before I go to bed...
...I want to assemble a brief list of things you need to know before you go to event first aid.
5.We're not the police, stop lying.
So there you are at a festival or a concert or even some sporting event. Maybe you skipped school, smoked pot, huffed gas, popped E and did your first acre of cocaine. Now you noticed you can't breathe and your eyes are bleeding. Time to breakdown and get security to radio first aid attendants. When first aid comes they're going to ask you a few questions, then count your breaths, take your pulse, ask you more seemingly obvious questions, then shine a light in your eyes and feel your forehead. At the end of this routine, they are going to ask you if you took any drugs tonight. I realize the first instinct is to say no to a uniformed person, but fight that instinct and answer. First off, you have patient confidentiality, you can make shit if he leaks it. Second, by the time a person makes the appropriate decisions to become a first aid attendant at events, they have probably been too high at some point and sympathize.
Most importantly, though, we honestly, cross-our-hearts, only actually care about getting you the best treatment for your symptoms. We care about your health, and when you have size 5 pupils with 125 bpm resting heart rate, you are either having a serious episode that could kill you, or just high. If you're high, we can interpret those results with that in mind and not send you off in an ambulance for a potential heart attack when you're just ass deep in snow.
Finally, everyone knows you're high when you're high. Saying no usually just confirms it. Also, nobody has just "2 or 3 beers" at the hockey game.
4.There's a subtext, stop guessing it and answer the fucking question.
Sometimes I will ask patients questions and they will try and guess the data I'm trying to ascertain. Or maybe, if I'm with a partner, we'll communicate certain things to each other and people will go "oh does that mean..." etc. Stop it, you are a flat tire on an already tedious bus ride. If we haven't called an ambulance yet, there ain't much wrong with you. We gather up a bunch of information and all of that fits a protocol designed by several doctors. The protocol is in place to use your answers to gather an ACCURATE diagnosis. The accuracy depends on you simply answering the question (do you know where you are right now?) as honestly and openly as you can without trying to guess at what it all means. Also, when we have the info for a diagnosis, we will tell you, it comes at the end, so stop asking about it.
3.You did not fall. You did not hit your head.
There's an exception to the previous point and that's this: carefully consider how hard and far you fell and how you feel before you tell them that you fell and hit your head. The average first aid attendant has to call an ambulance, lie you on the ground and wait (which may be an hour or so) while he holds your head. The problem is that most can't rule out a back injury and if you fell and hit your head that's what we presume. Also, if you do have any kind of pain on your back, related or not, no first aid attendant can rule it out. And Once a paramedic arrives all she will do is ask you three questions, poke your back, and say you're cool. There's nothing special coming to check you.
That said, if you did fall and your back hurt after or your head did, then be honest. but if you tripped landed on your knee and lightly bumped your head on a cupboard then repeat after me, "I did not fall. I did not hit my head"
2.We're not doctors
I remember one event I worked had some of those travelling carnival rides. At one point during the day a pregnant woman came to our tent and asked if she could safely go on one in her trimester. Now, I have no idea how to answer that because I'm not a doctor. I don't know what people think first aid and paramedics are, but we're not even close to doctors. We receive anywhere from a one week to 6 month course (depending on certification obtained) and that consists of teaching us how to spot certain sets of symptoms that require either simple or immediate intervention. The idea is we make sure you don't die before you get to a doctor. That's it, we are keeping you going for about an hour until a learned man of arts and science can actually diagnose you. This means a few things. First, don't ask me about chronic conditions or ongoing non emergency topics. I don't know what affects your diabetes, COPD or fetus. I know how to keep your heart beating when you make poorly informed decisions, that's about it. Second, we don't diagnose anything specifically. I don't know what is causing your foot pain, I don't know why your kid has a fever, I don't know when you should take your pills if you throw up. That's not what I do, please PLEASE stop asking us to diagnose injuries you put off going to the clinic (that is free in all of canada) and getting looked at all week. It's annoying and it's a waste of our time.
1.We're not a pharmacy
Let's say you're heading to a festival tonight that has some bands you like and is set in a large field. What should you, as a healthy adult who has spent time in fields for hours in front of speakers bring to ensure you can care for yourself better than the average seizure victim? Your id for liquor? Maybe some money? Because that's what most people seem to think they need for 6 hours in a bare field. Let me tell you what you need everytime yet never seem to bring: Sunscreen, pads for blisters (or wear shoes for exercise not style), WATER, some kind of carbohydrate and protein, tylenol and ear plugs. See, you are an animal, and you are essentially locking yourself in the back yard at noon while firing shotguns next to your ears. Every single outdoor concert is like this, yet every time I get so many people come to my tent and ask for these things. What's more, is people act surprised that first aid would not just hand out common pharmaceutical items. But we don't administer things to make you comfortable. We administer things that help allay symptoms until you reach medical aid or until your body heals on its own. Tylenol? Ear plugs? Sunscreen? Be a fucking grown up and take the wallet and money you never forget to a local gas station and buy your luxury items. Why do I call them luxury? You don't get crippled by sunburns, you don't die from head aches and you need to learn that concerts are always loud, apparently. We are first aid, we're not pharmacies.
Thank you, I can now sleep.
5.We're not the police, stop lying.
So there you are at a festival or a concert or even some sporting event. Maybe you skipped school, smoked pot, huffed gas, popped E and did your first acre of cocaine. Now you noticed you can't breathe and your eyes are bleeding. Time to breakdown and get security to radio first aid attendants. When first aid comes they're going to ask you a few questions, then count your breaths, take your pulse, ask you more seemingly obvious questions, then shine a light in your eyes and feel your forehead. At the end of this routine, they are going to ask you if you took any drugs tonight. I realize the first instinct is to say no to a uniformed person, but fight that instinct and answer. First off, you have patient confidentiality, you can make shit if he leaks it. Second, by the time a person makes the appropriate decisions to become a first aid attendant at events, they have probably been too high at some point and sympathize.
Most importantly, though, we honestly, cross-our-hearts, only actually care about getting you the best treatment for your symptoms. We care about your health, and when you have size 5 pupils with 125 bpm resting heart rate, you are either having a serious episode that could kill you, or just high. If you're high, we can interpret those results with that in mind and not send you off in an ambulance for a potential heart attack when you're just ass deep in snow.
Finally, everyone knows you're high when you're high. Saying no usually just confirms it. Also, nobody has just "2 or 3 beers" at the hockey game.
4.There's a subtext, stop guessing it and answer the fucking question.
Sometimes I will ask patients questions and they will try and guess the data I'm trying to ascertain. Or maybe, if I'm with a partner, we'll communicate certain things to each other and people will go "oh does that mean..." etc. Stop it, you are a flat tire on an already tedious bus ride. If we haven't called an ambulance yet, there ain't much wrong with you. We gather up a bunch of information and all of that fits a protocol designed by several doctors. The protocol is in place to use your answers to gather an ACCURATE diagnosis. The accuracy depends on you simply answering the question (do you know where you are right now?) as honestly and openly as you can without trying to guess at what it all means. Also, when we have the info for a diagnosis, we will tell you, it comes at the end, so stop asking about it.
3.You did not fall. You did not hit your head.
There's an exception to the previous point and that's this: carefully consider how hard and far you fell and how you feel before you tell them that you fell and hit your head. The average first aid attendant has to call an ambulance, lie you on the ground and wait (which may be an hour or so) while he holds your head. The problem is that most can't rule out a back injury and if you fell and hit your head that's what we presume. Also, if you do have any kind of pain on your back, related or not, no first aid attendant can rule it out. And Once a paramedic arrives all she will do is ask you three questions, poke your back, and say you're cool. There's nothing special coming to check you.
That said, if you did fall and your back hurt after or your head did, then be honest. but if you tripped landed on your knee and lightly bumped your head on a cupboard then repeat after me, "I did not fall. I did not hit my head"
2.We're not doctors
I remember one event I worked had some of those travelling carnival rides. At one point during the day a pregnant woman came to our tent and asked if she could safely go on one in her trimester. Now, I have no idea how to answer that because I'm not a doctor. I don't know what people think first aid and paramedics are, but we're not even close to doctors. We receive anywhere from a one week to 6 month course (depending on certification obtained) and that consists of teaching us how to spot certain sets of symptoms that require either simple or immediate intervention. The idea is we make sure you don't die before you get to a doctor. That's it, we are keeping you going for about an hour until a learned man of arts and science can actually diagnose you. This means a few things. First, don't ask me about chronic conditions or ongoing non emergency topics. I don't know what affects your diabetes, COPD or fetus. I know how to keep your heart beating when you make poorly informed decisions, that's about it. Second, we don't diagnose anything specifically. I don't know what is causing your foot pain, I don't know why your kid has a fever, I don't know when you should take your pills if you throw up. That's not what I do, please PLEASE stop asking us to diagnose injuries you put off going to the clinic (that is free in all of canada) and getting looked at all week. It's annoying and it's a waste of our time.
1.We're not a pharmacy
Let's say you're heading to a festival tonight that has some bands you like and is set in a large field. What should you, as a healthy adult who has spent time in fields for hours in front of speakers bring to ensure you can care for yourself better than the average seizure victim? Your id for liquor? Maybe some money? Because that's what most people seem to think they need for 6 hours in a bare field. Let me tell you what you need everytime yet never seem to bring: Sunscreen, pads for blisters (or wear shoes for exercise not style), WATER, some kind of carbohydrate and protein, tylenol and ear plugs. See, you are an animal, and you are essentially locking yourself in the back yard at noon while firing shotguns next to your ears. Every single outdoor concert is like this, yet every time I get so many people come to my tent and ask for these things. What's more, is people act surprised that first aid would not just hand out common pharmaceutical items. But we don't administer things to make you comfortable. We administer things that help allay symptoms until you reach medical aid or until your body heals on its own. Tylenol? Ear plugs? Sunscreen? Be a fucking grown up and take the wallet and money you never forget to a local gas station and buy your luxury items. Why do I call them luxury? You don't get crippled by sunburns, you don't die from head aches and you need to learn that concerts are always loud, apparently. We are first aid, we're not pharmacies.
Thank you, I can now sleep.