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My secret dream is to be in films, I don't want to be in "normal" ones though. I want to be in the ones most people haven't heard of, the ones with screwed up characters and the ones that are made with hardly any money. I want to crawl into someone else's skin and become them, see the world from their unique eyes.
I also want to be able to write well, I want to be able to articulate anything. I want to write poetry that only makes sense to some.
I want to be able to sketch well, to paint also.
I want to truly not care what anyone thinks of me, to wear exactly what I want and draw and write what I want.
I want to be a woman of God, I want to be his pure princess, I want to honor him, I want to be in step with him constantly, praying without ceasing.
I want to accept myself for who I am. I want to not try and brush over my issues and problems and quirks to make other comfortable.
I want to get married. My head and my heart finally met up after a while of screwing up royally, now they both want the same thing and they both have standards. I finally am not looking, I don't crush on boys and I refuse to ever settle for anything less than everything I want. Wihout doubt, without worry or want to change or help him.
I want to have at least one of my own children, I want to adopt also. From this country and others too.
I want to travel, I want to be brave enough to explore the world and do the things I roll around in the sparkly part of my mind, daydreams made of confetti. Living in New york, working at a book store. Living in Europe, seeing as much as I can.
I only have one life, I wish I had more, I wish I had one of me where I was really brave and independent. I wish I had one that got married and had tons of babies while being a true woman of God, focusing my whole life on him and honoring him in every action and thought. I wish I had one where I was born a genius, where I went to college and got a PhD and was ridiculously smart and motivated, I would be an antrhopologist maybe, or psychologist, I would be classy and content and live in an apartment full of books and classical music.
I want one where I live off small earnings and drive around the US making art and writing and taking pictures.
I want one where I live in New York or somewhere else in a small apartment with brick walls and Lillie, where I did something I loved and made enough money to survive. Where I had friends and love.
I wish I knew how to incorporate all of these into this one life I have, maybe someday I will learn, or maybe it will happen naturally.
I really adore my cat more than most people can imagine. I literally can't imagine the day I don't have her, she is my life. I can't think about life without her or I'll start crying. When or if that day comes, be warned that I may very well have a series of breakdowns. Or just one huge one. It will be unlike anything else I have encountered so I pray that she drinks from the fountain of youth and I will keep brushing her teeth and hope that she lives as long as I do.
My favorite place is in bed with Lillie and my mom perhaps watching tv. I don't care if that makes me lazy.
I probably eat more fast food than you do. I can tell the difference between the Coke at McDonalds, BK, and Wendy's. They also each have different straw sizes. The difference between fries are hopefully a given.
I'm not fat, yet. At all. Recently I decided to try and embrace the fact that I'm curvy and will never not have curves, even if I was stick thin I would still be a curvy stick.
Scarlett Johnasson is my role model in this department when I feel like I want to be super willowy.
If I'm comfortable I'm sarcastic as all get out, I live to make people laugh. I act younger than my age and enjoy unicorns and animals and sparkly things. I also know alot about life, not too much but more than some. Less than some. That's all that needs to be said really. I try not to sing a sob story of trauma and heartache and loss.
I really enjoy the psychology/psychiatric field. Probably because I've been involved in it since I was about 8.
I care more about animals than most people I'm afraid, I cry too easily when it concerns them.
I judge some people too harshly, people I deem "normal" and "mainstream" especially. It's really no better than when I get upset when those people judge people that are "different" or "weird." I realized that last year, I need to stop doing it.