(no subject)
Character: Lacey Thornfield
Series: The Middleman
Character Age: 24
Job: Advocate for the Freedom of Marcy’s Tentacles
Canon: In a world filled with evil such as mafia killing apes and fish that turns you into a zombie, there needs to be a hero to save the day. Luckily for Earth, the Middleman exists to solve our “exotic problems” for us. He and our heroine, Wendy Watson, go on wacky adventures while she attempts to balance a normal life with her friends.
Lacey is Wendy’s photogenic roommate and best friend. She dedicates her life to saving the planet in any way possible, whether it’s protecting wildlife or the homeless, and takes it Very Seriously. Her determination gives her a tendency to get very carried away and passionate about things, which occasionally ends with her in a jail cell. Lacey doesn’t let that get her down, though, and she normally has a very cheerful attitude about life regardless of what happens. She’s eccentric, flirtatious, and always ready to support those who she cares about. Of course, she does still get upset and mad about things, but these moods don’t usually last that long.
Sample Post:
Campers, counselors, zombies-lend me your ears. I have come to stomp on your Director’s stupid face, not to praise her. What sort of twisted person would do something like this? Taking all of these poor and defenseless animals, and just dumping them in this camp with no regards to their natural habitat. I’m pretty sure that I saw an octopus, or something, in that building over there. Last time I checked, corn fields are not located in the middle of oceans! There are no ferris wheels floating along the Atlantic. These things do not make a good home for a helpless sea creature! Honestly, the only people that probably still lives on farms are serial killers and their unsuspecting victims.
Oh, oops. That’s exactly what this is. Except the killer is named Elizabeth, and her victims are our fluffy friends. Gorillas are not supposed to be colorful. Do you have any idea how toxic dye can be to animals? For all we know, their natural cycles could have been interrupted and now these gorillas will never be able to make babies again. So it’s like the Director just woke up one morning and said, “Hey, these apes aren’t becoming extinct fast enough. Let’s make them purple!” And everyone here is okay with that? As long as it's not you being forced to have possibly scarring hair treatments, it's all fine and dandy. Well, I hope you look good in red, because you're going to have a lot of baby gorilla blood on your hands. It'll wash away when their pain does, which is never.
And don’t get me started on all the conditions of all the other animals here. Someone attached a flamethrower to ducks! Either that, or there were some freaky genetic experiments going on, which is way worse. Really, Director, do you need to eat your roasted bird that badly? They, as a species, are so beneath you that you can’t even massacre them yourself, but instead you force them to do all the dirty work? Oh, I’m so sorry that the process of being a terrible person isn’t easy enough for you. Maybe when they hatch, the ducks should come out of their eggs while holding forks and knives. The toucans can sing a soothing tune while you feed on their feathery brethren, and then you can dye their beaks green.
This blatant abuse cannot continue. I officially announce my protest against the Director, and her clear hatred for all things that either lack opposable thumbs or throw poop at you. Remember: Animals are our misunderstood friends who may occasionally maul us even though it’s not their fault, not food!
Voting took place here, and it got in at 100%.
Series: The Middleman
Character Age: 24
Job: Advocate for the Freedom of Marcy’s Tentacles
Canon: In a world filled with evil such as mafia killing apes and fish that turns you into a zombie, there needs to be a hero to save the day. Luckily for Earth, the Middleman exists to solve our “exotic problems” for us. He and our heroine, Wendy Watson, go on wacky adventures while she attempts to balance a normal life with her friends.
Lacey is Wendy’s photogenic roommate and best friend. She dedicates her life to saving the planet in any way possible, whether it’s protecting wildlife or the homeless, and takes it Very Seriously. Her determination gives her a tendency to get very carried away and passionate about things, which occasionally ends with her in a jail cell. Lacey doesn’t let that get her down, though, and she normally has a very cheerful attitude about life regardless of what happens. She’s eccentric, flirtatious, and always ready to support those who she cares about. Of course, she does still get upset and mad about things, but these moods don’t usually last that long.
Sample Post:
Campers, counselors, zombies-lend me your ears. I have come to stomp on your Director’s stupid face, not to praise her. What sort of twisted person would do something like this? Taking all of these poor and defenseless animals, and just dumping them in this camp with no regards to their natural habitat. I’m pretty sure that I saw an octopus, or something, in that building over there. Last time I checked, corn fields are not located in the middle of oceans! There are no ferris wheels floating along the Atlantic. These things do not make a good home for a helpless sea creature! Honestly, the only people that probably still lives on farms are serial killers and their unsuspecting victims.
Oh, oops. That’s exactly what this is. Except the killer is named Elizabeth, and her victims are our fluffy friends. Gorillas are not supposed to be colorful. Do you have any idea how toxic dye can be to animals? For all we know, their natural cycles could have been interrupted and now these gorillas will never be able to make babies again. So it’s like the Director just woke up one morning and said, “Hey, these apes aren’t becoming extinct fast enough. Let’s make them purple!” And everyone here is okay with that? As long as it's not you being forced to have possibly scarring hair treatments, it's all fine and dandy. Well, I hope you look good in red, because you're going to have a lot of baby gorilla blood on your hands. It'll wash away when their pain does, which is never.
And don’t get me started on all the conditions of all the other animals here. Someone attached a flamethrower to ducks! Either that, or there were some freaky genetic experiments going on, which is way worse. Really, Director, do you need to eat your roasted bird that badly? They, as a species, are so beneath you that you can’t even massacre them yourself, but instead you force them to do all the dirty work? Oh, I’m so sorry that the process of being a terrible person isn’t easy enough for you. Maybe when they hatch, the ducks should come out of their eggs while holding forks and knives. The toucans can sing a soothing tune while you feed on their feathery brethren, and then you can dye their beaks green.
This blatant abuse cannot continue. I officially announce my protest against the Director, and her clear hatred for all things that either lack opposable thumbs or throw poop at you. Remember: Animals are our misunderstood friends who may occasionally maul us even though it’s not their fault, not food!
Voting took place here, and it got in at 100%.