Stop the World, Cause I Want (to Get Off With) You for Everyone (3)

[artistalks]

iii.

And then, things happened in spades.

He started to bump into Kris everywhere. In the streets when he going to the café with his friends, at the park, in the convenience store, and their accidental meetings were no longer just ‘coincidental.’ Being with Kris made him feel complete, made him feel like he’d found something that he hadn’t even known he’d been searching for, and what exactly did this mean for them? They were seeking each other out, the magnetism and electricity between them too strong; there was something enticing about doing things that they weren’t supposed to and Kris was like a forbidden fruit, a one-night stand that Baekhyun wasn’t supposed to fall in love with, but the pull was too strong that sometimes Baekhyun would just lie in his bed, awake at three am, and stare at the ceiling, wanting Kris so much that it turned into need. When Baekhyun wasn’t with Kris, he yearned for him. It was terrifying and foreign, too long since he’d felt this way, felt so genuinely, for another person and he was scared.

The shift was sudden and all-consuming and Baekhyun coasted along with the lingering touch of Kris’s hands and the memory of Kris’s lips on his body. Sometimes he lay in bed at night, thinking about how he’d pressed into space between them, how close Kris had been that there was barely any space but he’d pressed himself there anyway because it wasn’t close enough. Sometimes he remembered how Kris had kissed the spot beneath his ear, down his jaw, and the corner of his mouth to make him want, and they’d just stared at each other in the dark with his fingers tangled in Kris’s hair, breathing each other in, Baekhyun wishing that he could see so he could witness the demise of his fucking sanity. And sometimes he just thought about Kris, thought about Kris’s gummy, puppy smile and his carefully mussed up hair and the way he laughed, and Baekhyun found himself clenching his fists, his nails digging into his palms, because what they had was confusing and intense and Baekhyun hated that he couldn’t understand it.

They were connected to each other in some way, even before they’d met because he was certain now that Kris had known him previously. He wasn’t sure how, but every so often, Kris would look at him so…helplessly, and Baekhyun wanted to remember so badly so he could get that expression off Kris’s face. And to Baekhyun, Kris had always been the lost puppy, and now, Baekhyun wasn’t sure who had found who. Maybe Kris had followed their red string, but it was tangled and complex and too complicated to unravel. Maybe Baekhyun was just holding onto something that wasn’t really there.

Neither of them had established what this was yet. Whether it was a real relationship or simply a series of hook-ups, Baekhyun didn’t know. Every time they met up, they’d always end up having sex and fucking anywhere they could, except that there was an innate desperation and a deep-seated desire that meant this wasn’t just meaningless sex. He still didn’t know much about Kris; although he had accumulated many facts from their little arrangement, they were mostly useless. Apparently, Kris had a pet komodo dragon called Taozi, meaning ‘sheath,’ not ‘peach’; his father owned a zoo in China with a shark exhibit, and whilst Baekhyun liked old movies and cheeseburgers, Kris liked telling strangers that he loved them. He never failed to tell Baekhyun how much he loved him each time. I’m so fucking in love with you, he’d said one time, simply those words, and Baekhyun had felt his heart clench and suddenly, it had been so much harder to breathe because Kris had taken his breath away.

Anyone with half their mind would know that this probably wasn’t a good idea, Baekhyun fucking around with a guy that he barely knew. Baekhyun was falling in love with a guy that he barely knew, but maybe the right thing to do didn’t always necessarily have to be the most rational thing, the best idea. Which was what he wanted to convince himself; however, one day, when Kris turned up at his apartment with no warning, everything changed.

He should’ve been used to it, really, because Kris had a tendency to show up everywhere unexpectedly, but it was different this time. Chanyeol was out, doing something that Baekhyun didn’t know and didn’t particularly care about, so he was home alone. Someone had buzzed in, and Baekhyun picked up the receiver, instantly recognising the voice when Kris said, It’s me. Baekhyun let him in, wondering what was wrong because Kris had sounded strained, like he was pushing his words out of his throat, and then he knew exactly what was wrong when he opened the door and Kris was standing there with bruises on his face and raindrops running down his skin and dirt on his water-soaked button-up. His hand was clutching at his arm, blood seeping through his fingers.

“Oh my god,” said Baekhyun. “Oh my god. Oh my god, are you okay!?”

“Just peachy,” said Kris in a forced light-heartedness, trying to make it seem as if it was nothing serious. Baekhyun stepped aside to usher him through and Kris staggered in, almost as if he was drunk and lightheaded, which Baekhyun supposed he must’ve been because the blood was staining into the white of his sleeves. He collapsed onto the sofa, and looking closely, Baekhyun could see the circles beneath his eyes and the tiredness in his pallid skin.

“What the hell happened?” Baekhyun asked. He was afraid to touch Kris because Kris had always been so strong and powerful and now, he looked like he would break if he breathed too hard. “You’re…”

“I just got into a little fight,” Kris answered. A flash of guilt passed in his eyes briefly. “Nothing to worry about. Honestly.”

It was clear that he wasn’t in the mood to talk about it. Baekhyun swallowed and nodded, turning to go to the bathroom to get the first aid kit when Kris called out again. “W-Where are you going?”

His eyes were wide. Frightened. Baekhyun had never seen him like this before.

“Bathroom,” said Baekhyun. “I’m just gonna get some stuff to fix you up. I promise I’ll be back in a second.”

Their medical kit was stuffed at the back of the medicine cabinet, and after a moment of thought, Baekhyun went into Chanyeol’s room to borrow some of his clothes-a loose T-shirt so it wouldn’t hurt Kris’s arm and Chanyeol’s ugly Hawaiian shorts that he probably wouldn’t miss. He returned to the lounge with a warm, damp towel in his hand, a larger fluffy one draped over his shoulders, and the other supplies, and Kris was slouched there with his eyes closed, looking a strange mix of peaceful and restless at the same time, lines on his forehead from his furrowed brows but his body sprawled over the couch.

“Hey,” Baekhyun said quietly, and Kris opened his eyes, half-lidded, and smiled weakly. “Sit up.”

The cushions sank underneath their weight as Baekhyun sat next to him, placing his hand on Kris’s arm comfortingly. Kris’s fingers were cold and numb and shaking, and Baekhyun pulled his hand away so he could roll up the sleeve, cleaning away the blood. He’d seen worse before-he’d dissected frogs in high school Biology-and the wound wasn’t bad. Kris was trying to look stoic with no skill and he winced as Baekhyun dabbed disinfectant onto the cut, bandaging it up neatly and tying it off.

“Does it hurt?” Baekhyun asked, touching it gently. It was raining outside, the water thudding against the glass. Kris’s hair was damp and it stuck to his face and he was shivering, and god, he still looked gorgeous.

“It hurts less now that you’re here,” said Kris. He rubbed at his hair sheepishly, making it stick up awkwardly, and Baekhyun reached over to smooth it back down, running his fingers through to untangle the knots.

He couldn’t stand the expression on Kris’s face. He was used to seeing Kris’s dumb, dorky smile because he was a doofus who made stupid jokes, more hilariously bad than they were hilarious, and let Baekhyun wear his jacket though it was too big for him and he was kind and funny and smart and all kinds of beautiful. It made his heart wrench when Kris bit at his lower lip and breathed heavily through his nose, trying to calm his trembling hands. Baekhyun shuffled closer along the couch until their knees were touching and their thighs were pressed together, and swiped his thumb over Kris’s bottom lip, letting it linger before he pulled away.

“What was that for?” Kris said. Baekhyun could see droplets on his eyelashes, wet from the rain or maybe from tears, he wasn’t sure.

“Just…stop making that face. I don’t want to see you upset,” said Baekhyun. “C’mon. Smile.” He pressed his fingers to the corner of Kris’s mouth, pulling up so he grinned. “Hey, tell me that joke about the cheese again? The only one that was, like, actually funny?”

“Okay,” said Kris, exhaling. “Okay. What did one cheese say when the other cheese said, I love you?”

He looked straight at Baekhyun, straight into his eyes with his piercing gaze, and Baekhyun had to look away, busying himself readjusting Kris’s dressing.

“You’re so cheesy,” said Baekhyun.

There was a beat of caustic silence, and then, Kris cocked his head to the bass leaning against the wall. “Is that yours?” he asked.

Baekhyun shook his head. It was Jongdae’s; sometimes, he came over to annoy the hell out of Baekhyun with his shitty playing and he would usually leave his bass here so he would have an excuse to come over and eat Baekhyun’s food and jerk off in the bathroom or whatever he did when he went into the toilet for, like, thirty minutes.

“It’s my friend’s,” Baekhyun replied.

Kris mused over that thought. “And this friend of yours,” he said, “is he hot?”

“I guess he’s sort of cute. If you like short, skinny boys with grasshopper legs. He’s, like, a huge nerd though.”

“Hmm,” said Kris. He picked absentmindedly at the bandage on his arm and Baekhyun swatted his hand away.

“What, are you jealous ‘cause I have a nerdy friend who’s sort of cute?”

Kris shrugged. “Just scoping out the competition.”

And here Kris was, saying these stupid things again like they had something, like Baekhyun belonged to him, and Baekhyun realised how silly it was because Kris thought that Baekhyun was fooling around with other people when he only had eyes for Kris. Baekhyun liked belonging to Kris; he liked it that Kris wanted him, needed him, and maybe there was a part of him that knew he needed Kris too. There was another silence and the only things Baekhyun could hear were Kris inhaling shallowly and the rain pattering on glass, rhythmic against the beating of his own heart.

“Do you love me?” asked Kris, words nearly soundless, and yes, thought Baekhyun, he did.

The only difference between him and Kris, though, was that Kris was brave enough to admit it and he was not.

“I like you enough,” answered Baekhyun with a short laugh, trying to pass it off as a joke, and watched as Kris’s face fell, stomach twisting as his heart screamed at him to say yes, only that his throat was thick and he couldn’t form the words with his lips.

“Okay,” Kris said again. He opened his palm and Baekhyun saw the crescents in his skin, printed there by his nails, and a fresh wave of emotions washed through Baekhyun’s body. Sadness, because he couldn’t fix this; anger, because he was such a coward; and fear, because he was scared of what Kris really was, of what was happening and the weight of the situation, and of his own feelings.

The quiet was painful; it started to rain harder outside, the droplets pounding against the window, and belatedly, Baekhyun noticed that Kris was still soaked to the bone and freezing. His fingertips were pink from the cold and his hair was starting to dry off, frizzing slightly as the water dripped onto his shoulders.

“Get changed, okay? You’ll freeze to death if you stay in those clothes,” said Baekhyun, pushing Chanyeol’s old clothes into his arms. “They’re Chanyeol’s so they should fit okay. I’m gonna get some blankets.”

He resisted the urge to look back as he went into his bedroom, pulling the covers off his bed and grabbing a few extra blankets from the linen cupboard. He could hear the rustle of clothes from the living room and his mind went numb. Who exactly was Kris? He’d had the sneaking premonition that Kris was part of the seedy underground world that no one talked openly about because it just didn’t make sense that Kris was so rich when all he did was fuck and sleep all day and that he was adamant in not telling Baekhyun who he truly was, and yet there was a part of him that refused to believe it, that refused to give up hope because surely, there had to be some other reason for it. But they weren’t in a relationship anyway and Baekhyun shouldn’t have cared so much, which didn’t explain why it hurt him so much to see Kris get hurt.

When he got back, Kris was still changing, his shirt left in a soggy pile on the floor and replaced with Chanyeol’s old tee, and was midway through peeling his jeans off as Baekhyun dumped the blankets onto the couch. He dimmed the lights; the room was dark and Kris didn’t bother putting the shorts on as he pushed Baekhyun down onto the sofa so he was lying down. He could see the outline of Kris’s figure above him, straddling his hips, from the glow of the moon through the windows, and Kris leaned down to curl his hand around his neck, breathing softly.

His hips pushed and grinded through his boxers against Baekhyun’s pyjama pants and he stroked Baekhyun’s nape, making Baekhyun shudder into his touch. Kris snuck a hand under the hem of Baekhyun’s sweater and placed it flat on Baekhyun’s stomach to steady himself, his fingertips pressing over the marks he’d peppered there just days before, and their mouths pressed against each other, kissing softly and chastely.

Usually Baekhyun wasn’t one who was lost for words, but neither of them spoke, only letting out soft moans and gasps as Kris tugged his cock out of his pants and took them both in one hand, long fingers easily wrapping around their girths and pumping slowly whilst Baekhyun held him by the hips, helping him to rock in his lap. Keeping his eyes open to see Kris’s lips part as he panted and groaned, Baekhyun drank in the sight of him, etching it into his memory because he had a feeling that this was more than just sex for Kris. It felt like a goodbye. Kris had moved one hand up to link his fingers with Baekhyun, settling into the dips between his knuckles, and held on as if there were no tomorrow. Held on like if he’d let go, he’d lose Baekhyun. As if he’d just been found and he couldn’t bear to get lost again.

Every time they fucked, Baekhyun could never get over how gorgeous Kris looked. He was in a league of his own-Baekhyun was mesmerised by the beads of sweat that trickled from his temple down his throat, gleaming in the light, and his tongue peeking out to swipe at his lips, dry from moaning. His chest heaved with every breath as he canted into his own hand, his cock pressed flush against Baekhyun’s, and his thighs were tensed, the muscle beneath his skin firm. He was drenched in the moonlight and Baekhyun caught his gaze as his eyes fluttered open, dark and clear and beautiful, and Baekhyun wanted nothing more than to submerge himself in his stare.

Unfortunately, timing was not one of Baekhyun’s strong points and in the second that he averted his gaze, certain that if he kept staring at Kris, he wouldn’t be able to look away, he spotted the jacket that Kris had given him the first time they’d met hanging up on the rack by the door.

“Ah, your coat-“ he blurted out, but Kris cut him off by sealing their lips together, hand pumping their dicks faster and twisting slightly, moaning into Baekhyun’s mouth.

“Don’t care,” said Kris, “don’t want it back. Keep it.”

“But,” Baekhyun panted as his stomach tensed, Kris’s thumb digging into the slit of his cock and sliding wetly down with precome slick on his hands, “it’s expensive…”

Kris crushed their lips together harder, kissing him feverishly, and his hair was starting to stick to his skin, still damp with the rain and sweat. He looked desperate and beautiful and right then, Baekhyun was convinced that he could’ve said it. Could’ve said I’m in love with you, but Kris was growling in his ear, voice deep and husky, “I don’t give a shit,” and Baekhyun squeezed his eyes shut, bucking his hips up for more friction on his cock.

“I don’t want it back,” said Kris, “’cause I know that I’d just think of you every time I’d wear it. It’d smell like you, it would’ve touched you, would’ve had your skin on it, and it’d be so cruel to have the memory of you on me, just taunting me that I can’t have you with me. Because I know that”-he paused, breathing deeply-“I wouldn’t stop thinking of you ‘cause it’d remind me of you every second of the day. Because it’d make me think of you being fucked so well by my cock, think of how pretty your face gets when I fill you up, and how your lips are so fucking perfect when you scream out my name. Because it’d remind me of you and everything that I love about you, like the tiny mole on your lip and your smile and the way your eyes crinkle up when you’re thinking too hard and the way that you’d found me. And well, it fits you so perfectly that I don’t think it’d ever look the same on me.”

Baekhyun’s heart was thudding against his ribs, loud and fast, and he couldn’t breathe. His chest was tight and his stomach fluttered, making him shiver to his veins. “Why do you-why are you always saying these things?” he said quietly as Kris traced the curve of his jaw and gently wiped his thumb over Baekhyun’s cheek. Belatedly, Baekhyun noticed his cheeks were wet, but he wasn’t crying.

Oh.

“Because,” said Kris, “I’m so fucking in love with you.”

And when things happened in spades, Baekhyun woke up in the morning and realised that finally, Kris had gotten the hang of one-night stands.

The room was empty, and Baekhyun was alone.

iv.

After that night, Kris stopped turning up.

Just like that. He just disappeared. Baekhyun hadn’t seen him for three weeks, like he’d fallen off the surface of the world, and there were no more accidental meetings. No more pizza deliveries. No more touches, soft kisses, whispered I love yous. It left an unintelligible emptiness inside Baekhyun, one that was stupid and irrational because after all, his thing with Kris was supposed to be a one-time occurrence, only that it’d gone on for more than one night and Baekhyun had thought that they’d had something. He’d finally admitted to himself that yeah, what they had was more than just sex, more than just a superficial crush-it was something deeper, something akin to, or maybe even, love, and maybe if he’d just said it before, maybe if he’d just had the fucking courage to bloody say the goddamn three words that Kris loved saying to him so much, then Kris wouldn’t have left.

He didn’t believe that Kris was just playing with him because there was no way someone could’ve faked the way Kris looked at him, the way Kris said his name and murmured into his ear at night. He didn’t believe that Kris used him, like an expendable pawn, and rather than being mad at Kris for leaving, he was mad at himself for such a coward. The thing he had been searching for had been within his grasp and he’d let it go so easily. Kris was a chance, and he’d been too scared to take it.

It was lonely without Kris. Baekhyun passed by the denim jacket and the red umbrella every morning and there was a pang of loneliness in his chest, corroding him from the inside out. He thought about what Kris had said, that it would be so cruel to have the memory but not the touch, and finally, he understood what Kris had meant by that. It was a taunt, and once he’d had a taste of Kris, he yearned for more and more and more. The memory wasn’t enough to sustain him, would never be as good as the real thing, and some nights, Baekhyun would sink under his covers in his bed and remember what Kris’s hands had felt like on his skin, what Kris’s lips had felt like on his own, and it made him long for Kris in an insatiable want.

This had been transient; Kris had disappeared as easily as he had appeared and Baekhyun had no means of finding him. They’d never exchanged numbers and although Baekhyun knew where Kris lived, he wasn’t sure if it was right to turn up at his apartment. That was the beauty of their relationship, thought Baekhyun-the meetings that were somehow accidental and purposeful at the same time, like they were meant to bump into each other in the street, as if they were searching for each other, and now, Baekhyun was lost again.

At first, he did it for the sex. Kris was hot and Baekhyun had wanted to fuck him. Simple as. Then, things got more complicated and he’d started like Kris and he had liked that he had been the one to find Kris, to drag him out of the haze of loneliness and be his sun. And now, Baekhyun wondered, really, who was the one that had been lost? Who was the one that had found the other? Because now, the only thing he knew was that without Kris, things wouldn’t ever be the same.

“Hey, are you even listening!?”

Baekhyun looked up and the blonde kid sitting in the huge chair in front of him frowned, letting out an angry breath.

And oh, Baekhyun had forgotten to mention, two things: one, he was kind of, sort of, being kidnapped, and two, kidnappings were surprisingly good for having Deep and Philosophical thoughts about life.

They’d ambushed him whilst he had been walking home-two boys, younger than him by a few years. One had bleach-blonde hair and a sharp face, who currently looking bored and preoccupying himself with jabbing the other boy, a brunette with tanned skin and a deceivingly childlike smile, in the back, and Baekhyun had been terrified, screaming his head off when they’d unbound the gag around his mouth in the dank basement they’d taken him to. He’d stopped when he realised that no one could hear him, that no one was around to help, and the only thing to do was to wait and hope that Chanyeol wasn’t too busy fucking around with Owl Bitch to notice he was gone.

“Hey, I said, are you even listening?” the one in the chair said, glaring at him. His looks were angelic but there was something in his smile that was feral and animalistic. The cute and innocent ones were always the freaks.

“Luhan,” said the blonde one, “he’s probably scared and lonely. He’s probably gonna piss himself if you keep yelling at him and I don’t want to be the one to nag Jongin to clean it up. So stop.”

“Shut up, you poop-head,” said Jongin, turning around to bat Sehun’s foot away.

“Wow, great trash talk,” said Baekhyun, “in the 1970s, maybe. Did you think of that yourself or did you just plagiarise from Godfather 2?”

Jongin shot him a cold look and Baekhyun simpered back. Jongin deserved it for dragging him into this dump; he was the one who had tied Baekhyun’s hands together behind his back with rope, double-knotted. Dammit, Boy Scouts.

Sehun snorted. “I like this one. Yifan has good taste,” he said. “He’s really outdone himself this time.”

“Wait,” said Baekhyun. “Yifan? Who’s that? And wait, why am I even here? You haven’t told me anything.”

“You really don’t know anything?” Sehun asked. “Aw, I feel kind of bad if we have to kill him now.”

“Huh? K-kill me?” Baekhyun stuttered. Oh shit, the situation was a lot worse than he’d thought.

“Fanfan has caused a lot of trouble for me,” said Luhan, who seemed to be the boss. He pissed Baekhyun off, sitting there on his throne like he was something more than a lowlife thug, and then he took out a gun and unlatched the safety lock with a click that echoed menacingly in the room. Fuck. Okay, maybe a little more than just a lowlife thug. A sociopathic, homicidal lowlife thug. “So you’re our hostage, little wolf. Fanfan’s gonna have to pay up if he wants you back.”

“Maybe if I’m feeling nice,” said Jongin, twirling a knife between his fingers, “I might just take it easy on you. Just rough you up a bit, y’know. You’d look so much prettier with bruises.”

“God, Jongin,” said Sehun. “That’s fucking creepy. Luhan, where’d you find this one? From the fuckin’ loony bin?”

“It sounded cooler on T.V,” Jongin said remorsefully.

“Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on?” Baekhyun said, voice bordering on hysterical. It was starting to set in; he was kidnapped and this wasn’t just a regular mugging. This was on another level entirely and he had no control, trapped in a room with three potential murderers. “Who the hell is Yifan?”

“Perhaps it would help if I called him ‘Kris’ instead,” said Luhan, and he smiled, canines glinting in the light, when Baekhyun’s eyes widened and he inhaled sharply. He had been dreading this. So Kris was part of an underground gang. Had everything Kris said been a lie? And he’d believed Kris so easily too-oh god. He felt sick, his stomach jumping up to his throat. “Ah, so he didn’t tell you anything. So cruel, Fanfan is.”

“Please tell me what the hell is going on,” said Baekhyun. He was starting to shake. “Please.”

By the time Kris had arrived, Baekhyun had heard everything.

“Baekhyun!” said Kris, immediately starting to rush over when someone held him back. Short, big eyes and a surly look on his face. Kyungsoo. “Get off me, Kyungsoo. Baekhyun, are you okay!?”

“Kris,” said Baekhyun hoarsely. “Did you really lie to me? Was everything Luhan just told me true?”

“What the fuck did you tell him,” hissed Kris through gritted teeth, glaring at Luhan.

Luhan just shrugged and smiled. “The truth,” he said. “You can’t hide it forever, Fanfan. You were so mean to Baekhyun. I can’t believe you lied to him. What else did you lie about, hmm? Were you really telling the truth when you said you loved him? Or were you just using him like you use everyone else? ‘Cause you’re the king, aren’t you, and everyone else are just your pawns? Well, now”-he pointed the gun at Baekhyun, lazily showing his pointed teeth as he grinned wolfishly-“it’s checkmate, baby.”

“You’re an asshole, Luhan,” said Kris. “Don’t fucking touch him. I’ve got this entire area surrounded. I’ll blow your brains out even before you can pull that fucking trigger.”

“Kris…” Baekhyun said again, grabbing his attention. “Please, tell me the truth. How do you know Luhan?”

“Two years ago,” said Kris, “Luhan was the lovely, kind soul who made me fall in love with him and broke my heart by trying to steal all my money and run me over. So you can see why we don’t get along.”

“Two years ago,” Baekhyun echoed. There was something about that-what had happened two years ago? He’d just arrived in the city, starting college, and-

He stopped.

Kris smiled sadly at him. “Do you remember now?”

Baekhyun remembered. Two years ago, early April. He had been on his way back to his dorm on campus-roomed with Chanyeol back then, too-when there’d been a car-crash. The skid of the tyres on the floor had left black streaks on the road and he’d thought it’d been a hit-and-run by a careless driver, drunk or something. And a boy had been left on the ground, unconscious and bleeding. Under normal circumstances, Baekhyun would’ve let someone else deal with it, but no one seemed to be helping, keeping a wide circle clear of the body on the floor, as if they were scared. And Baekhyun had been the one to call the ambulance, the one who had sat with the boy as he mumbled out unintelligibly and cried, the one who had wiped away the tears with his sleeves even though he’d gotten blood all over them. The one who visited every day because for some reason, he felt responsible for this boy who no one seemed to care about. The one who looked like a poor, lost puppy with his lost eyes and the bandages wrapped around his head, sleeping in a coma for two weeks when Baekhyun visited every day, waking up for three, and disappearing when Baekhyun turned up with flowers and cupcakes.

Baekhyun remembered it all right. He just didn’t know it had been Kris.

“That was…you?” he breathed out.

“Yeah, well,” said Kris, “my face was wrapped up in fucking bandages half the time so really, I wasn’t surprised when you didn’t remember me. Maybe a part of me hoped that you would, but you never did. It was just wishful thinking on my part.”

“Oh, boohoo,” said Luhan. “He saved you. How romantic. What would’ve been more romantic is if you’d just given me the fucking money and let me kill you before you caused so much trouble for poor Baekhyunnie over here.”

“Oh, shut up, Luhan,” Kris said. “Everyone knows you’re a fucking crazy psycho. Baekhyun’s not gonna believe a word you say.”

Luhan tsked, shaking his head. “And he’s going to believe you after you lied to him like that?”

“Kris, who are you really? Please tell me…the truth,” Baekhyun said quietly.

“I really am sorry,” Kris said. “I just did it to protect you ‘cause it was better if you didn’t know.” He scuffed the floor with his foot. “You know about the underground gangs and stuff, right? The boss of one of the biggest Triad families, the Wu family…is my dad.

Luhan probably already told you-and it’s probably the only thing he hasn’t lied about-but my real name is Wu Yifan. I’m the son, the heir, which is why people were probably staring and, like, freaking the fuck out when I had the accident. But you-you didn’t know, and it was so refreshing. It was so nice to just be with someone who didn’t know because you didn’t want me for my money or for my status or to destroy my family”-he glared at Luhan, who beamed at him-“and it was just…nice. I liked it. I’d been looking for you for two years because I wanted to say thank you to you. I’d been searching for you, and when you didn’t remember-well, that didn’t really matter because I knew I’d still love you anyway. I’ve always loved you. For two years. And I still do.”

Baekhyun closed his eyes. He opened them again. Nope, not a dream. Not a nightmare that he’d wake up from in a cold sweat. This was real. This was happening. And he didn’t know if he could handle it.

“It that all true…?”

“I swear I didn’t lie,” said Kris. “I just-I just didn’t tell you the entire truth. I’m sorry. I swear to god, all the other things I said were true. Everything I’ve ever said to you is true. My dad really does own a zoo. I really do have a pet lizard. And I really do love you.”

A laugh bubbled up in Baekhyun’s throat and then it spilled out. He laughed, even though there was nothing funny about the situation except that he’d been fucking lied to all this time, except that Kris was the boy from two fucking years ago, and here it was, all back to haunt him. Kris stared at him and it was the same look that Baekhyun had seen the first time they’d met. The very first time they’d met. Lost eyes in the ambulance. He hadn’t found Kris after all.

Kris had been searching for him all this time. Kris was the one who had found him.

“Look who’s from the loony bin now,” Jongin muttered, and Sehun kicked him to shut him up.

“Oh my god, shut up. This is getting interesting,” Sehun said. “Luhan, you are one fucked up guy. I’m glad I’m on your side.”

“Thank you, Sehun. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me. See, Fanfan, you could learn a thing or two from Sehunnie. Honesty is the best policy,” said Luhan. His eyes suddenly narrowed, turning hard. “And now, enough games. Hand it over, Yifan, or Baekhyun gets it.”

Kris looked at Baekhyun for one last time before he faced Luhan. “Yixing. Kyungsoo,” he said, taking his gun out from its holster on his belt.

The lightbulb on the ceiling was flickering. The dim glow lit up Kris’s high cheekbones, his sharp eyes and his strong arms, sleeves rolled up, and the shadows were dark in the dips of his clavicles. He stood tall and confident, eyes steady, and this-

No, there was no question about it. This was Baekhyun’s Kris. Strong. Tall. Brave.

“Yessir,” said Yixing, one of Kris’s men dressed in a suit. He had a dimple on one of his cheeks and he smiled at Baekhyun kindly. “Where to?”

“Someplace safe,” said Kris. “I trust your judgement.”

“Gotcha,” said Yixing. “You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Kris said, nodding. “Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo’s finger hovered over the trigger of his own pistol and he smirked. “Let’s give these fuckers hell.”

“Three,” said Kris. Jongin steadied himself, his aura changing completely from innocence to a hardened assassin, and Sehun tensed next to him, hand around his own firearm. Luhan smiled leisurely as if this whole thing was just a game, but Baekhyun saw his hands reach behind him, curling around his guns. “Two.”

“One,” mouthed Baekhyun along with Kris, and he hoped Kyungsoo was right.

He hoped that they’d give those fuckers hell.

Yixing had whisked him away even before the first shot had been fired, tugging him along with surprising strength in his skinny frame, and he’d practically thrown Baekhyun in the backseat of his BMW, driving down the road at a speed that probably violated every road sign in the world. Baekhyun felt numb. It was too much to take in at once. Kris had lied to him-no, how had he put it? He hadn’t told the entire truth. Baekhyun still-he still believed that Kris loved him because he felt it. He felt the tug of Kris’s magnetism, of his gravity, and he was still drawn to Kris. Kris was everything he was not; Kris loved him, had loved him from the start, and it was time Baekhyun returned the favour.

But he wasn’t sure if he could face Kris again. Wasn’t sure if he was ready to face Kris.

“You know,” Yixing commented from the front seat. Baekhyun looked up from his feet and saw Yixing beaming at him in the mirror. They were driving at a leisurely speed now, having gotten far enough away, and he had no idea where Yixing was taking him. Somewhere safe, Kris had said. At least there was no danger of dying before he’d even get there, Baekhyun thought. “Yifan is a great guy.”

“I bet you get paid to say that,” Baekhyun mumbled.

Yixing laughed. It was a nice laugh, soft and pleasant like windchimes. “Maybe,” he said, “but honestly, even if I weren’t, it’d still be true. Yifan is a really nice guy. And maybe sometimes he doesn’t quite know how to show it and maybe sometimes he’ll be a bit blunt and a bit awkward, but really, he’s the nicest guy ever. I’ve known him since we were kids. Whatever he said to you, I know he meant it. Every single bit of it.”

Baekhyun looked outside the window. It was night-time. He thought about Kris pushing him onto the bed and murmuring into his ear and stroking his hair. He thought about Kris’s lips against his jaw and the way Kris made his heart beat so fast. He thought about Kris, and then he wanted to stop thinking about Kris because it hurt.

“If he’s so nice, then why did he lie?”

“Sometimes,” said Yixing, “people do things they don’t want to if it means the best for someone that they love. Yifan doesn’t really have many friends. I mean, he has us, of course, but that’s different. He doesn’t really have anyone outside the family to call a friend and I think he’s just a really lonely guy. He spent so much time seeking you out. I think he really wanted to find you because he was really grateful to you, and even if it didn’t involve sex, I think he still wanted to be your friend anyway. Because the thing you have to understand about Yifan is that he is the most stubborn person in the entire world. Whether that’s a good or bad thing, we’re still debating.”

Baekhyun smiled to himself. That was true. Kris was ridiculously stubborn that he was in love with him-determined, even.

“He told me he loved me,” said Baekhyun. “The first time we met. I mean, not the first-first time, but you know.”

“Yup, that sounds about right,” said Yixing, chuckling. He made a right turn, and it was so dark outside that Baekhyun couldn’t tell which of the tiny yellow dots were the stars and which ones were streetlights far away. “That sounds exactly like Yifan.” Yixing paused, crinkling his forehead in thought. “You know, we don’t get many outsiders into the family. Yifan and Luhan’d had their thing for nearly a year, maybe, and no one really approved of it ‘cause Luhan was-well, he was Luhan. And you know how those crazy types are. But Yifan was adamant and he just wouldn’t listen. So when he wanted to find you, it was largely opposed because of what had happened before. But Yifan said you were different. He said he already knew he was in love with you and that he had to find you no matter what because you had found him and he was so thankful. And you were a normal person, an ordinary person with an ordinary life, and perhaps it was selfish of him to pull you into this, but would it have really been better if you’d never had this at all?”

Baekhyun didn’t need to think about the answer.

“No,” he said. “No, it wouldn’t have been better.”

“That is exactly what Yifan had said when we told him that,” said Yixing. “So you see, he honestly isn’t a bad guy. Whatever Luhan told you, it was probably a lie. He’s twisted.”

“I just-“ said Baekhyun. “I just think I need time. To think about things. I’m still trying to understand it all. The pieces of the puzzle are fitting together, but I can’t see the picture yet. It’s still jagged and messy and I just…need time to sort everything out.”

Yixing pulled to a stop. They were outside Baekhyun’s apartment block and Baekhyun looked up to see his apartment window dark. Chanyeol was probably already asleep, unaware of everything that had gone on. Lucky, thought Baekhyun. He wondered if Kyungsoo had already told him, but Chanyeol hadn’t told him anything and everyone knew Chanyeol couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

“Here?” asked Baekhyun. “Is it…safe?”

“The safest,” said Yixing. “It’s home. I’ll walk you up so it’ll be okay, and we’ve got men stationed around here for Chanyeol’s own protection too so if anything happens, we’ll be able to stop it in three seconds before they even know what’s hit them.”

He opened the door and offered his hand to Baekhyun.

“Shall we?” he said.

“Yeah,” said Baekhyun.

v.

Apartment 3B.

It had been a while since he’d seen those familiar words. Almost a month. It had been a long time since he’d seen Kris-his manager, Minseok, was kind enough to give him a temporary leave from work, and the way Minseok had smiled at him made him wonder if he was part of Kris’s massive empire-and he had used that time to think about things. What Kris really was. What this meant for them. What this meant for him.

And, he had decided, that it meant nothing.

He had decided that it didn’t change the fact that he loved Kris and Kris loved him. He had decided that he wanted a real relationship because although things were not quite okay, they were better, and he was ready. He would be brave too because he couldn’t do much to help Kris and this was the least he could do. He hadn’t fallen out of love with Kris; after all the time he’d spent trying to find out what they were, he’d finally realised it: they were a song he wanted to play on loop. They’d have to talk things out, though, and he wanted to get to know Kris better, even though he knew all of Kris’s deep, dark secrets, like the one where he was in love with a boy with soft hair and pretty fingers and a mole above his upper lip and the one where he had a pet lizard, and of course, Kris would have to make amends. Maybe he would just make Kris treat him out to lunch every day and buy more pizzas and maybe write his dissertation depending on how many budding scientists there were in his family.

Or maybe he would just make Kris kiss him every day and tell him that he loved him. That was okay too.

Baekhyun parked his motorcycle outside the apartment block and walked past the Mercedes, quickly checking his reflection in the windscreen mirror. Hair-carefully carelessly messed up. Clothes-denim jacket over his work uniform, and a red umbrella because it was raining outside. He was a bit wet because it was hard driving whilst holding an umbrella and two pizzas, but that didn’t matter.

The elevator hummed as it rose to the third floor, time passing by slowly. When the doors slid open, he took a deep breath and stood outside 3B, raising his hand to knock.

Kris opened the door after two thuds and immediately, his face broke out into a grin.

“Hi,” said Kris.

“Hi,” said Baekhyun. “You ordered pizza?”

“I did, but I think I just got something even better,” Kris said. He was smiling so widely that Baekhyun was afraid that his face would split in half, but rather than worrying about Kris, he shoud’ve worried about himself instead because he was doing the same.

Baekhyun handed the pizzas over and peered around Kris’s body to look into his apartment. Kyungsoo was sitting on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table, his phone balanced between his shoulder and his ear as he tapped furiously on his WiiU controller, trying to expertly manoeuvre Mario over a bridge of the fireball-puking plants. Shut up, Chanyeol, he was saying, I’ve told you, like, nine times already! You have to plug the WiiU in before you turn it on, you dumbshit! No, I’m not just being tsundere. No, it’s not a cute, endearing nickname. No, I am not your boyfriend! You’re my bitch. Goodbye. Hang up. No, you hang up. No, you hang up. No, you hang up. Okay, I’m hanging up.

“Hi Kyungsoo,” said Baekhyun, waving at him.

“Oh, it’s you,” said Kyungsoo. “It’s about time. I’ve been listening to this guy”-he jabbed his thumb in Kris’s direction-“whine about you for the past, like, ten centuries. A man can only hear about how cute your mole is before he goes clinically insane.” He stopped for a second though, and smiled. “But welcome back. You caused me so much trouble. Don’t let it be in vain.”

“Ignore him,” said Kris. He stood at the doorway awkwardly, shuffling from one foot to the other. He was dressed simply in a white T-shirt and sweatpants with fluffy socks on his feet, and he still looked beautiful, Baekhyun thought. There were a few plasters on his face-one by his mouth, one on his right cheek and one over the bridge of his nose-and a bandage around his arm, but other than that, he looked fine. He’d probably tripped on his way to the bathroom and smashed his nose on the toilet seat or something. Typical Kris.

“Aren’t you going to invite him in?” Kyungsoo asked, gaze fixed on the television screen. “You’ve been complaining that you haven’t seen him for, quote, unquote, Literally, like, nine million years! and yet you’re standing there like a gormless idiot.”

“Shut up, Kyungsoo,” said Kris. He glanced at the floor, and then back at Baekhyun. “So, uh, you wanna come in for a bit?”

“Yeah,” said Baekhyun. “My shift’s over now. You were my last order. I’ve got time to spare.”

He stepped into the apartment and it was exactly like how he’d remembered it. Impossibly huge living room with an adjoining kitchen, the balcony overlooking the city and the cactus in the corner. It had grown a little bit bigger since he’d last been here. And oh, on the kitchen corner was a stack of around fifteen pizzas, all towered up on top of each other. Baekhyun could smell them from here. Anchovies.

“Did you seriously order, like, ten pizzas until they sent me to deliver it?” Baekhyun asked, grinning.

“No!” Kris huffed as Kyungsoo said, “Hell yeah.” Kris flipped Kyungsoo off and Kyungsoo snickered. “Maybe I was just really hungry, okay?”

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow. “Even though you hate anchovies and you don’t eat greasy food ‘cause it’s not your style?”

“Fine,” said Kris. “Maybe I did do that. Shut up.”

His ears flushed red and he looked embarrassed. Baekhyun just laughed and stood up on his tip-toes to pat Kris on the head as if he was sulky child and kissed him on the mouth. It had been so long but it was no less electrifying, making Baekhyun’s heart and veins pulse with want.

“You’re soaked through. So cold,” Kris mumbled into Baekhyun’s mouth, pushing back Baekhyun’s wet hair from his forehead so he could place a kiss there. Kris was tall, much taller than Baekhyun was, but Baekhyun kind of liked that. Kris had to crouch a little bit, and Baekhyun could feel their knees knocking together as Kris wrapped his arms around Baekhyun’s waist and pressed his hands to the small of Baekhyun’s back. He was warm and comforting and this felt like home.

“Okay,” Baekhyun murmured, burying his face into the crook of Kris’s neck.

“Okay?” said Kris. He tugged on the lapels of Baekhyun’s-no, his-jacket and his lips quirked up into a lopsided grin. “You still have this. I’m glad.”

“How could I throw it away? The sentimental value-game is too strong in this one,” Baekhyun replied. “Besides, the person who gave it to me…is a complete weirdo. Can you believe he confessed to me, like, the first time we met? Weird or what?”

“Yeah,” said Kris, “really weird. You’d better not go running off with him and

“Oh god, you guys. Spoiler alert for the vomit-inducing cheese please,” said Kyungsoo, feigning a barf. “Get a room.”

Baekhyun was more than happy to oblige when Kris tugged him towards the bedroom, and half an hour later, sated and happy, he heard grinned when he heard Kyungsoo’s anguished cries.