More on the name issue

[arularia]

This is probably the longest running issue of our wedding planning.

Growing up, I couldn't wait to ditch my maiden name. It was my father's name and there was so much hurt and anger that, after the divorce, I wanted to assume my mother's maiden name. I got over that idea at some point and settled into the idea that my name would probably change

Comments

[chgu]

In situations like this, I just ask which one flows better when you say it aloud. I was thinking earlier, that Loraine McNeill sounded just fine, but now I'm not so sure. Hmmm.

I agree with double barreling, but I think you'd occasionally run into people who think you have two middle names. But at the least, you could legally have the name, then introduce yourself however you want.

[arularia]

The identity issue is part of what makes me want to take on Kent's name. Our marriage isn't going to change who I am at my core, but it is going to change my identity. Thereafter I'll be Kent's wife/his spouse/his mate/etc. It feels right for my name to change, it's just the details of that change that have me flummoxed.

I keep wishing that there was someone I could talk to who knew the legal side of name changing, potential repercussions, and the like, but I've yet to find one. I've heard stories from others who tried to go the double-barreled route and were told that it was a hyphen or nothing. That sent me looking for Texas law on the subject, but it's no where to be found.

I guess I'm just looking for something to tip the scales a bit and make this an easier decision, but nothing's happening. And I'm a horrible decision maker when it comes down to just my input and no outside influence.

[ms_guillotine]

I have to say it never really occurred to me NOT to change my name, so it's not like I came to a decision to change it, it just... was...I dunno...it does feel odd and like i've lost a part of myself - but in the same breath i've gained a lot more than what I might have 'lost' (even though I think all i've lost is the name and any other odd feeling I have is just at not being used to being called something else...)

What do you mean by potential repercussions etc?

and maybe just tell FH (soooo soooooooooooon to be Hubby!) that you'd like him to make a decision, that his flip flopping is upsetting you a little and you really just dont know what to do?

[arularia]

Repercussions was probably the wrong word to use. I guess a better way to put it would be any potential difficulties that arose out of going one way or another.

And Kent's not flipflopping at all. From the start his stance has been that name changes are something highly personal and that if someone doesn't want to change their name then they shouldn't. He's 100% fine with me not changing at all, taking his name, or doing the double barreling or something. We've talked about it at length on several occasions and I've dug around in his brain looking for some sort of bias and I just can't find it.

[ms_guillotine]

hmmmm he sounds very like Col which is infuriating at times, it's like 'which do you prefer?' 'either is fine' type thing and it's just realllllly frustrating!

names in a hat perhaps?

[arularia]

Haha... it might come to that!

[raeshena]

Changing my last name has been something I've thought about. I've put my name with the person I was dating, and it didn't sound right. It still doesn't. My name is so common (in fact I just looked it up, and it's ranked 3rd in the US) so it's not like it'd die out, but it's mine, and I like it. I have it because a member of my family was freed from slavery, ans was told to choose which last name he wanted. I talked to my mum about it once, and she says there's no reason why I have to change my name. I know it's ultimately my decision, but having someone on my side of the issue makes me feel better.

I know a few women who didn't change their names, and one girl from school has a double barreled name, because her mother kept her maiden name.

[arularia]

Technically no one ever has to change their name, but society doesn't always make that an easy choice. Women keeping their maiden name is still a pretty hot button issue with all sorts of nasty accusations to accompany it. "You're not committing if you don't take his name!" etc. etc. But it doesn't work the other way around. It's perfectly okay for a guy to balk at the name change idea.

Did/does that girl you knew/know use both of her last names consistently or does she simplify to one?