Fic: A Heart That Never Rests
Title: A Heart That Never Rests
Author: arwen_kenobi
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Rose Tyler,OC,implied Ten/Rose
Disclaimer: Not mine. No profit. Just for fun. Please don’t sue
Spoilers: Doomsday
Summary: “I’m going to tell you about a friend of mine…”
Rodney and Stacy Kitchener were the first people Rose met when she began to work at Torchwood. Both twins were friendly and cheerful and had hugged her like she was their own sibling on her first day. Stacy was a bit on the ditzy side while Rodney was sensible with a side of jokester. It was an odd mix but together they were a maelstrom of positive energy that instantly brightened the day of anyone who came their way. Rose had started work the day after Bad Wolf Bay and she’d been smiling and laughing by the time she’d left Torchwood. She’d never thought she’d be able to do that again. Seeing them together had also brought up memories of her and the Doctor and she was surprised to find that they didn’t hurt as much as she’d thought. They’d stung a little at first, but as the days and months rolled by she was more thankful for the small trips down memory lane. Rose didn’t ever want to forget him and these little trips were all she had for the foreseeable future.
Though the twins and Rose, along with Mickey and Jake, all shared a deep bond and were the best of friends, Rodney and Stacy had their own. Seeing one without the other at least in the same room was rather odd. When one was sent away to for a long period of time, seeing the other alone had always been something to get used to. Not say that either twin was incapable of functioning alone, but it was easy to see that they were much more themselves when they were together.
Stacy died two and a half years after Rose had been trapped in this universe. It had been a hero’s death, a clean death with very little suffering. It was a death that everyone on the team wanted, but that didn’t mean that there was no reaction to her passing. While Rose, Mickey, Jake and Pete had their own grief to deal with, they all knew that it paled in comparison to Rodney’s. They’d lost a friend while he’d lost something more than a sister. Pete had given Rodney a week’s leave but, two days into it, no one had been able to get a hold of the man. It was though he’d fallen off the face of the Earth.
Rose finally took it upon herself to check on Rodney, and she wasn’t going to go away quietly. She’d banged on his door, rang the bell, and shouted through the flat windows for nearly five minutes before using Stacy’s key to get in. She found Rodney in Stacy’s room, curled up on the bed clutching one of his sister’s shirts to his chest. She’d felt awkward walking in on him like this, but knew that it was not a good time for him to be alone. Rose pulled him up into a seated position and had hugged him close as he sobbed his heart out. They’d stayed like that until Rose heard Rodney’s stomach rumble and dragged him into the kitchen.
“I can’t believe I’ve never going to see her again,” Rodney said over the glass of water he was clutching like a life line. Rose was half expecting to hear the glass shatter as she rummaged around the kitchen. She was trying to fix him a proper meal since Rodney said that he hadn’t eaten in two days. This task was proving difficult through the fact the contents of the kitchen amounted to baby carrots, applesauce, and bread. She made a mental note to take him out for groceries.
“I know it hurts,” Rose told him slowly, trying not to sound condescending or trite. “I know you feel like your heart’s been ripped out. It gets better though.” She grinned to herself as she found a jar of peanut butter and set about making sandwiches.
“How would you know,” Rodney spat. “You’ve never lost anyone that important to you before.”
Rose felt as if he’d stabbed her with the kitchen knife. She gripped the counter and tried to effectively with the shock that was suddenly racing through her. Images of the farewell at Bad Wolf Bay flashed through her mind, images she hadn’t allowed herself to think about in nearly three years. She shut her eyes and sat down heavily, surprised she’d found the chair at all. Her ears rang with the last words her and the Doctor had ever said to each other and a flare of anger began to kindle in her. How could Rodney say that to her? He knew bloody well…
No, she corrected herself. Rodney did not know. No one at Torchwood did. That is except Pete, Mickey and Jake but they never spoke of him. Probably thought she didn’t want to talk, or would fall to pieces at the subtlest mention, she scoffed at that idea. She was anything but made of glass. It slowly dawned on her that she had not spoken of the Doctor, not even really thought of him aside from the brief flashes of memory Rodney and Stacy together would bring ,for years.
As Rose regarded her grief stricken friend right now she realised that had to change; for both their sakes. Rodney needed some hope and Rose needed to remember. Granted, the Doctor was not dead, she hoped and prayed he was not dead, but he was as good as for all purposes.
Rodney had been studying her closely these past few minutes. Probably trying to muster the courage to apologise for what he’d said. Wondering if it would be accepted at all, she gathered her reaction hadn’t been very subtle. Before he could open his mouth she reached across the counter and took his hand. “I’m going to tell you about a friend of mine…”
- - -
Rose left nothing out. She felt that it wouldn’t do anyone justice if she did. She told him how they met, how they traveled the stars together, how he’d saved her, how she’d saved him, how he’d changed his face, how they’d fought in a war, how she’d been torn away from him and how desperately alone she’d felt on that beach in Norway.
Rodney was awestruck. His eyes had filled with wonder, warmth and sympathy all at once at her tale’s end and had come around to her side and hugged her so tight that she surprised had not been flattened against him.
“I’m not going to say that you’ll get over her not being there,” she said after Rodney had returned to his seat. “I’m not going to tell you that you’ll find a replacement because you and I both know you won’t.”
“You won’t either,” Rodney whispered.
Rose nodded. “You won’t be the same, you’ll become someone else. That’s how you learn to get on without them. It gets easier, it never goes away.” She raised her hand to swipe at tears that should have been there but was pleasantly surprised that there were none. Good, she thought. It’s been long enough.
“I do believe,” Rodney said after a moment, “that is the most honest thing anyone has said to about this. You remember all that rubbish the family said at the funeral?”
She did indeed remember all the sentimental nonsense that people had said at Stacy’s funeral. But those empty, traditional words weren’t what came to her mind now. It was something Pete had told her on her first day at Torchwood, the day after Norway. It was the only bit of fatherly advice he’d ever given her.
“On my first day at work,” Rose began. “Pete sat me down in the car and told me two important things. One was to move on with my life, to live it for all that it was worth because to do otherwise would be a treachery against the Doctor and me both.” She paused. “I say the same thing to you now.”
Rodney nodded. They both knew how much Stacy had loved life, and how much she hated the idea of wasting it. The last thing she’d want was for her brother to waste his on her account. “What was the second thing Pete told you?”
Rose took a deep breath. The second thing was something she hadn’t given much thought to because she simply couldn’t afford to dwell on it. “That the Doctor and I would see each other again one way or another.” She laughed the last bit out, remembering how she’d laughed at the idea at first. It had seemed fanciful nonsense at first. Now, years after the fact, it was safe to hope again. Even if the Doctor, or Rose herself, couldn’t break down the walls between universes she refused to believe that any sort of afterlife would keep them apart for all eternity. “You’ll see Stacy again,” she said confidently. She believed it as truly as she believed in aliens. “I also believe that there’s something…beautiful out there for people like us.” The last sentence came as a surprise; she hadn’t meant to say it aloud.
“Like us?” Rodney asked.
She shrugged and tried to find words to describe something that she’d all at once just decided and always believed. “People who keep living, when we really have every right not to.” Rose gestured between herself and Rodney. “We go on because it’s what they would want and it’s what we owe ourselves. I just believe that there’s some sort of…reward for that.”
The two friends were silent for a moment, each staring into their glasses of water and untouched sandwiches before Rodney finally declared: “We’ll see them again, but I bet you’ll see him before I see her.” He nudged Rose, “And I mean in the flesh. After all, impossible is just what people call something that hasn’t been done before.”
Rose laughed long and hard, it was all too true and the Doctor would be the first to admit it. Rodney grinned back at her, a grin that had very familiar echoes in it before he spoke again. “To work then?” he asked as he grabbed his sandwich and enthusiastically began munching on it. “I’ve been really neglecting those bits of alien tech you brought back from China…”
Rodney rambled on about his work and then vanished to call Pete, leaving Rose to ponder about what her friend had said. It was a lovely dream, she thought, to hope that Doctor would appear at her door one day with his hand extended or that she could just leap into the rift tomorrow and appear in the TARDIS. She laughed inwardly at the bewildered reaction the Doctor would be sure to have. Maybe he’d smash his head into the console or fall into the space below it. Something suitably slapstick.
These were dreams, hopes and dreams, but it was something. A great many things the Doctor had called impossible had been disproved before. Why not this?
Either way, she decided, she would still live. The Doctor had once told her to have fantastic life for him, and she would do that. If that fantastic life allowed them to be together again then so much the better that fantastic life would be.
“Rose!” Rodney shouted. “We’ve got a situation!” Rose drained her glass of water, picked up her sandwich and shoved it into her mouth as she rushed out.
- - -
Four years later Rose Tyler was staring into the Void. It was a tiny tear between universes, and it was singing to her. Or something was singing to her. The song sounded and felt like home and it was without a doubt calling to her. I’m coming, she thought to it, to what was on the other side. Give me a moment.
It took Rose a great deal of willpower to turn her back on that promising sight to regard the group behind her. Just Torchwood was here: Pete, Mickey, Jake, Rodney and Ilsa. Her mother and brother weren’t here. She’d already said her good byes to them and neither could bear to watch her leave them for what was sure to be forever. She didn’t think she could bear for them to be here either. She’d said her goodbyes to everyone already but she turned and shared one final embrace with Rodney and Ilsa.
“Sorry I’ll miss the wedding,” she smiles with everything she has. She keeps the tears back; she doesn’t want this to be sad. She’s going home after so long and Rodney has finally found a new one. In the woman who had been hired to take over Stacy’s post, no less.
“Don’t worry about it,” Ilsa said as she reached out and squeezed Rose’s arm. “You do what you have to do.”
Rose nodded and turned her back on them, setting herself for a run. She’d made two steps before the sound of Rodney’s voice made her stumble and eventually stop. She turned to look at him. He grasped his fiancée’s hand and squeezed it but his eyes were all for Rose. “I found my something beautiful,” he said simply. “I hope you find yours.”
When Rose made that leap of faith, when she felt familiar fingers grasp hers and tug her to their side of the Void, she knew that she had found hers.
- - -
I know you'll never count the tears you've cried
Though you've asked a million questions
No one could tell you why
A single soul is chosen to be the one put to the test
But there will be some consolation for a heart that never rests
(Something Beautiful - Great Big Sea)
Author: arwen_kenobi
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Rose Tyler,OC,implied Ten/Rose
Disclaimer: Not mine. No profit. Just for fun. Please don’t sue
Spoilers: Doomsday
Summary: “I’m going to tell you about a friend of mine…”
Rodney and Stacy Kitchener were the first people Rose met when she began to work at Torchwood. Both twins were friendly and cheerful and had hugged her like she was their own sibling on her first day. Stacy was a bit on the ditzy side while Rodney was sensible with a side of jokester. It was an odd mix but together they were a maelstrom of positive energy that instantly brightened the day of anyone who came their way. Rose had started work the day after Bad Wolf Bay and she’d been smiling and laughing by the time she’d left Torchwood. She’d never thought she’d be able to do that again. Seeing them together had also brought up memories of her and the Doctor and she was surprised to find that they didn’t hurt as much as she’d thought. They’d stung a little at first, but as the days and months rolled by she was more thankful for the small trips down memory lane. Rose didn’t ever want to forget him and these little trips were all she had for the foreseeable future.
Though the twins and Rose, along with Mickey and Jake, all shared a deep bond and were the best of friends, Rodney and Stacy had their own. Seeing one without the other at least in the same room was rather odd. When one was sent away to for a long period of time, seeing the other alone had always been something to get used to. Not say that either twin was incapable of functioning alone, but it was easy to see that they were much more themselves when they were together.
Stacy died two and a half years after Rose had been trapped in this universe. It had been a hero’s death, a clean death with very little suffering. It was a death that everyone on the team wanted, but that didn’t mean that there was no reaction to her passing. While Rose, Mickey, Jake and Pete had their own grief to deal with, they all knew that it paled in comparison to Rodney’s. They’d lost a friend while he’d lost something more than a sister. Pete had given Rodney a week’s leave but, two days into it, no one had been able to get a hold of the man. It was though he’d fallen off the face of the Earth.
Rose finally took it upon herself to check on Rodney, and she wasn’t going to go away quietly. She’d banged on his door, rang the bell, and shouted through the flat windows for nearly five minutes before using Stacy’s key to get in. She found Rodney in Stacy’s room, curled up on the bed clutching one of his sister’s shirts to his chest. She’d felt awkward walking in on him like this, but knew that it was not a good time for him to be alone. Rose pulled him up into a seated position and had hugged him close as he sobbed his heart out. They’d stayed like that until Rose heard Rodney’s stomach rumble and dragged him into the kitchen.
“I can’t believe I’ve never going to see her again,” Rodney said over the glass of water he was clutching like a life line. Rose was half expecting to hear the glass shatter as she rummaged around the kitchen. She was trying to fix him a proper meal since Rodney said that he hadn’t eaten in two days. This task was proving difficult through the fact the contents of the kitchen amounted to baby carrots, applesauce, and bread. She made a mental note to take him out for groceries.
“I know it hurts,” Rose told him slowly, trying not to sound condescending or trite. “I know you feel like your heart’s been ripped out. It gets better though.” She grinned to herself as she found a jar of peanut butter and set about making sandwiches.
“How would you know,” Rodney spat. “You’ve never lost anyone that important to you before.”
Rose felt as if he’d stabbed her with the kitchen knife. She gripped the counter and tried to effectively with the shock that was suddenly racing through her. Images of the farewell at Bad Wolf Bay flashed through her mind, images she hadn’t allowed herself to think about in nearly three years. She shut her eyes and sat down heavily, surprised she’d found the chair at all. Her ears rang with the last words her and the Doctor had ever said to each other and a flare of anger began to kindle in her. How could Rodney say that to her? He knew bloody well…
No, she corrected herself. Rodney did not know. No one at Torchwood did. That is except Pete, Mickey and Jake but they never spoke of him. Probably thought she didn’t want to talk, or would fall to pieces at the subtlest mention, she scoffed at that idea. She was anything but made of glass. It slowly dawned on her that she had not spoken of the Doctor, not even really thought of him aside from the brief flashes of memory Rodney and Stacy together would bring ,for years.
As Rose regarded her grief stricken friend right now she realised that had to change; for both their sakes. Rodney needed some hope and Rose needed to remember. Granted, the Doctor was not dead, she hoped and prayed he was not dead, but he was as good as for all purposes.
Rodney had been studying her closely these past few minutes. Probably trying to muster the courage to apologise for what he’d said. Wondering if it would be accepted at all, she gathered her reaction hadn’t been very subtle. Before he could open his mouth she reached across the counter and took his hand. “I’m going to tell you about a friend of mine…”
- - -
Rose left nothing out. She felt that it wouldn’t do anyone justice if she did. She told him how they met, how they traveled the stars together, how he’d saved her, how she’d saved him, how he’d changed his face, how they’d fought in a war, how she’d been torn away from him and how desperately alone she’d felt on that beach in Norway.
Rodney was awestruck. His eyes had filled with wonder, warmth and sympathy all at once at her tale’s end and had come around to her side and hugged her so tight that she surprised had not been flattened against him.
“I’m not going to say that you’ll get over her not being there,” she said after Rodney had returned to his seat. “I’m not going to tell you that you’ll find a replacement because you and I both know you won’t.”
“You won’t either,” Rodney whispered.
Rose nodded. “You won’t be the same, you’ll become someone else. That’s how you learn to get on without them. It gets easier, it never goes away.” She raised her hand to swipe at tears that should have been there but was pleasantly surprised that there were none. Good, she thought. It’s been long enough.
“I do believe,” Rodney said after a moment, “that is the most honest thing anyone has said to about this. You remember all that rubbish the family said at the funeral?”
She did indeed remember all the sentimental nonsense that people had said at Stacy’s funeral. But those empty, traditional words weren’t what came to her mind now. It was something Pete had told her on her first day at Torchwood, the day after Norway. It was the only bit of fatherly advice he’d ever given her.
“On my first day at work,” Rose began. “Pete sat me down in the car and told me two important things. One was to move on with my life, to live it for all that it was worth because to do otherwise would be a treachery against the Doctor and me both.” She paused. “I say the same thing to you now.”
Rodney nodded. They both knew how much Stacy had loved life, and how much she hated the idea of wasting it. The last thing she’d want was for her brother to waste his on her account. “What was the second thing Pete told you?”
Rose took a deep breath. The second thing was something she hadn’t given much thought to because she simply couldn’t afford to dwell on it. “That the Doctor and I would see each other again one way or another.” She laughed the last bit out, remembering how she’d laughed at the idea at first. It had seemed fanciful nonsense at first. Now, years after the fact, it was safe to hope again. Even if the Doctor, or Rose herself, couldn’t break down the walls between universes she refused to believe that any sort of afterlife would keep them apart for all eternity. “You’ll see Stacy again,” she said confidently. She believed it as truly as she believed in aliens. “I also believe that there’s something…beautiful out there for people like us.” The last sentence came as a surprise; she hadn’t meant to say it aloud.
“Like us?” Rodney asked.
She shrugged and tried to find words to describe something that she’d all at once just decided and always believed. “People who keep living, when we really have every right not to.” Rose gestured between herself and Rodney. “We go on because it’s what they would want and it’s what we owe ourselves. I just believe that there’s some sort of…reward for that.”
The two friends were silent for a moment, each staring into their glasses of water and untouched sandwiches before Rodney finally declared: “We’ll see them again, but I bet you’ll see him before I see her.” He nudged Rose, “And I mean in the flesh. After all, impossible is just what people call something that hasn’t been done before.”
Rose laughed long and hard, it was all too true and the Doctor would be the first to admit it. Rodney grinned back at her, a grin that had very familiar echoes in it before he spoke again. “To work then?” he asked as he grabbed his sandwich and enthusiastically began munching on it. “I’ve been really neglecting those bits of alien tech you brought back from China…”
Rodney rambled on about his work and then vanished to call Pete, leaving Rose to ponder about what her friend had said. It was a lovely dream, she thought, to hope that Doctor would appear at her door one day with his hand extended or that she could just leap into the rift tomorrow and appear in the TARDIS. She laughed inwardly at the bewildered reaction the Doctor would be sure to have. Maybe he’d smash his head into the console or fall into the space below it. Something suitably slapstick.
These were dreams, hopes and dreams, but it was something. A great many things the Doctor had called impossible had been disproved before. Why not this?
Either way, she decided, she would still live. The Doctor had once told her to have fantastic life for him, and she would do that. If that fantastic life allowed them to be together again then so much the better that fantastic life would be.
“Rose!” Rodney shouted. “We’ve got a situation!” Rose drained her glass of water, picked up her sandwich and shoved it into her mouth as she rushed out.
- - -
Four years later Rose Tyler was staring into the Void. It was a tiny tear between universes, and it was singing to her. Or something was singing to her. The song sounded and felt like home and it was without a doubt calling to her. I’m coming, she thought to it, to what was on the other side. Give me a moment.
It took Rose a great deal of willpower to turn her back on that promising sight to regard the group behind her. Just Torchwood was here: Pete, Mickey, Jake, Rodney and Ilsa. Her mother and brother weren’t here. She’d already said her good byes to them and neither could bear to watch her leave them for what was sure to be forever. She didn’t think she could bear for them to be here either. She’d said her goodbyes to everyone already but she turned and shared one final embrace with Rodney and Ilsa.
“Sorry I’ll miss the wedding,” she smiles with everything she has. She keeps the tears back; she doesn’t want this to be sad. She’s going home after so long and Rodney has finally found a new one. In the woman who had been hired to take over Stacy’s post, no less.
“Don’t worry about it,” Ilsa said as she reached out and squeezed Rose’s arm. “You do what you have to do.”
Rose nodded and turned her back on them, setting herself for a run. She’d made two steps before the sound of Rodney’s voice made her stumble and eventually stop. She turned to look at him. He grasped his fiancée’s hand and squeezed it but his eyes were all for Rose. “I found my something beautiful,” he said simply. “I hope you find yours.”
When Rose made that leap of faith, when she felt familiar fingers grasp hers and tug her to their side of the Void, she knew that she had found hers.
- - -
I know you'll never count the tears you've cried
Though you've asked a million questions
No one could tell you why
A single soul is chosen to be the one put to the test
But there will be some consolation for a heart that never rests
(Something Beautiful - Great Big Sea)