On depression
I'm such a ray of sunshine :3 My few posts here are sad and stressed and far between. Sorry guys. I just wanna get this off my chest.
It just isn't fair. It never gets better. It never gets... fairer. You know that death is forever from the get-go. You're scared of it. But somehow it doesn't always really .... make sense? I was sad when my grandma died, but I was young, too. I guess that's to blame.
But it's still killing me. My baby kitty is gone. Gone, gone. It just doesn't make sense. I can't process it. I have four cats and three dogs and every now and then I realize that she's missing and it's brand new and hurts and ... it just isn't fair. That's the only thing that ever pops into my head when I remember her tiny little body and how she smelled and how she sounded.
It's hard. It's stupid but it's hard.
I still feel exhausted. I have so much to do. There's always a lot to do. There will always BE a lot to do. I don't know if I'll ever know what it's like to waste time and not feel shitty about it. I'm happy, really. I have so much. More than I probably should have, more than I thought I'd have, but there's a lot of work in it also. So far I'm not enjoying it like I feel like I should.
My small breakdown of the day. Everything is fine. It just doesn't always feel like it.
I'm thinking of selling Reno. Of all the dolls, the minis are most prone to go bye-bye, and of all of them, he's the one I'd like to re-make even if I keep him as a character. Thoughts?
(Random thought-- I've been spending too much time on bpal.org. I keep expecting there to be a box down below with mood and location for what I'm smelling like today. ETA: The answer to that is Australian Copperhead.)
It just isn't fair. It never gets better. It never gets... fairer. You know that death is forever from the get-go. You're scared of it. But somehow it doesn't always really .... make sense? I was sad when my grandma died, but I was young, too. I guess that's to blame.
But it's still killing me. My baby kitty is gone. Gone, gone. It just doesn't make sense. I can't process it. I have four cats and three dogs and every now and then I realize that she's missing and it's brand new and hurts and ... it just isn't fair. That's the only thing that ever pops into my head when I remember her tiny little body and how she smelled and how she sounded.
It's hard. It's stupid but it's hard.
I still feel exhausted. I have so much to do. There's always a lot to do. There will always BE a lot to do. I don't know if I'll ever know what it's like to waste time and not feel shitty about it. I'm happy, really. I have so much. More than I probably should have, more than I thought I'd have, but there's a lot of work in it also. So far I'm not enjoying it like I feel like I should.
My small breakdown of the day. Everything is fine. It just doesn't always feel like it.
I'm thinking of selling Reno. Of all the dolls, the minis are most prone to go bye-bye, and of all of them, he's the one I'd like to re-make even if I keep him as a character. Thoughts?
(Random thought-- I've been spending too much time on bpal.org. I keep expecting there to be a box down below with mood and location for what I'm smelling like today. ETA: The answer to that is Australian Copperhead.)