DS9 Fic, Stuffed Doctor
“He’s been like this for a week now without any signs of recovery, Commander,” the nurse said, using all her professionalism to try and not to let the dread creep into her voice.
Commander Benjamin Sisko nodded once. His hands were behind his back, grasping each other tightly, and his brow was creased. He looked at the restrained man whose usually bright eyes were now dull and glazed in a delusion no one else could understand. Sisko stood straighter and turned to the nurse, vainly hoping to shield his heart at the sight of the once lively man.
“What’s your prognosis, Nurse?”
“We’ve yet to find a cause for Doctor Bashir’s condition,” she admitted. “All our scans show that there’s been no alteration to his mind from a drug or some sort of chemical, and it doesn’t seem like he was in any sort of accident besides the, well, the stitchings.”
They both turned their attention back to the man in question. Julian Bashir had been found alone in his quarters, one leg sliced open and a sowing needle in his hand. He hadn’t said anything, hadn’t looked anyone in the face when O’Brien gently took the needle from him only to realize that there was string attaching it to Julian’s leg.
In the Infirmary, when they had carefully removed the uneven stitching, bloody stuffing had fallen out.
“Something must have happened to Doctor Bashir that was too much for him to handle,” the woman continued. “So far it doesn’t seem like he’s a threat to anyone else. He hasn’t responded to me or any of the other nurses, and he keeps mumbling something which none of us can understand.”
As if on cue Julian’s lips started to move, though whatever he was saying was inaudible to either other occupant of the room. Sisko frowned, wondering what could have set the doctor off.
…
In an attempt to elicit a response from Julian, everyone would take turns coming in and sitting with him for a while. O’Brien was first, the chief silently pleading with the prone man to acknowledge him as he told Julian how Keiko and the kids were. He promised as soon as Julian got better they’d try out a new holosuit program O’Brien had just gotten.
Jadzia Dax was next, and she tried to keep the air light and happy, as well. She smiled through glistening eyes, telling Julian anything she could think of, telling him he should enjoy his little vacation before the war got even rougher. They’d need him soon, after all.
Worf came, prompted by Jadzia. He said little, stumbling over any sentiments that might have slipped out.
Kira dropped by but didn’t stay long. She tried to say something several times; nothing would come out.
Odo came by after her. Similarly, he had little to say to the doctor, and he had never been much for words. He stayed a bit longer than Kira had, and only wished the doctor to get better before he left.
Leeta visited, eyes large and sad and regretful. She spoke to him in a soft voice, told Julian that Quark and Rom wished him well. She promised to take him out to dinner, her treat, if only he’d just speak. She began to beg and, to her amazement, Julian’s lips started to move.
She leaned down, faces near enough now to feel his shaky breath, and listened.
It took several minutes but Leeta finally deciphered the word Julian kept repeating: Kukalaka.
She kissed the corner of his mouth and assured the clueless man that she’d be back soon.
…
True to her word Leeta did return. It was late, and she couldn’t stay long, but she had to come by to bring the thing she knew Julian needed most.
Its fur had been matted with dried blood, its paws soaked with the stuff especially. Leeta had gently picked it up regardless and washed the poor bear the best she could.
She stepped over to the bed and lifted one side of the covers and slipped the teddy bear in. The woman covered them both back up, tucked them in, and kissed both Julian and Kukalaka on the forehead. Julian was asleep now, slight whimpers escaping sporadically. Leeta knew, though, that as soon as he woke up and felt his childhood friend, the Prophets would lead him back to the real world.
…
Julian awoke quickly, eyes bursting open and a strangled sound dying in his throat. A small voice in the back of his mind whispered that he was in the Infirmary, that it had been a nightmare and nothing was going to harm him. The voice wasn’t loud enough to drive away all of Julian’s doubts and fears.
He stayed in his mind, not registering the world around him. Over and over he relived that night, saw the needle glinting in soft cotton paws. He remembered the I love you that had been his only explanation uttered in a morbidly innocent tone.
Suddenly Julian was aware of something new, a light pressure on his chest. Then there was something on his shoulders, trying to shake him.
Julian looked down and saw the creature from his nightmares.
He wanted to scream but not a sound came out. His body refused to move, to defend itself from Kukalaka. He could only stare in horror at what was once his revered childhood playmate.
“Julian! I’m so glad you’re finally awake. I was afraid I’d never get to see you again when they took you away.”
Kukalaka moved down out of Julian’s line of vision. The man slowly sat himself up, realizing that the bear must have removed the covers.
Kukalaka poked at the long gash that the nurse had stitched up. He was pouting, sitting between Julian’s legs.
“All that hard work and they come along and take out all your stuffing. They’re so mean,” Kukalaka whined. Julian gulped.
“P-please,” he rasped.
Kukalaka turned, his expression brightening in a way that made the human shiver.
“But now we’re back together again, Julian, just like it should be,” Kukalaka went on, climbing back up into Julian’s lap. He snuggled against the man’s chest. “Let’s leave, Julian, before someone else tries to break us up.”
Slowly, barely aware of the action, Julian brought a hand up and laid it on the bear’s head. Again he couldn’t say anything, instead simply stroking Kukalaka’s fur. The pair remained that way for a long, stolen minute before Julian broke the heavy silence.
“Kukalaka…”
“Mmm,” the teddy bear replied, rubbing against Julian’s chest affectionately.
Julian gulped and continued, doing his best to keep calm, “Kuks, I like the station. I don’t want to leave. It was wrong of you to…to try and keep me for yourself.”
Julian felt the teddy bear stiffen under his touch. Kukalaka pushed himself away from Julian’s chest and looked up at the human, hurt and anger and disbelief clouding his plastic eyes.
“But you promised that you were mine, forever and always.”
“I am yours, but now you need to share me. It doesn’t mean I love you any less.”
Those already dark eyes narrowed dangerously.
“They don’t really accept you, Julian, not like I do. They know your secret, and they treat you differently, don’t they?” Julian weakly shook his head, the venom in Kukalaka’s voice quickly making his mouth dry from fright. “They do, Julian! I love you though, and I’ll never use you. I know you like that Cardassian, but we can’t trust him. We can’t trust any of them.”
“Y-you’re wrong, Kuks. Jadzia, Odo, Kira, Miles… They’re all my friends, and they don’t mind my…my secret.”
“What would they think if they knew about your sleepovers with Garak?” Kukalaka challenged, practically growling out the Cardassian’s name.
A blush grew and spread across Julian’s paled face. He started to defend himself but Kukalaka banged tiny paws against his chest.
“No! Julian, I know you can see it. They don’t like Garak, they don’t trust Garak. And Garak shouldn’t be trusted. He only lies to you, but I never lie to you. I love you, Julian.”
“Kukalaka, you…you tried to fill me with stuffing.”
“To protect you! Oh, Julian, I know you’re just a romantic, you always have been. Remember when we were kids and you would always play pretend? You’d swoop down and save a pretty girl or boy in distress and then live happily ever after. I know you, Julian, how you keep looking for that fairytale romance.”
“I…”
“Shh, shh,” Kukalaka hushed gently. “It’s okay, I understand. You want Garak to be your Romeo. Just like you wanted that dancer to be, remember?”
“I loved her, we almost got married,” Julian choked out. He stifled a sob and added,” Kukalaka, you can’t keep hurting the people I love.”
“I’m doing it because I love you! I’ll be your Romeo, Julian, it’s okay.”
Kukalaka moved back and took Julian’s hand in his smaller paws. He stroked Julian’s palm and looked him straight in the eyes, seeing into Julian’s very soul. It was a familiar action; Kukalaka always used to do this when Julian would wake from a nightmare as a child.
“Julian,” Kukalaka spoke softly after a moment. Julian found himself listening to the teddy bear intently; he felt as though he had been transported back to his childhood room, a scared child that didn’t know how to communicate with anyone besides this stuffed playmate. (That had never really changed, had it?)
“Oh, Julian,” Kukalaka continued, “you’re tired, and you’re lonely. You want someone to understand you, but they never have. Not your parents, before or after your operation. Not any of your teachers, not any of the other children. Not your captain or your friends. And definitely not Garak.”
Tears started to gather unbidden in Julian’s eyes. Kukalaka didn’t stop his ministrations on Julian’s hand as he smiled at his human, a mixture of sadness, understanding, and something else the boy (man!) couldn’t read on his furry face.
“You’re the prince trapped in the castle, Jules. You’ve always needed someone to come save you, to make everything better. I’m here, Jules, I want to save you. I love you.”
“I…I love you, too, Kukalaka.”
Kukalaka smiled wider, brighter at that declaration. He took Julian’s hand and brought it to his face. He nuzzled into it, eyes now half-lidded as he took in his Julian’s warmth.
Julian let Kukalaka do this. He didn’t share his friend’s delight, though he wished he could just like when he was a child. Back then Kukalaka was his world, could make him happy no matter what.
Now, though, something had twisted Kukalaka. Or, thinking back on it, maybe Julian had just been so deprived before that he never noticed the shadows over his teddy bear’s face.
Regardless, as much as he regretted it, Julian knew what he had to do.
Julian slowly reached behind him, hand grasping the Infirmary pillow. He took a deep breath, steadied his nerves, and in a single swift motion had the teddy bear pinned beneath the pillow.
Kukalaka, once he realized what was happening, struggled furiously. His little limbs flailed uselessly, not nearly strong enough to throw Julian off. He said something that Julian couldn’t make out, his words muffled by the pillow.
He couldn’t suffocate Kukalaka-he was a teddy bear, after all-but he could undo his stitching.
Julian’s fingers grasped at the thrashing teddy’s thread, managed to sink his nails in and pull. A rip, Kukalaka screamed with agony and betrayal, and Julian saw stuffing. It leaked from the bear’s leg obscenely, and Julian couldn’t hold back his wince. A cry of his own rumbled in the man’s chest but he trekked on, taking off that leg and quickly going for the other.
In the back of his mind he morbidly noted the dead leg had been Kukalaka’s left, the same side he had tried to stuff Julian on.
This leg was easier than the first to remove, and Julian threw it across the room in disgust. He reached under the pillow to work on Kukalaka’s arms.
Something jabbed his hand sharply and he pulled back in shock and pain. Kukalaka took the opportunity to toss the pillow to the ground and glare at Julian with those dark, dark eyes clouded with an expression that Julian had never seen on his face before.
Kukalaka, after a long, pregnant silence, held up his paw to show a sliver of pointed metal: a sowing needle.
“I had this hidden between my stuffing, Julian. I did it myself.” Kukalaka’s voice was cold, menacing. Julian gulped.
“Kukalaka…” Julian started unsurely.
“I wanted to keep you safe, Julian. I wanted to love you. They got to you, though. They pretended to love you, and you didn’t know any better. I won’t let Garak take you away from me.”
“Don’t say his name,” Julian demanded, surprised by his forceful tone.
“Don’t you see how he’s hurt you already?” Kukalaka asked. His voice was softer now, pleading with the human to think, to see what he saw.
“Garak has never cut open my leg, Kukalaka,” Julian pointed out gruffly.
Suddenly, to Julian’s amazement, Kukalaka lowered his weapon and whimpered. Then he began to weep, and Julian’s heart swelled at the sight.
“Did…did I really h-hurt you, Julian?”
“Oh, Kuks.” Julian reached down and swept the teddy bear into his arms. He brought the broken bear to his chest and whispered, “It’s okay, I forgive you.”
“I love you, Jules. I’m sorry.”
“Sh, sh, Kuks.” Julian slowly reached for the teddy bear’s neck with a heavy heart. “No more. I love-”
Julian was cut off abruptly as something sharp jabbed into his neck. He pulled back, face contorted in shock and pain, and looked into the sad eyes of Kukalaka.
Kukalaka sliced down then dug the needle in deeper and held on as Julian tried to shake him off. The human didn’t have much strength, however, as he was quickly losing blood. Kukalaka had hit his jugular vein-Julian had taught Kukalaka human anatomy a long time ago.
Julian mouthed Kukalaka’s name as he stopped struggling. He let the bear, covered in his blood new and old, slice at his vulnerable neck again as his body collapsed on the Infirmary bed. He gazed lamentably at his longtime furry companion, and then soon he saw nothing again.
Kukalaka staid on Julian’s chest. His breathing was ragged, his arms heavy. The needle was still embedded in his Julian’s flesh and it stuck out mockingly. All will drained from the bear as the life drained from his Julian’s now dead eyes.
The legless bear laid down on Julian’s chest, closed his eyes, and nuzzled against the human, basking in his warmth before that left, too.
…
Kukalaka didn’t know what had roused him at first, but then he saw it, or rather him.
Garak was there, touching his Julian. The Cardassian’s evil fingers caressed his Julian’s face, his hair, his lips. When those gray smug lips pressed themselves on Julian’s lifeless pair a fire started back up in Kukalaka’s chest.
Then Garak slunk back into the shadows and Kukalaka was alone until a nurse stumbled on him and his Julian.
Kukalaka vowed not to let that be the last he ever saw of Garak.