(no subject)
I am feeling a little bit better since my first post of this morning. It is very confusing to me that my emotions are changing so dramatically from minute to minute, hour to hour, and cycling around through hurt, anger, empathy, and compassion. And, while I can feel betrayed one hour, I can talk it out and feel empathy and forgiveness a couple of hours later, but then go back to incredible hurt and anger/outrage and jealousy and loneliness. Many books and support websites say this is normal, and may go on for some time. I don't know what I think about that; I am not looking forward to it. But, after a nice afternoon with Tanner, who I think has great potential skill as a mediator, and a supportive e-mail from G, I am feeling on the whole more positive right now. Tanner was able to reassure me about some things about G that I feel I can't ask him, little things, and that really helped because he acted as a compassionate mediator. We had some great conversations this afternoon, and for that I am very thankful. Knowing that he still cares and worries about me helps.
Today, I tried to sleep in, read some helpful books, journalled some, had a warm bath (which unfortunately didn't help relax my shoulders at all), met Tanner, went to the Mendel, made fun of weird art, went with him to my favourite cafe for a late lunch, talked a lot. Now I am spending a quiet night at startredder's with levidice and impostersarri.