Ego implies I believe it myself and I'm not sure I do. That's sort of the point.
I have this feeling or, maybe a desire is a better word to attempt to become something more, but I don't know if I have the ability.
By any rights, I should have been an E-5 quite some time ago, but I continue to hold myself up because I've seen too many people become a Sergeant and lose their minds and become totally worthless and I don't want that to happen to me. A Sergeant is expected to be someone capable of leading others and I don't think I'm ready for that. It just seems that everyone else does.
I for one have no problem considering myself worthless to others. It simply doesn't bother me and doesn't cause me stress. I just pick myself up and keep trucking until I do better and it doesnt prevent me from working. A lot of other people need to not feel worthless to get the job done. I was asking which you were. If you're like me, it doesnt matter if you're worthless or not :)
but if this is like...leading people into battle and stuff, it's a different ballgame than "am I worthless Teacher's Assistant or not"...
Yeah. I actually meant to put something sort of related to that in the post.
As far as the life stuff, you and I are totally on the same page. The whole not needing an identity and no longer feeling that we have something left to prove.
The military part of my life, however, is starting to catch up with me and it's not as simple as "The World is Beautiful" and "I am relaxed."
It comes down to the whole: Are you willing and able to put yourself into a position where soldiers are going to look to you to make a decision where, quite literally, their lives will depend on it? Are you ready for that? Can you handle that?\
Are you good enough? Are you smart enough? And, dog gone-it, do people like you?
Which is why I think I'm having difficulty with it at the moment.
Two very different parts of my world suddenly seem to be on a collision course with each other.
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I have this feeling or, maybe a desire is a better word to attempt to become something more, but I don't know if I have the ability.
By any rights, I should have been an E-5 quite some time ago, but I continue to hold myself up because I've seen too many people become a Sergeant and lose their minds and become totally worthless and I don't want that to happen to me. A Sergeant is expected to be someone capable of leading others and I don't think I'm ready for that. It just seems that everyone else does.
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but if this is like...leading people into battle and stuff, it's a different ballgame than "am I worthless Teacher's Assistant or not"...
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As far as the life stuff, you and I are totally on the same page. The whole not needing an identity and no longer feeling that we have something left to prove.
The military part of my life, however, is starting to catch up with me and it's not as simple as "The World is Beautiful" and "I am relaxed."
It comes down to the whole: Are you willing and able to put yourself into a position where soldiers are going to look to you to make a decision where, quite literally, their lives will depend on it? Are you ready for that? Can you handle that?\
Are you good enough? Are you smart enough? And, dog gone-it, do people like you?
Which is why I think I'm having difficulty with it at the moment.
Two very different parts of my world suddenly seem to be on a collision course with each other.
The LIFE, life stuff I have a handle on.
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