Fear of Flight
There always comes a time in someones lives when they wonder WTF happened?!?!
In the past, I use to love flying. So relaxing. Take off was fun! Turbulence didn't bother me. Landing was exciting!
And now... somethings changed in the past few years. Suddenly, those metal birds in the sky soaring high above us look to me like a gigantic metal coffin defying gravity by some engines that blow hot hair.
I am so afraid of flying, that i shake during the whole thing. every bump is a heart attack, every still moment is a the calm before a storm/plunge. i look out the window and realize how far up we are, and how far we have to get back down. and how much speed we would plunge and it wouldn't be fast enough b/c you have enough time to figure out that you are screwed and there is nothing you can do about it. somebody told me it takes minutes, MINUTES, to crash.... why the hell did they tell me that? i thought it was like seconds. not minutes! that's a lot of screaming!
i've had bad experiences in flight, though not as bad as what other people have told me. smell of gasoline (why?!?!) when we are 30,000 feet in the air. the stewardess telling me that earlier there was something wrong with the plane. weird things hitting the plane at thousands of feet in the air. what are they??? then of course, is the news of planes crashing. you just don't know if its going to be your plane next.
i have a flight tomorrow and i'm freaking out. i took an online course about safety, and yes i recognize that it is an irrational fear. but tell that to my body and mind who are FREAKING OUT! i want to throw up. ugh....
i'm trying to think positive thoughts. fuck i don't to want to go! i looked up trains and they are like $1800 and will take 3 days to get there! so much cheaper to fly for $250 and get there in 8 hours. you can't beat flying!
and i understand that you can't beat flying. that you can't let fear control you. i have to face this or it will hold me back in living life to the fullest.
i have to keep telling myself: my mom flies all the time. my mom flies about once a week.
according to statistics, to die in an commercial air liner is to fly once everyday for 22,000 years and then your odds are that you will crash. the pilot who i talked to had a 75 year career, and nothing happened. i try to think of these as comforting thoughts, but instead they come out as "so perhaps today is the day....". and i'm not the only one who thinks this way, which is supose to be comforting. people say that 'they saw sings' and that's why they didn't go flying. and then they'd check to see what happened to the plane, and nothing happened. its sad really. but the fear is horrible.
my bf told me to talk classes on flying and that made him feel better, so i'm thinking about it. we are moving to san franscisco, so i'm sure they have a flight school there.
i just don't want to die a horrible plummeting death. i want to die quick. quick quick quick! and painless!
so when one thinks they are about to die, you start to think interesting things. like what will you tell your loved one.
i already wrote to my twin, and she hasn't responded. her computer died so that's kinda funny. i talked to my little sister and told her i loved her. i told my mom that i loved her. just a few more people, and that should do it! i feel like i shoudl donate money to someone, so that i can say that i did donate to help others. so ridiculous.
I hope I can write later and say my fears were for naught. if you don't hear from me, whelp! thanks for all the fish!
In the past, I use to love flying. So relaxing. Take off was fun! Turbulence didn't bother me. Landing was exciting!
And now... somethings changed in the past few years. Suddenly, those metal birds in the sky soaring high above us look to me like a gigantic metal coffin defying gravity by some engines that blow hot hair.
I am so afraid of flying, that i shake during the whole thing. every bump is a heart attack, every still moment is a the calm before a storm/plunge. i look out the window and realize how far up we are, and how far we have to get back down. and how much speed we would plunge and it wouldn't be fast enough b/c you have enough time to figure out that you are screwed and there is nothing you can do about it. somebody told me it takes minutes, MINUTES, to crash.... why the hell did they tell me that? i thought it was like seconds. not minutes! that's a lot of screaming!
i've had bad experiences in flight, though not as bad as what other people have told me. smell of gasoline (why?!?!) when we are 30,000 feet in the air. the stewardess telling me that earlier there was something wrong with the plane. weird things hitting the plane at thousands of feet in the air. what are they??? then of course, is the news of planes crashing. you just don't know if its going to be your plane next.
i have a flight tomorrow and i'm freaking out. i took an online course about safety, and yes i recognize that it is an irrational fear. but tell that to my body and mind who are FREAKING OUT! i want to throw up. ugh....
i'm trying to think positive thoughts. fuck i don't to want to go! i looked up trains and they are like $1800 and will take 3 days to get there! so much cheaper to fly for $250 and get there in 8 hours. you can't beat flying!
and i understand that you can't beat flying. that you can't let fear control you. i have to face this or it will hold me back in living life to the fullest.
i have to keep telling myself: my mom flies all the time. my mom flies about once a week.
according to statistics, to die in an commercial air liner is to fly once everyday for 22,000 years and then your odds are that you will crash. the pilot who i talked to had a 75 year career, and nothing happened. i try to think of these as comforting thoughts, but instead they come out as "so perhaps today is the day....". and i'm not the only one who thinks this way, which is supose to be comforting. people say that 'they saw sings' and that's why they didn't go flying. and then they'd check to see what happened to the plane, and nothing happened. its sad really. but the fear is horrible.
my bf told me to talk classes on flying and that made him feel better, so i'm thinking about it. we are moving to san franscisco, so i'm sure they have a flight school there.
i just don't want to die a horrible plummeting death. i want to die quick. quick quick quick! and painless!
so when one thinks they are about to die, you start to think interesting things. like what will you tell your loved one.
i already wrote to my twin, and she hasn't responded. her computer died so that's kinda funny. i talked to my little sister and told her i loved her. i told my mom that i loved her. just a few more people, and that should do it! i feel like i shoudl donate money to someone, so that i can say that i did donate to help others. so ridiculous.
I hope I can write later and say my fears were for naught. if you don't hear from me, whelp! thanks for all the fish!