Light Burns After Darkness Part 4
It was growing dark. Grey clouds galloped across the sky, blotting out the full moon, her luminescence struggling to break though the night. Merlin sat, hands oustetched, warming them on his makeshift fire. The shingle, upon which he was perched was hard and cold and not conducive to warmth. But, for Merlin, it seemed to fit his mood. The wind blew not only the clouds, but Merlins dark, slightly to long hair across his face, bringing with it the smell of salt and earth, along with a crisp freshness. Merlin felt oddly at home. He also felt incredibly isolated. Waiting for someone to return was one thing, believing they would after so many hours was another. Not knowing when, or even if his companion was returning gave rise to a queasy feeling in Merlins stomach, akin to that feeling as a child when you first realise you are lost.
Merlin shook himself, wrapping his arms closer around his small frame. "I really do think to much" he sighed to himself. "Too much will send you mad. And now I'm talking to myself. Also not a good sign." He beheld a raven that landed on the tree that grew over him and smirked. "Yep, that's exactly what I need. Omen of death and destruction just to round off my stupendous week. Although actually," and here Merlin slapped his hands to his thighs. "Maybe this is fate. You could come and sit on my shoulder for life and maybe flap your wings in the face of people who piss me off. I mean, if Morgana wants me to be a powerful sorcerer, I should at least start accessorising as one." The raven stared at Merlin, as though he thought he had just stumbled across the silliest life form he could imagine. Merlin grinned wryly. "No? Not your thing? Some birds just have no taste."
"Are you actually waiting for the bird to answer you Merlin?"
"Oh God!" Merlin nearly jumped out of his skin and he turned towards the sound. In a tree on the opposite side to the raven stood a man all in black, as visible as a panther in the night. 'Shadow!' Merlin thought as his breath hitched. He smoothed his hair back, doing his best impression of someone composed. "Could you please stop doing that? A forced coronary is not usually considered an essential part of introductions. A simple 'hello' would do." He could not see it but he was sure he could feel his smirk under the mask. Merlin was determined to give as good as he got. "You're making me nervous, looming over me. Come down." And with that Merlin blinked his eyes, which shone the most glorious shade of gold. The Shadow was suddenly lifted up on what felt like a bed of warm air and transported out of the tree. This time he made no move to struggle, although when Merlin tried to dump him on the ground, he instead did a rather gracious forward roll, landing on two feet like a gymnast.
"Show off!" muttered Merlin, but it was without any real annoyance. He realised he was glad to see him. Gone was the isolation and with that, the trepidation.
"Look whose talking" smiled the Shadow. "That was impressive. I thought you said that you couldn't just do whatever you want at will?"
"Well, I can't. But I've been able to use telekinesis since I can remember. I suppose my mind is the raw material for that, which is why I don't need spells or stuff." Silence settled between them, with only the sound of the waves lapping the shoreline and the breeze blowing the leaves to break it.
Merlin ran a hand through his hair, roughing it more than it already was. "So, um. Where's Arthur?"
"Pendragon? He sent me to get you. He is...unavoidably detained."
Merlin blinked in surprise. "So you know him?"
His companion let out a short, humourless snort. "Yes, I suppose you could say that."
Merlin felt confused, this awkwardness had sprung out of nowhere. And he realised that that was what was niggling him, for he had only ever felt completely at ease in the Shadows company. "I was surprised by him" began Merlin. "He really worked hard for those kids. I don't know what Morgana has against him. He seemed like a good guy."
Shadow looked at him sharply. "Don't always trust in appearances. They often lie."
Merlin was by now completely bewildered. "What is it with you and Morgana? What did he ever do to you? At least he's trying. At least he actually turned up!"
Shadow moved towards him and Merlin felt a danger burn under his skin. He longed simultaneously to run from it and to dive straight at it. Unhappily, after a dark silence, Shadow seemed to revert back to his distant self. "There were reasons I could not be there Merlin and those are the reasons Pendragon asked me to fetch you. You need a place of safety if you're not going to end up dead.
"What? What reasons? Where do you want to take me? And how come all these people seem to know you so well?
The Shadow smiled. "I have my ways of contacting sympathisers while remaining happily anonymous." He now became business like. "Now, they have your DNA. They will use it to track you and kill you. The only place I know of that is impenetrable to their devices is my base. We need to leave now."
"But I have friends who will worry about me. I don't want to be stuck in your base, of no use to anyone."
Shadows voice raised several decibels and his tone became decidedly sneery. "Those same friends who left you to die for them? And of course, you'll be so useful to everyone dead. I suppose we could use the heat from your cremation to warm ourselves by!"
Merlin was becoming angry. "There is no need to act like such an arse because I dare express an opinion or a feeling. Just because you have no feelings doesn't mean the rest of us function without them!" At that the Shadows posture slouched and as he lifted his head to meet Merlins eyes, his demeanor had changed. His eyes were blown wide with something akin to fear and urgency, that Merlin had never seen on the Shadow before. He could hear the rapidness of his breathing.
Shadow gulped. "Merlin, please don't make me see you die as well." There was a plea in that voice that reminded Merlin of a little child. He opened his mouth and closed it again, finding that he had surrendered, if it only meant he wouldn't see that look in Shadows eyes again. He put his hand on his shoulder and trailed it down his arm.
"Okay then speedy. You want to take me, take me. I'm not going to refuse." At that, he found himself in those strong arms for a second time, being carried through the air. Just as he caught on to the fact that they were flying, he began to wonder why he wanted to fight this anyway.
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Previously that evening, Gwen had found herself sat on Arthurs desk in his office. She refused to pace and worry herself, for she told herself if she did, she was setting herself up for a life of torture. At a knocking at the door, her husbands chief of staff and close friend entered. Lancelot had worry etched in his face. Gwen smiled weakly.
"Don't let him put that look on you Lance. He chooses to be a worry but we can choose not to be a worrier." She held out her hand and he came to her and wrapped her in a tight hug.
" He hasn't come back yet. I don't know whether his allies or enemies are more likely to kill him." Gwen ran her fingers over his back gently.
"Shh, stop it. I've shed enough tears. I've had enough hopeless nights. I'm not playing it anymore." She took in a deep breath and looking at the ceiling, moved her hands to his hair. Lance didn't protest but looked up questioningly.
"What do you mean?"
Gwen fixed him determinedly." I mean, we see more of each other than we do my husband. And when we do, our time is taken up with worry for him. Well no more. If only he could be like you. You do so much good Lance, but you know when things have gone too far. Arthur, he doesn't get 'too far' as a concept." She stroked her hands from his hair to catch down his cheeks. "I'm tired of a life that feels like it's stopped. I want to live again." Here she paused. "And I know you feel the same way. Make me feel alive again?"
Lancelot stared in trepidation, unsure what to do but unwilling to back away from what he had wanted for so long. Finally, he reached up to cup her face, pressing his lips to hers before he could think about what he was doing. Allowing the exquisite pleasure to let one thing lead to another, carried away on a tide of emotion, as he laid her out across his best friends desk.
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Arthur entered his quarters as quietly as always. He needed to change, convince Lancelot to back up his story to the council and reassure Gwen. Then he could become the Shadow again and go back to Merlin. As he approached his office expecting to find Lance, he heard noise that was unmistakable, but not something his brain was willing to compute. As he opened the door and took in the sight of his friend moaning over his wife, Arthur strangely felt deattached from the whole scene.
"Well, I see you took your role in looking after my assets seriously" he drawled as Lancelot leapt away from Gwen.
"It isn't as it seems!" he started. "We were worried about you." Arthur very nearly did laugh hysterically at that. He looked at Gwen, his Gwen, whose face was unrepentant. No excuses dropped from her lips. Her whole manner sceamed that it was his own fault, that she had warned him. He suddenly felt very tired and wanted nothing more than to be in Merlins easy company. He jerked himself back to reality. He needed to make sure Merlin was safe.
"Don't be siily Lance. Of course it is what it looks like" Arthur smiled with false gaity pouring off every word. "I'm glad you found what you're looking for Gwen. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to work."
He turned to exit. Lancelot caught up to him, a look of distress on his face. Arthur caught his shoulder. "It's fine Lance, I understand the inevitability." He squeezed hard then hit him across the shoulder with a strength that was definately more than the usual playful punch, then in a hardened tone, with a face like flint, "I wish you joy in fucking my wife." And he turned and walked out, never once looking back.
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The secret entrance through the grassy hill had been shocking enough, the inside flabbergasted Merlin. The walls were rock so it was ccave like, but machines of various descriptions were everywhere. Computers lined several walls and on several tables were tiny pieces of what looked like electronic parts. Merlin allowed himself to gawp around with his mouth hanging open.
"You've done all this?" he asked. The Shadow nodded, and Merlin could have sworn that he was embarrassed. He smiled at him. "So, I guess the Batman comparisons weren't completely off kilter then?" Shadows eyes narrowed.
"Meaning?"
"Well, you dress all in black, your most definately broody. Erm no, scratch that, I meant brooding." Shadow could not resist a smirk. "and" continued Merlin, "You have a lair! And it's a cave! Do you have a special utility belt?"
Shadow stifled a chuckle and flashed his eyes at Merlin. "Ah yes. But there your scenario breaks down. No bats, no cool car. And I have absolutely no desire to take young boys, call them my 'side-kicks', then dress them up in shorts, tights and pixie boots."
"Pity." At that, both men burst out laughing. As the noise settled, Merlin glanced around again. "Where are we Shadow? And don't tell me you can't say, because I'll just walk out and find out anyway."
Shadow huffed "You'd never work out the mechanism for the door." Then he sighed tiredly, relenting. "We're in Glastonbury."
"Seriously?" At the lack of response Merlin grinned, wondering how a man could be so open one minute and so closed off the next. "I'm not trying to trap you. I wouldn't. Look, is there a kitchen somewhere here? You can tell me how this cave blocks signals over some dinner."
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"It's a metal I embedded in the walls called colinium" said Shadow. Merlin watched, enthralled, as the Shadow ate what he had prepared. He had thought that he might have seen more of his face, but Shadow proved adept at pushing food up under his mask. He just caught a glipmse of his chin and had to be satisfied with that.
"I've never heard of that before" said Merlin, tearing at a hunk of bread with his teeth, mouth half full as he spoke. "Can't you line a suit with it or something to avoid detection?"
"I made it, so of course you wouldn't have heard of it" said Shadow, who was now toying with his glass of wine and using his most imperious tones. "And it's highly toxic up close to your skin, so you might go undetected but you would also end up with a rather nasty tumour."
"You do know that sorcerers have been making metals with alchemy for thousands of years?" said Merlin in his most sing song voice. "So, that really isn't that impressive to me."
Shadow leaned back in his chair. "I get that your trying to be annoying Merlin, but have you actually ever performed alchemy? Hmm?" His tone told Merlin that he already knew the answer. Merlin flushed.
"Well, in all honesty no. But I so could!" Great he thought as the sentence left him, I now sound six years old. Shadow seemed to find it more amusing than anything. He gestured to him with his fingers.
"Tell me about yourself Merlin. How did you end up this freedom fighter? Who taught you magic?"
Merlin shifted in his seat. How was he ever supposed to answer that question? "Well, no one taught me magic. I was born with it. At least I'm assuming that . I've been able to do things since I can remember." Shadow leaned forward, cheek resting on his hand, curiosity clearly piqued by Merlins discomfort.
"Your parents never told you how long you could do magic for?"
Merlin glared. Obviously super heroes only had a concept of their own personal space. Invading his was not a problem. Merlin sighed. "I have no parents and I can't really remember before seven years old, well I'm assuming it was seven." Shadows eyes grew wider and he did nothing to break the silence, obviously expecting Merlin to continue. Awkwardness had never sat well on Merlin, it made him fidgety, so he found himself giving way. "I was found in a tree okay."
Shadow blinked. Obviously not what he was expecting. "A tree?"
"Yes." Merlin stood up and began to pace. "I know it's weird, but that is what happened. This couple found me asleep in a hollow tree. They even thought I was dead. But when they took me out I woke up. And I never have been able to remember prior to that day. Don't even know really how old I am. They guessed about seven, but..." Here Merlin trailed off. Shadow caught his hand, stilling his movement.
"Tell me."
And Merlin found that he did, if only because he had not had anyone to share his idiosyncrasies with in years. It feltfreeing somehow to not be the one hiding for once. "I was taken to social care. They all assumed something traumatic had happened to me and put me through so much councelling. But I don't feel traumatised." At this, Merlin grinned. It's difficult to be upset about stuff you can't remember. Anyway, I could always move things at will, it seemed to happen sort of by accident. And then I learnt that the powers that be knew all about it and were grooming me to hopefully be a state weapon as I got older." Merlin smiled fondly. "Then Morgana turned up and turned my life upside down! She had seen me in a dream and she took me away from the institutions. She kept talking about how I was destined to make the world a better place. She sounded so weird, but as I got to know her, I realised that her dreams did come true. So, here I was, waiting for it all to kick in. Then you show up and mess with my thinking."
Shadow smiled at this. "It needed messing with" he affirmed. "It's like Morgana is trying to prove chos theory."
"She thinks you're naive" countered Merlin.
Shadow suddenly sounded weary again, and Merlin found that he didn't like it. "I know she does. I'm not as blinkered as she thinks. I know that this whole mess can't be resolved without anyone getting hurt. That doesn't mean I can't give it a damn good try."
Merlin sat beside him on the sofa, their shoulders were touching. "Hence why you threw my world upside down" he said, suprisingly fondly. Shadow shifted beside him, suddenly seeming tense. He was looking anywhere other than Merlin. "Now tell me" said Merlin, allowing his hand to settle on Shadows shoulder. "How did you become such an idealistic idiot?" He felt the man stiffen beneath him.
He rose and moved forward, flailing his hands dimissively. "I'm wasting time. I need to get on with finding the solution to our tracking problem. I don't..." At that Merlin saw him tremble. It was only ever so slight but Merlin had never seen him betray any weakness before. His exhaustion was setting into his every mood and Merlin launched forward in exasperation, catching him with his magic and depositing him on the chair.
"Look, you'll be of no use to anyone if you have a nervous breakdown" chided Merlin. "Everyone needs to rest and let off steam. Plus" he added with a gleam in his eye, "I'm nosy! How are you like you are, because I already know your not a mutant."
Shadow just sat there, arms folded, looking petulant. Merlin wanted to laugh, it was such a strange contrast to the composed man he usually saw. "You might as well pass the time with me, because I'm not letting you up until you do. And as weak as you are at the moment, you can't fight off my magic."
Merlin grinned at him triumphantly. Shadow sighed in amused resignation. "Fine. Anything to shut you up." Merlin stuck out his tongue in mock defiance and the Shadows defences broke and he laughed. "God your an idiot!" he snorted.
"Better than being a prat!" retaliated Merlin.
"I suppose," Shadow began softly. "You could say I'm suprisingly like you. I was born like this. I've been this way since my first memory. My school teachers had me marked out as a prodigy from such a young age."
"Sorry" interrupted Merlin. "Born with what?"
"My mind" uttered Shadow dreamily. "Father always said I had a mind destined for great things. All I knew was that I could look at things and instantly understand the workings of them from childhood. When I was seven, he found that I had increased the maximum speed of our car from 200 mph to 1000 mph. He wasn't too impressed when he realised the whole car needed replacing as the body couldn't cope with the high speeds." Shadow let out a small laugh. "Is it my fault he had no clutch control to keep it at lower speeds."
Merlin stared. "So you're not super powered. You're some sort of genius?"
"I guess." said Shadow. He allowed his head to rest back on the edge of the sofa tiredly. "All I knew was that my mind would shoot off in so many directions, with so many ideas. My mind was so intense. When the ideas would come it was so painful trying to get them out. Trying to figure out these problems that invaded my brain, it's like the most intense migraine you've ever had. The only release was to get the project complete. My flight device" he said, gesturng over to where his jacket hung. "That was a three week migraine. The relief when I finally flew was not as acute as the rush of getting rid of the pain."
Merlin was rewinding in his mind, trying to work out how much of what he had seen of Shadow had been down to his exceptional technology. "So, is the fighting, I don't know, a robot you?" he asked.
"Do I look like the wizard of oz? No. The fighting is all me. My body seems as adept at picking up skills as my mind." He shrugged. "I really don't know why. Like I said, I was born this way."
Merlin leaned his elbow on the back of the sofa, his hand now falling perilously close to Shadows face. He wanted to touch but could not bring himself to risk pushing him away. He leaned his head back by his elbow, so that their faces now shared an intimate closeness, that Shadow seemed oblivious to. "So, how did you go from boy genius to man in tights?"
He had expected a smile for the tights quip, but instead he noted a harrowing expression in the eyes, and Merlin wanted to scream. He would do anything to take away that look of pain, but felt clueless and cast adrift in a situation he didn't understand. He expected Shadow to pull away and close up again, so was shocked when his hand gripped his wrist.
"Do you remember the Great Purge Merlin?" he asked, a horror in his eyes.
Merlin nodded slowly. The time when state enemies had been dispatched. Lots of people had disappeared. No one was really sure how many. It was difficult to know those things when the media was state controlled.
"I really do." Shadow put his hands to his face. He spoke slowly, softer than Merlin had ever heard him. "I was once naive as your Morgana thinks. I wanted to use my gifts to better mankind. I studied publicly and secretly. Mastered every scientific and martial discipline I could. I even joined the armed forces at sixteen to learn more." Here he stopped, a crack in his voice. "I gave them what I thought was my greatest invention that would save people. I had a device that could harness nuclear power but within a controlled space, so there would be no danger to people. We could have instant, virtually endless power supply." Here Shadow turned to face Merlin, a fury in his face and to Merlins alarm, tears on his eyes. "They used me! They created that valley they called the valley of decision and filled it with every dissident they could find to chain up. Politicals, activists, christians, jews, muslims, any religious believers. Scientists that disagreed. The disabled or mentally ill. My father brought me to the hillside to tell me that as I was responsible for the means to rid this country of its enemies, I had the honour of performing it. I was given the command to order the firing upon them." He sniffed and merlin had the sense that he was struggling to maintain his grip on his studied control.
"I just stood there. I could see women and children. My father yelled at me to give the order to fire. He wanted to know what was wrong, had I lost my courage. When I told him that I couldn't order that, his exact words were "if you cannot do it then I shall. Fire!" Then all those people died with the device I had given them." Merlin put his hand on his knee and squeezed, feeling desperate to remove the pain that did not sit well on this man at all. He had heard him joke and banter with even his enemies. He had seen him fight with youthful vigour. That was how he was supposed to be, not this shaky mess of guilt.
"It would be inaccurate to say I heard them scream, the nuclear blast annihilated them before they could. It was just the scream as they heard the order given. I killed twenty million people that day." At that, he dissolved into sobs and Merlin was instinctively there. His arms around him, massaging his shoulders, muttering that it wasn't his fault. He could feel the muscles begin to relax under his ministrations.
After what seemed like forever, Merlin backed out of the embrace enough so he could see his face. "So how did you end up as you are?"
Shadow sucked up his nose, wiping his eyes, clearly embarrassed. "I convinced them that the experience had left me psychologically incapable of being any further use to them. Then I swore that I would never allow that to happen ever again."
"And so, a Shadow was born" said Merlin fondly, running his hand down over the other mans head. Shadow looked up at him. "I really should start work on that tracking problem. Neither of us are any use stuck here." He rose up, armour apparently back on. Merlin followed him to the other room, where he was rebooting his computers.
"How did you evade detection initially? They always said they could never find a trace of your DNA."
"Ah, but they did." Shadow held up a pill. "You take this and it alters the appearance of your DNA. I got the idea off people with translocation problems." At that, Merlin pulled a face. As if he knew what that meant. " It was so cool because I altered its appearance everytime I went out, so they could never get consistant samples at each scene." He was clearly more animated talking about his work but Merlin felt slightly concerned.
"Couldn't messing with your DNA be dangerous?" Shadow snorted.
"To an amateur, perhaps. But I designed this to confuse appearance, not function. But that's no good with the BST technology. I keep trying to find a way to confuse the tracker but I keep failing." He hit the desk in frustration.
"Hey, you'll find an answer. You always do" soothed Merlin. "I have faith in you."
Shadow looked bemused and shrugged his shoulders, with a confused "Why?"
"I don't know" he answered honestly. "I just have since the moment I first saw you." Shadow nodded and turned back to hid desk.
"So does blocking the signal not work?" asked Merlin.
"What?" said Shadow distractedly.
"Well, you put so much into confusing the signal with the wrong DNA, I suppose bypassing the signal was to simple."
Shadow looked at him as though he had just been hit by a train. Then he hit himself on the head. "God, I'm an idiot! I'm such a complete fat head!" he exclaimed.
"Okay" said Merlin. "Normally I'd agree, but why?"
Shadow looked at him happily. "Blocking a signal is the oldest, simplest thing to do with trackers. And I'm so caught up with my more sophisticated technology that I missed the obvious!" He turned and began frantically scribbling equations on a sheet .
"But will that work if it's so simple?"
Shadow smirked. "To a lesser scientist, no. But to me? I don't do failure." He turned back to his work bench now and Merlin saw him picking up what appeared to be electronic material. He commenced soldering it.
"Well, glad to see that confession doesn't affect the ego" muttered Merlin, feeling at a loss of what to do with himself. "I'll, um, wait in here shall I?" A grunt was his only response.
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Merlin entered the back room carrying a tray of tea. "Look, I know you think you have super human endurance, but if you don't stop for a break, you'll make yourself sick." He stopped short at the sight before him. The Shadow lay slumped over his desk, asleep on his keyboard. Merlin smiled. "So he does sleep" he whispered. He picked up a cushion and moved over to the Shadow, gently lifting his head to place it underneath. He expected him to wake, or for those lightening fast reflexes to kick in and for Merlin to find himself grabbed. He must have been exhausted however as he remianed still. Merlins lips quirked up at the corners. He looked so peaceful there and Merlin wished he could remain so. He had wanted nothing more than to help to heal his pain earlier. A pain that Merlin felt he had no business carrying.
As he stood up he noted that the hood had rucked up enough to see his chin and the golden stubble that adorned it. He was struck with sudden urge to see more. He knelt again and placed trembling fingers on the edges of the hood. No response was forthcoming. He took in a deep breath and slowly lifted the mask until it reached his nose, revealing the lips that were almost beautiful. He released the mask, could lift it no further without severely breaking trust and just stared at those lips. The overwhelming desire was to touch them, those dark pink folds that were almost pouty.
He could no longer resist, a wave of affection overwhelming him and he leaned down and gently ghosted his lips across the Shadows. As he opened his eyes he started at the Shadows sapphire orbs staring back at him. The hooded man elbowed himself up, bumping Merlins nose with his as he did so. Merlin was expecting yelling but none came, as the Shadow just stared at him. Merlin gave a weak smile that pleaded with him not to be mad.
Then Shadow was leaning forward into Merlin, catching his lips with his own. It was no ghost of a kiss now. It was fierce, full of need and urgency. Merlin found himself kissing back with equal further. Normally his hands would be in his partners hair, but as he did not want to break any further trust by pulling the mask off, he settled them on the back of the Shadows tee-shirt. Except their breath was becoming more laboured, the movements more frantic and urgent. Merlin as though he had broken out of water after being held under for too long. For, while vastly different, somehow they both understood each other and it was freeing.
He was embarrassed to find himself pulling at the Shadows shirt and suprised to find that he was doing the same with equal fervour. Merlin hadn't felt so desperate for someone before. But they both seemed in synch with their feelings, and as their trousers began to come off and Merlin ran his hand over that muscular chest, that he had always known would be so beautiful, he gave himself up to living in the moment.