I've not known you that long but this is the first time I've heard you talk about the difficulties surrounding your family. Maybe you're right and you're actually thinking about it now you are also thinking about recovery.
I'm glad you're getting somewhere with why you've ended up so poorly. It's not nice to dig into why you're hurting enough to do this to yourself but it's only positive in the long run.
In therapy I envisaged my mental illness like a cancer that I had to cut out or it would keep growing. I still think that's largely the case. I got the bulk of it out but the bits I did leave (some things I couldn't talk about because I was too immature to discuss sex in therapy - kind of shocks me now that I left out some really big issues!) have grown over time and I need to do a bit more work to dig them out. Once you've done that there'll always be the scars from where you had to do the excision but you'll have healed and you can go on with the memory that you survived it.
I'm a big fan of analogies, in case you haven't noticed!
Thank you for your words. That's an interesting idea - your analogy. My therapist wants to explore me right back to when I first started to become ill and try and get to the real root of it all. It's hard because it set in so slowly. I became anorexic first - over a long period of slow but increasingly heavy restriction - starting with a normal 'diet-to-lose-a-few-pounds'. Then it ALL got out of control.
She also wants me to 'personify' my illness so that I can 'address it as if it wasn't part of me'. I know lots of sufferers do personify their 'ana' or 'mia' - if you see what I mean, but I never have and I'm not sure if I can. It just feels like part of ME.
Thanks again for your thoughts and I hope you are OK. Best wishes. Tamsin.
If you're not sure when it started then why not start from the beginning? The most helpful part of therapy for me was 'life maps' where I drew a timeline and drew on symbols for big events in my life, like my parents divorcing or moving school or periods when I was being mistreated by others etc. Oh and times when my eating was at its worst and times when I was depressed or suicidal. It went back to before I was born, setting the scene for my 'entrance' so to speak. As in, my dad was married before and has a daughter from that marriage and I have two older siblings. It's all a part of your life even though it happened before you were born
( ... )
maybe she doesn't strictly mean personify it - just objectify it maybe, like I described? So that it feels like a part separate from you
Yes - Thanks, I think you're probably exactly right. I see what you mean about being told to do the opposite, but really it's the same thing. We need to see that having this illness is not part of our identity. It is a disease that we need to control, but it is not part of who we are as people. We can live without it. Hope you're still feeling good. Best wishes. xxx
Having animals is extremely therapeutic in my opinion. I've never had cats, but I've grown up around dogs, and it's always good to have something big and fluffy to hug when you're down. No matter what, your pets always love you, and it's quite comforting.
Hang in there. You may have been having some off days, but you'll get back in the swing of things soon enough.
Comments 19
Reply
You, too! - hope things are as OK as they ever are for you.
<3
Reply
I've not known you that long but this is the first time I've heard you talk about the difficulties surrounding your family. Maybe you're right and you're actually thinking about it now you are also thinking about recovery.
Feel free to talk more here :)
Reply
In therapy I envisaged my mental illness like a cancer that I had to cut out or it would keep growing. I still think that's largely the case. I got the bulk of it out but the bits I did leave (some things I couldn't talk about because I was too immature to discuss sex in therapy - kind of shocks me now that I left out some really big issues!) have grown over time and I need to do a bit more work to dig them out. Once you've done that there'll always be the scars from where you had to do the excision but you'll have healed and you can go on with the memory that you survived it.
I'm a big fan of analogies, in case you haven't noticed!
Reply
That's an interesting idea - your analogy.
My therapist wants to explore me right back to when I first started to become ill and try and get to the real root of it all. It's hard because it set in so slowly. I became anorexic first - over a long period of slow but increasingly heavy restriction - starting with a normal 'diet-to-lose-a-few-pounds'. Then it ALL got out of control.
She also wants me to 'personify' my illness so that I can 'address it as if it wasn't part of me'. I know lots of sufferers do personify their 'ana' or 'mia' - if you see what I mean, but I never have and I'm not sure if I can. It just feels like part of ME.
Thanks again for your thoughts and I hope you are OK. Best wishes. Tamsin.
Reply
Reply
Yes - Thanks, I think you're probably exactly right. I see what you mean about being told to do the opposite, but really it's the same thing. We need to see that having this illness is not part of our identity. It is a disease that we need to control, but it is not part of who we are as people. We can live without it.
Hope you're still feeling good. Best wishes. xxx
Reply
I take it that's truffles? You need a lolcat caption saying 'Truffles tastes good' ;] OH! Send them out as Christmas cards to your family =D LOL
Reply
Reply
Having animals is extremely therapeutic in my opinion. I've never had cats, but I've grown up around dogs, and it's always good to have something big and fluffy to hug when you're down. No matter what, your pets always love you, and it's quite comforting.
Hang in there. You may have been having some off days, but you'll get back in the swing of things soon enough.
Reply
Many *hugs* - hope you're doing OK!
Reply
Leave a comment