Brick by Brick 3/?
Title: Brick by Brick 3/?
Fandom: NCIS
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2276
Warnings: major angst, and the word Fuck.
Authors Note: OKAY~! Here you guys go! Let me know what you think please.
Gibbs hated being in the wrong and he hated knowing it even more.
He was sitting in his basement the Sunday night after Palmer had sent him packing drinking Jack Daniels and allowing himself to mull over his recent choices. But he wasn't very happy with himself, or in general.
He hated sitting alone and thinking about someone he'd hurt, even more than sitting alone and thinking about someone who'd hurt him. Because he was so uncompromising with others, he was just as horrible to himself. And as he took a swig of Jack, he knew he deserved to be sitting alone; because this time he'd been the one to screw it up, and he wanted nothing more than to fix it.
But at this point it wasn't about what he wanted. It was about Tony and what he could do to make up for what had happened.
But just what the hell did you do to make up for fucking up that badly?
~~~~~
Gibbs hadn't come back that weekend, and Tony found himself sitting on his balcony wondering why on earth he was so pathetic. It had been far too long since It had happened, and he needed to get over whatever slump he was in and get back out there. If not for emotional reasons than just because he was starting to get bored and he wanted to go out and have fun again. Even if the thought of having sex with anyone was a bit sickening at the moment.
He hadn't expected Gibbs to approach him at the office that Monday, but he was faced with a terribly awkward looking Gibbs asking to talk to him in the actual conference room. And Tony found he couldn’t say no; so he went.
Gibbs was quiet for a long time and Tony had started to twitch slightly by the time Gibbs finally sighed and met his gaze straight on for the first time in weeks, “I fucked up Tony.”
Tony looked away instinctively and blinked, “Its okay boss, I’ll get over it. I mean, I figured you’d eventually move on anyway. Some warning might have been nice, but we weren’t that serious…”
Gibbs shook his head, “No. It was serious, and you deserved better than what I did. Don’t call it anything but what it was. I fucked it up, and I didn’t even get what I was doing until it was done. I’m sorry.”
Tony felt like someone had hit him in the gut, “You…what?”
“I’m sorry Tony.” Hearing the words wasn’t what Tony thought it’d be; he/ didn’t feel better. He didn’t hurt any less, and it didn’t erase what had happened. So he honestly wasn’t sure what to do, but even as he felt himself get angry a part of him saw the pain in Gibbs’ eyes and wanted nothing more than to hold the other man.
Tony felt like a fool, but he kept a careful reign on his temper as he finally responded. “That doesn’t fix shit boss.”
Gibbs looked visibly pained then and Tony wanted to be angry, but he had to fight that urge to touch the other man’s face, “I know Tony. I didn’t expect it to; I just thought…maybe you should still hear it. I…is there any way to fix it? I-I miss you.” Gibbs broke off abruptly
Tony felt that pain in his chest again and wrapped his arms around himself protectively, “I don’t know. I mean…how…how do you fix this? I have no idea if I’d ever be able to…and how do I know you aren’t still sleeping with her? Would you have told me at all? Why…why wasn’t what we were enough?”
He felt Gibbs lay a hand on his shoulder and Tony jerked away without thinking, he didn’t look at Gibbs as he mumbled “Can you please not touch me right now?”
When he finally looked at Gibbs again the older man looked tired, and he was looking at Tony like he was afraid he’d break. Tony shook his head, “I-I need to think about this. I need to talk to Jimmy or-or someone.”
Gibbs cleared his throat, and his voice sounded slightly choked when he spoke, “Is there hope though?”
“There shouldn’t be. But yeah, yeah there is. I-I guess. But…but I’m not going to just roll over again boss.” Tony knew he sounded cold and distant, but he only really felt pathetic.
“Tony…” Gibbs made as if to touch him again but froze visibly remembering and dropped his hand. “Just…let me know what it takes. If I have a chance at all I really…”
“Boss. I know. If…If I make a choice I’ll let you know, honestly.” Tony expected Gibbs to leave, but the older man just stood looking at him for what felt like a very long time. Finally Tony left and numbly found his way to the morgue.
“Anthony my dear boy!” Ducky sounded inordinately pleased to see him and Tony had to fight a wince, “What can I do for you?”
Tony just shook his head at Ducky and looked at Jimmy who glanced up from the body he’d been poking at when Tony walked in. “Can I talk to you? It’s…” Tony cleared his throat, “It’s um…a bit…important.”
Jimmy blinked, “Well yeah I suppose, is it alright if I take an early lunch Doctor Mallard?”
“Oh yes! Go change out of your scrubs my boy then you and Anthony can go get a bite to eat. Maybe bring me back something small as well?” Ducky smiled jovially as Jimmy nodded and made his way to the office, before turning to Tony. “You know you can talk to me at anytime as well, don’t you my boy?”
Tony sighed, “Yeah Duck-man, I know. It’s just a bit awkward when you…well you know.”
“Yes my boy I do,” Ducky sounded sad, “All I can say is that if you do ever need to talk, I’m here.”
Tony smiled, “Yeah, thanks Ducky. I might take you up on that.” Tony grimaced, “Something tells me I’ll need as much advice as I can get in the next few days.”
Ducky’s eyes narrowed slightly, but didn’t comment as Jimmy half jogged back into the room. “Ready! Lets go, I’ve been craving Indian for days and since it’s my turn to pick food I can finally have my lamb curry.”
Tony smirked, “You and eating small fuzzy animals.”
“Sheep stink. Literally. They aren’t cute.”
Tony gave a surprised bark of laughter at his friend’s dry comment and followed Jim out the door with a wave to Ducky, only to come face to face with Abby in the elevator. “Tony! There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you!”
The normal Abby tackle-hug didn’t take Tony by surprise but the quick “Canyoutalk?” made him raise an eyebrow. Tony felt slightly divided, Abby obviously wanted to talk to him but he really needed to talk to Jim about The Gibbs Problem. He’d been avoiding Abby since The Incident because he couldn’t deal with having to explain the entire situation to her, not when she’d probably be upset they hadn’t told her about their ‘relationship’ in the first place.
Jimmy blinked at Abby for a moment before raising an eyebrow at Tony, “You want her to come?”
Tony rubbed a hand over his face, “I dunno. It’s…it’s…”
“It’s about Gibbs.” Abby’s voice was low and slightly sad.
Jimmy nodded firmly as Tony looked at her surprised, “Yeah she’s coming, hope she likes Indian.”
“Naan is yummy!”
Which is how Tony found himself across from Abby and Jimmy, waiting for his Tika Masala, and crunching on poppadoms without really thinking about it. Another one of the things Tony was fond of about Jim was his bluntness, so he only smiled when the other man snagged poppadom and finally looked up halfway through. “So what’s the old bastard done now?”
“JIMMY!” Abby’s shocked gasp just made Jim raise an eyebrow before shrugging.
“If you knew what I knew you’d call him a bastard too.”
“I do know that’s what I wanted to talk to Tony about. Gibbs told me last Friday.” She broke poppadom into small pieces before looking up at Tony, “You could have told me you know. I mean you know I don’t judge.”
Tony was suddenly exhausted, “What’d he tell you exactly?”
She sighed, “That you guys were in a secret relationship and he cheated on you with that whore.”
Tony blinked, “He told you he cheated on me?”
She nodded sullenly, “Yeah, at least I got to clean off my desk. He’s not a very fun target; he doesn’t move.”
Tony blinked at her again, “You threw things at Gibbs?” She nodded silently and he sighed, “This was Friday? Why did he tell you?”
“He wanted to know what he should do. So, he told me. Since apparently Ducky isn’t willing to talk to him about it yet.” She crushed poppadom with a loud crack. “And even if he was super retarded and mean and a bastard, he looked really sad so I couldn’t tell him there was no way in hell you’d forgive him. Sorry.”
“Ah, so that’s why he came by that night.” Jimmy sounded resigned, and Abby looked contrite. “It’s cool, I sent him packing.”
“Oh good. Tony is horrible at making choices when he’s drunk.” Abby sounded slightly relieved, even as Tony gave a small groan and rested his head in his hands.
“He wasn’t quite drunk yet. But almost.”
“I am not a child.” Tony’s voice was quiet but the other two still looked a bit abashed when he looked up, “I can take care of myself. But…but thanks.”
Jimmy snorted, “You’re our friend. Now seriously what’d the bastard do now?”
“He isn’t…” Tony trailed off before sighing and shaking his head, “He uh….he apologized.”
Abby gasped, “Seriously?”
“Yeah, he also asked if there was any way to fix it. And he-he actually called what we were a relationship and he looked sad and…” Tony trailed off, “I don’t know what to do.”
Abby was the only one to smile at the waitress when she brought their food. They were silent for a while as they all eat their food, Jimmy finally sighed. “Honestly, Tony, the only person that can make that choice is you.”
Abby nodded, “And whatever you decide is totally okay. Completely okay. Even if the boss-man gets all weepy about it, it’s your choice.”
Tony sighed and buried his head in his hands again, “I want to forgive him. But…I don’t think I can just forget what happened.”
Abby leaned forward and placed a soft hand on his, “Sleep on it, think about it for a few days. You don’t have to make that choice right this second because you should be sure. Either way.”
Tony nodded, and swallowed thickly before “I will Abby, I’ll be really sure.”
And so he thought for the next 3 days, and Gibbs watched. And when Tony first noticed that he wasn’t sure what to think, but after the first day it was almost nice. It was almost as if Gibbs was desperate, but Gibbs wasn’t ever desperate so Tony was probably just imagining things.
On the third day they were called out to a shooting, and then Johann Fielding waltzed into their lives.
And Tony was suddenly faced with the fact that Gibbs had a past. He’d known that but he hadn’t applied it to their current situation; talking to Johann about a young Gibbs was an eye opening experience. And Tony left knowing he couldn’t keep from forgiving Gibbs; but as he looked at the older man across the bullpen he didn’t know how to tell him, which made being sent to Arizona rather convenient; Ziva was easy to ignore and he allowed himself to think.
Tony didn’t think twice about seeing Johann with Allison Hart, the woman had started cropping up in so many parts of his life that is was just par for the course that she would see out Johann. Gibbs wasn’t too freaked out either, which Tony felt a stab of anxiety about but he pushed it aside. Gibbs wasn’t an idiot, he wouldn’t apologize to Tony while he was still sleeping with Hart.
Still Tony had a bad feeling in his gut the next day, and that evening when he all but forced himself to go to Gibbs house to talk. He sat there for a few moments unsure of what to do, and that’s when he saw Her drive away. Tony saw red.
Before he really understood what was going on he was banging on Gibbs’ door and facing down the man himself. Gibbs looked shocked, and Tony shouldered his way into the living room; he saw his pillow on the couch and grabbed it. He stood there slightly deflated, clutching the pillow he’d never had the guts to come back for; he felt lost now that he was actually in the house again. There were too many memories in this room of too many evenings just being with Gibbs.
“Tony? Why-“
It was as if Gibbs voice lit the furnace of his anger and before Tony knew what he was doing he swung around and poked the other man’s chest, hard. “You have some nerve Gibbs. I came here tonight to-to try and forgive you, only to find you with that-that woman. Yeah. Well, you know what? Fuck you Gibbs.”
And Tony rushed out of the house, still clutching his pillow. He didn’t look back because he wasn’t sure if he would be able to keep going.
Fandom: NCIS
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2276
Warnings: major angst, and the word Fuck.
Authors Note: OKAY~! Here you guys go! Let me know what you think please.
Gibbs hated being in the wrong and he hated knowing it even more.
He was sitting in his basement the Sunday night after Palmer had sent him packing drinking Jack Daniels and allowing himself to mull over his recent choices. But he wasn't very happy with himself, or in general.
He hated sitting alone and thinking about someone he'd hurt, even more than sitting alone and thinking about someone who'd hurt him. Because he was so uncompromising with others, he was just as horrible to himself. And as he took a swig of Jack, he knew he deserved to be sitting alone; because this time he'd been the one to screw it up, and he wanted nothing more than to fix it.
But at this point it wasn't about what he wanted. It was about Tony and what he could do to make up for what had happened.
But just what the hell did you do to make up for fucking up that badly?
~~~~~
Gibbs hadn't come back that weekend, and Tony found himself sitting on his balcony wondering why on earth he was so pathetic. It had been far too long since It had happened, and he needed to get over whatever slump he was in and get back out there. If not for emotional reasons than just because he was starting to get bored and he wanted to go out and have fun again. Even if the thought of having sex with anyone was a bit sickening at the moment.
He hadn't expected Gibbs to approach him at the office that Monday, but he was faced with a terribly awkward looking Gibbs asking to talk to him in the actual conference room. And Tony found he couldn’t say no; so he went.
Gibbs was quiet for a long time and Tony had started to twitch slightly by the time Gibbs finally sighed and met his gaze straight on for the first time in weeks, “I fucked up Tony.”
Tony looked away instinctively and blinked, “Its okay boss, I’ll get over it. I mean, I figured you’d eventually move on anyway. Some warning might have been nice, but we weren’t that serious…”
Gibbs shook his head, “No. It was serious, and you deserved better than what I did. Don’t call it anything but what it was. I fucked it up, and I didn’t even get what I was doing until it was done. I’m sorry.”
Tony felt like someone had hit him in the gut, “You…what?”
“I’m sorry Tony.” Hearing the words wasn’t what Tony thought it’d be; he/ didn’t feel better. He didn’t hurt any less, and it didn’t erase what had happened. So he honestly wasn’t sure what to do, but even as he felt himself get angry a part of him saw the pain in Gibbs’ eyes and wanted nothing more than to hold the other man.
Tony felt like a fool, but he kept a careful reign on his temper as he finally responded. “That doesn’t fix shit boss.”
Gibbs looked visibly pained then and Tony wanted to be angry, but he had to fight that urge to touch the other man’s face, “I know Tony. I didn’t expect it to; I just thought…maybe you should still hear it. I…is there any way to fix it? I-I miss you.” Gibbs broke off abruptly
Tony felt that pain in his chest again and wrapped his arms around himself protectively, “I don’t know. I mean…how…how do you fix this? I have no idea if I’d ever be able to…and how do I know you aren’t still sleeping with her? Would you have told me at all? Why…why wasn’t what we were enough?”
He felt Gibbs lay a hand on his shoulder and Tony jerked away without thinking, he didn’t look at Gibbs as he mumbled “Can you please not touch me right now?”
When he finally looked at Gibbs again the older man looked tired, and he was looking at Tony like he was afraid he’d break. Tony shook his head, “I-I need to think about this. I need to talk to Jimmy or-or someone.”
Gibbs cleared his throat, and his voice sounded slightly choked when he spoke, “Is there hope though?”
“There shouldn’t be. But yeah, yeah there is. I-I guess. But…but I’m not going to just roll over again boss.” Tony knew he sounded cold and distant, but he only really felt pathetic.
“Tony…” Gibbs made as if to touch him again but froze visibly remembering and dropped his hand. “Just…let me know what it takes. If I have a chance at all I really…”
“Boss. I know. If…If I make a choice I’ll let you know, honestly.” Tony expected Gibbs to leave, but the older man just stood looking at him for what felt like a very long time. Finally Tony left and numbly found his way to the morgue.
“Anthony my dear boy!” Ducky sounded inordinately pleased to see him and Tony had to fight a wince, “What can I do for you?”
Tony just shook his head at Ducky and looked at Jimmy who glanced up from the body he’d been poking at when Tony walked in. “Can I talk to you? It’s…” Tony cleared his throat, “It’s um…a bit…important.”
Jimmy blinked, “Well yeah I suppose, is it alright if I take an early lunch Doctor Mallard?”
“Oh yes! Go change out of your scrubs my boy then you and Anthony can go get a bite to eat. Maybe bring me back something small as well?” Ducky smiled jovially as Jimmy nodded and made his way to the office, before turning to Tony. “You know you can talk to me at anytime as well, don’t you my boy?”
Tony sighed, “Yeah Duck-man, I know. It’s just a bit awkward when you…well you know.”
“Yes my boy I do,” Ducky sounded sad, “All I can say is that if you do ever need to talk, I’m here.”
Tony smiled, “Yeah, thanks Ducky. I might take you up on that.” Tony grimaced, “Something tells me I’ll need as much advice as I can get in the next few days.”
Ducky’s eyes narrowed slightly, but didn’t comment as Jimmy half jogged back into the room. “Ready! Lets go, I’ve been craving Indian for days and since it’s my turn to pick food I can finally have my lamb curry.”
Tony smirked, “You and eating small fuzzy animals.”
“Sheep stink. Literally. They aren’t cute.”
Tony gave a surprised bark of laughter at his friend’s dry comment and followed Jim out the door with a wave to Ducky, only to come face to face with Abby in the elevator. “Tony! There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you!”
The normal Abby tackle-hug didn’t take Tony by surprise but the quick “Canyoutalk?” made him raise an eyebrow. Tony felt slightly divided, Abby obviously wanted to talk to him but he really needed to talk to Jim about The Gibbs Problem. He’d been avoiding Abby since The Incident because he couldn’t deal with having to explain the entire situation to her, not when she’d probably be upset they hadn’t told her about their ‘relationship’ in the first place.
Jimmy blinked at Abby for a moment before raising an eyebrow at Tony, “You want her to come?”
Tony rubbed a hand over his face, “I dunno. It’s…it’s…”
“It’s about Gibbs.” Abby’s voice was low and slightly sad.
Jimmy nodded firmly as Tony looked at her surprised, “Yeah she’s coming, hope she likes Indian.”
“Naan is yummy!”
Which is how Tony found himself across from Abby and Jimmy, waiting for his Tika Masala, and crunching on poppadoms without really thinking about it. Another one of the things Tony was fond of about Jim was his bluntness, so he only smiled when the other man snagged poppadom and finally looked up halfway through. “So what’s the old bastard done now?”
“JIMMY!” Abby’s shocked gasp just made Jim raise an eyebrow before shrugging.
“If you knew what I knew you’d call him a bastard too.”
“I do know that’s what I wanted to talk to Tony about. Gibbs told me last Friday.” She broke poppadom into small pieces before looking up at Tony, “You could have told me you know. I mean you know I don’t judge.”
Tony was suddenly exhausted, “What’d he tell you exactly?”
She sighed, “That you guys were in a secret relationship and he cheated on you with that whore.”
Tony blinked, “He told you he cheated on me?”
She nodded sullenly, “Yeah, at least I got to clean off my desk. He’s not a very fun target; he doesn’t move.”
Tony blinked at her again, “You threw things at Gibbs?” She nodded silently and he sighed, “This was Friday? Why did he tell you?”
“He wanted to know what he should do. So, he told me. Since apparently Ducky isn’t willing to talk to him about it yet.” She crushed poppadom with a loud crack. “And even if he was super retarded and mean and a bastard, he looked really sad so I couldn’t tell him there was no way in hell you’d forgive him. Sorry.”
“Ah, so that’s why he came by that night.” Jimmy sounded resigned, and Abby looked contrite. “It’s cool, I sent him packing.”
“Oh good. Tony is horrible at making choices when he’s drunk.” Abby sounded slightly relieved, even as Tony gave a small groan and rested his head in his hands.
“He wasn’t quite drunk yet. But almost.”
“I am not a child.” Tony’s voice was quiet but the other two still looked a bit abashed when he looked up, “I can take care of myself. But…but thanks.”
Jimmy snorted, “You’re our friend. Now seriously what’d the bastard do now?”
“He isn’t…” Tony trailed off before sighing and shaking his head, “He uh….he apologized.”
Abby gasped, “Seriously?”
“Yeah, he also asked if there was any way to fix it. And he-he actually called what we were a relationship and he looked sad and…” Tony trailed off, “I don’t know what to do.”
Abby was the only one to smile at the waitress when she brought their food. They were silent for a while as they all eat their food, Jimmy finally sighed. “Honestly, Tony, the only person that can make that choice is you.”
Abby nodded, “And whatever you decide is totally okay. Completely okay. Even if the boss-man gets all weepy about it, it’s your choice.”
Tony sighed and buried his head in his hands again, “I want to forgive him. But…I don’t think I can just forget what happened.”
Abby leaned forward and placed a soft hand on his, “Sleep on it, think about it for a few days. You don’t have to make that choice right this second because you should be sure. Either way.”
Tony nodded, and swallowed thickly before “I will Abby, I’ll be really sure.”
And so he thought for the next 3 days, and Gibbs watched. And when Tony first noticed that he wasn’t sure what to think, but after the first day it was almost nice. It was almost as if Gibbs was desperate, but Gibbs wasn’t ever desperate so Tony was probably just imagining things.
On the third day they were called out to a shooting, and then Johann Fielding waltzed into their lives.
And Tony was suddenly faced with the fact that Gibbs had a past. He’d known that but he hadn’t applied it to their current situation; talking to Johann about a young Gibbs was an eye opening experience. And Tony left knowing he couldn’t keep from forgiving Gibbs; but as he looked at the older man across the bullpen he didn’t know how to tell him, which made being sent to Arizona rather convenient; Ziva was easy to ignore and he allowed himself to think.
Tony didn’t think twice about seeing Johann with Allison Hart, the woman had started cropping up in so many parts of his life that is was just par for the course that she would see out Johann. Gibbs wasn’t too freaked out either, which Tony felt a stab of anxiety about but he pushed it aside. Gibbs wasn’t an idiot, he wouldn’t apologize to Tony while he was still sleeping with Hart.
Still Tony had a bad feeling in his gut the next day, and that evening when he all but forced himself to go to Gibbs house to talk. He sat there for a few moments unsure of what to do, and that’s when he saw Her drive away. Tony saw red.
Before he really understood what was going on he was banging on Gibbs’ door and facing down the man himself. Gibbs looked shocked, and Tony shouldered his way into the living room; he saw his pillow on the couch and grabbed it. He stood there slightly deflated, clutching the pillow he’d never had the guts to come back for; he felt lost now that he was actually in the house again. There were too many memories in this room of too many evenings just being with Gibbs.
“Tony? Why-“
It was as if Gibbs voice lit the furnace of his anger and before Tony knew what he was doing he swung around and poked the other man’s chest, hard. “You have some nerve Gibbs. I came here tonight to-to try and forgive you, only to find you with that-that woman. Yeah. Well, you know what? Fuck you Gibbs.”
And Tony rushed out of the house, still clutching his pillow. He didn’t look back because he wasn’t sure if he would be able to keep going.