Remember When - Chapter Seven
This was starting to get on his nerves. Every day and he
meant every damned day, Jin would come to his house and start whining about his
problems. He didn’t have a
problem with that at the beginning, he was happy to help his friend because he
knew that Jin needed someone to be beside him in moments like this. And Jin
helped him even if he was a baka most of the time.
But hearing the same thing day by day, Yamapi was really starting to get annoyed. And that’s why when Jin showed at his door again, he only rolled his eyes and let Jin come in. He glanced at his clock - eleven past ten in the evening - and he concluded that it was too late to make an excuse and that he would be once again forced to listen to Jin’s whines.
“Piiiii, help me!” Jin already started his ritual, installed on Yamapi’s couch and pouting like a child.
“What happened this time?” he sighed and took a seat next to his friend.
“I can’t compose anything, I can’t find my muse” Jin confessed while crossing his arms. “My lyrics suck” he continued to pout.
“Well, your lyrics usually suck because you only know to sing about drinks and women” Yamapi told him with a smirk.
“Piiii!!!” his friend whined, looking hurt at Yamapi’s words. “I came to you because I want help, not someone to tease me.”
“You need a shrink” Yamapi muttered and smiled at Jin when the latter asked him what did he say. “I said that you need a drink. Wait here” he told him, leaving Jin alone for a second. He sighed once he closed the kitchen’s door behind him and closed his eyes. “I need to do this” he told himself, almost like trying to convince someone that he was doing the right thing. He fished his phone out of his pants and dialed a number.
“Please, I need your help.” He paused for a while and listened to the voice on the phone complaining that it’s late and that he needs to sleep because he has work the next day. “Please, I really need your help. You’re the only one I can ask.” He continued to beg, for the moment not caring of his pride. He was decided to do anything to help Jin and he wouldn’t let such a petty thing like his pride stand in his way.
Jin was going to pay for it anyway. “Come to my apartment as soon as you can. Please.” He asked again and hung up immediately when he heard the other one sigh and agree.
He quickly returned to his living room to not let Jin suspect anything, but the older one was in his own world, complaining by himself that nothing works anymore and that he can’t understand why everything happens to him. Yamapi raised an eyebrow at Jin’s questions, asking quietly what the hell happened in his friend’s life that was so devastating!!
For crying out loud, his LA concerts had been a success, fans overseas adored him and he was going to release an album and a single and have a tour in America!! Only a DVD was missing so that he could have the same debut as he had with KAT-TUN!!
He gave the glass to Jin and poured another one for him. He really needed it.
But it seemed that God was on his side that night because after fifteen minutes, his bell rang again. Yamapi quickly excused himself, without giving Jin the chance to ask who he was expecting. He opened the door to his apartment and shoved the man inside while he went outside.
“You deal with him, it’s your fault that he’s like this!” it was the last thing that Yamapi told him before he closed the door in his face, leaving a dumbfounded Kazuya in the middle of his house. A click was heard and he knew that Yamapi just locked him inside with…
Kazuya was afraid to guess.
He turned to the door and turned the knob. He had heard the click, of course, but he wanted to be sure. In fact, he hoped and since, hope dies last… well, his already went to the other side. He didn’t want to go into Yamapi’s living room. He felt stupid for agreeing to visit him at such hour and also he felt afraid. He wasn’t ready for any of this and certainly, not this late. He made a mental note to kill Pi after this; he swore to do so. And so he kept staying beside the door and wondering what should he do. He was decided to stay there, to not move an inch from there. Oh, God! How he could have been this stupid?! Kazuya sighed and looked at the ceiling. A certain noise tensed his body and he defiantly wouldn’t turn his eyes away. He would never apologize for what had happened, be it wrong or right.
His thoughts were interrupted by a loud thud which seemed like a bottle shattering and he could hear Jin swearing in the living room. “Pi, what the hell you are doing?” he heard him yell and Kazuya knew that Jin is heading his way. “Why aren’t you coming…” he stopped in the middle of sentence when his eyes finally fell on the younger one. Without notice, his name just slipped of his lips.
“Kazuya…”
It was more of a whisper but it made Jin stiffen and more conscious of his every move. He gulped as his eyes met Kazuya’s and his mind started wandering.
And there he was - his nightmare. When Jin mentioned his name, Kazuya couldn’t help but look at him and he wasn’t sure what feeling was stronger - the one of guilt or the one of pain. But maybe he felt them both at the same intensity because Jin had always had this effect on him. One more day and he could happily join the madhouse. He didn’t say anything either because he couldn’t or because he didn’t want to. He just kept staring at the one who had messed his life so many times and kept doing so. What was he supposed to do?
But Jin didn’t know either. He was as lost as Kazuya was. He tried to think at something to say, but he didn’t know what. Should he apologize? Again? Somehow Jin was fed up with this and he didn’t want to keep feeling guilty for something that he shouldn’t be. He was pursuing a solo career, it wasn’t like he left them all alone without any means to save themselves. They didn’t need to be saved, they didn’t need Akanishi Jin. Because they were KAT-TUN.
Feeling a little more encouraged, Jin finally let himself relax and that’s when he noticed that Yamapi was gone.
“That traitor, he ran away again” Jin sighed and turned his back on Kazuya. “Well, come in, he’s not going to come back any time soon” Jin raised his hand to tell Kazuya to follow him back into the living room, without realizing that that was the hand he had injured earlier when he tried to catch the bottle which fell off the table. The shock of seeing Kazuya was so big that he didn’t feel the pain or the blood what was dripping from his hand.
Or maybe he was the same Bakanishi as always.
Kazuya agreed in his mind with Jin about Yamapi being a traitor. He had more words for his act, but better be quiet. He was about to say something like he didn’t want to intrude or to linger any longer when he saw Jin’s injured hand. Two steps and he was beside him, grabbing his hand and inspecting it like a doctor would do. Or a worried friend.
“You’re bleeding, stupid.” He said and pulled Jin into the living, forgetting that he was supposed to leave and not talk to him anymore. “Sit, I’ll look for something.” He ordered him like a mother and started rambling through Yamapi’s drawers. “Grip it a little, so the bleeding should stop.” He added, frowning at a bra he found. “Do you know where Yamapi keeps his first-aid kit?” he asked, closing a drawer which seemed to be full with… toys.
“In the bathroom. I think” Jin answered as a robot, still too surprised by Kazuya’s action to do anything else. He took a deep breath as soon as the younger one was out of his sight and fell on the couch, his eyes glued to the ceiling. A warm feeling was filling him, but Jin was afraid to let it control him. He was afraid to think again that things will be alright between them and then be disappointed again.
Kazuya went into the bathroom and quickly returned with some bandages and a disinfectant solution. He wondered why would someone keep his first aid kit in the bathroom, but he has always been a bit particular about this kind of things so other people might be different than him. He knelt in front of Jin and took his hand into his gently.
“Thought I told you to grip it.” Kazuya muttered, rinsing the blood and applying the disinfectant. “You still play the guitar, right?” he asked as he circled his hand with a white and clean bandage. “Be more careful.” He said, fixing the bandage and holding Jin’s hand before letting it go.
“I had to, I was trying to… create some songs” Jin said with a low voice, still watching the ceiling. He didn’t dare to look at Kazuya, he was afraid of what he’ll see in his look. He preferred to close his eyes and lie to himself that nothing happened and that Kazuya was still his best friend.
The younger one rose and said nothing. The atmosphere between them was awkward and he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. For the first time since they had that fight, Kazuya felt the need of saying something to Jin. He hadn’t been surprised at himself for acting the way he did when he saw Jin’s bleeding hand, but had been surprised at how everything - for a moment - seemed like before. And how much that impression hurt him. Should he say something? Should he bring himself to leave everything behind and try to toss his worst feelings? No, he couldn’t do that. Because he knew he hadn’t forgiven Jin and probably a long way ahead he still won’t do it. And as long as these feelings would linger, he couldn’t help but be bitter about everything that meant Jin. He was hurt, disappointed and alone. No, he felt alone; he wasn’t. He kept on looking at Jin’s freshly bandaged hand and wondered why did they always end up like this? They would always fight, not talk with each other for a while and suddenly would found each other in the other’s company and everything would be awkward. Have they always been like this? Kazuya knew they have.
“Kazu…”
The voice made him look at Jin. Why does it always have to be Jin that talked to him? Why couldn’t he bring himself to say something… just anything? Was he that a prideful person? Was he that of a hypocrite? He sighed and distanced himself from Jin. The words he wanted to say weighed much on his chest and he didn’t know how to make it better.
“I might be the same as you. But I can’t say the words as you do.” He finally said, not really knowing if the other would understand the meaning and it was Kazuya’s specialty to make himself understood or give explanations. But has he managed this time to do so too?
Jin managed to suppress a chuckle. He sat up and looked at Kazuya, his eyes now filled with determination. “You don’t say anything, but you show it” he smiled gently. “But I have to be near you, Kazuya, to know this. Please don’t walk away from me” he pleaded with a broken voice.
He felt his heart starting beating faster in anticipation of Kazuya’s answer. He knew that he was walking on thin ice, but this was his last chance. He had to face the truth, he won’t be meeting the younger that often anymore so he had to take advantage of this moment. He had to talk with Kazuya and clear everything between them or he won’t be able to do it after this. He owed it to Yamapi too, he thought amused.
Kazuya felt his heart skip a beat and it hurt. Was he indeed the one walking away? He felt his eyes sting and a slight tremble made him bite his lower lip. He needed to talk; he needed to find the right words like he always does. But why it was that hard when it came to Jin? This one made him lose everything he had - self-control, words and mind.
“If you’re near, it will always hurt.” He blurted quietly, closing his eyes as he spoke. No, he didn’t mean it in that way, he… Oh, he sucks. He really does. He just wanted to…
“But if I’m not near, then it won’t hurt?” Jin asked, feeling his heart being ripped into thousand of pieces. “Because if you’re not near me, then it hurts me” he confessed on a scared voice. He was ready to lay bare his feelings in front of Kazuya, to say everything that’s on his mind. He didn’t know what will be the result, but he wanted to find out. Either way, he’ll be banned from Kazuya’s life or he’ll be accepted once more and then nothing will matter anymore.
Jin’s question made him question too. How did he felt when Jin was not around? He could answer this easily… because he prohibited himself from feeling anything when it came to Jin being out of his life. He had cut his heart and robotized his mind. He was only for work. He sighed and tried to give Jin an answer, one that wouldn’t hurt either of them.
“I… I don’t know.” He said, feeling pathetic. Again, the words failed him. “I really don’t know, Jin! It’s like one minute I’m in a roller coaster and the other minute I’m standing in the eye of a storm. And then… everything bursts! I don’t like it, I always lose control and I can’t bring myself back to how I was without feeling haunted and hurt.” He burst, voicing his fear and anger at his vulnerability. Maybe he made another mistake, but yet again, one more would it count?
“And you think it’s different for me?!” he suddenly got mad, seeing how undecided was the younger one. “I miss you, Kazuya, I miss hanging out with you” he said, slowly approaching him. “I hate knowing that you’re mad at me, I hate the fact that I can’t concentrate and everything I do is to think about you! I hate not seeing you everyday and I don’t want to continue to torment myself imagining you with… with…” he stuttered at the end, refusing to admit that he was jealous on his relationship with Koki.
He stopped at only an inch in front of Kazuya, his eyes locked with the other’s ones. He was breathing harder like he had run a marathon. His body trembled of anger, of fear and of anxiety. Years, years had passed since they last talked like this. It was such a long time ago that they were so honest with each other and this only managed to anger Jin even more. He felt like a fool for doing this only now when he could have ended all of this charade much earlier. But he couldn’t do it then because they were in the same band. There were repercussions.
But not now.
They weren’t going to appear at TV together. They won’t be sharing a dressing room. They won’t be forced to be nice to each other just for appearances. They were free to say whatever was on their minds and Jin was planning to do so if Kazuya wasn’t going to start speaking any time soon.
He was surprised to hear Jin saying that he missed him and that he was the cause of his torment. He could sense Jin’s anger, but he was the same. He felt angered too because in a corner of his mind he would always think about Jin though he would never admit to be so. Kazuya opened his mouth to say something, but closed it without a sound being uttered. What was he supposed to say in front of such honest and yearning words? Was he supposed to say that he tried desperately to chase away Jin from his life or to erase his memory from his mind? Wouldn’t this hurt the other more? Wouldn’t this cruel reality hurt them both? So… he asked the only possible escape route he had.
“… with whom?”
“With everyone!!” Jin yelled annoyed and grabbed Kazuya by his arms. “Dammit, Kazuya, you were my best friend! You were the only person with whom I shared all of my secrets, all of my feelings! You were the only one who knew me best and what? You started to drift away from me before I even noticed! When I finally realized what was happening, it was already too late!!”
He hated it. The hated the whole situation and he hated Kazuya. He hated him because he wasn’t honest and refused to tell him what he really feels. It was always like this. Kazuya thinking that he knows what’s best for the two of them and Jin being kept in the dark. He had accepted it when they were younger, but he had long passed the age where he could he fooled. Maybe he was acting stupid all the time, but this didn’t mean that he really was an idiot.
“Why, Kazuya? Why can’t you be honest with me?” Jin asked with a sad voice, his voice still a little higher from normal. He closed the almost inexistent distance between them and trapped Kazuya in his arms, hugging him tightly. “Why don’t you tell me that you hate me if that’s what you really feel? Then I’ll be able to move on too. Then I won’t bother you anymore” he finished with the same broken voice that he started with. He was tired. Tired of fighting with himself and tired of fighting with Kazuya too. He needed an end for this story so that he could fully enjoy his dream to sing in America.
Kazuya crumbled. He felt the air get stuck in his throat and threatening to choke him. Since Jin touched him, he stiffened in fear. It was a fear of losing, a fear that haunted whatever he wanted to say and couldn’t. He listened to Jin, to his voice and the way it swayed as his feelings were expressed. When Jin hugged him, Kazuya was shocked. Had it been that much of despair between the two of them? Had it been that much of bitterness between them? He couldn’t face this. Maybe he was a coward, but expressing his feelings would always be his weakness.
“I don’t hate you.” He said, his muffled voice by Jin’s tight hug. “I might want sometimes to kill you, but I would never hate you.” He added, feeling that at least this he could say. “You were an important person for me. Precious one. And maybe the problem is that… you still are and I can’t seem to deal with it when everything you do is to leave me behind.”
Maybe he didn’t mean to say the last phrase but sometimes words would come unexpectedly and have a mind of their own. And maybe, luckily enough, they might be at the right moment.
“I won’t ever leave you behind” Jin promised and tightened his hold on Kazuya. He felt encouraged by the younger’s confession because that meant he still had a chance to be someone in his life. He didn’t want to be separated from Kazuya, he didn’t want them to become strangers. “Kazu, if I left KAT-TUN, it doesn’t mean that I left you too. This doesn’t mean that I can’t be your friend. This doesn’t mean that you can’t trust me” he said, holding Kazuya like he was all he had and trying to convey his feelings to his former band mate through his body. “Please believe me that I don’t want to be apart from you” Jin distanced himself a little from Kazuya and gently put his hand on Kazuya’s chin and lifted his head so that he could see his eyes.
Kazuya gulped and looked unsure, biting his lower lip. He wanted to trust him, but he didn’t want to make mistakes. If he does, he would never forgive him or the other one. He was this type of person.
“You have already left.” He said, looking sad. “Maybe KAT-TUN isn’t that important to you, but for me, being with you in KAT-TUN was important. It meant something that you were there.” He added, smiling bitterly. “And you’re different than me in this aspect. You say you won’t leave me, but you’ll do. Eventually, everybody does this in a way or another.”
Kazuya moved a little as he was beginning to be conscious of their closeness. It wasn’t like they didn’t get this close before, but everything was different now. And recent incidents showed this exactly.
Jin felt broken. He knew that he shouldn’t interpret it like this, but he couldn’t help himself to not think that the band was more important to Kazuya than Jin. And what if they were never paired to be in the same group? Then Kazuya would have ignored him? Then it would have been alright if he went solo, just because it wasn’t KAT-TUN the band that he left behind?
A million of questions filled Jin’s head as he was listening to Kazuya. KAT-TUN was important for him too, but it just wasn’t his whole life. He had bigger dreams than singing with other five guys, even if one of them was Kazuya. He wanted to continue to sing with Kazuya too, but this wasn’t the most important thing for him. He just wanted to be there for him, in the same band or not, was this that hard to understand?
He was hurt. Hurt because only now he realized that Kazuya didn’t trust him at all. He couldn’t believe in him, in his words. He didn’t want to give Jin a second chance from the beginning.
He let him go, putting between them a safe distance. He continued to look at Kazuya with the same sad eyes. He felt his heart destroyed and his face showed all of his feelings. Sadness, disappointment, pain.
“Is this what you thought all of these years? That I will leave you one day?” he still had to ask, even if his voice didn’t sound like his own anymore.
Kazuya felt cold as Jin let go completely of him. And even colder when he became aware of what Jin was feeling. His words weren’t a surprise at all, but that didn’t make it less hurtful. He averted his eyes, looking somewhere in Yamapi’s living, hoping to find the right words for once.
“What I thought all of these years was that you would never leave me.” Kazuya said, his mouth’s corners lifting a little before falling into a grimace. “Yet you did.” He added with a whisper, closing his eyes at the memory of Jin’s first journey to America. A journey that lasted for half a year. “It’s not about trusting or not trusting, is about being realistic and not making ephemerae promises. I want to believe that we can still be friends; that we can be by each other’s side without thinking about the past.” Kazuya continued, turning to look at Jin. He was suffering too, he was torn between being rational and leave everything behind or being emotional and let his feelings take the best of him. “Can we really do this, Jin? Can we look forward to a new future without it being obscured by the past?” he asked, looking as sad as Jin was.
“We can’t” he sighed and looked at Kazuya. “We can’t if you don’t’ even give us a chance! Kazuya, you’re only running from me!!”
He was starting to get annoyed again and this wasn’t good for the way things were between them in that moment. He felt like a fool and he suddenly had the impression that they were in a cheap romance story that Yuu told him about. But Kazuya was indeed running from him and his feelings. He didn’t want to get hurt, but why couldn’t he understand that Jin would have rather suffer than hurt Kazuya on purpose?
He turned his back on Kazuya and sighed again. He didn’t want to see Kazuya’s hurt expression anymore. “You’re only running from the truth and you’re hurting yourself and me too in the process” he said, his eyes fixed on a painting that Yamapi put on his wall and Jin vaguely remembered that it was a gift from him.
It was weird enough to be.
“Yes, I’m running.” Kazuya admitted, nodding in disbelief. He never thought this kind of words would leave his lips ever. He could see his flaws, but he wasn’t the person to admit them in front of anyone. Better try as hard he can until the breaking point. And he had reached it regarding the matter with Jin.
“I’m running because I can’t have myself being attached on someone who comes and go.” He added, sighing audibly. “And what chance can I offer you that I didn’t already offer?” he leaned on the wall and brushed his face with his palms. He felt tired and worn out. Could he just go to sleep?
“I want you to talk with me” Jin said, turning again to face him. “I want you to be honest and tell me what you feel, just like you used to” he took a step and got closer to Kazuya. He didn’t know why, but he felt that something was different now. He was reaching his breaking point too and he couldn’t control himself anymore. And he wanted to hit someone. He wanted to beat someone, to hug a person, to be comforted, to…
He shook his head and tried to clear his mind, but without succeeding.
Kazuya felt the atmosphere changing and there was a feeling that made him wary. He looked at Jin and his all body tensed. The person in front of him was kind of different and Kazuya could easily sense and see this. He narrowed his eyes as Jin continued to talk.
“I want you to let me a part of your life, to not reject me. I want you to let me be your friend and even more” he continued even if he didn’t know anymore what he was saying or why he was saying these things. He stopped in front of Kazuya and trapped him between his body and the wall. He was breathing hard again but this time it wasn’t because of his yelling. He felt an electrifying shiver running through his body when he glued himself to Kazuya. Somehow, he knew these sensations, but they seemed to be forgotten in a corner of his mind. And Jin wanted to rediscover them. He wanted to feel them again and he knew that Kazuya is the answer.
But now this was starting to look dangerous. Jin closed the distance between them before Kazuya could even become aware of what was happening. And what was happening made him even more tensed and wary. Jin definitely wasn’t his usual self and was making Kazuya confused. He felt the warmth spreading in his body when Jin’s breath caressed his skin. Why was Jin so close?!
“I want you to look only at me” he added, locking his eyes with Kazuya’s, his lips dangerously close to the younger ones. He realized that even if he knew what he was feeling, he never felt this excitement so addictive. Even if it was forbidden, Jin wanted to taste the love juice that he knew it would make him go mad.
Kazuya couldn’t do anything but hold his breath. When did all this turn into something… erotic?! Because this was all he could see; erotism and sexuality spreading from every pore of Jin’s. And he felt like drowning into it.
“I want you to kiss me” he ended and he put a leg between Kazuya’s, moving even closer to him and not giving him any chance of running.
WHAT?!
Kazuya’s throat went dry. His mind went blank and all he could sense was Jin’s warm breath, his leg between his, his body pressed tightly to his. He could feel everything Jin was and a warning bell was ringing madly inside his head. He wasn’t sure of what was happening or how it got to this! He felt his heart beating savagely and for a moment wondered why. He should be grossed out, he should kick Jin’s balls and get the hell out of there. Instead, he didn’t do anything, more like he was waiting patiently to see what happens next.
And Jin didn’t need anything more. The fact that Kazuya didn’t reject him already encouraged him enough to continue for himself if the younger didn’t have the guts to do it. Without removing his eyes from Kazuya’s, he lowered his head and gently touched Kazuya’s lips. In a split of second, he felt like his whole world changed. It was different now that he was completely sober. The last time he kissed Kazuya he didn’t even know why he did it, he just let his instincts run him. But now he knew what he wanted. He wanted to kiss Kazuya so badly, he wanted to make him his, to feel more of the younger’s body.
He slowly nibbled on his lips, silently asking for permission to enter, and bit Kazuya’s lower lip, his hand grabbing his hair and carefully pulling him closer. Kazuya surprised himself by letting Jin kiss him, indulging in a sweet and forbidden temptation. He moaned quietly, touching fearful Jin’s shoulder, feeling aroused and afraid. He didn’t imagine he could do something like this or that he would enjoy it. The hand that gripped his hair gently was giving him shivers of pleasure, making him tremble while Jin continued to torture him with his teeth and tongue. He began to yearn for that kiss to be complete, he yearn for Jin’s taste like a man that was in desert without water. He moved slightly and shyly, touched Jin’s lips with his tongue. Before crushing into a real and passionate kiss, Kazuya smiled and accepted everything that was happening.
And it felt so good. Jin felt like he was waiting for this for a long time but he didn’t know exactly what was the thing that he needed to breathe. So he had continued to live, chocking every time he was close to get what he wanted but still being so far away. He could understand now those feelings of anxiousness when he was near Kazuya. It was a need that he couldn’t suppress anymore, a desire that was making his head dizzy and Kazuya’s shy moves definitely didn’t help him to clear his mind.
But he didn’t want to. He wanted to engulf in Kazuya’s kiss, in Kazuya’s touch, in everything that was Kazuya. He wanted him and only now he realized that he wanted to do this since they were Juniors. Maybe since that night in Okinawa that made them best friends. Or maybe since the first time he saw him.
He explored Kazuya’s mouth, trying to refrain a moan while he moved even closer, his body now glued to the younger. He lowered his hand from Kazuya’s hair to his waist and pulled him towards him. Only now Kazuya realized that he wasn’t pressed to the wall anymore and that Jin had started to walk slowly to the couch. He tensed. Was this really the right direction that things between them should head to? No, surely it wasn’t. Kazuya was still mad at Jin so what was he doing kissing him?! He should stop. He should put a distance between them and convince Jin to talk rationally.
Every thought disappeared from Kazuya’s mind the moment Jin left his lips and started to nibble on his neck. He couldn’t stop a soft moan to leave his mouth. He buried his hands in Jin’s hair and brought his face to his lips and kissed him again, with more hunger and desire this time. And Jin responded with as much passion as Kazuya put in every one of his moves.
Jin lowered both of them on the couch and positioned himself on top of Kazuya, without breaking the kiss. His hands were slowly advancing, tugging at Kazuya’s shirt and wishing to touch more. His right hand sneaked under the younger’s shirt, making Kazuya tremble at the contact with Jin’s cold hand. A shiver crossed his body when Kazuya followed his example and lifted Jin’s shirt to feel his skin on his.
They couldn’t think anymore, they only followed their instincts. They wanted more, to touch more, to feel more of the other. Their hands kept exploring their bodies, now both of their shirts thrown on the floor. Their lips never parted too long, keeping their tongues in a never ending battle.
A sound was heard somewhere in the house, but neither of them paid any attention to it and continued to kiss, as this was the only thing that mattered. Kazuya was the first one to react when he heard Yamapi’s voice calling for Jin. He pushed the older one of him and quickly grabbed his shirt and put it on while Jin was watching him baffled from the floor where he landed, not knowing what happened.
But when Yamapi appeared in the door frame, all of his questions were answered.
“Fuck!” he mumbled and glanced at Kazuya who seemed very happy to ignore him. He then looked at Yamapi who was eyeing them curiously.
“Did you fight again or kissed? Yamapi asked with an amused voice, clearly wanting to make a joke.
But Kazuya didn’t seem to be in the mood for this as he got up and glared at him. “I’m leaving” he announced while making his way to the door, not sparing Jin one glance.
“What happened?” Yamapi asked as soon as he heard the door closing - more like slamming - meaning that Kazuya had left.
Jin only sighed and looked at his best friend like he wanted to murder him.
“You are sooo going to pay for this!”
Comments are love <3
But hearing the same thing day by day, Yamapi was really starting to get annoyed. And that’s why when Jin showed at his door again, he only rolled his eyes and let Jin come in. He glanced at his clock - eleven past ten in the evening - and he concluded that it was too late to make an excuse and that he would be once again forced to listen to Jin’s whines.
“Piiiii, help me!” Jin already started his ritual, installed on Yamapi’s couch and pouting like a child.
“What happened this time?” he sighed and took a seat next to his friend.
“I can’t compose anything, I can’t find my muse” Jin confessed while crossing his arms. “My lyrics suck” he continued to pout.
“Well, your lyrics usually suck because you only know to sing about drinks and women” Yamapi told him with a smirk.
“Piiii!!!” his friend whined, looking hurt at Yamapi’s words. “I came to you because I want help, not someone to tease me.”
“You need a shrink” Yamapi muttered and smiled at Jin when the latter asked him what did he say. “I said that you need a drink. Wait here” he told him, leaving Jin alone for a second. He sighed once he closed the kitchen’s door behind him and closed his eyes. “I need to do this” he told himself, almost like trying to convince someone that he was doing the right thing. He fished his phone out of his pants and dialed a number.
“Please, I need your help.” He paused for a while and listened to the voice on the phone complaining that it’s late and that he needs to sleep because he has work the next day. “Please, I really need your help. You’re the only one I can ask.” He continued to beg, for the moment not caring of his pride. He was decided to do anything to help Jin and he wouldn’t let such a petty thing like his pride stand in his way.
Jin was going to pay for it anyway. “Come to my apartment as soon as you can. Please.” He asked again and hung up immediately when he heard the other one sigh and agree.
He quickly returned to his living room to not let Jin suspect anything, but the older one was in his own world, complaining by himself that nothing works anymore and that he can’t understand why everything happens to him. Yamapi raised an eyebrow at Jin’s questions, asking quietly what the hell happened in his friend’s life that was so devastating!!
For crying out loud, his LA concerts had been a success, fans overseas adored him and he was going to release an album and a single and have a tour in America!! Only a DVD was missing so that he could have the same debut as he had with KAT-TUN!!
He gave the glass to Jin and poured another one for him. He really needed it.
But it seemed that God was on his side that night because after fifteen minutes, his bell rang again. Yamapi quickly excused himself, without giving Jin the chance to ask who he was expecting. He opened the door to his apartment and shoved the man inside while he went outside.
“You deal with him, it’s your fault that he’s like this!” it was the last thing that Yamapi told him before he closed the door in his face, leaving a dumbfounded Kazuya in the middle of his house. A click was heard and he knew that Yamapi just locked him inside with…
Kazuya was afraid to guess.
He turned to the door and turned the knob. He had heard the click, of course, but he wanted to be sure. In fact, he hoped and since, hope dies last… well, his already went to the other side. He didn’t want to go into Yamapi’s living room. He felt stupid for agreeing to visit him at such hour and also he felt afraid. He wasn’t ready for any of this and certainly, not this late. He made a mental note to kill Pi after this; he swore to do so. And so he kept staying beside the door and wondering what should he do. He was decided to stay there, to not move an inch from there. Oh, God! How he could have been this stupid?! Kazuya sighed and looked at the ceiling. A certain noise tensed his body and he defiantly wouldn’t turn his eyes away. He would never apologize for what had happened, be it wrong or right.
His thoughts were interrupted by a loud thud which seemed like a bottle shattering and he could hear Jin swearing in the living room. “Pi, what the hell you are doing?” he heard him yell and Kazuya knew that Jin is heading his way. “Why aren’t you coming…” he stopped in the middle of sentence when his eyes finally fell on the younger one. Without notice, his name just slipped of his lips.
“Kazuya…”
It was more of a whisper but it made Jin stiffen and more conscious of his every move. He gulped as his eyes met Kazuya’s and his mind started wandering.
And there he was - his nightmare. When Jin mentioned his name, Kazuya couldn’t help but look at him and he wasn’t sure what feeling was stronger - the one of guilt or the one of pain. But maybe he felt them both at the same intensity because Jin had always had this effect on him. One more day and he could happily join the madhouse. He didn’t say anything either because he couldn’t or because he didn’t want to. He just kept staring at the one who had messed his life so many times and kept doing so. What was he supposed to do?
But Jin didn’t know either. He was as lost as Kazuya was. He tried to think at something to say, but he didn’t know what. Should he apologize? Again? Somehow Jin was fed up with this and he didn’t want to keep feeling guilty for something that he shouldn’t be. He was pursuing a solo career, it wasn’t like he left them all alone without any means to save themselves. They didn’t need to be saved, they didn’t need Akanishi Jin. Because they were KAT-TUN.
Feeling a little more encouraged, Jin finally let himself relax and that’s when he noticed that Yamapi was gone.
“That traitor, he ran away again” Jin sighed and turned his back on Kazuya. “Well, come in, he’s not going to come back any time soon” Jin raised his hand to tell Kazuya to follow him back into the living room, without realizing that that was the hand he had injured earlier when he tried to catch the bottle which fell off the table. The shock of seeing Kazuya was so big that he didn’t feel the pain or the blood what was dripping from his hand.
Or maybe he was the same Bakanishi as always.
Kazuya agreed in his mind with Jin about Yamapi being a traitor. He had more words for his act, but better be quiet. He was about to say something like he didn’t want to intrude or to linger any longer when he saw Jin’s injured hand. Two steps and he was beside him, grabbing his hand and inspecting it like a doctor would do. Or a worried friend.
“You’re bleeding, stupid.” He said and pulled Jin into the living, forgetting that he was supposed to leave and not talk to him anymore. “Sit, I’ll look for something.” He ordered him like a mother and started rambling through Yamapi’s drawers. “Grip it a little, so the bleeding should stop.” He added, frowning at a bra he found. “Do you know where Yamapi keeps his first-aid kit?” he asked, closing a drawer which seemed to be full with… toys.
“In the bathroom. I think” Jin answered as a robot, still too surprised by Kazuya’s action to do anything else. He took a deep breath as soon as the younger one was out of his sight and fell on the couch, his eyes glued to the ceiling. A warm feeling was filling him, but Jin was afraid to let it control him. He was afraid to think again that things will be alright between them and then be disappointed again.
Kazuya went into the bathroom and quickly returned with some bandages and a disinfectant solution. He wondered why would someone keep his first aid kit in the bathroom, but he has always been a bit particular about this kind of things so other people might be different than him. He knelt in front of Jin and took his hand into his gently.
“Thought I told you to grip it.” Kazuya muttered, rinsing the blood and applying the disinfectant. “You still play the guitar, right?” he asked as he circled his hand with a white and clean bandage. “Be more careful.” He said, fixing the bandage and holding Jin’s hand before letting it go.
“I had to, I was trying to… create some songs” Jin said with a low voice, still watching the ceiling. He didn’t dare to look at Kazuya, he was afraid of what he’ll see in his look. He preferred to close his eyes and lie to himself that nothing happened and that Kazuya was still his best friend.
The younger one rose and said nothing. The atmosphere between them was awkward and he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. For the first time since they had that fight, Kazuya felt the need of saying something to Jin. He hadn’t been surprised at himself for acting the way he did when he saw Jin’s bleeding hand, but had been surprised at how everything - for a moment - seemed like before. And how much that impression hurt him. Should he say something? Should he bring himself to leave everything behind and try to toss his worst feelings? No, he couldn’t do that. Because he knew he hadn’t forgiven Jin and probably a long way ahead he still won’t do it. And as long as these feelings would linger, he couldn’t help but be bitter about everything that meant Jin. He was hurt, disappointed and alone. No, he felt alone; he wasn’t. He kept on looking at Jin’s freshly bandaged hand and wondered why did they always end up like this? They would always fight, not talk with each other for a while and suddenly would found each other in the other’s company and everything would be awkward. Have they always been like this? Kazuya knew they have.
“Kazu…”
The voice made him look at Jin. Why does it always have to be Jin that talked to him? Why couldn’t he bring himself to say something… just anything? Was he that a prideful person? Was he that of a hypocrite? He sighed and distanced himself from Jin. The words he wanted to say weighed much on his chest and he didn’t know how to make it better.
“I might be the same as you. But I can’t say the words as you do.” He finally said, not really knowing if the other would understand the meaning and it was Kazuya’s specialty to make himself understood or give explanations. But has he managed this time to do so too?
Jin managed to suppress a chuckle. He sat up and looked at Kazuya, his eyes now filled with determination. “You don’t say anything, but you show it” he smiled gently. “But I have to be near you, Kazuya, to know this. Please don’t walk away from me” he pleaded with a broken voice.
He felt his heart starting beating faster in anticipation of Kazuya’s answer. He knew that he was walking on thin ice, but this was his last chance. He had to face the truth, he won’t be meeting the younger that often anymore so he had to take advantage of this moment. He had to talk with Kazuya and clear everything between them or he won’t be able to do it after this. He owed it to Yamapi too, he thought amused.
Kazuya felt his heart skip a beat and it hurt. Was he indeed the one walking away? He felt his eyes sting and a slight tremble made him bite his lower lip. He needed to talk; he needed to find the right words like he always does. But why it was that hard when it came to Jin? This one made him lose everything he had - self-control, words and mind.
“If you’re near, it will always hurt.” He blurted quietly, closing his eyes as he spoke. No, he didn’t mean it in that way, he… Oh, he sucks. He really does. He just wanted to…
“But if I’m not near, then it won’t hurt?” Jin asked, feeling his heart being ripped into thousand of pieces. “Because if you’re not near me, then it hurts me” he confessed on a scared voice. He was ready to lay bare his feelings in front of Kazuya, to say everything that’s on his mind. He didn’t know what will be the result, but he wanted to find out. Either way, he’ll be banned from Kazuya’s life or he’ll be accepted once more and then nothing will matter anymore.
Jin’s question made him question too. How did he felt when Jin was not around? He could answer this easily… because he prohibited himself from feeling anything when it came to Jin being out of his life. He had cut his heart and robotized his mind. He was only for work. He sighed and tried to give Jin an answer, one that wouldn’t hurt either of them.
“I… I don’t know.” He said, feeling pathetic. Again, the words failed him. “I really don’t know, Jin! It’s like one minute I’m in a roller coaster and the other minute I’m standing in the eye of a storm. And then… everything bursts! I don’t like it, I always lose control and I can’t bring myself back to how I was without feeling haunted and hurt.” He burst, voicing his fear and anger at his vulnerability. Maybe he made another mistake, but yet again, one more would it count?
“And you think it’s different for me?!” he suddenly got mad, seeing how undecided was the younger one. “I miss you, Kazuya, I miss hanging out with you” he said, slowly approaching him. “I hate knowing that you’re mad at me, I hate the fact that I can’t concentrate and everything I do is to think about you! I hate not seeing you everyday and I don’t want to continue to torment myself imagining you with… with…” he stuttered at the end, refusing to admit that he was jealous on his relationship with Koki.
He stopped at only an inch in front of Kazuya, his eyes locked with the other’s ones. He was breathing harder like he had run a marathon. His body trembled of anger, of fear and of anxiety. Years, years had passed since they last talked like this. It was such a long time ago that they were so honest with each other and this only managed to anger Jin even more. He felt like a fool for doing this only now when he could have ended all of this charade much earlier. But he couldn’t do it then because they were in the same band. There were repercussions.
But not now.
They weren’t going to appear at TV together. They won’t be sharing a dressing room. They won’t be forced to be nice to each other just for appearances. They were free to say whatever was on their minds and Jin was planning to do so if Kazuya wasn’t going to start speaking any time soon.
He was surprised to hear Jin saying that he missed him and that he was the cause of his torment. He could sense Jin’s anger, but he was the same. He felt angered too because in a corner of his mind he would always think about Jin though he would never admit to be so. Kazuya opened his mouth to say something, but closed it without a sound being uttered. What was he supposed to say in front of such honest and yearning words? Was he supposed to say that he tried desperately to chase away Jin from his life or to erase his memory from his mind? Wouldn’t this hurt the other more? Wouldn’t this cruel reality hurt them both? So… he asked the only possible escape route he had.
“… with whom?”
“With everyone!!” Jin yelled annoyed and grabbed Kazuya by his arms. “Dammit, Kazuya, you were my best friend! You were the only person with whom I shared all of my secrets, all of my feelings! You were the only one who knew me best and what? You started to drift away from me before I even noticed! When I finally realized what was happening, it was already too late!!”
He hated it. The hated the whole situation and he hated Kazuya. He hated him because he wasn’t honest and refused to tell him what he really feels. It was always like this. Kazuya thinking that he knows what’s best for the two of them and Jin being kept in the dark. He had accepted it when they were younger, but he had long passed the age where he could he fooled. Maybe he was acting stupid all the time, but this didn’t mean that he really was an idiot.
“Why, Kazuya? Why can’t you be honest with me?” Jin asked with a sad voice, his voice still a little higher from normal. He closed the almost inexistent distance between them and trapped Kazuya in his arms, hugging him tightly. “Why don’t you tell me that you hate me if that’s what you really feel? Then I’ll be able to move on too. Then I won’t bother you anymore” he finished with the same broken voice that he started with. He was tired. Tired of fighting with himself and tired of fighting with Kazuya too. He needed an end for this story so that he could fully enjoy his dream to sing in America.
Kazuya crumbled. He felt the air get stuck in his throat and threatening to choke him. Since Jin touched him, he stiffened in fear. It was a fear of losing, a fear that haunted whatever he wanted to say and couldn’t. He listened to Jin, to his voice and the way it swayed as his feelings were expressed. When Jin hugged him, Kazuya was shocked. Had it been that much of despair between the two of them? Had it been that much of bitterness between them? He couldn’t face this. Maybe he was a coward, but expressing his feelings would always be his weakness.
“I don’t hate you.” He said, his muffled voice by Jin’s tight hug. “I might want sometimes to kill you, but I would never hate you.” He added, feeling that at least this he could say. “You were an important person for me. Precious one. And maybe the problem is that… you still are and I can’t seem to deal with it when everything you do is to leave me behind.”
Maybe he didn’t mean to say the last phrase but sometimes words would come unexpectedly and have a mind of their own. And maybe, luckily enough, they might be at the right moment.
“I won’t ever leave you behind” Jin promised and tightened his hold on Kazuya. He felt encouraged by the younger’s confession because that meant he still had a chance to be someone in his life. He didn’t want to be separated from Kazuya, he didn’t want them to become strangers. “Kazu, if I left KAT-TUN, it doesn’t mean that I left you too. This doesn’t mean that I can’t be your friend. This doesn’t mean that you can’t trust me” he said, holding Kazuya like he was all he had and trying to convey his feelings to his former band mate through his body. “Please believe me that I don’t want to be apart from you” Jin distanced himself a little from Kazuya and gently put his hand on Kazuya’s chin and lifted his head so that he could see his eyes.
Kazuya gulped and looked unsure, biting his lower lip. He wanted to trust him, but he didn’t want to make mistakes. If he does, he would never forgive him or the other one. He was this type of person.
“You have already left.” He said, looking sad. “Maybe KAT-TUN isn’t that important to you, but for me, being with you in KAT-TUN was important. It meant something that you were there.” He added, smiling bitterly. “And you’re different than me in this aspect. You say you won’t leave me, but you’ll do. Eventually, everybody does this in a way or another.”
Kazuya moved a little as he was beginning to be conscious of their closeness. It wasn’t like they didn’t get this close before, but everything was different now. And recent incidents showed this exactly.
Jin felt broken. He knew that he shouldn’t interpret it like this, but he couldn’t help himself to not think that the band was more important to Kazuya than Jin. And what if they were never paired to be in the same group? Then Kazuya would have ignored him? Then it would have been alright if he went solo, just because it wasn’t KAT-TUN the band that he left behind?
A million of questions filled Jin’s head as he was listening to Kazuya. KAT-TUN was important for him too, but it just wasn’t his whole life. He had bigger dreams than singing with other five guys, even if one of them was Kazuya. He wanted to continue to sing with Kazuya too, but this wasn’t the most important thing for him. He just wanted to be there for him, in the same band or not, was this that hard to understand?
He was hurt. Hurt because only now he realized that Kazuya didn’t trust him at all. He couldn’t believe in him, in his words. He didn’t want to give Jin a second chance from the beginning.
He let him go, putting between them a safe distance. He continued to look at Kazuya with the same sad eyes. He felt his heart destroyed and his face showed all of his feelings. Sadness, disappointment, pain.
“Is this what you thought all of these years? That I will leave you one day?” he still had to ask, even if his voice didn’t sound like his own anymore.
Kazuya felt cold as Jin let go completely of him. And even colder when he became aware of what Jin was feeling. His words weren’t a surprise at all, but that didn’t make it less hurtful. He averted his eyes, looking somewhere in Yamapi’s living, hoping to find the right words for once.
“What I thought all of these years was that you would never leave me.” Kazuya said, his mouth’s corners lifting a little before falling into a grimace. “Yet you did.” He added with a whisper, closing his eyes at the memory of Jin’s first journey to America. A journey that lasted for half a year. “It’s not about trusting or not trusting, is about being realistic and not making ephemerae promises. I want to believe that we can still be friends; that we can be by each other’s side without thinking about the past.” Kazuya continued, turning to look at Jin. He was suffering too, he was torn between being rational and leave everything behind or being emotional and let his feelings take the best of him. “Can we really do this, Jin? Can we look forward to a new future without it being obscured by the past?” he asked, looking as sad as Jin was.
“We can’t” he sighed and looked at Kazuya. “We can’t if you don’t’ even give us a chance! Kazuya, you’re only running from me!!”
He was starting to get annoyed again and this wasn’t good for the way things were between them in that moment. He felt like a fool and he suddenly had the impression that they were in a cheap romance story that Yuu told him about. But Kazuya was indeed running from him and his feelings. He didn’t want to get hurt, but why couldn’t he understand that Jin would have rather suffer than hurt Kazuya on purpose?
He turned his back on Kazuya and sighed again. He didn’t want to see Kazuya’s hurt expression anymore. “You’re only running from the truth and you’re hurting yourself and me too in the process” he said, his eyes fixed on a painting that Yamapi put on his wall and Jin vaguely remembered that it was a gift from him.
It was weird enough to be.
“Yes, I’m running.” Kazuya admitted, nodding in disbelief. He never thought this kind of words would leave his lips ever. He could see his flaws, but he wasn’t the person to admit them in front of anyone. Better try as hard he can until the breaking point. And he had reached it regarding the matter with Jin.
“I’m running because I can’t have myself being attached on someone who comes and go.” He added, sighing audibly. “And what chance can I offer you that I didn’t already offer?” he leaned on the wall and brushed his face with his palms. He felt tired and worn out. Could he just go to sleep?
“I want you to talk with me” Jin said, turning again to face him. “I want you to be honest and tell me what you feel, just like you used to” he took a step and got closer to Kazuya. He didn’t know why, but he felt that something was different now. He was reaching his breaking point too and he couldn’t control himself anymore. And he wanted to hit someone. He wanted to beat someone, to hug a person, to be comforted, to…
He shook his head and tried to clear his mind, but without succeeding.
Kazuya felt the atmosphere changing and there was a feeling that made him wary. He looked at Jin and his all body tensed. The person in front of him was kind of different and Kazuya could easily sense and see this. He narrowed his eyes as Jin continued to talk.
“I want you to let me a part of your life, to not reject me. I want you to let me be your friend and even more” he continued even if he didn’t know anymore what he was saying or why he was saying these things. He stopped in front of Kazuya and trapped him between his body and the wall. He was breathing hard again but this time it wasn’t because of his yelling. He felt an electrifying shiver running through his body when he glued himself to Kazuya. Somehow, he knew these sensations, but they seemed to be forgotten in a corner of his mind. And Jin wanted to rediscover them. He wanted to feel them again and he knew that Kazuya is the answer.
But now this was starting to look dangerous. Jin closed the distance between them before Kazuya could even become aware of what was happening. And what was happening made him even more tensed and wary. Jin definitely wasn’t his usual self and was making Kazuya confused. He felt the warmth spreading in his body when Jin’s breath caressed his skin. Why was Jin so close?!
“I want you to look only at me” he added, locking his eyes with Kazuya’s, his lips dangerously close to the younger ones. He realized that even if he knew what he was feeling, he never felt this excitement so addictive. Even if it was forbidden, Jin wanted to taste the love juice that he knew it would make him go mad.
Kazuya couldn’t do anything but hold his breath. When did all this turn into something… erotic?! Because this was all he could see; erotism and sexuality spreading from every pore of Jin’s. And he felt like drowning into it.
“I want you to kiss me” he ended and he put a leg between Kazuya’s, moving even closer to him and not giving him any chance of running.
WHAT?!
Kazuya’s throat went dry. His mind went blank and all he could sense was Jin’s warm breath, his leg between his, his body pressed tightly to his. He could feel everything Jin was and a warning bell was ringing madly inside his head. He wasn’t sure of what was happening or how it got to this! He felt his heart beating savagely and for a moment wondered why. He should be grossed out, he should kick Jin’s balls and get the hell out of there. Instead, he didn’t do anything, more like he was waiting patiently to see what happens next.
And Jin didn’t need anything more. The fact that Kazuya didn’t reject him already encouraged him enough to continue for himself if the younger didn’t have the guts to do it. Without removing his eyes from Kazuya’s, he lowered his head and gently touched Kazuya’s lips. In a split of second, he felt like his whole world changed. It was different now that he was completely sober. The last time he kissed Kazuya he didn’t even know why he did it, he just let his instincts run him. But now he knew what he wanted. He wanted to kiss Kazuya so badly, he wanted to make him his, to feel more of the younger’s body.
He slowly nibbled on his lips, silently asking for permission to enter, and bit Kazuya’s lower lip, his hand grabbing his hair and carefully pulling him closer. Kazuya surprised himself by letting Jin kiss him, indulging in a sweet and forbidden temptation. He moaned quietly, touching fearful Jin’s shoulder, feeling aroused and afraid. He didn’t imagine he could do something like this or that he would enjoy it. The hand that gripped his hair gently was giving him shivers of pleasure, making him tremble while Jin continued to torture him with his teeth and tongue. He began to yearn for that kiss to be complete, he yearn for Jin’s taste like a man that was in desert without water. He moved slightly and shyly, touched Jin’s lips with his tongue. Before crushing into a real and passionate kiss, Kazuya smiled and accepted everything that was happening.
And it felt so good. Jin felt like he was waiting for this for a long time but he didn’t know exactly what was the thing that he needed to breathe. So he had continued to live, chocking every time he was close to get what he wanted but still being so far away. He could understand now those feelings of anxiousness when he was near Kazuya. It was a need that he couldn’t suppress anymore, a desire that was making his head dizzy and Kazuya’s shy moves definitely didn’t help him to clear his mind.
But he didn’t want to. He wanted to engulf in Kazuya’s kiss, in Kazuya’s touch, in everything that was Kazuya. He wanted him and only now he realized that he wanted to do this since they were Juniors. Maybe since that night in Okinawa that made them best friends. Or maybe since the first time he saw him.
He explored Kazuya’s mouth, trying to refrain a moan while he moved even closer, his body now glued to the younger. He lowered his hand from Kazuya’s hair to his waist and pulled him towards him. Only now Kazuya realized that he wasn’t pressed to the wall anymore and that Jin had started to walk slowly to the couch. He tensed. Was this really the right direction that things between them should head to? No, surely it wasn’t. Kazuya was still mad at Jin so what was he doing kissing him?! He should stop. He should put a distance between them and convince Jin to talk rationally.
Every thought disappeared from Kazuya’s mind the moment Jin left his lips and started to nibble on his neck. He couldn’t stop a soft moan to leave his mouth. He buried his hands in Jin’s hair and brought his face to his lips and kissed him again, with more hunger and desire this time. And Jin responded with as much passion as Kazuya put in every one of his moves.
Jin lowered both of them on the couch and positioned himself on top of Kazuya, without breaking the kiss. His hands were slowly advancing, tugging at Kazuya’s shirt and wishing to touch more. His right hand sneaked under the younger’s shirt, making Kazuya tremble at the contact with Jin’s cold hand. A shiver crossed his body when Kazuya followed his example and lifted Jin’s shirt to feel his skin on his.
They couldn’t think anymore, they only followed their instincts. They wanted more, to touch more, to feel more of the other. Their hands kept exploring their bodies, now both of their shirts thrown on the floor. Their lips never parted too long, keeping their tongues in a never ending battle.
A sound was heard somewhere in the house, but neither of them paid any attention to it and continued to kiss, as this was the only thing that mattered. Kazuya was the first one to react when he heard Yamapi’s voice calling for Jin. He pushed the older one of him and quickly grabbed his shirt and put it on while Jin was watching him baffled from the floor where he landed, not knowing what happened.
But when Yamapi appeared in the door frame, all of his questions were answered.
“Fuck!” he mumbled and glanced at Kazuya who seemed very happy to ignore him. He then looked at Yamapi who was eyeing them curiously.
“Did you fight again or kissed? Yamapi asked with an amused voice, clearly wanting to make a joke.
But Kazuya didn’t seem to be in the mood for this as he got up and glared at him. “I’m leaving” he announced while making his way to the door, not sparing Jin one glance.
“What happened?” Yamapi asked as soon as he heard the door closing - more like slamming - meaning that Kazuya had left.
Jin only sighed and looked at his best friend like he wanted to murder him.
“You are sooo going to pay for this!”
Comments are love <3