Pretty Baby
"Right then girls," the welsh lilt of the shift coordinator rang out. "Sarah, you can have room one. Julie room three. Gwen if you would take room six and umm..." Gaia stared pointedly around the staff room, then proceeded to scribble their names on the patients white board. "Gwen my lovely, if you could take the lady in room seven as well for me, that would be lovely."
"Hey, I don't have anyone. I could have room seven, there;s no need for Gwen to look after two." Gaia eyed Merlin with exasperated affection.
"Merlin, which part of handover did you not understand mmm? Room seven is at Her Majesty's pleasure, AKA a jail bird." Merlin nodded his head vigourously, oblivious to the ward sister's expression.
"Merlin, I am not giving you any more prisoners to look after," said Gaia firmly. "Not after last time. For God's sake, you're a midwife, I would have thought you would have been past embarrassment by now."
"It wasn;t my fault," hedged Merlin."What sort of person says that breastfeeding feels like the opposite of giving a blow job?"
"She wasn't in prison because of her ettiquete Merlin, she's probably used to that kind of talk, given the company she mixes with daily. But she wasn't the one causing golden flashy fire bursts and exploding windows at the mere mention of said blow job."
"Erm."
"You are supposed to be looking after her and instead you create a scenario where the prison decide she's plotted an elaborate jail break. Before we know it were surrounded by police, she's chained to the bed and two officers and the decoraters are in for two months! Not to mention in highly coordinated amount of lying we all had to do to protect you. We all love you Merlin, but you make it bloody impossible sometimes.
"Yeah but, normal people don't just talk about blow jobs with random strangers," Merlin protested. "And I was bound to react, I haven't had any action in two years."
"Number one, we don't deal with normal people. We deal with pregnant women and, God help us, the general public. Number two, too much information." Gaia put an arm round his shoulder. "Go and clean room nine, there's a Morgana Pendragon coming in. You can have her. Plus room nine is next door to the chocolate machine, so you'll be happy." Merlin grinned and placed a peck on Gaia's cheek.
"You girls all mother me to much." Gaia winked.
"You lap it up," she said, with a raised eyebrow. "Oh and Merlin, clean it the old fashioned way, no magic. Your magic cleaning methods sent the placentas to the instrument cleaning room instead of the furnace. They were not amused to be sent organs to clean!"
Merlin was just checking the oxygen in the resusitation unit when he heard a commotion coming down the corridor, what he assumed was the care assistant leading Mrs Pendragon to her room.
"Just breathe, that's it, well done."
"If you tell me to fucking breathe one more time, you will stop, argh, breathing yourself."
"Morgana, would you just do what the woman says, she's the expert."
"Actually," and at this point the assistant entered the room and gestured towards him. "This is the expert, Merlin. He's your midwife and he will be looking after you." Merlin appraised the young couple, and oh God, to his shame, he barely noticed the heaving woman before him for his eyes had arrested on her husband. Tall, blonde, muscular and broad shouldered, in a red tee shirt so tight it ought to be illegal.
He chastised himself for his lack of professional behaviour, and gestured to the bed.
"Hey, good to see you. If you wanna hop on to the bed and we'll check on the baby."
"Is that supposed to be a joke?" The woman, Morgana, lifted her head and Merlins first thought was how striking she was. Her long, slightly curled black hair cascaded down her back and over her shoulders. The strain of contractions wrought a rosy tinge to her snow whit cheeks. Her eyes were large, pupils blown wide and firey. She looked beautiful, almost like a renaissance painting of a goddess birthing a god. When she opened mouth it somewhat spoilt the image."Hop on the bed, hop on the bed! Has the beached whale look I'm sporting bypassed you completely or did you think humour would break the ice, because I'm telling you THIS. ISN'T. AMUSING."
Merlin blanched, which made his already pale skin appear positively ghostly. Her husband stared at him, apparently concerned at having a labouring woman and a possibly ill midwife as his only backup. "Morgana, stop being difficult just because you're in labour. It isn't helping you. In fact you're just delaying checking on the baby and I know you want to know more than anything that he is alright."
To Merlins suprise, she capitulated and within a minute he was palpating her abdomen. As the "bm, bm, bm" of the baby's heart beat echoed around the room, Morgana clutched at her husbands hand, suddenly appearing vulnerable and teary. "Arthur, I'm scared." He smiled at her and kissed her forehead.
"We're in the right place, and I won't let anything happen to you," he promised. His hand brushed her abdomen and the baby began to kick violently. Merlin jumped. Morgana laughed.
"Oh he always reacts to Arthur that way, kicks like crazy if he's around." Merlin wanted to say, "well whoopdeedoo!". He shook himself. Why was he feeling jealous of their perfect family set up. He delivered enough babies of complete psychotics or just plain weird people, he ought to be glad that this baby would be secure. But all he could think was that the perfect family could never be his. Morgana requested a bath prior to any internal examinations and he directed her to the bathroom, which left him alone with Mr Pendragon as he scribbled his notes.
"So," he started conversationally. "Has this seemed like a long time coming?" Arthur smirked.
"Well for Morgana I suppose it has, but I work away so I've not really been privvy to much of the pregnancy, thank God! Did you take a look at those hormones!" Merlin felt that as a midwife he ought to defend his patient from such unempathetic sexism, but found himself smiling instead.
"What do you do to be away for so long?"
"I'm in the armed forces, specifically the marines."
"Do you have a uniform?" Oh God, had he really just said that. Someone in heaven hated him, to send him this gorgeous, unattainable man who also happened to be Merlins top fantasy. Arthur raised an eyebrow.
"Of course, dress uniform and combat. Why? Do you have a thing for uniforms?!" This was ridiculous. He didn't know this man yet he was laughing at him.
"I, I, I just didn't know if the marines were the same as the rest of the forces, thats all!" Merlin could hear the huff in his voice but he didn't seem to be able to make himself sound any less like a petulent girl. He turned his back to continue his notes, but found he kept staring at the same scentence and hadn't actually written anything.
"So are you a real miwife?" Merlin whirled around, mouth open.
"Am I what?"
"Are you a real midwife? I didn't know that men were allowed to be midwives. Isn't there some kind of law about that sort of thing? Like do you need to be chaperoned? And do we call you a midhusband?" It was all said without a trace of irony on his face but Merlin was fuming.
"The term 'midwife' means 'with woman', nothing to do with gender, so yes I am a "real" midwife." Oh God, he thought. Did he really just do air quotation sign. "I went to university and evrything. But more importantly, are you implying I'm a pervert for doing this?" He was going for angry, he really was but even he was aware that his movements had become flouncy and his arms flailing about incoordinately the angrier he got. Arthur stared at him for all of two seconds then burst out laughing. He held his sides and tears rolled down his cheeks.
"It's not funny, I'm serious!" That apparently just made things worse.
"Stop it," Arthur snorted. "You're killing me. Right." He rearranged his face to a more sober expression. "I'm alright now." He looked up at Merlin, lost his composure and dissolved again. "Sorry, I'm not laughing, really." He stilled himself, and Merlin thought he could hear him mutter something about thinking sad thoughts. "I didn't mean it to sound that way, it was a genuine question. I've never heard of a male midwife before Merlin."
Merlin relaxed at that. "So, with the nature of the job and the femininity involved, are male midwives usually gay?"
"That's it!" Merlin, offended, stormed out of the room."God, you are such a prat!" He entered the staff room and began writing Morganas details on the board, or rather attacking it with the pen.
"Merlin, what did the board ever do to you? You'll break the pen if you're not careful!" Gwen sidled up to him. "What's up?" He turned to face her and slid down the wall, sitting on the floor clutching his hair with his fingers.
"I'm doomed. The partner of my patient is every fantasy I've ever had and also the most insuferable git I've ever met. Worse still, I think he's twigged that I'm responding to him. He keeps smirking at me. And he implied as a midwife, I must be gay!"
Gwen touched his shoulder softly and he could see the fond exasperation in her smile. "But Merlin, you are gay."
"That doesn't give him the right to make fun of me! I have feelings and I want all the things he has inspite of my, gayness" he finished lamely.
At that he spied Morgana walking back towards the room and stood up to follow her. Within a few hours she was progressing nicely in labour and was using gas and air well. He proceeded to perform an internal exam, which took him some time as the baby was in a difficult position. When he had finished he told Morgana with a delighted beam on his face, "You're 9cm, almost time to push! You;ve nearly done it!" His enthusiasm must have been infectious because Morgana smiled at the news.
"Arthur, where are you going?" Morgana asked. Merlin turned to see him creeping towards the door, his cheeks stained red. What he couldn't miss from this position was the enormous erection poking out of the top of his trousers. He gaped. Did he find his wife being touched by another man a turn on?
"Just the loo," he said hurrying out, clutching, of all things, Morganas handbag to his croutch. There was something inherently wrong in an expectant father masturbating in the toilet just prior to his wife giving birth. And he really couldn't let his thoughts go there, because he could feel twitches in his own nether regions if he continued that train of thought. Instead, he concerntrated on telling Morgana that she needed a drip sited for some antibiotics as her temperature was raised. He was just siting it when Arthur returned.
"Oh God," he cried and passed out on the floor. Merlin stared incredulously.
"Oh for God sake, don't worry Morgana, it's always the biggest toughest guys who are scared of needles. Wake up sleeping beauty!" He splashed water on his face.
"Hey!" Arthur came round, indignant.
"Hey yourself. Now you just hit your head on the floor and so you are going to casualty for a check. I don't care how big and manly you are, I'm not risking you having a fit while she gives birth. So don't even try argueing." Arthur had his mouth open, but Merlin had apparently countered all his arguements in one sentence.
"Alright," he said and made to go. "Try not to have the baby without me Morgs." She nodded wearily. "I didn't know you had it in you," he acknowledged Merlin, with a strange look in his eyes.
By he time he returned, Morgana was pushing and her inner trojan had apparntly returned. "About time, get your arse up here so I can squeeze your hand. I grew my nails especially!"
"Charming aren't you," he said, then as another contraction ripped through Morgana he joined in the encouragement with the gusto he would at a football match. "Come on girl, you can do it, keep going!"
"It's coming," Merlin cried. "Almost there Morgana, just little pushes now." And then three, two, one pushes and he he was placing a sobbing baby boy on Morganas chest. Arthur had tears running down his face unashamedly, and he turned and kissed her chastely.
"See, I knew you could do it. My strong brave girl, look what you did? He's perfect." Merlin never found these scenes old, he loved them. But today he didn't want to see, didn't want to have on display everything he ever wanted but knew he could never have. He could feel his stomach ache and lonliness seemed to envelop him like a shroud.
"I need to just check you, see if you need any stiches" he said, whildst pointing a light at Morganas vulva.
"Yeah, well you make sure you know where everything goes. I'm rather fond of my clitoris and would like it to be useable again. You men are crap at finding anything down there as it is, I don't know if I trust you there with a needle and scissors."
"Morgana, hush, let the man work. He knows what he's doing. Let's concentrate on little Mordred for now." Arthur glanced up at Merlin and mouthed "thankyou." Merlin felt thrown by the complement to his skills. He looked up and explained to Morgana that her stitches would need to be done in theatre as the tear was one that would require extra pain relief from an anaesthatist.
As he followed them around to theatre a few minutes later, he looked at Arthur, who he knew he would never see again and thought,"Sod it, I'm going to get something out of this for me just this once. He passed Arthur a gown. "You have to wear this in theatre."
"What, only this?" he asked suprised.
It made being in theatre so much more pleasurable knowing Arthur was naked under that gown, which kept swishing open and giving him a delectable view of his bum. "Mr Pendragon, your supposed to wear that over your clothes, didn't Merlin tell you?" Merlin froze. Gaia would not be amused, but as he turned to defend himself, he detected a problem of his own.
His view of Arthurs chest and Arhturs arse had, well excited other members of his body. His erection had poked at his evil scrub trousers forcing them undone. They were now around his ankles displaying his very obvious arousal for all to see. Merlin gulped, grabbed his trousers and ran from the theatre, sobbing.
A few days later he was sat outside Gaia's office for his supervisors discussion of events. He didn't want to be sacked, he wanted to do what he loved and not have that taken away as well. Gwen approached him. "Merlin, there is someone to see you outside."
"Who?" he muttered, hardly listening.
"I think it's a patient who wants to say thankyou, go on you need a little cheering up," she encouraged.
Merlin sighed and maneuvered himself to the door, where he stopped short at the sight of Arthur Pendragon. In his dress uniform, looking edible. "Hello Merlin."
Merlin's mouth was dry and he could feel his tongue cleave to the roof of his mouth. This wasn't fair, this really wasn't fair. He was now three times as gorgeous and still as out of reach as ever. His mouth must have been obviously hanging open, nbecause Arthur smirked.
"I thought so." He thought what? Merlin couldn't take it anymore.
"You thought what? That I fancy you? That I'm crazy about you? That I can't stop staring at you? So what ? You though you could come and make a fool of me? Didn't I do that well enough the other day? Isn't that enough for yopu?!" To his horrer, he realised he was crying.
Arthur stepped over concerned, warmth radiating from him and as he brushed Merlin's tears with his fingers he whispered, "Don't cry Merlin. Thats all wrong. I came to ask you, would you go out with me?" Merlin looked up, confused.
"What? That's an unforgiveable joke, yoiur wife just gave birth to your son!"
Arthur snorted then. He really laughed andcupped Merlins face in his hands. "She's my foster sister you idiot! Her husband left when she found out she was pregnant and I'm her closest relative so I said I would be there to support her. And for the record, that baby is freaking me out. I keep having dreams that he's executing me!"
Merlin couldn't keep up. "So, your gay? And you, you like me? Don't the guys in your regiment mind you being gay?"
"They might to start with, but once I've kicked their arses in 2.3 seconds, they soon learn."
"I'm sure they do. You know, you slew me in less time than that. From the moment I laid eyes on you."
Arthur laughed. "That is the corniest line I've ever heard, but if it true then you must surrender. Come on, I even wore the uniform as leverage. Please," his voiced quavered a little now, "go out with me?"
"You actually like me?" Merlin squeaked.
"With your otherworldly looks and goofy sweetness," Arthur sighed then looked Merlin straight in the eyes. "You bewitched me from that first look."
Merlins breath quickened, then he could hold back no longer and launched himself at Arthur, who caught him, as their mouths crashed together, arms encircling each other. Merlin felt as if he had come home. Arthur drew back, lips swollen, hair mussed, looking absolutely beautiful. He swept Merlin up into his arms and carried him to the door.
"Come on, let's get out of here. It's ok, I cleared it with Gaia. I thought we could start off with an Officer and a Gentleman scene."
Merlin snuggled into his chest and let himslf be taken away from all the past hurts. He looked up suddenly with a question.
"Why were you hard when I examined Morgana?" Arthur groaned.
"O god. It was the movements you were making, I kept seeing those fingers doing that inside of me. God, how many shades of wrong is that?" He blushed, and wouldn't meet Merlin's eyes. Merlin caught his chin, turned his face towards him and kissed his nose.
"Can we skip dinner and head straight back to yours then?" and even in the heat of battle, Arthur had not moved so fast.