Good luck on your paper :) In one of my classes last semester, I totally failed at finishing a paper, and had to hand it in late since I just couldn't get myself to write it in time, and I still got an A in the class, so there's good hope.
The more sobering realization than "I may not be smart" is more along the lines of "okay, so I have a 4.0, but that doesn't really reflect on actual intelligence as much as ability to suck up to teachers' expectations and learn things for tests. In all practical and long term senses, I'm totally dumb." Which...I fear in my case is actually pretty true.
Though at the same time I'm able to hide behind the fallacy of good grades. Convenient, isn't it? And yet depressing to consider the legitimately smart people who just aren't good at the school brand of learning, and thus learn that they are "doomed to fail".
Except that, on some level, I've been aware of the fact that my grades don't reflect actual intelligence and that in most practical senses I'm pretty much useless for a long time. So it doesn't call into question my entire identity.
Yeah. It's like getting good grades is the more important part of the identity issue, rather than the actual intelligence since it's only about symbolic intelligence anyway?
I used to feel like that...it's become a larger issue for me now that I'm in college and surrounded by *legitimately smart* people who actually remember what they learn and can contribute their knowledge to something in a constructive way. Especially like math/science/engineering majors, who learn things in their classes that they know they will have to remember exactly to apply directly to their job. I know that I personally would probably stress out if I felt like I had to legitimately remember everything I learnt in a given class...cause usually I just take away a few select facts that interested me and a general picture of the subject. Which, in terms of being a rounded, knowledgeable, and informed individual, isn't really enough.
That's just my particular problem though. I don't know if you experience the same thing.
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The more sobering realization than "I may not be smart" is more along the lines of "okay, so I have a 4.0, but that doesn't really reflect on actual intelligence as much as ability to suck up to teachers' expectations and learn things for tests. In all practical and long term senses, I'm totally dumb." Which...I fear in my case is actually pretty true.
Though at the same time I'm able to hide behind the fallacy of good grades. Convenient, isn't it? And yet depressing to consider the legitimately smart people who just aren't good at the school brand of learning, and thus learn that they are "doomed to fail".
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But yeah, it's still depressing/frustrating.
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I used to feel like that...it's become a larger issue for me now that I'm in college and surrounded by *legitimately smart* people who actually remember what they learn and can contribute their knowledge to something in a constructive way. Especially like math/science/engineering majors, who learn things in their classes that they know they will have to remember exactly to apply directly to their job. I know that I personally would probably stress out if I felt like I had to legitimately remember everything I learnt in a given class...cause usually I just take away a few select facts that interested me and a general picture of the subject. Which, in terms of being a rounded, knowledgeable, and informed individual, isn't really enough.
That's just my particular problem though. I don't know if you experience the same thing.
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