neither one of them said anything more as they climbed to the last floor, Jin spending his time to check if he still had that card from the room his parents had reserved for him to have anytime he needed one - and of course Jin hadn’t found important the fact to tell Kazuya that this was his parents’ hotel. The doors opened once more and the actor didn’t wait for another outburst of anger as he took the boy in his arms and exited the elevator while carrying Kazuya like a princess.

“Let me down, Jin.” Kazuya hissed on a low tone, preferring not to shout as they were now in a hotel and a scene might attract unnecessary attention. “I can walk perfectly fine.” He added and tried to get off, though his actions made him wince and his nails dug into Jin’s nape.

“I can see that.” Jin replied with another hiss, trying hard to ignore the pain that Kazuya was unconsciously creating him. “Just stay put, we’re almost there.” He said as he stopped in front of a door and used his already prepared card to open it, stepping inside and gently putting the boy on bed. “I’ll go prepare the bath and after that, I’ll go to the pharmacy so don’t move from here, okay?” he ordered and turned his back on Kazuya not to leave him any chance to answer.

“I don’t need your pity!” Kazuya shouted, now that he was in the room and no one could hear him but Jin. “You say you love me, but you don’t deny having slept with other women or men! So don’t pity on me just because I wanted to feel you again!” He continued to shout, standing on the bed and looking all hurt and angry. And there were tears glistering in his eyes, but he was too taken by his anger to notice them. “And also don’t feel GUILTY!!” He cried out loud, fisting the sheets around him.

Jin stopped in his track, shocked to hear such words coming from Kazuya, from the one he had searched for three years and the one he had believed he’ll be together with for the rest of their life. Somehow, it felt ironic that the person he loved most was the same one that didn’t understand him at all and always thought the wrong thing about him. “Think what you want.” Jin said with a low voice, not turning his back to look at Kazuya and instead continuing to head to the bathroom. He had heard enough for one day.

Kazuya looked furiously after Jin, the brief thought that he might have done another mistake passing through his mind. Then he lied down on the bed and turned his back on the bathroom’s door where Jin had entered. Why was this love so hard? Why he and Jin never got on the right time? Why did it have to hurt each time they met? He hated all of this situation - should he just leave everything as it was?

God, just how many times had he asked himself this question?! Was he so insecure of his love for Jin? Did Jin mean so little to him to question himself each time if he should go on? No, Jin meant everything right now and if he let go, then he’ll lose everything. He couldn’t do that, no matter what. But they will hurt each other again, of this Kazuya was more than sure.

“Come on, the bath is ready.” Jin announced as he stepped out of the room and walked to Kazuya, gently turning him on his back to make the boy look back at him. “You need to get clean.” He said as calmly as he could, prepared to do anything it took so that Kazuya wouldn’t be hurt because of his own mistakes.

Kazuya turned his head away, not wanting to see the love in Jin’s eyes, not wanting to let his anger simply fade away. “Go away.” He said hoarsely, biting his lower lip, despising Jin’s gentleness when he should just throw Kazuya in the street. It would have made things a lot easier. But when he was caring and there was love in his actions, Kazuya couldn’t bear to even look Jin in the eyes. He felt too guilty, miserable.

“Kazuya, you need to get cleaned up. And I’m not leaving this room until you’re in the bath.” Jin threatened with a slight impatient voice. “Take care of yourself or I’m going to do it for you.” He then added, wondering if he’ll really need to go as far as to check upon Kazuya’s injury by himself. Probably that he’ll do it too.

Kazuya stood up and carefully got out of the bed. As he was standing he turned to Jin and - “You know what hurts the most?” He said with a strangled voice. “To have you reject me when you love me, when you worry about me, when you’re being this gentle.” He said and took a deep breath. “And you know what I hate the most?” He then added and there was a faint smile. “To love you this much and not be able to do anything to make you believe, but just hurt you with my selfish love.” He answered and then, he turned limping towards the bathroom, not expecting any reply from Jin, not even hoping. Jin won’t accept him any soon now.

“Then you know how I’ve felt these past few weeks.” Jin replied exactly when Kazuya got to the doorframe, but didn’t wait for an answer and just dashed out of the room, feeling annoyed with himself, annoyed with Kazuya and annoyed with the world. Kazuya was the worst.

But maybe he was too.

*

A sudden chill made him wake up. He looked around and saw the same bedroom he had been sleeping in for the past few days. For a second, he had forgotten where he was and how he had gotten here, but in the end, such a thing was impossible to forget.

Kazuya sighed and curled more under the blankets. Yesterday, he and Jin had sex in a church. Then Kazuya had bled and they had gone to a hotel to clean him up. After that, they had returned back to Jin’s house late in the evening where Jin had more or less closed Kazuya in the bedroom. Except for the few and short times the older one had come to check upon him, Kazuya had not seen him the rest of the evening or night.

Such a day was yesterday.

And now outside was morning already and he was still curled up in bed, thinking that it would have been better if he had slept just a little more. He didn’t feel he had the courage to face Jin or any of his family members. Yesterday, he had kind of felt drained of emotions seeing what had happened between them and now he wasn’t feeling any better. But he couldn’t stay in bed all day and he couldn’t avoid Jin if he wanted to win him back.

So, Kazuya forced himself to get off bed, glad that his limp had subdued. In fifteen minutes, he had taken a shower and was ready to face a new day with Jin by his side. And how easier it would have been if the older one had simply forgiven and accepted him back. Kazuya sighed, thinking that it wasn’t the time to think like this, he needed to keep thinking positive, otherwise he’ll lose the battle before he had even started.

He exited his room and headed for the stairs, knowing that he will find Misaki in the kitchen. And so it was, he mused, as he entered the kitchen, greeting the woman with a smile and a - “Good morning.”

Misaki turned at Kazuya and smiled back brightly. “Good morning, dear. Did you sleep well?” She asked as she was setting the plates for breakfast.

“Yes, thank you very much.” Kazuya replied and looked a bit embarrassed. “I’m sorry I didn’t help you today with breakfast.” He then apologized, thing that made Misaki give a light chuckle. “If I can help you with anything…” The younger added while looking hopeful.

“It’s okay, dear, no need to worry.” She said with a small wave of her hand. Then something clicked in her mind. “Actually, could you please go upstairs and wake Jin up?” Misaki looked at Kazuya with puppy eyes and the boy had to make use of all his acting talents not to let the woman suspect that this was the last thing Kazuya wanted to do.

“Sure, no problem.” Kazuya said and turned around, exiting the kitchen. Now this was a challenge Kazuya wasn’t that keen on carrying out. Dreading the moment where he’d look at Jin’s sleepy face and try to wake him, making him recall memories of their lost past, Kazuya climbed up the stairs only to stop in front of Jin’s bedroom’s door, unable to bring himself to enter.

He took a deep breath and knocked once, twice. As suspected, there was no chance for Jin to be awake, so Kazuya put his hand on the doorknob, feeling it a bit shaky. He pressed on it and the door opened, bringing with it all of Kazuya’s fears. He slipped inside as his eyes fell on Jin’s sleeping form and involuntarily a smile curled up his lips. He closed the door behind him and headed for Jin’s bed, stopping at the edge of it.

He leaned a bit and grabbed gently Jin’s shoulder. “Jin, wake up.” Kazuya said with a soft voice then he recalled that Jin usually didn’t wake up like that. So he shook the older actor a little more, hoping that this will make him react. “Jin.” He called his name again, this time a bit louder.

“Mmm…” Jin mumbled, lifting his head a little but his eyes still closed, like he wanted to see who was bothering him while still sleeping. Then he let his head fall back on the pillow, sign that he hadn’t been awake not even for a second and that movement had been an instinct, throwing the blanket over his head and covering his entire body, wanting to evade from any kind of sound that could disturb his beauty sleep.

Kazuya sighed and straightened himself as he looked down at Jin. He should have known that waking Jin up was no joke and most certainly not an easy task. So he grabbed the sheets and pulled them off Jin and then he started rolling back and forth the older one’s body. “Wake up, wake up, wake up!” He chanted as he never stopped from what he was doing.

“Shut up!” Jin suddenly yelled annoyed, raising himself from the bed just enough to catch Kazuya’s arm and pull him into bed, more like throwing him on the space next to Jin and then settling above the boy to be sure that he wouldn’t move anymore. Then he fell asleep again.

Kazuya stood still and shocked under Jin, blinking furiously and trying to understand his current situation. And this was why he shouldn’t have woken Jin up. One way or another, something like this had to happen and while Kazuya was secretly happy, it sure won’t make Jin feel the same as soon as he will realize his actions. “Jiiiin...” Kazuya whined and slammed with his palms on the bed. He would be the one getting the blame in the end and Jin will go further away from him. Kazuya couldn’t help but to feel a little annoyed at the older, no matter how happy it made him in the same time. And he should wake Jin already otherwise, there were chances for Misaki to come up and check on them and Kazuya was sure that such a scene won’t please his mother too much. So he lifted his hands and started tickling Jin’s sides. “I said wake up, baka!” Kazuya said out loud in Jin’s ear as he had turned his head to do so.

Jin’s body seemed dead to the world though and the reaction Kazuya got was a slight move of his upper body as the older one tried to escape from the naughty hands. Still with his eyes closed, Jin lazily caught Kazuya’s hands and held onto them as tightly as he could, moving some more as he searched for a comfortable position. “Don’t wanna get up.” He said with a sleepy voice, his mouth whispering the words at Kazuya’s ear. “It’s warm here.” He added, somewhere in his mind realizing that he always felt cold in the morning, no matter the season, and that now was different and cozy.

Kazuya went limp under Jin and his heart started beating faster. He shouldn’t believe that he was making Jin warm, but he couldn’t help in doing so. Maybe he was delusional, but he wanted to believe that he could make Jin happy and warm again, that he’d be an important part to him again. So with his other free hand he circled Jin’s waist, snuggling him in his body warmth. “You’re going to regret it later.” Kazuya said softly and with a sad tone as he nuzzled his nose into the crook of Jin’s neck.

Jin didn’t say anything more and just hugged Kazuya back, obviously not being very much aware of his surroundings. He sighed happily, wondering briefly when was the last time he had felt so warm and protected and… loved. Maybe it was just an illusion created by some dream he had had, but Jin didn’t want to wake up yet. Just five more minutes. Or just one minute.

He only needed one more second.

“Breakfast is ready!” Jin’s mother voice was suddenly heard from downstairs, clearly calling them down.

Kazuya jolted under Jin and looked desperately at the door then back at the older one. He didn’t want to leave Jin’s warmth, he didn’t want to move from there even one inch. But if he didn’t… then something tragic might happen so early in the morning. So with regret, Kazuya tucked reluctantly at the other one’s shirt, from time to time, poking his ribs. “Come on, wake up.” He said and you could hear a sigh. It was almost like he didn’t want Jin to wake up and revert to his cold self.

“I’m sleeeeeepy.” Jin whined, only half opening his eyes and half still being on the land of dreams. Really now, he was having the best dream ever and now someone dared to wake him up and destroy that beautiful scene from his mind. “I don’t want to go to work.” He then added, figuring that this must be the only reason someone wanted him awake. But he had no intention on listening to anyone and he suddenly decided to just stay home and turn his back to that annoying person that had destroyed his dream with Kazuya.

The younger chuckled sadly, Jin was dreaming of working. Who else was in his dream too? Kazuya sighed a little and then cupped Jin’s face, leveling it with his. “Jin… you don’t have work today and your mom’s calling for breakfast.” He said with a soft voice, caressing with his thumb Jin’s cheeks as he took in the sight of his sleepy face. “So wake up, beautiful.” Kazuya smiled and out of instinct, kissed Jin briefly on the lips.

Jin pursed his lips into the short kiss, sign that he still had no idea what was going out and who was the person with him. He had always needed coffee to function, but he had also barely slept last night as he had checked on Kazuya even after the younger had fallen asleep. Jin had no idea what was the time when he had finally closed his eyes, but he felt like he had been dreaming only for five minutes before being woken up so brutally. “Alright, alright.” He agreed eventually, getting off bed and wanting to go to the bathroom. Except that he went the opposite way where only a wall expected him.

“Jin!” Kazuya jumped out of the bed and went to the older one that had fallen down on his ass, looking dazed. “Are you alright?!” He asked, checking his forehead to see the consequences of his hit. He was kneeling next to Jin, looking all worried, though he had to admit that it had been kind of amusing to see him walk straight in the wall.

“I’m fine.” Jin said as he lowered his head on Kazuya’s shoulder like he didn’t even feel the pain and seeming more than ready to fall asleep again. “I was just checking something.” He said with a dreamy voice, yawning after and not bothering to hide it.

“Yeah right.” The younger one said with a snort and slipped his hand in Jin’s hair, combing it gently. “Come on, let’s go to the bathroom.” Kazuya said after a few moments of silence and proceeded to help Jin get up. “You’ll wake up with a nice splash of cold water.” He added, trying to hold Jin up, though the man was making things difficult, letting his whole weight on Kazuya who still had a limp. “Come on, Jin.” He whined and shouldered him a little.

“I’m walking, I’m walking.” Jin mumbled though it was clear that he was doing just the opposite. His eyes were more open now and he was finally starting to realize his surroundings - that bump on his head had a delayed reaction - but he still had some problems to say what was two plus two. “I’m walking.” He said for the third time as the door of the bathroom finally appeared in front of them.

Kazuya sighed and pushed the door open, entering in the bathroom together with Jin and stopping with him in front of the sink, turning the tap for cold water. “Now wash your face and wake up, but careful - don’t hit the sink this time.” Kazuya joked and let go of Jin, deciding that from there the older actor wasn’t going to fall asleep again and he didn’t need his help again. But he still watched him and once he saw Jin trying to head for the shower and not wash his face first, he sighed tiredly. Then Jin missed the door and hit his forehead again. What the hell was wrong with him?! Did he stay awake all night? Kazuya thought annoyed and amused in the same time as he went up to Jin and slid the door of the shower cabin, stretching to turn on the cold water tap before he shoved Jin inside under the freezing rain. “Awake?” Kazuya laughed as he heard Jin squeal all of a sudden. Well, this was what a sleepyhead gets.

Jin screamed and hurried to get out of the shower, dancing on one foot as he desperately tried to get warm. His eyes were indeed wide open this time and he was completely awake, though this also meant that he was now aware of whom was the person laughing at him. “You think you’re so smart, don’t you?” he hissed with an angry voice, but didn’t wait for an answer and just pulled the shower head and turned it towards Kazuya, his hand holding the boy by his arm to stop him from leaving.

Now it was Kazuya’s turn to scream at the cold water and he put a hand, trying to stop the rapid flow on his face and body. “Jin, stop!” He squealed, water entering his mouth and nose as he tried to get away from Jin’s grasp. “Jin, it’s cooooold!” Kazuya continued to shout, moving left and right, managing to slip now on the wet floor, dragging Jin with him, of course. They both landed on the watery floor, the shower somewhere left behind in the cabin. Kazuya groaned and closed his eyes, seeing red stars.

“Why does this always happen to us?” Jin growled with an annoyed voice thought he couldn’t hide the fact that he was feeling kind of amused by this situation and he was having some problems to keep the smile away from his lips as he lifted his body a little and looked at Kazuya who was lying under him.

Kazuya opened his eyes and looked at Jin while he blinked fast. There was still water in his eyes. “Because you’re a baka.” He said with a toothy smile, unable to keep serious as he saw Jin smile a little to him. “And a sleepy one on top.”

“Well, I haven’t really slept last night.” The older one shrugged a little as he rolled over Kazuya and stretched his body on the floor. He grimaced as he remembered the reason he had been awake all night, checking on Kazuya and being ready to notice even the smallest whimper of pain. He hadn’t left Kazuya’s side for a few hours - of course, when he had been sure that the boy was already asleep - and had watched him sleeping, painfully reminding himself why they couldn’t be together. “If it’s not for work, I can’t function without sleep.” He added quickly to cover his mistake, thinking that he had had days when he slept most two hours but had been fine - or as fine as he could ever be considering the circumstances.

Kazuya frowned a little, but he stood up a little, looking at Jin with a concerned look on his face. “Why didn’t you sleep?” He asked with a small voice, the only noise in the bathroom being the still running water and the light splash of Kazuya’s fingers as he was playing with the water on the floor.

Jin sighed. He should have known that Kazuya won’t give up at this. “I stayed up all night to create some songs.” He said, only half lying as this had been his intention, but he had failed badly to do something work related. His eyes weren’t looking at Kazuya though and Jin knew that the younger would find this suspicious, so he tried to mask this and sat up to have a reason for avoiding the boy’s gaze, looking only in front of him.

“Ah, I see.” Kazuya said with a calm voice and also stood up. “I’ll go and change. You’d better hurry up, your mom is waiting for us for at least twenty minutes.” He tried to lighten the mood and with small splashes, he hurried to leave the room, limping slightly. Of course, Jin wouldn’t have visited him during the night when he was asleep - why would he do that if all he wanted was to forget about him?

Suddenly, the walls were closing on him.