Addictive Obsession - Chapter twenty-seven [part II]

[aroruae]

PART I

Kazuya looked up against his will, fear clouding his eyes as he saw what was happening. The words slipped involuntarily from his mouth - “No!! Stop! Don’t do this!” His body arched up from the chair and went to Jin, grabbing his hand, purposely avoiding looking at the monstrosity Jin had done to the one he had called friend. His own hand was shaking, but somehow - somehow - he managed to pull it away from Pi’s tongue, though not too far. His eyes bored into Jin’s, tears pooling up as he was pleading silently. “Jin, stop it.” He said with a fearful voice, his lower lip trembling from all the emotions that were slowly swallowing him up.

“Tell me one time when you listened to what I said.” Jin demanded instead, looking back at Kazuya with a defying gaze as he knew perfectly that such a moment didn’t exist in their relationship - not without threats and a lot of convincing from his part anyway. Kazuya didn’t have the right to ask anything from him, now when he had never done something for Jin.

“I came back to you every time.” Kazuya said quickly, not wanting to waste this chance. “Despite everything you did to my life, I still came back to you. It’s not enough?” He asked desperately, but something told him that such thing had never mattered to Jin.

And he was right as the older one started to laugh. “Babe, you only came back because I had threatened you.” He said, lifting the hand with the knife and brushing it on Kazuya’s cheek, the blood - Yamapi’s blood - smearing all over his face. “When I stopped threatening you, you just disappeared from my life and came back because you were worried for Tat-chan.” He proceeded to remind the other one as he seemed to have forgotten this particular aspect of their relationship. “Now do tell me, what can you threaten me with to make me do as you say?” Jin said with curiosity in his tone, his eyes a little wider as he looked at his lover.

Kazuya’s eyes darkened and they seemed glossed as he realized there was nothing he could threaten Jin with. Well, except - “My death.” He said lowly and he grabbed the knife Jin was holding, its sharp blade cutting in the flesh of his fingers. A grimace of pain flashed on his face but he didn’t release the knife, but kept on pressing on it, squeezing it, fresh blood sliding down its blade. “I had enough of murders, I had enough of blood…” A sad smile grazed his lips as he lowered his eyes but then quickly lifted them to meet Jin’s. “I had enough of you.”

“Well then…” Jin smiled as he once more pulled back the knife, not caring enough to look at the wound that Kazuya had made to himself because he knew that it wasn’t serious. Besides, Kazuya would never die with him there, as much as the younger one wanted to, because Jin was never going to let him go to the other world. He smiled mysteriously and slipped behind Kazuya, grabbing him by his hands and putting the knife in the boy’s right one, taking care to hold him by it as he didn’t want to see Kazuya hurting himself again. “There’s one thing you can do to convince me not to kill him.” Jin confessed and Yamashita suddenly lifted his head to look with surprised eyes at his friend, blood dripping all over his mouth as his tongue had remained half cut and was barely hanging to his mouth and surprise written all over his face. Had Jin really changed his mind? This boy had enough power over him to make Jin do such a thing?!

But then Jin revealed his reason. “Kill him yourself.” He said and didn’t wait for anything more as he plunged the knife deep into Yamashita’s shoulder, his grip tightening on Kazuya’s hand as he started to lead it down, creating a line of blood as the other one started to scream louder and louder even while trying to refrain himself, with every new inch of his skin being ripped apart.

Kazuya looked horrified at what was Jin making him do and started crying, his hand trembling and bleeding, Jin’s grip on it and the knife’s handle making it hurt even more. He tried to pull himself backwards, to stop this madness, but Jin was stubborn on keeping him there, on making him do something he didn’t want to. “Jin, please stop! Jin, I don’t want this anymore! Jin!” Kazuya cried his lover’s name, tears streaming down his face and mixing with the blood Jin had smeared on his face, his own pleading voice mixing with Yamashita’s screaming one. “S-stop it…” He hiccupped as he tried once more to pull his hand away, now numb from the pain inflicted on it.

This time, Jin didn’t force him anymore and let go of Kazuya, taking a step back and also taking the knife with him as he knew the younger one to be always unpredictable, watching the boy as he fell on the floor like a lifeless doll. So it was better to be on the safe side and to make sure that there was nothing that Kazuya could hurt himself with. Jin had done it enough.

“I also told you to stop cheating on me but you still did it behind my back, even while saying that you love me.” He reproached the younger one, his voice slightly trembling as he felt all the hurt coming back to him now that he had taken revenge on the two of them, his friend now fainted on the chair because of the excruciating pain. “You need to just stop kissing other people and none of this will happen again.”

“All of this…” Kazuya mumbled lowly as he kept staring into crimson nothingness. “…because of me.” He made a small scoff and lifted his eyes to Pi’s fainted figure. His bloodied hand grabbed the leg of the man, clenching it weakly. “I’m sorry.” He said to Pi, his eyes swimming in tears. “I’m so sorry.” He added, sobbing softly. This was all because of his fault.

Of one night when he had chosen Jin to sleep with.

Of one day when he had accepted Jin’s love.

Of one moment when he had let himself fall in love.

Of one time when he had believed he could change Jin, he could change his world.

Obviously, he had failed.

And everything was his fault.

Jin’s eyes darkened once more as he saw Kazuya standing so close to Yamashita even after all he had done. Had it all been useless? There was really no way to make Kazuya stop going to someone else for everything? He could never make the boy accept him as whom he was and convince him to try and ask Jin’s help, not to some stranger?

It seemed so.

“And in the end, nothing changes.” Jin laughed a madman’s laugh as he grabbed Kazuya by the back of his collar and pulled him up, throwing him on the bed. “You were a whore from the beginning and you will never change!” he simply stated, his voice raised and full of anger and disappointment and fury and pain. “But don’t worry, I’ll take care so that you’ll never do such a thing ever again.”

Kazuya looked up at Jin, every trace of fear gone now as there was only bitter disappointment left in the man he had thought he could actually love. “Like I said, better off a whore than a criminal like you.” He said with a void voice, his eyes lacking that defying spark it usually had when he said such provoking things to Jin. “We’re the perfect couple, no?” Kazuya smirked and even in this action there was a lack of emotion.

After all, it didn’t matter anymore, did it?

“I never hid the fact that I kill people for a daily living.” Jin replied with a dark and cold voice, feeling like he was blamed for something that he hadn’t done. “You were the one who had insisted on seeing me like this and now you’re complaining?” he laughed, but even his laugh sounded empty. “Whatever.” He proceeded to dismiss the problem and turned his back on Kazuya. For the first time, he felt his hands dirty of blood and he wanted to clean it up, to get rid of that annoying smell of betrayal.

“The same goes for you.” Kazuya quickly shot back, his eyes following Jin. “You knew what I was, I picked you up. And since you didn’t change for my sake, then why should I have done it for yours? It seems fair, doesn’t it?” he continued and there was almost a hidden amusement as he said all this. After all, half of it was false. Because while Kazuya had been selling his body for drugs, meeting Jin had made him stop from this habit. His sole mistake had been the one with Pi, because he had initiated and accepted such a thing. As for that girl, Hiroki and the other man, he hadn’t had any control over it, he had just been trapped like always. But Jin had refused to see this and had chosen to think Kazuya had cheated him every time he got the opportunity. It had been easier for him to believe that Kazuya had remained the same fickle person he had been when he had met Jin.

They had been wrong right from the very start.

Jin turned and looked at Kazuya with sad eyes, pain being the only thing expressed on his face. “Because you said you love me.” He said with a small voice, like that time had been so far away that he had even forgotten how it felt to be loved by Kazuya. “Because you promised you’d stay with me and not with another man.” Jin added as he let his body fall on the bed in a defeated way. Kazuya always managed to make him feel like nothing mattered anymore and it seemed that this was another one of those times.

“You said the same.” Kazuya felt the need to point out. “You said you love me and you only showed it by killing people in front of me.” He continued and shook his head, just thinking how many others Jin would kill for his sake. He was the one turning Jin into a criminal, he made him worse than he was. “You said you love me and destroyed me in front of everyone I cared for. You took everything away from me -” A small and hollow laugh left his lips. “- is that love?” He shook his head and looked up, not wanting to see anything of what Jin had done now. “And I still stayed with you, despite all this, believing that one day, we’ll be better, that one day, you’ll change and there won’t be the need or feeling to run away from you.” Kazuya lifted his wounded hand and watched the blood still dripping from his split flesh. “I was wrong.”

Jin looked longingly at Kazuya and didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes. Then he averted his gaze and looked into a blank point, his eyes still seeing the boy even if he wasn’t in front of him anymore. “Maybe there is no other way for us.” He said with a small voice, not knowing if he had been heard by Kazuya. A sigh escaped his lips and Jin stood up, once again approaching the younger one and stopping at a small distance from him. “I don’t believe you love me and you don’t believe I love you. Either way, I’m not going to let you go.” He said with a determined voice as he crouched in front of the other one, lifting his hand and cupping Kazuya’s cheek in a hurtful way, his nails digging into his skin. “You’re mine, Kazuya.”

I’m yours, I have always been.

Kazuya would have liked to say all this, but he couldn’t, the words now stuck in his throat as he simply looked back at Jin, unable to tear his eyes away from those dark and hypnotizing eyes. “I don’t belong to anyone.” He chose to say, exhaling the air he had sucked in when Jin loomed into his private space. It was totally opposite of what he was thinking, but right now, Jin didn’t deserve any of his real thoughts - he had lost this right.

The other smiled in a threatening way. “Oh, but you do.” He said and with the same smile, he grabbed Kazuya again and turned him with his back to him, immobilizing all of his body with his own and pulling down his pants along with his boxers. “And I’ll show you.”

“W-what are you doing?!” Kazuya immediately shouted, turning his head to look with big eyes at Jin as he tried to struggle to escape from whatever Jin intended to do to him. “Jin, let me go! Stop this craziness!” He moved some more but the moment he felt and saw the sharp and pointed tip of the tattoo pen against the soft flesh of one of his ass cheek, he froze instantly. “J-Jin…” He whimpered, turning his head away, closing his eyes as he could guess what the older one planned to do.

The pain reached to the tip of his fingertips as the sharp pen punctured his skin, reddening it. He muffled his scream by biting the sheets, tears going down his cheeks again, his toes curling in an attempt to stop the pain from spreading. He didn’t understand where had all this gone wrong and why were such things happening to them - weren’t they supposed to love each other? Why was there a need to mark their love on their flesh? Why was there a need to prove so grotesquely that they were capable of feelings for one another?

His body arched as Jin kept scribbling on his ass, the never ceasing pain making him go numb and soon enough, his screams stopped, only soft moans of pain leaving his lips now. His eyes were staring blankly in front of him and tears wetted the bed, even if he wasn’t aware of them falling anymore. “Jin…” He whispered the name of the one he loved, of the one who had brought him so much pain - physically and emotionally.

A soft pair of lips pressed against his flesh, next to his new mark. A shudder passed through his whole body, a slight dizziness getting to his head. He felt then being covered by a well known warmth which didn’t feel safe and protective anymore and Jin’s arms were around his body, holding him in a sloppy and squeezing embrace.

Kazuya started crying softly again, the new mark on his skin throbbing with pain.

It said MINE.

*

He wanted to sleep more. He wanted to never wake up and to stay in his dreams where everything just couldn’t go wrong anymore. He didn’t want to wake up to the nightmare that was reality. But he couldn’t do such thing and in the end, Kazuya had to open his eyes, blinking slowly as he looked around him.

He was numb and hurting and everything around him was so quiet that it gave him shivers. He tried to stand up a little, but a piercing pain soared from his ass and spread thorough his body. A small whimper left his lips as he carefully and tremblingly lifted his hand to touch that spot - mark - that had him hurting so much. Once again, it was Jin’s mark on him - like the older one hadn’t marked him enough.

First, he had taken his freedom. Second, his friends and third… his humanity.

The worst part of all this was that he was getting used and he seemed to accept everything without much fighting. Jin had managed to break him down, to break through him, leaving him an empty shell with no feelings. He could still feel the blood dripping down his fingers, he could still smell it and this drove him insane. If he could erase everything, if he could rewrite everything!!

Kazuya steeled himself against the pain and pushed his body up, feeling his head a little dizzy as he looked around. There was no trace of Pi or Jin, he was all alone in a semi-darkness and everything was painted red. Maybe this was what it took to actually be with Jin - to see the world as he was doing, to accept everything without regrets, to kill.

But Kazuya didn’t want to kill, he had never had such crazy desires, such deep needs as to take someone’s life because he had touched what had been his. Well, Jin was the exception though, still even with him, Kazuya had only wished to kill Jin, not the other person. Because in his eyes, Jin was the only one guilty as he, in Jin’s eyes, was the only one to blame. The younger stood up wobbly, a headache pounding loudly and making him groan silently.

His world will never be a match for Jin’s world as he will never fit Jin’s world - not without sacrifices.

His thoughts revolved around Jin, making him succumb into a darkness much colder than that of the apartment, into a darkness that curled around his heart and clutched it tightly, wrapping his whole being completely. Without a clear aim, he left the room and as he realized that he was alone, he knew that he will leave this apartment in search for what had to be done to finally have everything end. He was fed up with everything, he didn’t want anymore killings, he didn’t want to be hurting because of Jin, that was why… he will do what he should have done from the beginning.

The cold air hit his face, having him more firm about his decision - there wasn’t another solution, it had never been. With Jin, it was everything or the impossible. Right now, Kazuya will go and do the impossible, he will achieve it no matter what. Because he loved Jin and he wanted everything to end.

Kazuya got up into the bus and with automatic moves, he paid the ticket and went to take a seat in the further back. His heart and mind were finally in sync.

He had everything under control.

*

Jin opened the door, humming to himself a song that he had heard on the street and dancing happily as he went to the kitchen, to put on the table and in the fridge the food that he had bought. He had only left for maybe half an hour, to go downstairs and to buy things to prepare a big and delicious breakfast for Kazuya as he knew that the younger one will soon wake up. He had erased every trace of what happened last night in their home and he had disposed of Yamashita as soon as he had felt Kazuya falling asleep in his arms. Now, he was ready for a new day and for that life that Kazuya had promised him that they’ll have far away from this city.

Actually, it had started not to sound that bad lately. Jin thought that he indeed needed a break from all those crimes and drugs and the underground life that he had been living. Maybe it would prove to be actually interesting to start a new life with the younger one and to see how they could be together now that this part of their life was over. No more crimes, no more breaking the law. Jin was determined to make their relationship work and to please the younger one, no matter what Kazuya would ask of him.

With these thoughts in mind, Jin left the kitchen as everything was ready for breakfast and went to the bedroom, slowly opening the room to peek in. He frowned when Kazuya’s form didn’t meet his eyes and the older one asked himself for a moment where he could have been. Maybe he had gone to the bathroom, he said to himself with a grin as he went to check that room too.

It was empty.

Fear started to creep up on him as different thoughts started circling around his mind. Where had Kazuya gone? He couldn’t have actually left Jin when they were finally at a good place, starting their life together and going towards another beginning, right?

Jin didn’t waste any more time thinking and he dashed out of the house, not even caring to lock the door as he ran to his car and started the engine. He had to find Kazuya, he had to know that the younger one was okay and that nothing had happened to him. He knew that he had exaggerated maybe a little with what he had done to punish Pi and Kazuya for their acts, but it had been something that he needed to do. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been able to move on when he knew that his lover had made out with his best friend and he had even stumbled on them only to believe Yamashita’s lie.

Their new life together would have remained a dream if he hadn’t done that.

But it seemed that it would still remain a dream as Kazuya’s apartment was as empty as his own and there were no traces of him anywhere around the house. It was clear that no one had been there for more than a day and that had been the moment when Kazuya had left from there to go to Jin’s and start their new life together.

He couldn’t give up though. He had to keep on searching so Jin ran once more, directing his car to Kazuya’s college. It was a school day and Jin knew how much Kazuya had loved school. Maybe he had felt nostalgic about it and had come to see it for a last time before they would leave the city. Or maybe he had wanted to see his friends, to greet Maru, Junno and maybe even Koki before he would disappear from their life.

But there was no trace of Kazuya at school either.

Jin sighed and let himself fall on the ground, his back glued to the wall as his eyes continued on watching Kazuya’s three friends. He didn’t know where else to look and even if he had told his men to look for his lover, Jin had the feeling that they wouldn’t find anything this time. That this time he had really blown it with his actions and that he had made Kazuya leave him alone.

He prepared himself to leave, wanting to look more for Kazuya, but that was when his eyes met Koki’s and a shiver passed through Jin’s body. Kazuya had done a lot of things for his friends, but this man that was now approaching him had been different from all the others. Jin hadn’t managed to push him away and he had even come to him and agreed to let Jin fuck him if that meant that Kazuya will be free.

But Koki didn’t understand a thing. Kazuya will never be free and not because of Jin.

Because of himself.

Koki stopped in front of Jin with a sour expression on his face, but nothing could have erased the worry that was in his eyes. “What are you doing here? Where’s Kazuya?” He asked on a rough voice, knowing that the reason for Jin to be there could only be his friend - the one he had drifted apart from since the boy had seen him with Jin in a not very comfortable situation. Even now, Koki could feel how Jin had touched him, had nearly fucked him and how nauseous this all made him feel still.

But he fought back all of these feelings of aversion he had for Jin and waited for an answer. He wanted to know if Kazuya was alright, after all, the younger one had chosen Jin over everything.

“Have you seen him in the past hour?” Jin asked instead as he looked up at the other one, even if he kind of answered Koki’s question with his own, proving that he indeed didn’t know where Kazuya was. But he had to swallow up his pride once more for Kazuya and to try at least to ask his friends, hoping that at least one of them had a clue about the younger one.

“He bailed on you again, didn’t he?” Koki looked accusingly at Jin, shaking his head in displeasure. “I haven’t seen him at all since he chose you.” He continued and there was a sigh in his voice. “Keep pushing him like that, Akanishi, and you’ll drive him insane.” He added, his fisted hands in his pocket, thinking of where Kazuya might be. He hoped that he wasn’t hitting clubs again, trying to hide from his supposed lover. Should he look after him? Should he try and search for him? But… Koki didn’t know how to react now in front of Kazuya.

In the end, Jin had broken them too.

“I never wanted to hurt him.” Jin confessed, not really knowing why he was saying such stuff to Koki, but not being able to stop himself. He hid his face from the other one, letting his head fall between his legs and putting his hands above his head. “He asked me to leave town with him and we were about to do it when he just disappeared.” He said with a bitter voice, wondering if he had indeed driven Kazuya insane with his own insanity.

Koki gave a curious and strange look to Jin. Since he had known this man, he had realized that he meant only trouble for Kazuya, but looking back on things now, he also understood that Kazuya was trouble on legs as well and in a weird way, he and Jin suited each other.

“You never wanted, but you did and countless times.” Koki stated and felt no remorse in accusing Jin of the falling of his friend. “You took everything away from him and even so, he had still remained by your side. Why, I’ll never understand.” He shook his head in disappointment. “But one thing I understand -” He paused and took a deep breath, unsure if he was supposed to reveal such an important thing about Kazuya to Jin. It was obvious that the older one didn’t know this little detail about the one he claimed to love so much. “- even if you don’t have faith in him or his feelings, he has and because of this, he will always come back.” Koki continued and there was this bitter taste in his mouth. He had realized this a while ago that no matter what Jin were to do to Kazuya, his friend will always go back to him because in his mind, Jin was the closest he’ll ever know to love. “So, if you truly love him, wait for him. That if you can do such a thing.” He smirked mockingly, already aware of the way Jin was too - dominant, possessive and overly jealous. There was no way in hell he will wait for Kazuya to come at him; he’d rather go and search and drag him back into their sick love.

Jin chuckled, pretty aware of the fact that he couldn’t wait, not now and not when he didn’t know how was Kazuya or how shaken up he was by the events from last night. Besides, it was dangerous to be walking around like that with a new tattoo on his butt that hadn’t been done exactly properly. But Jin had been driven by anger then and he had just wanted to mark Kazuya in a way that will never disappear. He had planned to look to see if there was any wound this morning, but when he had come back… Kazuya was nowhere to be found.

A sigh left his lips as Jin stood up and didn’t even bother to look at Koki. “If you see him, give me a call. You still have my number, I suppose.” He said as he walked away from the other one, not caring that much to stay and hear Koki’s answer. He knew that such thing won’t happen if he actually managed to find Kazuya, but Jin had had to say it so that no one could blame him later that he hadn’t tried.

Koki looked after Jin and he hoped that Kazuya will be alright at the end. He had tried to help the younger one as much as he could, but right now - he couldn’t do anything more. At the end of the day, Koki will still be Kazuya’s friend if he needed him. With a sigh, he also turned his back on Jin, heading in the opposite direction.

*

He was growing more and more desperate. Two days had passed since he had last seen Kazuya and Jin was worried sick, not knowing anything about him, not having a clue if he was alive or dead, safe or injured, sane or fucked up. He needed to know and his worry hadn’t let him sleep more than one hour in these past couple of days, searching and yet again searching for Kazuya and even going so far as to go out on the streets and look for him, without a purpose or destination in mind.

He was now in his room, pacing all over it as he waited news from his men. Ryo had locked him there last night saying they he’ll drive all of them crazy if he kept on that, but even if he had come back in the morning to let him out, Jin knew that he was right and that it was better to stay home in case that Kazuya could come back and wouldn’t find him there.

So now the only thing he could do was to wait and hope for a miracle. As soon as he thought of this, the phone rang and Jin ran to grab it like he had done for the last days every time that he had heard that song.

“Kazuya?!” he asked into the phone, hoping that it was his lover as he had been called from an unknown number.

“Hey, babe.” His lover purred into the earpiece, a fond and light chuckle leaving his lips. “Care to come after me?” Kazuya asked Jin with a slight whine in his voice. “I’m at my father’s and it’s so boring without you here.” He truly whined and you could sense there was a pout in his voice. “Jiiinn…”

Jin blinked, not sure if to believe that this was really Kazuya or if someone was playing a joke on him. “Stay there and don’t move. I’ll be right there.” He quickly said as he was already dashing out of the house, once again leaving it unlocked, and driving out his car into the streets of Tokyo.

Kazuya giggled happily. “I’m not moving, I’m just staying here.” He said with a serious voice as if he didn’t dare to disobey Jin. “You know, Jin…” The younger one started and there was a pause before he continued. “…this time I can really be with you, in your world.” He then said with a sort of satisfied voice, almost proud of himself.

“What do you mean?” Jin frowned, already different kind of scenarios circling through his mind. “Kazuya, what did you do?” He then asked with a concerned voice, his foot pressing on the acceleration to drive even faster and to hurry up to get to Kazuya’s side.

“Hehe.” Kazuya chuckled innocently and then added on a hushed voice - “I made the big step so now you can be proud of me.” His words spoke of secrecy and before Jin could ask anything else, Kazuya hung up on him.

Big step? What the hell was Kazuya talking about?! Jin had no idea and the fact that for the first time in his life he didn’t know what was going to happen was making him feel nervous and anxious and maybe even restless as he pushed the pedal and drove faster to the younger one’s father. He had never thought he would go back to that place and he still didn’t know why he was doing it now. Why had Kazuya chosen to go there after he had left Jin’s apartment? And most importantly, why had the younger one left in the first place?!

Jin felt confused. He had thought that this would be the breaking point in their relationship, that everything would change now after Jin had finally become Kazuya’s in every way - admitting that he had never wanted to submit himself to anyone else in bed - and after Kazuya had become his and they had decided to leave town in pursuit of a better life, away from all that had caused them to hurt.

So why now? It couldn’t be what had happened with Yamapi, it wasn’t like this was the first time for Kazuya to be in such a position - Jin could clearly remember the time when Uchi had tried to take advantage of him and Kazuya had been more than delighted to punish him, even if he hadn’t had the courage to also finish the job. It didn’t matter though, because it had been a good start and it had helped him to go even further with Yamapi, actually hurting him for what he had done to their relationship. He knew that Kazuya had been crying, but it was okay and it was normal as it had been his first time to try something like that and actually succeed.

It was a pity, actually, because Kazuya could have become used to this.

But no, Jin had promised him no more killings and that they would try to live a normal life - or, well, as normal as they could, considering that the police would be all over them as soon as they will find out that he had left the city. They should be fine though if they passed the border and went to live in another country. Jin had always wanted to see America and what better chance to go there if not with his lover, with the one he loved and with whom he was now starting a new life?

Or he was supposed to do that, until Kazuya had bailed on him. Something was strange though and Jin just knew that the boy had done a stupid thing yet again. The reason for his disappearance was still unclear, but Jin didn’t care about that as long as he could find out what the hell had Kazuya done now!! It was no use though as his phone was now turned off and all of his calls were redirected to the voice mail. He was going to have to wait until he would get to the house and see with his own eyes what had happened.

The big step. What could have Kazuya meant by that? Jin couldn’t stop thinking and worrying about it, not knowing if it was really wise to go there by himself when he hadn’t let anyone know. Just to be safe, he took his phone and dialed Ryo to announce him what he was planning to do and giving him the address to have someone keep an eye on the situation from above, telling him to prepare an escape route in case that things would go bad.

But there wasn’t any reason for this to happen, right? There wasn’t and yet Kazuya’s happy voice had sounded too happy and too satisfied for Jin to fully believe it. It almost sounded like he was drugged, but it couldn’t be as Kazuya had given them up a long time ago - though he had had some problems when that supposedly stranger had given them to him again forcibly. Had someone captured him and drugged him to lure Jin to them? But then why at Kazuya’s father’ home? Why not in a more secluded place where no one would bother them?

The answer came into his view as soon as he pulled on the final street that was leading to the house. He had almost forgotten that Kento lived in a God-forsaken place and that there was no one surrounding them - thus the perfect place for a trap.

Jin stopped the car and took a deep breath before finally revealing himself. He closed the door behind him and surveyed his surroundings, glancing at his right and left to be sure that he wasn’t about to get attacked by his enemies. But there seemed to be no one there so Jin moved forward, opening the door which was surprisingly unlocked - “Figures.” Jin snorted - and called his lover’s name, his heart beating in his ribs faster than ever because of the fear that he was finally facing as thoughts of Kazuya being hurt because of him started to cloud his mind.

“Kazuya!”

A light chuckle was heard from the living room and soon enough, Kazuya’s voice could be heard happily saying - “We’re here~” Another chuckle was heard and without wasting time, Jin hurried to the room, only to be met with a morbid scene.

Kazuya looked up at a Jin, a satisfied smile plastered on his bloodied face. His eyes were shining with a mad gleam and he was sitting cross-legged next to his father which was laying dead, his mouth half hanging as he had probably cried for help. The younger was holding a knife which he kept plunging into Kento’s chest from time to time - like a child playing with a plastic shovel in the sand. He seemed unaware and unfazed of everything he was doing, his clothes and skin dyed in crimson, sign of his first murder.

“Look, Jin!” He pointed with the knife at his lover and then towards his deceased father. “I can do it myself too!” He stated happily and without any remorse, he pushed the knife through his father’s neck, thick and fresh blood coming out to stain the floor. “You know, he begged just like Mom and Hiroki. He didn’t seem to understand why I was doing this…” Kazuya began with a soft voice, almost pitying the one he had killed. “But I told him everything.” His eyes shone with crazy determination as he smiled once more. “Everything that they had done to me, everything that he hadn’t done for me. Everything that you did to me.” He let go of the knife and with reddish fingers, he caressed his father’s cold cheek. “He apologized and he accepted. But he still cried for help when I cut him, making me realize just how you feel when you kill someone.” Kazuya paused, looked at Kento and chuckled slightly. “It feels like you’re God, right?” He looked again at Jin and it was clear from the way his eyes were sparkling and how avid his expression was that the Kazuya Jin had known a few months ago was gone.

He had gone mad - beyond.

“Something like that.” Jin replied with a sigh though it was clear that there was a small smile dangling on his lips. He couldn’t believe that Kazuya had done such an atrocious thing and that he had killed his own father when he had almost begged for his mother to remain alive, but maybe it was a good change. Maybe this meant that Kazuya was finally learning how to defend himself and how to stand up to people. But even so, the way he had done was obviously not the best. There was blood all over the room and it was clear that there had been a fight there. More than this, Kazuya had really enjoyed his crime and had tortured his father, not letting him die and keeping him alive till the last drop of blood had left his body, probably forcing him to listen to the monstrosities that he had been through because of him. His fingerprints were all over the place and if the police were to come there, it would be clear who was the one responsible of this horrible crime.

Nevertheless, it made Jin smile, happy that he was finally seeing with his own eyes what he had been wanting to see for a long time now. “Why did you something like this, Kazuya?” Jin reprimanded the other one, sitting down on the floor, next to the younger one, and slowly taking the knife from his hand with a gentle but firm move. “Why did you kill your father and why didn’t you tell me anything about this?” he added, looking into the boy’s eyes even if he could already see that he wasn’t going to receive a proper answer.

After all, the first murder was always kind of blurry for everyone to remember.

Jin had been the exception because of his young age.

“Why did you kill others?” Kazuya shot back, an awfully proud smirk dancing on his lips. He looked at his father and he didn’t see him as the one that had taken care of him for the last years, but as someone that had paid for his crimes and had been chosen to die. He was nothing but a mere puppet in the hands of a God - and he was that God. “There’s no actual reason for any of your or my murders, is there?” He mumbled, slowly lifting his eyes and meeting Jin’s in a distant stare. His mind wasn’t in the best state and despite his craziness, Kazuya wasn’t a murderer and soon enough, conscience was going to catch up with him.

“That’s not exactly how it works.” Jin sighed yet again, not denying the fact that he was a little disappointed by such an answer as he had expected anything else but this. His murders had always had a reason, be it business or simply revenge, and they had not been random like it seemed that this one had been. He still had to wonder though why had Kazuya come to such a place and killed someone when he could have done it anywhere else. “And you need a reason to kill your father.” Jin pointed out, knowing that Kazuya loved the man despite their misunderstandings and that he cared about him.

Kazuya’s eyes twinkled in Jin’s direction. “You.” He replied hoarsely as he seemed to have found the answer Jin had been wanting. “You’re the reason I killed Dad for.” He continued and threw another glance to the corpse. “You said that I needed to face my past, that I needed to accept you like you are.” The younger one said and his eyes darkened a little. “Everything started with mother’s death and it had to end with father’s death. It was a cycle in which I was trapped, so I broke free.”

It was weird how logical Kazuya sounded but how wrong he could be in the same time. Something wasn’t right in his words, but Jin couldn’t put his finger on it and couldn’t actually argue with the boy in such a moment - after all, if this would make Kazuya finally move on from his painful past, then he wasn’t going to say anything about it and just accept it as the younger one had done when Jin had been the one to do reckless things.

He sighed and put the knife away from Kazuya, taking the boy’s hands into his own and brushing his thumb on the back of his palms. “And how do you feel now?” Jin chose to ask, caring more about the younger one than the fact that he had just killed someone. After all, Jin wasn’t a novice at this in the least and he wasn’t that impressed by a death - or a murder - but this was a first for Kazuya and he seemed not to be thinking in that moment as he should.

Jin had a slight suspicion that this wouldn’t have happened if Kazuya had been in control over his thoughts and mind.

That mad gleam appeared again in Kazuya’s eyes as he kept staring at Jin. “Like a God.” He replied with a sweet smile, showing clearly that there was something wrong in the picture. The young man let out a light chuckle as he leaned forward, letting his head fall on Jin’s shoulder. “And I can still hear him begging forgiveness.” He then muttered with a sorrowful tone as if he was regretting his decision. And maybe he was, he didn’t know for sure. “He told me he will love me even if I kill him.” Kazuya let out a strangled laugh. “He reminded me of you and maybe that’s why I was more determined to kill him.” He pulled back a little and looked at Jin. “I wanted to kill you too.” The younger one sniffed as tears started falling down his cheeks, mingling with the dry blood on them. He wasn’t sure for whom he was crying, he hadn’t even known he was crying.

Jin smiled gently and lifted his right hand to brush the tears from Kazuya’s eyes. “I know.” He whispered with a soft voice, closing his eyes as his lips touched the boy and staying there for a little while as his hands enveloped Kazuya into a tight hug. He had made a mistake into believing that Kazuya could do this, he had made a mistake when he had encouraged the younger one to kill people as it had brought them to such a situation. He still wasn’t sure of Kazuya’s reasons for killing his father, but the fact that he had wanted to kill him because he resembled Jin spoke for itself - Jin was bad for Kazuya.

“Come on, we need to get you cleaned.” Jin continued with the same understanding and kind voice, smiling at the other one as he pulled back and looked into his teary eyes. He had to hurry, he had to move fast before Kazuya would realize what he had done and before he would understand that his father was now dead because of him. This wasn’t the perfect place to have a panic attack and Jin wanted to get the hell out of there until someone would see them and notice that something was wrong in this picture.

After that… he would deal with it. He hadn’t wished for such a future for Kazuya. He had wanted him to learn to protect himself and he still thought that killing was a good way, but he had never wanted for Kazuya to become an outlaw like him. It had been fine to kill Uchi or his mother as Jin would have been the one blamed in the end if it came to this, but now… Kazuya’s fingerprints were all over the house and, most importantly, on the murder weapon.

He had just destroyed his whole future.

Kazuya sniffed some more, feeling a slight pounding in his head as he nodded to Jin. He got up shakily, showing just how tired his body was and how mentally exhausted he felt. He hadn’t slept for the last days since he had murdered Kento, always looking at him, shouting from time to time, accusing him of what had happened and that if it hadn’t been for him, he would have had a chance of a normal life. Yes, he had finally found out what his mother had meant by his father being a criminal and why he had had to live a monstrous life with his mother. And thus he had blamed Kento for everything, he had cried in front of him even if the man was no longer with the livings. But in the end, Kazuya had calmed himself down and that was when he had decided to call Jin.

And up till now, he had never slept, thoughts and memories circling inside his mind, going round and round and making him reach new and newer conclusions, a never ending circle. He stretched his hand towards Jin, watching how his fingers trembled and smiled at this. He was still the same weak and vulnerable boy he had been when he had met Jin - he will never change.

Jin smiled back as he tightened a little his grip on Kazuya’s hand. The boy seemed to be weaker than he had ever seen him and he didn’t like that. This wasn’t the man that he had fallen in love with, this wasn’t the Kazuya that he knew. That Kazuya seemed to be far away from him in that moment, but he will bring him back with any cost - Jin would do anything for it. For now though, he had to be there for Kazuya and to get them away from that place before someone would see them and announce the police. He led the boy to the bathroom, taking the knife with them and washing it in the bath tub while he let Kazuya clean himself at the sink to try and get rid at least of some blood from his hands and shirt. After they finished, Jin took once more Kazuya’s hand into his and walked back to the living room where Kento’s body was lying dead.

“Do you trust me?” Jin asked Kazuya with a gentle and low voice, turning around to look into the boy’s eyes and to smile reassuringly, wanting to give him faith and hope just by his presence there. The phone vibrated in his pocket, but the older one ignored it for the time being.

Kazuya looked back with blank eyes as he nodded once. There was this pounding in his head and he found himself dreading something he couldn’t actually pinpoint. But nonetheless, he trusted Jin or whatever that meant.

Jin’s smile widened a little as he leaned down to peck Kazuya’s lips, murmuring “Good boy.” to show his appreciation. Then he detached himself from the other one and lifted their entwined hands in the same time with the one that held the knife. He saw Kazuya’s eyes watching his every move and Jin followed his eyes as he plunged the knife into the younger one’s hand, making a not very deep cut, but still a bloody one.

Kazuya hissed in pain as he wanted to pull his hand away, but Jin kept it still, not letting him back down. He looked with teary eyes at Jin and suddenly it all came rushing back to him - his emotions drowned him in their waves, his memories engulfed him in a tight embrace and the last thing, his last sin - his murder - cut through him like the blade Jin was now using on him. Everything was a swirl and a rollercoaster inside his head, as nothing seemed to have a beginning nor an end, as everything seemed to make him suffer, never stopping. He was spinning through his emotions at high speed, pain, love, hate, disappointment, anger, rage, happiness, every little emotion he had once felt hitting him double and leaving him empty and dry, leaving him without hope.

“Jin.” Kazuya said feebly before everything closed down on him, shutting him out and into a welcomed darkness and obliviousness. The younger one’s legs gave under him as he simply slipped into nothingness.

Jin’s arms caught him in time, holding the boy into his arms as his eyes studied his fainted form for a while. He sighed and lifted Kazuya into his arms, taking him to the couch and leaving him there as he would continue his job. He couldn’t let him be accused of this crime, Jin would never allow such a thing to happen. He had wanted Kazuya to learn to protect himself - and he was on the right track, though Jin still wasn’t sure if this was the right one or not - but he had never wanted Kazuya to lose the privilege of being able to go out and be free between the other people. He had never wanted Kazuya to be accused of murder and to risk to be sent to jail because of a simple mistake he had made into a moment of madness.

Yes, that was it, a moment of madness. And now Jin had to clean up after him. With a last kiss on the boy’s lips, Jin straightened himself up and looked around the room. He needed to make it seem like a fight had taken place and even if Kento had stood up to his son, it wasn’t enough and it wouldn’t be credible for the police to think that a stranger had killed him. He moved the body and left his fingerprints all over the place, throwing the knife with which he had cut Kazuya’s hand next to Kento’s body, after plunging it once more into him to let the older man’s blood clean the one of his son’s. It wouldn’t be enough to completely erase it and Jin was aiming for this, wanting them to believe that Kazuya had also been hurt by him when he had tried to protect his father.

With a last look at the dead body, Jin sighed tiredly and then went to the bathroom to clean his hands and take care that there wouldn’t be any trace of what had happened in there or the fact that Kazuya had actually been the one to wipe the blood from his hands. He started singing as the water poured over his fingers, thinking that he was forced to leave town, now that all the police would be looking for him and he won’t be able to hide like he had done in the past - after all, there hadn’t been any proof then about his crimes, mostly only suspicions. But all was good in the end as they would be able to start the new life that Kazuya had wanted so much.

Jin smiled in the mirror, happy with his own thoughts and with the prospect of finally being together with the one he loved without anything to stand in their way. His phone vibrated again and reminded Jin that there was still a text message that he hadn’t read - and which brought no good news, as he realized a couple of seconds later. Ryo was telling him that someone had called the police and that they would be there in a matter of minutes.

He cursed and hurried to take Kazuya from the living room, settling him in the back of his car and then starting the engine to drive away.

They were going to start a new life.

*

PART III