Secret Whispers - Chapter twenty-two [part II]

[aroruae]

PART I

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Yamapi asked for the millionth time and Jin just smiled reassuringly, showing that he had thought about this for a long time and he had reached the same conclusion every time - he had to leave for America for the time being. His friend sighed and patted him on his back, wishing him good luck and telling him once more what Jin had been hearing for the past few days - “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

“He’s being stupid like always.” Ryo scoffed, him being the only one that still didn’t agree with such a decision when he knew how much had Jin and Kazuya had to suffer to get to this point. But the singer wouldn’t listen to him and it made Ryo worry as he thought of Kazuya that was now preparing for his press conference while they were all at the airport, waiting for Jin’s plane to leave.

“I think he’s doing the right thing.” Josh was the only one to agree with Jin’s decision, still remembering the devastated state he had found Jin into and how long he had needed to calm him down after confessing everything that had happened. Besides, his fists still itched for hitting Kazuya once more and he wasn’t that keen on letting Ryo go this easily either. He couldn’t do anything about it though as Jin had already forgiven the director and they seemed to be trying to rebuild their relationship.

“I’m not giving up on Kazuya.” Jin finally revealed, a teasing smile appearing on his lips as he looked at the shock on his friends’ face, Ueda being the only one that knew about his crazy plan. “But we do need some time off and if we’ve spent three years apart, we can stay a little longer and see how things will go after this.” He shrugged and smiled as his eyes darted to the television - the conference was beginning.

Jin felt his heart stop as he saw Kazuya entering the room, looking all calm and collected though he could realize that he was far from it. “Thank you for taking your time to gather here as I selfishly requested.” Kazuya started and Jin knew that this was just a way to gather the attention and make them wonder even more what was all this about. “Before I reveal my true motive of this conference, I want to thank everyone that had helped me all this time, to Nishikido-san who offered me the opportunity to be a part of his movie, to the staff that had kindly offered their help to me and last but not least, to all that have watched the movie and enjoyed it as much as I did while filming.”

Jin laughed, thinking that it already sounded like he was planning to retreat himself from this world and it seemed that he wasn’t the only one to think this as a reporter said - “Kamenashi-san, it sounds like you are about to retreat yourself from the world of movies.” Her words stirred chaos in the room and Kazuya’s answer didn’t do anything to subdue it.

“Yes, I’m about to do this.”

The reaction was immediate and all the reporters jumped with questions at Kazuya, each one of them wanting to know more about this sudden decision of a young and rising popular actor. After all, he was just at the start of his career and this conference made everything seem useless.

“What made you take this decision?”

”Had you had any problems with the other actors?”

“Did something happen which made you retreat when your career is just about starting?”

People were throwing questions and Kazuya seemed a little bit scared in Jin’s eyes even if the others didn’t seem to notice it, relaxing though as his manager stopped the ruckus with a simple and polite - “One at a time, please.”

“Did something happen which made you retreat when your career is just about starting?”

Kazuya smiled a bit at this question as he replied shortly - “You could say so.”

“Can you tell us what is the reason for your sudden decision?” the reported insisted and a sad expression appeared on Kazuya’s face, his eyes looking firm and determined though as he answered to this.

“I believe that’s love.”

The response made Jin’s heart stop for a second and then to start beating furiously as his anxiousness grew, starting to become worried for the younger one’s safety as he knew that the press will probably follow him everywhere from now on just to find out more gossip about him and his mysterious lover.

“Love? Have you fallen in love with someone and now you want to quit for that person? Did she ask you to do this?”

Jin saw Kazuya chuckling at this particular question. “No, he actually wanted me to stop this conference, but I had to do it no matter what.” He said and Jin felt like hitting himself for such an obvious trap that he had set up for the reporters and, as expected, they didn’t waste any time to bite it.

“He?! Kamenashi-san, are you gay?”

“The person you have fallen in love with is a man?!”

“You’re giving up your career for a man?! Who is that man?”

The questions started mixing again and Jin felt his heart beating fast now because of the worry that was slowly consuming him as he thought of the possible endings this conference might have. Kazuya had done it now - he had confessed in front of the whole world that he was in love with a man and that he was willing to give up at everything for him. He had nothing to go back now to and Jin felt scared for the first time in his life because of what he had let the younger one do.

“Please, Kamenashi-san won’t answer any other question if you don’t keep an order.” Koki needed to interfere again, calming down the reporters with this small threat as they obviously wanted to know more about this subject and didn’t actually cared who asked the questions as long as someone did.

“Then you are willing to give up at your career because you have fallen in love with a man?” Someone asked and everyone was surprised at the sudden answer of Kazuya’s.

“Have you ever fallen in love?”

The reporter blinked and replied with an unsure voice - “I can’t say I did, Kamenashi-san.”

“Then when you’ll fall in love, you’ll realize that nothing is more important than that person. Be it a man or a woman. And yes, I have fallen in love with a man - the most wonderful man.” Kazuya replied and the sad smile was back now with a soft expression, telling everyone exactly how much he loved this man for whom Kazuya was willing to sacrifice everything.

But then came the dreaded but expected question - “Who is that man?”

Jin held his breath even if he already knew what was Kazuya going to say and he saw from the corner of his eyes that his friends were also very curious about this answer as it was obvious that they didn’t trust the younger one as much as Jin - or Ryo for that matter - did. “I’m sorry, but I can’t reveal that. I don’t want him to be exposed and I’m sure you all understand.” Kazuya replied, but it was obvious that the reporters weren’t going to give up at it this soon.

“Then can you please tell us if he’s an actor? Has he worked with you?”

A small pause followed that could be interpreted in millions of ways and Ueda cursed because of Kazuya’s negligence. “Actually, no. He’s just a simple man with big dreams.” The young actor said, but it was already too late and all of them knew to expect the next question.

“Then you are denying that that man is Akanishi Jin? Because there are some photos of you two in which you two are awfully close…”

Kazuya was the only one to seem surprised at this as he blinked and looked curiously at the reporter. “Akanishi-san is just an acquaintance of mine. And as for those photos, I have no idea. We might have been at a couple of drinks together. I just hope that you won’t start listing names of my friends, will you?” he said with a light smile as he chuckled a little and Jin mentally congratulated him for his last sentence as it would stop them from asking questions about Ryo too.

“Let me rephrase that.” The woman insisted. “There are some pictures with you and Akanishi-san hugging in the middle of the street. Does this have any connection to the conference?” she asked and Kazuya kept his polite smile on his face as his expression became blank.

“Was Akanishi-san dressed in shorts and a T-shirt?” he asked and upon receiving a nod, Kazuya chuckled and continued - “Then it must have been the day when I was sick and I almost collapsed in front of Akanishi-san’s apartment. He was kindly enough to support me to the taxi.” He explained, already having a feeling that not everyone might believe him - even if it was true.

“In shorts and a T-shirt?” Another reporter asked as he lifted a mocking eyebrow at Kazuya.

“Well, we all know Akanishi-san is a bit eccentric at times. After all, he’s been living in America for a while, no? He must not feel cold as us all.” Kazuya joked lightly and a few reporters groaned, realizing that they weren’t going to get anything more about this subject though the looks of determination from their faces clearly said that this wasn’t over.

Nevertheless, they changed the subject. “Leaving Akanishi-san aside, what is the real meaning of this conference? It isn’t like you needed to inform the press that you love a man…”

A brief relief passed over Kazuya’s face that only Jin noticed, watching the boy as he looked at his hands and then at the camera as if to confront it and his feelings. “You’re right, but also wrong. I have chosen this way to inform not only the world, but the man I love that he’s the only one I have ever felt such strong feelings for.” He said and took a deep breath before he continued. “Because you see, I’m losing this man because of a foolish mistake of mine and no matter what, I want him to know that my love has always been true and that no matter what happens, I want to be with him. I want to win his heart and trust again with the promise that this time, I won’t break it.”

“So this is the act of a desperate man in search for his love?”

A sincere and honest smile spread over Kazuya’s lips. “Yes. Because without him, I am afraid.” He admitted, looking at Koki after that and signaling him that he was pleased and that he didn’t need anything more from this conference - he just hoped that Jin had seen it.

“We’re sorry, but the time allocated for this conference had expired. Thank you for your presence and we look forward to your collaboration.” Koki said and back in the airport, Jin looked at the screen how the images went back to the studio and the others started talking about Kazuya’s sudden confession, no one understanding what were truly the reasons behind such an act.

“It looks like he really did it.” Ueda commented and Jin turned to look at him with a wide grin on his face.

“Yes.” He happily said. “And now I have no reason to waver anymore.” Jin continued and hugged Ueda tightly, staying for a bit in this embrace. “Now I can finally move on.” He added with a pleased voice, parting from his manager and feeling like he couldn’t stop the smile from spreading on his lips. “You know what you have to do.” Jin instructed his friend and received a whack over the head from the other one.

“Go and live your life, Bakanishi.” Ueda said with a laugh and Jin grinned stupidly at him.

Everything was finally over.

*

As soon as the conference was over, there were thousands of voices and flashes going all over, trying to find out more about what Kamenashi Kazuya had meant through this conference, who was his lover, if he had been aware of the consequences of his actions and if it was really worth it. But the one who created this ruckus was no longer available as he was going backstage, Koki cursing all along, saying that this had been a stupid idea and that it was such a waste to throw away a career and a talent like Kazuya had. But the young actor was satisfied, he had done what he could and he actually hoped that Jin might’ve changed his mind - and heart - regarding his decision to leave Kazuya behind.

Because, really, even if Jin had a meeting party he had to attend at all costs in America, that didn’t mean he couldn’t take Kazuya with him like he had wanted a few years ago, could he? That was why, the younger one was foolishly hoping again that maybe, maybe, this time he had managed to sway Jin’s heart again and regain a little of the trust he had so blindly and stupidly destroyed. That was why, he cut abruptly into Koki’s rambling, feeling like he had no patience and he had to see.

“Tanaka-san, I need your help!” He said with desperate and hopeful eyes, making his manager blink in confusion. “Help me get away from here without being noticed and go to Jin’s apartment. I need to see him, please!” Kazuya continued his plea, grabbing with both hands Koki’s ones.

The other one looked at him stupefied, thinking that because of love, his actor had lost his mind completely. Really now, he had almost endangered another star through this silly conference - that had been more like a love confession - and now he wanted to go to Jin when there had been rumors about them being involved romantically?! No, Kazuya wasn’t sane anymore, he had turned into a complete fool!

“Kazuya, do you realize what you’re asking?!” Koki said with a hiss, mustering the bit of calm he had.

“Yes.” The young actor said immediately, looking directly into his manager’s eyes, showing that of this much he was aware. If he were to be caught while going to Jin’s apartment or even worse, while he was there, Kazuya wasn’t sure he would be able to lie again and say that Jin wasn’t the one he was madly in love with and the one he was willing to sacrifice everything for, just to be forgiven and trusted again. But yet again, he was willing to take this risk, believing that if Jin actually forgave him, then nothing else mattered.

“Damn. You’re going to get me killed before I turn forty!” Koki cussed and grabbed a handful of Kazuya, dragging the boy after him and going into a changing room where he dressed the actor so that others wouldn’t be able to recognize him when they will go out through front door. Every reporter, paparazzi were expecting them to exit through back door, but this was where Koki was clever - front door was never that guarded as the other one.

Therefore, twenty minutes later they exited the building, taking a cab so that it will be even more difficult to follow if someone had actually recognized them. Koki glanced at the nervous looking Kazuya and for his sake, he hoped that Jin had actually watched that conference and was willing to give him another chance. He was feeling really sorry for Kazuya because with this conference he was doomed to lose everything and if the one for whose sake had done all this wasn’t even going to appreciate, then… he wasn’t sure he wanted to see that Kazuya.

The car pulled in front of Jin’s apartment, but to their surprise, there were reporters even there. Koki looked at Kazuya - “Go out and act like you’re from this building. I’ll go further with the taxi. You can do it, Kazuya!” He said to his ex-talent, giving him a slight pat on the shoulder as he nudged him to get out of the car. If there was someone who could play a tough part like this, then it was Kazuya.

Koki trusted him.

As soon as the young actor approached the reporters, each and every one of them focused their attention on the newcomer, but Kazuya pretended to pick up his phone and started faking a conversation by himself as he made way through the crowd, keeping his head half lowered as not to be discovered by his true identity. But then he remembered something! He didn’t have a copy of Jin’s key, so he couldn’t enter the building as easy as before. What he was supposed to do now?! It would be stupid if he stood like that in front of the door, hoping that someone will open it and yet again, it would be even more stupid if he were to change directions immediately since he had clearly shown that he was going into the building. Oh, God, what was he going to do?!

The door was right in front of him, just a few more steps and he would reach it -

And there had to be a God up there because just before Kazuya reached the door, someone exited through it, just in time for him to slip inside without any further problems. The young actor sighed relieved as he was now inside the building, his mission to reach Jin’s apartment being a complete success. Now all that was left was to meet Jin and find out his reaction at what he had done - this seemed to be one of the hardest things he had ever had to do in his life.

He got to Jin’s floor and with insecure thoughts, but hope in his soul, he headed for the door, standing in front of it and trying to calm down his beating heart. God, he really hoped, God.

Knock. Knock.

There was no answer. Silence stretched on as Kazuya waited with his heart tightened in a ball, but there didn’t seem any chances to be a change into this development. He felt his heart breaking as the seconds passed and the door still remained closed, crushing every bit of his hope that Jin might have been home and watching him on the conference, listening to his words and maybe… just maybe accepting him back.

“I thought you might be here.” Kazuya heard a voice which made him jump a bit, startled by it and maybe expecting it to be Jin’s. But he knew Jin’s voice too well to mistake it and when he turned around to be faced with Ueda, he didn’t know how to hide his disappointment and sadness at the cruel realization.

Jin had really left him.

“Come on, don’t just stand there.” Ueda pushed him a little as he unlocked the door and opened it, going in after Kazuya. “I managed to tell the press that Jin had left Japan but they’ll still stay there for some time.” He informed the younger one, closing the door behind him and stepping further in the house while expecting Kazuya to do the same.

“Where’s Jin?” the younger one asked, incapable to hide his disillusionment as he reluctantly followed Ueda. He was the last person he wanted to see today, especially after what he had seen just a while ago. He entered the living room and couldn’t help but let his eyes linger around, hopefully searching for a last trait of Jin, to show that he was still there. But even as much the whole place was dripping with Jin’s scent and his, their memories, it still held a feeling of abandon, one that Kazuya hadn’t sensed before. Did he really leave? Had Kazuya’s words not reached him before it was too late?

Was it all gone now?

“I already told that he had left for America.” Ueda repeated himself with a scoff, going to the bar and pouring himself a drink because he was sure he was going to need it. Damn Jin for making him do something like this! “I’ll be leaving soon too because I have to take care of some matters there.” The older one added, feeling the need to say something else that wouldn’t make Kazuya look so desolated.

Oh, yes, he did, Kazuya recalled that Ueda had mentioned something about the reporters, but he hadn’t properly processed such words, since his heart was still dealing with the crumbled hope and the painful love. The younger one gulped and looked down at the floor, not knowing what he was supposed to do now. He didn’t know when Jin will come back or if he wanted to come back at all - did he have any reasons anymore? Kazuya sighed and let himself fall on Jin’s couch, involuntarily recalling that one moment when Jin had dedicated him a song - how beautiful and wonderful that time had been. “When did he leave?” The young actor found himself asking and why not, hoping that maybe Jin had had to leave and maybe his words had reached the older one and maybe there was still a chance.

Too many maybes. Love doesn’t build on such things and Kazuya knew this too well.

“A couple of hours ago.” Ueda replied with a little shrug, turning to stand in front of Kazuya, watching him from above and more than curious to see his reactions at his words. This might even help prove if this simple boy really could love Jin. “Your conference was on when we were at the airport and he left after he saw it.” He told the younger one and took one more step towards Kazuya who was near frozen, million of emotions passing over his pale face - shock, realization, disillusionment, pain, sadness and finally bitter disappointment. “He also told me to give you this.” Ueda added with a light smile as he caught Kazuya’s hand into his and put two little objects into it.

The younger one looked from Ueda to his open palm, his heart stilling again as he saw what Jin’s manager had given him. It couldn’t be.

The rings.

Their rings.

It made his heart clench and throb with pain. He lifted the small circles from his palm and stared at them incredulously. Why? What was the meaning of this? He closed his hand over them, tightly fisting it, bringing the hand to his lips and closing his eyes. It hurt.

Jin had left.

He had had the rings all along and he had still asked Kazuya to find them, knowing that he could never do it. But now that he had left, it didn’t matter for him anymore. He didn’t care anymore if Kazuya found them or not, because he will never forgive Kazuya’s mistake, he will forget this painful love they had shared. The younger one smiled sadly, the thought that this time he had lost Jin forever seeded in his mind. Why? He had believed that if they shared a great love, in the end they will overcome everything. But he had been wrong, after all some mistakes will never be forgiven or forgotten. Too bad he had learned all this at the price of losing everything, but most importantly, at the price of losing Jin. Now… he was without him forever.

Kazuya looked at Ueda and sort of smiled. “Thanks for letting me in one last time.” He stood up, bowing his head, as he tried to fight back the realization that this will be the last time he will ever be here, that he will ever talk with someone about Jin. “I’m really grateful.” The words came out sort of strangled as he slipped past Ueda, feeling that it had no meaning to linger there anymore.

Saying goodbye had never hurt this much.

Behind him, Ueda tightened his fists. Somehow, he had known all along that Kazuya wasn’t the right one for Jin, but now, after seeing his reaction at Jin’s message and his obvious conclusion about those rings, he couldn’t control his anger anymore. It took him less than a second to get to Kazuya and turn him around, pushing the boy into the wall and slamming his back on it, ignoring the wince of pain that passed on the other one’s face. “I really hate you, you know that?” he hissed, his eyes narrowing as he looked with disgust and hate at the younger one. “Jin had never known pain before he had met you and even if he had given his whole life to you, you hadn’t even cared about it and had still chosen to leave him.” He said, the anger and fury vibrating in his words as his hands tightened their hold on Kazuya’s shirt and lifted him up a bit, almost choking him. “You don’t know anything about him and you still pretend that you love him?!” he ended up raising his voice, feeling that he had never gotten this angry over something, but this kid was making him push his limits, exactly like he had done with Jin too. It was kind of annoying that he had become so affected by this idiot who didn’t know a damn about the one he claimed to love, but Ueda couldn’t stop himself from what he was doing, Jin’s teary expression coming to mind every second of his life, haunting him and telling him that, as his manager, he should have been more careful. That as his friend, he should have stopped Jin before letting this happen. But most of all, he couldn’t stop thinking at Jin’s hopeful eyes when he had left Japan a few hours ago.

Totally different from Kazuya’s resigned expression now.

“What the fuck had Jin told you about those rings?!” he yelled at the other one, pulling him by the shirt and then pushing him back on the wall with more strength than the first time. “Are you so stupid to interpret everything wrong and to have no idea what had Jin been thinking at when he had chosen to give you back those fucking rings?!” another yell came as Ueda hit Kazuya’s back on the wall for the third time, not caring that he was hurting the one Jin loved.

After all, it was just physical pain and Kazuya deserved so much more for his reaction.

The young actor’s face was twisted in pain as he lifted one of his hands - the other one was holding onto to the rings - and gripped Ueda’s wrists, to release him.  “And what’s more to know when he returned our rings after having them this entire time?! Especially when he sent them through you?” Kazuya hissed, angry as well, even if there was a bitter edge to his voice. “I’ve already realized that there’s nothing to hold onto anymore, there’s no need to rub into my face. I can’t have him back, I know…” His voice cracked and tears streamed down Kazuya’s cheeks as his grip lessened and in the end, his hand slipping off Ueda’s wrist. This was cruel, really. Jin clearly showed him that he didn’t want to have anything anymore with him.

Then why Ueda was trying to make him think differently?

“You’re pathetic.” Ueda snarled at him as he let go of Kazuya, watching him as he slid down on the wall and not showing any sign of compassion. He didn’t care about Kazuya - he never did - but this was the one who was making one of the most important people in his life suffer and Ueda couldn’t help but get mad at him. “If you don’t even understand what had Jin been trying to tell you through those rings and what they mean to him, then maybe you really don’t deserve to be with him.” He said to the younger one with a disappointed voice as he looked at him from above.

Maybe it was better then that Jin had left without seeing Kazuya for the last time. At least, he didn’t have to go through this.

Kazuya looked up at Ueda with a nasty glare. “Fuck you.” He said through gritted teeth as he lifted himself up, wiping his tears away. He didn’t like Ueda a bit and it wasn’t just the fact that the manager had treated him like a piece of trash, but it was also the fact that he had slept with Jin. This was one thing he wasn’t going to forgive. “What? You’re worthy of him?! Just because you slept with him, does that make you better?” He continued, gripping the rings until he felt them being a part of his palm. “You don’t understand how it feels losing someone because of your own damn mistake and you most definitely don’t understand the meaning of these rings. These are the rings I gave him, my no-brand rings and he returned them to me through you - someone he had slept with. What am I supposed to understand, to believe?!” Kazuya raised his tone, his whole body trembling. “Am I to believe that he sent these rings through a lover of his to show me that he forgave me? Or that he still wants to be with me? Oh, God.” He brought a hand to his burning eyes, covering them. “Just tell me what I don’t understand ‘cause according to you I’m worthless of Jin.” He said with a tired voice, drained of the anger that had been consuming him earlier. “And maybe I am.” Kazuya added on a sad and hushed voice, chuckling briefly and mocking at his own pathetic self.

Ueda looked at Kazuya like he didn’t know if to pity him more or Jin. One thing he knew for sure, they were both idiots who didn’t know that communication was the most important step in a relationship. He briefly wondered why he had been able to understand Jin without words when the actor had given him the rings and had said to give them to Kazuya. Maybe because they had known each other for too long? It was a problem only because Kazuya and Jin hadn’t spent enough time together to be able to understand each other?

He didn’t know. All he knew for sure was that Jin was hurting because Kazuya wasn’t with him and that it was his job as a manager to make him happy. And he had to admit that Kazuya looked miserable too even if Ueda couldn’t bring himself to pity him too much when he knew how much Jin had suffered because of him. He had been there, for all those three years in which Jin had searched for the one he loved only to find him with his best friend.

Kazuya was despicable from his point of view. But fortunately for them, he wasn’t the one to decide.

“I’m worthy of Jin because I try to understand him and to know him.” The manager finally said something, wanting to answer to each question of Kazuya’s and not to leave any room for doubt, thinking that this would only make things harder for the singer. “I know the meaning of those rings because Jin had told me everything and because I know that he had said to you to find them if you want him back. I’m not a lover for him and I’ll never be because I don’t love him and I don’t want him that way. The feeling is mutual, by the way.” He felt the need to add even if his look didn’t change from the disdain that he was showing to the younger one. He really didn’t like that boy and he just knew that he wasn’t the right one for Jin, but he had had enough of this and he didn’t want to see Jin suffering anymore. And if Kazuya would hurt him again, then…

“And I really think that you are worthless of Jin, but it isn’t my decision to make so I can’t stop Jin from loving you. I do have though one more question for you before I continue.” He said and fixed Kazuya with his eyes, asking the same thing he had wanted to know three years ago, when they had first met. “Do you think Jin is a player or he ever was one?”

Kazuya lowered his hand and looked at Ueda with an indecipherable expression on his face. He recalled all the moments when Jin had tried to convince him that he liked the younger one and Kazuya dismissed this as a fling. He then remembered the moments when Jin had showed his love, all those confessions of how much he liked Kazuya finally turning into confessions of true love. The young actor closed his eyes and a sad smile passed his lips. “Yes.” He answered to Ueda’s question, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I believed Jin was a player because he never seemed to settle for one person. But maybe this was because of his curious trait, he’s like a cat - always wanting to try something new, especially if he likes it enough.” Another smile, though this time nostalgic, appeared on Kazuya’s face. He opened his eyes and looked at Ueda. “I was wrong. From outside, it may seem that Jin plays with people’s hearts, but, in fact, he’s true to his oneself, honest with his feelings and unashamed of them. Jin hasn’t been for a long time a player in my eyes.”

A smile spread on Ueda’s lips after hearing Kazuya’s answer. This was what he had been expecting, a sign that maybe the younger one really understood Jin at some level and that he wasn’t as fake as he had seemed in his eyes all this time - not that this had changed his opinion about Kazuya too much, but still. It was a progress worthy of mentioning.

“Good boy.” The older one praised him, showing exactly how pleased he was by Kazuya. “Now stop following your heart and start using your head. Jin had given you back those rings for a reason, for you to realize something.” He instructed Kazuya with a gentle voice and a calm tone, thinking that this was the last chance that he was giving to the other one. After this, he wasn’t going to allow Jin to get hurt anymore by him even if it would cost him everything - Jin was just that important to him. “Do you remember what he had said to you last time about them?” he asked, his voice betraying the fact that he was slowly losing his patience. “Kazuya, do you understand what I’m trying to tell you?”

“Then go and find those rings that you have tossed away.”

Jin’s voice echoed in his head, recalling the words the older one had said to him. This had been the chance Jin had offered to him to win him back - a futile chance because Kazuya had no means to get those rings back and even if he had searched for them, he wouldn’t have found them because Jin had had them all the time. What was he supposed to understand from such words?

“Find the feelings that you have thrown away when I offered them to you and maybe then we’d talk.”

Maybe they would talk. Jin gave the rings back to him, but they have talked so many times, what was there to talk? Kazuya had begged and pleaded the older one to accept him back but to no avail. Jin was hurt and he didn’t want to see Kazuya. Like the actor said, he had thrown away his feelings exactly like he had done with those rings. Now what meaning could the rings he received back from Jin have, when the older one couldn’t even forgive him? Wait a minute…

“Find the broken pieces of my heart that you had so desperately refused all this time and maybe then I’ll forgive you.”

Could this be…? Kazuya’s eyes widened as he looked at Ueda, as if the manager’s face had the answer to all of his questions. Jin said that if he found the rings, maybe he will forgive him. Of course, there was again a maybe, but it was a definite possibility and not some hopeful illusion of his. His heart started beating faster, trying to cope with other thousands millions of meanings the rings could have. Why did Jin give them to him? Was he going to forgive him? But he had left, Kazuya couldn’t reach him in America as easily as he would have done if in Japan. Even so, he hadn’t been the one finding them, they were given to him. Did this have another meaning?! God, Jin was giving him headaches, but surely in the same time, he was giving him wings, ready to fly to America after him, to demand explanations of what all this meant.

Fly?

“When are you leaving for America?” Kazuya suddenly asked Ueda who looked at him in surprise, wondering what had the younger one thought of now, but answered nonetheless.

“In three days.”

“Too late.” Kazuya mumbled and opened his fist to look at the golden and silver rings - Jin’s and his rings. He licked his lips and seemed to decide on something before he looked back at Ueda and said - “I’m going after him.”

*

The plane landed and Kazuya found himself sort of nervous and dreadful of the moment when he’ll face Jin again. He didn’t think it was possible for them to be together again, but if Ueda hadn’t lied to him… then, there was still hope. They still had a future together. He still didn’t know how come Jin had gotten to this conclusion or why he had accepted him back. Only now, did he realize that after all, he had indeed lost hope to be with Jin again and that all he had done had been his way to apologize, his way to atone for his mistakes - he gave every bit of himself to Jin.

He got off the plane and was swarmed away by the sea of people, trying to catch titbits of English passing around him. He looked up at the signs and managed to head for the exit, thinking that this was worse than in Japan’s airports. He sighed and carried his luggage after him, looking right and left for the bigger exit as he needed to get to a cab and then…

Wait, he didn’t have any number of Jin’s from America! He didn’t have anyone to contact as he was sure the singer had changed his number already and he also didn’t have Ueda’s number to call him and ask for instructions. Damn, he was really stupid!! Of course, he could call Koki and ask him to find out the address of Jin, but this would take too long and he needed to meet Jin…

Now this was the worst from the worst, Kazuya cursed in his mind as he went to sit on some chairs, thinking that he wasn’t going to get anywhere away from here until he didn’t find a solution. But who to call, who to ask for help that will come quick enough? He had no acquaintances in the States, so it was difficult for him to find someone. Apparently he’ll have to call Koki and bother him again.

Kazuya sighed as he took out his phone and started looking through it for his ex-manager’s number, only to stumble across a familiar name - one from a long time ago. Really, how could he have been this idiot?! He wept in happiness as he looked at the number that he hadn’t used in forever, but then again another problem rose - was this number still available? He sighed and hoped that it was because he had already pressed dial and when it connected, Kazuya felt his heart beat faster in anticipation.

He was one step closer to finding Jin.

“Kazuya?” a surprised voice was heard into the phone, followed by some rumbling in the background.

The young man blinked in shock, not understanding how could Lizzy know he was the one calling her when they had exchanged numbers three years ago. He had changed his number but kept the contacts even the ones he had never used. “Lizzy?” he said unsure, hoping that his English was still understandable. He wasn’t sure how much the girl remembered from her Japanese from three years ago. “You remember me?” he asked even if such thing was obvious as Lizzy had mentioned his name. After all, how many Kazuya could she know?

“Of course I remember you!” The girl chirped with a happy voice in Japanese as more sounds came from the background, seeming like she was trying to push something - or someone - away. “You’re Jin’s friend, from that party, right?” she added, hiding the fact that she didn’t really remember him from there, but more from Jin’s stories about him from the last three years.

Kazuya gulped a little and gave a small chuckle. “Yes, that’s me.” He said, feeling a bit confused - he didn’t recall having chatted with the girl for more than a few minutes when they had flirted with each other and exchanged numbers. “How you’ve been lately?” He continued, trying to find a way to ask what he wanted, but not wanting to sound impolite.

“I’ve been great!” Lizzy started talking and forgot to stop after that. “I’m sure you must know, but Jin came back to America a few days ago and we’ve had a lot to catch up since then.” She said and laughed childishly before continuing. “Actually, now…” she started but then there was a sudden noise and Kazuya needed to push the phone away from his ear as more sounds came from the other side of the line. A hiss followed and then Lizzy was back, apologizing. “Sorry, dropped the phone.” The girl laughed, sounding embarrassed of her own mistake. “Anyway, I was with Jin until a few moments ago but you just missed him.” She said with a sorry voice, her tone dropping a little in regret. “Did you want to talk to him?”

Oh, Kazuya thought, not knowing how should he feel upon hearing this. He would have liked to talk with Jin - even if Ueda told him that Jin had another number for America - but in the same time, he sort of wanted to surprise him, to see his reaction, to see if his coming there was whether good or bad. “Well, I want to see him actually and it’s my first time here, so I’m kinda lost…” He said with an ashamed voice as he looked at his surroundings, feeling that if he were to step further from this place, he’d get swallowed by the sea of people. “And that’s why I called you. Can you tell me how to get to him, but don’t tell him that I’m here.” Kazuya added and felt even more ashamed that he had to ask Jin’s friend to cover for his arrival.

The phone seemed to drop from the girl’s hand for the second time in just a couple of minutes and some muffled sounds were heard from the other side of the phone as Lizzy seemed to be trying to retrieve it. “You’re in America, wow.” She said with a surprised and somehow confused voice, clearly not understanding something but not giving Kazuya enough hints for him to realize what - maybe why he was looking for Jin in America when the actor had just left the country a few days ago?

It seemed plausible.

“In fact, I have a better idea.” Lizzy announced with a devilish voice, a smirk forming on her lips, obvious enough to be felt even by Kazuya from the other side of the city. “Tell me where you are and I’ll come after you. Can you tell me an address or something?” she then asked, prompting Kazuya to look around him and give her some directions.

“Really?!” Kazuya exclaimed in surprise, the gratitude clearly expressed in his voice. “I’m still at LAX airport, I was sort of afraid to leave from here. I didn’t want to get lost so fast.” He confessed embarrassed, laughing a little awkwardly. He didn’t want to admit that in fact, he had been afraid to get lost and not be able to see Jin until it was too late and there would be no meaning to his coming there. But he was aware of this sole fact and he would have probably faced it if Jin had been the one telling him he was coming after him.

“You’re as cute as I remember you.” Lizzy commented with a smile only to wail after that for a second. The girl laughed embarrassed and hurried to continue as she didn’t want to make Kazuya even more suspicious than he probably was. “I’ll be there in twenty.”

Kazuya said a grateful thank you before he ended up the call, feeling his heart beat faster at the prospect of seeing Jin as soon as possible.

*

He was feeling kind of nervous as his eyes scrutinized the whole club, taking in every person that stepped in and drinking some more when he wasn’t satisfied by whoever entered his view. A growl escaped his lips as Jin turned to the bar and ordered another glass, knowing that he shouldn’t get drunk before midnight but not being able to stop himself from doing it. It had become kind of boring, to be honest, spending time in clubs when the one that he wanted wasn’t there with him. Now he was just a few hours away from the New Year and Jin found himself wanting to go home as all of his friends seemed to have disappeared into thin air, each with their own lover and leaving Jin completely alone. Of course, some girls had tried to hit on him, but Jin wasn’t in the mood for that. He didn’t want to enter the New Year while kissing a random girl, he wanted to be with Kazuya and to have him in his arms, but that scene seemed to be far away at that moment.

His lips spread in a smile as he remembered Kazuya’s conference. He had decided to give those rings back to him even before he had seen the younger one professing his love for him in front of the whole world, but Jin couldn’t deny that it had been what had made him do it earlier than planned. He had wanted first to go back to America, finish all his business and then come back and sweep Kazuya off his feet, hoping that he wasn’t too angry to forgive him for leaving like that. But that conference had made him change his mind and Jin had decided to give back the rings earlier - even if it was through Ueda - to tell the younger one that he had been forgiven and that Jin was going to come back.

It was nerve wracking though. He hadn’t dared to call Kazuya, afraid that the minute he would hear the boy’s voice, he’ll give up at everything he was doing and fly back to Japan just to see the younger one. But Kazuya hadn’t called him either, but Jin couldn’t actually blame him when he knew that the younger one…

His trail of thoughts stopped as his gaze settled on the person who had just entered the club. The music was sounding loudly in his ears, but Jin could practically hear every step made by that girl who was looking around her like she was searching for someone and pouting as she seemed to fail in doing so. Jin didn’t waste any more time and he found himself heading towards her like he was being pulled by an invisible force that had taken control over his body.

But then again, his love story with Kazuya had started in the same way.

“Hi there.” He greeted the girl with a smile as he posted himself on front of her, his whole being trembling in anticipation.

There were only a few minutes left till midnight and it seemed that he had managed to find his Cinderella.

The girl looked at Jin with surprised eyes, shadowed by long eyelashes. She fidgeted under his stare as she seemed intimidated by his presence and since it was her first time there, she felt sort of lost and abandoned. She was supposed to meet her friend, but she was nowhere to be found.

“Hey.” She said shyly, brushing some fingers on her long and dark hair, curling it some more. It was obvious that she felt agitated by something.

“Alone?” Jin proceeded to ask, his eyes checking her surrounding as if he was expecting some boyfriend to appear out from nowhere. In the same time, he got closer to her, their bodies almost touching if it weren’t for that inch of space that was still separating them.

Her eyes looked big and even more surprised at Jin, it seemed that this was his way of pick up girls. “No, looking for a friend.” She squealed and tried to make a move back, wanting to have more space between them. It was sort of suffocating to be this near. “A-and you?” She then proceeded to ask, biting her lower lip, her heart beating fast because of the answer the man might give to her. It was New Year’s, so maybe her wish will come true.

“I won’t be if you accept to dance with me.” Jin easily flirted with her, stretching his hand in an invitation to come with him and dance together, wanting the midnight to catch them closer than they were - he had wanted to be with someone special too much to let her go now.

The girl’s eyes widened even more and she seemed unsure whether to accept such an open invitation. She glanced at the hand Jin had extended to her and with a hesitant expression, she took it, happy that she had chosen to wear some black gloves for tonight. “Okay…” She agreed to his invitation and she was quickly pulled on the dance floor, her breath hitching in the back of her throat as Jin’s body lined against her because of the blues playing in that moment. She tried to keep a certain distance between them, but she was always drawn back in his arms as if this was meant to be. “Is it really okay to be dancing with me?” She suddenly asked, looking up at Jin as their bodies plied together on slow dancing moves. “I mean, won’t your friends look for you?” She added, tilting her head to one side as her hands lay gingerly on Jin’s shoulders while the man’s were on her waist.

Jin laughed softly and closed the distance between them even more, inhaling deeply her scent and feeling a bit nostalgic as he thought that he had missed so much the scent of love. “They’re around, probably dancing with someone else.” He replied, his breath slowly teasing her ear and loving the way he could feel her body trembling against his only at this simple action. “What about you, weren’t you looking for someone?” he then asked with a mysterious voice, like he knew something that she didn’t.

The girl’s hands gripped Jin’s shoulders a little at their closeness and she bit her lower lip. “I -” she started, but then stopped as she glanced up at her partner, their eyes locking in an intense stare. “I am, but for the moment I’m dancing.” She smiled for the first time, her clear and brown eyes narrowing in a cute way, though a bit hidden by the darkness from the place. “Do you have someone waiting on you?” She then proceeded to ask, even if it should have been obvious the answer - after all, he wouldn’t have asked her for a dance, right? But still, her heart started beating faster in the expectance of an answer.

“Hmm…” Jin seemed to be thinking a little at his answer, a playful smirk playing on his lips. Then his eyes found hers and there seemed to be something sparkling in them, like they were inviting the girl towards him, to know him better and to see his real thoughts. “My friends are busy, so there’s only you and me.” He replied with a light voice, chuckling a little as he thought that he had never been happier to be left alone by his friends.

The girl’s expression seemed thoughtful as she nodded a few times. “Oh, is that so?” She said without really expecting an answer, though her hands relaxed on Jin’s shoulders. “Are you going to keep me company until midnight?” She asked with a cute voice, tilting her head, having a few strands of her hair fall on her cheek, shadowing her face a little.

“There’s nothing I would love to do more than this.” Jin grinned, showing how excited he actually was about this idea and choosing to also show it by tightening a little his grip on her waist, swirling them around the dance floor a few times and chuckling while doing so, more than pleased to be there with such a beauty. “After all, if the midnight catches us like this, then it means that you’ll be stuck with me for the whole year, right?” he then added with a cheeky smile, leaning back a little to look at her, curious to see her reaction about his daring words.

Her breath hitched in the back of her throat as Jin had come closer, their faces only a few inches apart now. But she managed a smile, hiding the secrets in her brown eyes. “Hmm, we’ll see about that.” She teased and made a swirl, her frilly skirt falling down on waves over her legs wrapped in black stockings. “If I don’t find my Prince Charming first…” She laughed and then squealed as Jin grabbed her tighter and lifted her a little in the air, making a twirl with her.

“Maybe you already found him.” Jin teased back, wondering what was going through the girl’s mind in this moment. It seemed to him like she wanted to play, like she wanted to tease and like she wanted to prolong this game of theirs. It made him curious though as her laugh seemed mysterious, like it was hiding something more, and there was nothing that Jin loved more than mysteries. “Or maybe I just won’t let you go.” He added with an inviting voice and a low tone, stopping in his movements for a short second to just simply gaze into her eyes and to let her see his desire burning in them.

A desire that he had been suppressing for far too long.

The girl held Jin’s gaze for a while before a cheeky smile appeared on her face. “Is that so?” She asked and her gloved fingers lifted to brush over Jin’s cheek. “And how are you planning on keeping me with you?” She asked, her eyes blazing with different kind of emotions. It had been a long time since someone had told this to her.

“I’ll just have to show you.”Jin replied with a mysterious smile, his eyes sparkling in a way that promised a lot. “Come on.” He then added, grabbing her hand and pulling the girl after him through the crowd of people, not stopping at all and not caring about anything else that wasn’t his partner.

The girl would’ve liked to say no, but as she found herself pulled after Jin, she only accepted this, thinking that maybe things won’t turn that bad in the end. She just had to be careful about some tiny details and everything will be okay in the end. But she had to admit - she hadn’t expected to be picked up this quickly and by such a handsome man like Jin; it saddened her a little though. She looked at Jin from behind and a strange longing rose in her as her eyes fell on their entwined hands. Just how long had it passed…

They slipped through some doors and she was suddenly in a VIP lounge, the loud music and smoke from outside banned from this room. There wasn’t anyone in there and for a second her heartbeats fastened and she gulped involuntarily.

“Are you planning to seduce me?” She asked boldly as her gaze lifted to meet Jin’s.

“Would you hate it that much if I was?” the singer asked back, still pulling on her hand as he invited her to sit down.

She took a place on the red couch, fidgeting with her skirt and her hair from time to time, apparently concerned of how they looked. “I’m not sure.” She replied truthfully and lowered her head a little, the strands of black hair falling on her face, shadowing it again. “But I would hate to stumble upon some angry girlfriend of yours.” She said with a bit of a bitter tone, unable to suppress the sarcasm.

“There’s nothing like that.” Jin replied with a frown creasing his forehead. “There’s no girl in my life at the moment, but…” He paused and looked around him, glancing at his surrounding as if he was searching for a certain thing, “you might change that.” He confessed with a sheepish grin as he seemed to be hiding something from her.

The girl’s heart stilled for a second as she gazed up at Jin, biting her lower lip. “So you don’t have someone important in your life, someone waiting for you?” She asked, her brown eyes looking hopeful.

Jin’s smile widened a little as he seemed to be refraining himself from laughing. “All the important people in my life are here in this club.” He confessed, seeming serious for a moment as he added - “Well, except my family and a few other friends that I have in Japan.”

There was a small pout on the girl’s lips which quickly disappeared, being replaced by a smile now. “I see.” She leaned a little and their faces were a little too close, their breaths entwining as their lips shared the same distance. “But I have someone important.” She replied slowly, carefully, her eyes sparkling with different emotions and with this, she pulled back, a mysterious smile dancing on her lips.

“Damn tease.” Jin muttered under his breath, still loud enough to be heard and gain a chuckle from the girl. “You’re already teasing me and I don’t even know your name.” Jin whined, getting a bit closer to her as if he was doing it unconsciously. “You’re Japanese, right?” he then asked, only now realizing that they had been talking in English the whole time.

Her accent was damn cute though.

“Yuko.” She said without hesitation and gave a slight bow. “And yes, I’m Japanese.” She continued, bringing her hand to her hair and styling it a little. It was New Year’s Eve, it had to be perfect. “Your name?” As she asked this, she gave a quick lick of her glossy lips.

Jin grinned widely, his eyes sparkling in a playful way as he stretched his hand towards the girl. “Hayato.” He introduced himself with a fake name, remembering that he had once played in a drama a character that had this name when he was at the beginning of his career.

Yuko frowned a little, but it disappeared quickly again as her hand grasped Jin’s. “Nice to meet you, Hayato.” She said in Japanese this time, her eyes falling on their slight and soft shake.

“So,” Jin continued with a light tone, pretending that he hadn’t noticed that he hadn’t let go of her hand, both of their hands now resting on the couch, between them, “what brings you here, to America, Yuko?” he asked, tilting his head a little to show his curiosity, a small smile curling up his lips. “In search of your special one?” he added, referring to the important person that she had mentioned.

Somehow, Jin had a feeling that he won’t have any problem to win against that guy.

Yuko bit her lip as her eyes kept darting from Jin’s face to their laced fingers. It gave her pleasant shivers to notice the way their hands fitted together. “Maybe.” She answered with a small voice, looking up at Jin. “Although he might be flirting with some random girl…” She then added with a sigh, letting her head fall a little and in the same time, she withdrew her hand from Jin’s one. She missed its warmth immediately.

“He would be a stupid man to be doing this.” Jin shrugged, obviously not affected that much because of the fact that she seemed to be talking about another guy. His eyes settled on her, seeming like he was looking till the depth of her soul and reading her heart like an open book, getting a little closer to her and gently touching her cheek. “If I were him, I could never forget about you.” He confessed, his voice a lower tone to show that he was talking seriously and that it was not a joke.

Yuko looked a bit surprised at such words and her eyes seemed uncertain. Something inside of her churned into a tight ball and had her breath a little hitched as she said the following words - “I bet you say that to all the girls.” Her hand caught Jin’s, stopping him from touching her anymore. This was wrong, she had known it from the start, still…

Jin refrained a chuckle, looking like he was kind of amused by her reaction and like he had been expecting it, but hiding his feelings and thoughts with a hand passed over his face, like he was thinking hard at what she had said. “Actually,” he started, pretending to be deep in thoughts as he tried to remember something that he knew too well, “you’re the only one I’ve said this to.” He confessed with a sloppy grin, looking at her with an innocent expression. “I’m not that good with words, but usually I mean what I say.” Jin added, thinking that he would have no problem if he was singing, but talking… Well, people always misunderstood him.

Her gaze darkened a little. “So you mean to say that you want to be with me?” Yuko drew a little closer to Jin, her hand now letting go of Jin’s one. “That you will treat me as no one else will ever do?” She continued and inched even closer to Jin. “That you will never cheat on me or hurt me?” She added, knowing that her words were getting a little too serious for the moment, for someone she had just supposedly met. “You mean to say that I might be the one?” Her voice shook a little and Yuko pushed Jin a little on the couch, having him lie down as her slim figure hovered above him. Her eyes sparkled mysteriously and dangerously in the same time.

Just one word.

Jin gulped as his eyes settled on the girl. He licked his lips, obviously nervous and a little excited because of her move, and lifted his hands to put them on her waist and keeping her prisoner into his embrace. “I’m saying that I want you more than anything.” He said with a slightly trembling voice, feeling like the first time he had realized that he was in love. But it had been so different then and it had taken Jin a lot of time to finally realize what was that feeling of possessiveness. Now though… it seemed for him like he had been a fool to miss such a wonderful but contradicting feeling. “I’m saying that I’ll never leave you alone again.” Jin added and slowly but gently pushed on her back to pull her down, wanting to kiss her lips.

But Yuko stopped him, her gloved hand covering Jin’s mouth as she withdrew, looking suddenly hurt. “I’m sorry, I made a mistake.” She said hurriedly as she stood up, pulling on her skirt. “I have to leave.” She turned on her heels, slightly wobbling as if she wasn’t used with such shoes or as if she was drunk with Jin’s actions. But she was definitely determined to leave as she didn’t even look back at Jin, blinking her eyes fast, to fight back the tears.

It had been a foolish idea to come up tonight here.

Jin got up from the couch, looking after the girl with a teasing smile on his lips. He chuckled and a name escaped his lips as he called for her, standing up and looking at her back with a wide grin and mischievous eyes, laughing again as he felt excited for her reaction.

“Kazuya.”

PART III