Asexual Crushes

[kokiri85]

I'm curious about how other asexuals experience crushes? I recently met someone and had a much stronger emotional reaction to them than I am used to, and I'm feeling kind of adrift about how to understand the experience. I kind of want to talk to my best friend, but she's sexual and also, well. Not that interested in talking about asexy stuff

Comments

[widsidh]

I've experienced the same, and I do not even experience it as a romantic thing, more a meeting of minds.
On one occasion, witnesses told me I had a crush, and I staunchly negated it - still do - preferring to call it "hero worship" (the person was in kind of a mentor position).

Sadly, on one occasion, the spouse of the person in question really refused to get the idea and accused me of wild things, effectively destroying my friendship with both. I did not at the time have a word for my lack of "that" kind of attraction, but I did try to get accross the point that I posed no danger...Oh well.

[kokiri85]

I feel like my experience does mesh with what I understand a crush to be, at least mostly, but would prefer to avoid labeling it as romantic. Romantic sill has connotations that just don't feel right....

Ugh, I'm sorry. That's pretty much exactly the scenario that I'm always afraid of, and it keeps me from even trying.

[widsidh]

I know what you mean about the connotations of "romantic" - which is why I try and avoid the word "crush" as well.
Much of what you describe is very familiar!

And sorry, I didn't mean to discourage you: that kind of thing can happen to anyone (and for a sexual, it might be even harder to explain that they are just a friend). But I think being obvious about one's lack of sexual attraction from the start is probably the best bet - if there is a spouse to worry about in the first place.

So do follow you instinct (and while I can't claim to understand synaesthesia, what you are describing sounds wonderful) - and who knows, the world has been known to be amazingly small...

[zsomeone]

Hmm, for me it's mostly wanting to be near the person. (I don't much like being close to people so this is signifigant.) I want to be around then, hear them, catch thier scent. I miss them when they're not around and look for them when I think they will be.

[kokiri85]

I'm usually not all that interested in physical closeness, just attention, so this is different for me.

[linwenolatari]

Been there, done that, but I never liked the feelings of having a crush, even though reading your post made me remember a lot of what I felt whenever I did have a crush. The last crush I had was about 7 years ago, in college, and I remember feeling pretty bummed out the last day I ever saw him (cus he was changing schools the next term).
I don't quite miss those feelings, I actually prefer not to feel that way, but at the same time, I guess it's nice to *dream* per se.
I can count the crushes I've had in one hand probably, but all those times I never wanted anything more to happen than to just be. I never thought of them as boyfriend material, or anything more, I just liked them and that was that.

[kokiri85]

I'm not really a fan of feeling like this, either. I prefer to build friendships from the ground up and get attached once the relationship is already in place and things feel more stable. It seems like a bad system, to have the feelings all come first before you know what you are to each other.