Getting to know M
So, after Sunday I spent some more time getting to know M...
I kinda bent a few rules while out with M. For those who don't know about my rules, I've tried to set up some personal guidelines to keep me from making big-time relationship mistakes. I won't try to kiss someone on the first date, won't try to do X before the 2nd date, won't try to do Y before the 3rd date, etc. They aren't established for any real rhyme or reason except to say that I don't want to be having sex with someone before I've had at least the preliminary opportunity to get to know them. I figure five or six dates, by then I should know whether someone is really complementary or not. Anyway, I told M about these guidelines - another of which is not to ask DURING the first date whether she wants to go out on a second date. That last guideline is the first one I "bent" when I found out that she doesn't have any family in the area and was probably going to spend Christmas Eve alone with her kids. I asked if she'd want to join me at a Christmas party that a friend of mine was holding and had invited me to join. I had to run it by him, but I thought she and her children would have a good time and I'd enjoy her company. She was interested in attending. (Rule bent #1). I also gave her a kiss on the cheek after dropping her off at her house. That wasn't such a big deal, I admit, but in the spirit of the "rules", that was definitely bending them for the second time that evening.
We talked more Sunday night, and since she had piles of dirty laundry and no laundry machines - and I have a washer and dryer and had caught up on laundry - I invited her to do some laundry at my place Monday night. I was also going to meet her kids for the first time. :O
We had a decent time of it Monday night. It was definitely an awkward experience for me - not having spent a great deal of time with kids in my house, but I think I bumbled through it okay. Since she only had one washer and one dryer to use at my place, she was doing laundry on into the night. So we pulled out an air mattress and made room for her and her kids to stay at my place. Of course, I only have my king-sized bed and this air bed. So... I pretty much broke rules #3 through 5 completely into itsy bitsy pieces. *shrugs* What are ya gonna do?
Tuesday night was very similar, and Wednesday night was Christmas Eve. We talked about her plans and decided - since she was carrying around her kids' gifts in her car - that she could probably come back to my place after the party and wrap her kids' gifts... have Christmas at my house. :O I know, it seems pretty extreme, doesn't it? But I was comfortable with it. The night ended up with her crashed out on my couch and me wrapping her kids' gifts. Not sure how that happened, but I figured since she was so sleepy, I might as well chip in. Thursday we celebrated Christmas at my place and chilled. We went out around mid-day to find the only open grocery store and get some food supplies, then she made a very nice Christmas dinner.
Friday I was flying back to Pennsylvania to visit my parents, so we had to pack up all the kids' stuff Thursday night and say our goodbyes Friday morning.
So.. would all of this have happened had it not been for the holidays? Probably not so quickly. And would all of this have happened had it not been for a particularly good personality match? I don't think so. Did things definitely move faster than they probably should have? Without a doubt. But what should I have done? Spend Christmas alone while she spent Christmas alone with her kids?
Pretty odd stuff, eh? Comment at will.
-asa
I kinda bent a few rules while out with M. For those who don't know about my rules, I've tried to set up some personal guidelines to keep me from making big-time relationship mistakes. I won't try to kiss someone on the first date, won't try to do X before the 2nd date, won't try to do Y before the 3rd date, etc. They aren't established for any real rhyme or reason except to say that I don't want to be having sex with someone before I've had at least the preliminary opportunity to get to know them. I figure five or six dates, by then I should know whether someone is really complementary or not. Anyway, I told M about these guidelines - another of which is not to ask DURING the first date whether she wants to go out on a second date. That last guideline is the first one I "bent" when I found out that she doesn't have any family in the area and was probably going to spend Christmas Eve alone with her kids. I asked if she'd want to join me at a Christmas party that a friend of mine was holding and had invited me to join. I had to run it by him, but I thought she and her children would have a good time and I'd enjoy her company. She was interested in attending. (Rule bent #1). I also gave her a kiss on the cheek after dropping her off at her house. That wasn't such a big deal, I admit, but in the spirit of the "rules", that was definitely bending them for the second time that evening.
We talked more Sunday night, and since she had piles of dirty laundry and no laundry machines - and I have a washer and dryer and had caught up on laundry - I invited her to do some laundry at my place Monday night. I was also going to meet her kids for the first time. :O
We had a decent time of it Monday night. It was definitely an awkward experience for me - not having spent a great deal of time with kids in my house, but I think I bumbled through it okay. Since she only had one washer and one dryer to use at my place, she was doing laundry on into the night. So we pulled out an air mattress and made room for her and her kids to stay at my place. Of course, I only have my king-sized bed and this air bed. So... I pretty much broke rules #3 through 5 completely into itsy bitsy pieces. *shrugs* What are ya gonna do?
Tuesday night was very similar, and Wednesday night was Christmas Eve. We talked about her plans and decided - since she was carrying around her kids' gifts in her car - that she could probably come back to my place after the party and wrap her kids' gifts... have Christmas at my house. :O I know, it seems pretty extreme, doesn't it? But I was comfortable with it. The night ended up with her crashed out on my couch and me wrapping her kids' gifts. Not sure how that happened, but I figured since she was so sleepy, I might as well chip in. Thursday we celebrated Christmas at my place and chilled. We went out around mid-day to find the only open grocery store and get some food supplies, then she made a very nice Christmas dinner.
Friday I was flying back to Pennsylvania to visit my parents, so we had to pack up all the kids' stuff Thursday night and say our goodbyes Friday morning.
So.. would all of this have happened had it not been for the holidays? Probably not so quickly. And would all of this have happened had it not been for a particularly good personality match? I don't think so. Did things definitely move faster than they probably should have? Without a doubt. But what should I have done? Spend Christmas alone while she spent Christmas alone with her kids?
Pretty odd stuff, eh? Comment at will.
-asa