(no subject)
So, let's catch up a bit. There've actually been a number of big life decision type things going on lately, on top of the usual chaos.
We went to Florida to see my dad; baby's first major bit of travelling. She did brilliantly, frankly, very little crying either way. Got cranky about being trapped in the same place for seven hours, but heck, so was I. She slept on the planes, too, which is more than Chris or I managed, alas. Jetlagged hit us all a lot harder (both going and coming back) than we expected, though, and Robin happily waking up at 3am and thinking it was morning did not exactly help. We've been back a week and are still all struggling to get back to something like normality.
It was a good trip, though. The main goal was for Dad to get some granddaughter time, but there were two other underlying serious motivations. First, at least one of the people I very much wanted her to meet (my great-aunt Eloise, who's sort of another grandmother to me and who I love very much) is, I think, beginning to go downhill. I just wanted to be sure she got to meet Robin before she dies, I can't count on there being another chance. She's hanging in there, but she also fell and broke her ribs several months ago and it was a bit mucky for a while (she certainly was depressed and sure she was out of time then, though she's cheerier now). Second, Dad (and the family) are finally, for real, doing up the beach house to sell. Which is long overdue in many ways, and it may take ages to actually sell. The market for houses on the beach is not great, even on Amelia Island, which is sort of half locals and half Extremely Rich People's Beach Homes (Stephen King's currently building one, apparently; so surreal).
I kinda hope it does take a long time, I admit. I love that house. My grandparents bought it before I was born. There are pictures of me there when I was younger than Robin is now; I got to sit in a rocking chair holding her, and know that my mom and grandmother had sat in the same chair rocking me. That was special to me. Also, let's face it, it's a house on the beach with a pool holy shit and we get to go stay there for free and hang out? What's not to love here? On some of those 3am jetlag mornings I took Robin out to watch the sun rise over the ocean. Nice. =)
At the same time, whoa, keeping an eye on her was exhausting. She learned a number of new tricks, including climbing stairs. But at night Dad would keep an eye on her as she slept, and Chris and I got to go out on mini-dates for ice cream, or to sneak into the Ritz Carlton and hang out in the sports bar playing pool. Whoo!
Another project while I was there was, again, for the last time, going through boxes. They're down to 8-9, many books but mostly miscellany of irreplaceable things. A lot of photos, and I spent time going through some of Dad and Mema's photo albums and scanning pics of my own childhood and their life before me so I'd have digital copies. Surreal, and thought-provoking, particularly in light of me now being part of the chain rather than the end of the chain. It's strange, to have moved up a generation.
It was a good trip, but the actual fact of travel was pretty exhausting, even given how well-behaved Robin was. I'm not really looking forward to going to Colorado, for that reason. To being there, sure, though some of the logistics make me want to bang my head against things. (oh man, 3am jetlag mornings are going to be a lot harder there!) But not getting there, and definitely not getting back. Two more timezones than Florida is, alas, about half again as difficult.
But we'll be in Colorado for Christmas. =)
Another thing going on is that after years of waiting, my co-worker/sort of superior Ben is finally leaving the library. Which is sad as he's been great to work with, but good as he's finally getting to move down south where his girlfriend and her kids are, and he's wanted that for years. It also means his job is opening up. Now, this is the job I've been intending to get for years, and if it'd been advertised anytime before Robin I would've applied like a shot and probably had a damn good chance of getting it, too. It's not that different from my current job; it has a few more responsibilities (including some managing) and is full-time. I could absolutely do it.
But there is Robin. And after a lot (a lot a lot a lot) of deliberation, I don't think I will apply. Part of me wants a full-time job, and part of me knows that I both want and need the flexibility part-time offers. I get more time with Robin, and that is important for all that it's also exhausting. We don't *need* one of us to work full-time, though it'd be helpful; we're making enough money to pay all the bills, including the loans, and while we don't have much to fritter we do fine. And actually at the moment better than fine, because the grandparents are all making absolutely sure we have all we need to take care of Robin (eek, but also yay, and oh my god we are lucky in our families and I make sure they know this). I'd make more money because of being full-time but only because of that, and the extra would pretty much all go to putting Robin in nursery full-time as well (at the moment she's there three afternoons a week, with her grandmother two days a week, and I have her most mornings except sometimes when Chris does; good mix of everything, I feel). Finally, frankly, if I worked full-time, the basic daily house chores would never get done, and that would stress me out a lot. In a few years a hell of a lot of people are going to retire from the uni library system (including my boss David, sigh) and everything will shift around; I'll reconsider then and see if Ben's job (or an equivalent one; that's an option I didn't have while we were commuting, but do now, I could switch which site I'm at) comes open then. And as it turns out, his job might not be advertised after all, even internally, which would save me a lot of angst. ;) This was a *hard* decision to come to, I spent about a month debating it with myself. If it turns out the option was never really there, I'm going to laugh.
Don't ask about the possibility of other future children. Just don't. I don't know. I was always determined to have more than one, siblings are awesome (hi, bro!). But oh my god being a parent is exhausting. It was a month or two ago that someone said to me "Hey, you could get started on baby number two now!" and my first thought was oh dear god no. I don't know. Part of me wants to get having another one over with now so that the worst is all packed together, part of me says "Nooo, wait until Robin's in school or something so you're only dealing with one baby at a time!" A small part says "No, I don't want to go through those first months again, it was so frikking hard." Some say that two babies isn't that much harder than one because you're already doing everything you need to do; some say it's twenty times harder. I have no idea. All I know is: not now, please.
Parenting is rewarding too, honest. I adore my daughter. She's fun, she's curious (but also overly cautious at times--heh, definitely like me), she learns fast, she's beautiful.
On that note: she's almost one year old now.
How's that for a trip?
I wrote up what the birth was like, months ago. Maybe I'll post it in here, if only for my own memory; it's not easy reading but it's something I want to remember.
I miss writing, and I miss going to the gym, though every time someone suggests I do the latter I start to panic with trying to find a way to schedule it in; I get very little Ashfae-time as it is, mostly an hour claimed here or there on a weekday morning, when I don't spend it on cleaning or getting some extra sleep (both frequent necessities, alas). Theoretically I was to have an afternoon on Saturdays, but that's not how it's working out, something always seems to be happening. And Sundays are always busy. Starting this week until Christmas I have every Thursday off due to an excess of annual leave, which is going to be flipping miraculous. Temporary, but I intend to make the most of them while I can.
In short, there's been a lot to think about. And not enough sleep. Way, way more sleep than during those first few hell months, but still not enough sleep. And the to do list never seems to grow shorter, especially regarding the house, which is still not entirely unpacked or organized. I hate that. Sloooooooowly it gets worked on, but so slowly. (someday all the books will be unpacked and I'll actually hang things on the wall and put up curtains. Someday) (the lawn, however, is doomed)
It's a good life, though. There's much to watch and do and think about.
We went to Florida to see my dad; baby's first major bit of travelling. She did brilliantly, frankly, very little crying either way. Got cranky about being trapped in the same place for seven hours, but heck, so was I. She slept on the planes, too, which is more than Chris or I managed, alas. Jetlagged hit us all a lot harder (both going and coming back) than we expected, though, and Robin happily waking up at 3am and thinking it was morning did not exactly help. We've been back a week and are still all struggling to get back to something like normality.
It was a good trip, though. The main goal was for Dad to get some granddaughter time, but there were two other underlying serious motivations. First, at least one of the people I very much wanted her to meet (my great-aunt Eloise, who's sort of another grandmother to me and who I love very much) is, I think, beginning to go downhill. I just wanted to be sure she got to meet Robin before she dies, I can't count on there being another chance. She's hanging in there, but she also fell and broke her ribs several months ago and it was a bit mucky for a while (she certainly was depressed and sure she was out of time then, though she's cheerier now). Second, Dad (and the family) are finally, for real, doing up the beach house to sell. Which is long overdue in many ways, and it may take ages to actually sell. The market for houses on the beach is not great, even on Amelia Island, which is sort of half locals and half Extremely Rich People's Beach Homes (Stephen King's currently building one, apparently; so surreal).
I kinda hope it does take a long time, I admit. I love that house. My grandparents bought it before I was born. There are pictures of me there when I was younger than Robin is now; I got to sit in a rocking chair holding her, and know that my mom and grandmother had sat in the same chair rocking me. That was special to me. Also, let's face it, it's a house on the beach with a pool holy shit and we get to go stay there for free and hang out? What's not to love here? On some of those 3am jetlag mornings I took Robin out to watch the sun rise over the ocean. Nice. =)
At the same time, whoa, keeping an eye on her was exhausting. She learned a number of new tricks, including climbing stairs. But at night Dad would keep an eye on her as she slept, and Chris and I got to go out on mini-dates for ice cream, or to sneak into the Ritz Carlton and hang out in the sports bar playing pool. Whoo!
Another project while I was there was, again, for the last time, going through boxes. They're down to 8-9, many books but mostly miscellany of irreplaceable things. A lot of photos, and I spent time going through some of Dad and Mema's photo albums and scanning pics of my own childhood and their life before me so I'd have digital copies. Surreal, and thought-provoking, particularly in light of me now being part of the chain rather than the end of the chain. It's strange, to have moved up a generation.
It was a good trip, but the actual fact of travel was pretty exhausting, even given how well-behaved Robin was. I'm not really looking forward to going to Colorado, for that reason. To being there, sure, though some of the logistics make me want to bang my head against things. (oh man, 3am jetlag mornings are going to be a lot harder there!) But not getting there, and definitely not getting back. Two more timezones than Florida is, alas, about half again as difficult.
But we'll be in Colorado for Christmas. =)
Another thing going on is that after years of waiting, my co-worker/sort of superior Ben is finally leaving the library. Which is sad as he's been great to work with, but good as he's finally getting to move down south where his girlfriend and her kids are, and he's wanted that for years. It also means his job is opening up. Now, this is the job I've been intending to get for years, and if it'd been advertised anytime before Robin I would've applied like a shot and probably had a damn good chance of getting it, too. It's not that different from my current job; it has a few more responsibilities (including some managing) and is full-time. I could absolutely do it.
But there is Robin. And after a lot (a lot a lot a lot) of deliberation, I don't think I will apply. Part of me wants a full-time job, and part of me knows that I both want and need the flexibility part-time offers. I get more time with Robin, and that is important for all that it's also exhausting. We don't *need* one of us to work full-time, though it'd be helpful; we're making enough money to pay all the bills, including the loans, and while we don't have much to fritter we do fine. And actually at the moment better than fine, because the grandparents are all making absolutely sure we have all we need to take care of Robin (eek, but also yay, and oh my god we are lucky in our families and I make sure they know this). I'd make more money because of being full-time but only because of that, and the extra would pretty much all go to putting Robin in nursery full-time as well (at the moment she's there three afternoons a week, with her grandmother two days a week, and I have her most mornings except sometimes when Chris does; good mix of everything, I feel). Finally, frankly, if I worked full-time, the basic daily house chores would never get done, and that would stress me out a lot. In a few years a hell of a lot of people are going to retire from the uni library system (including my boss David, sigh) and everything will shift around; I'll reconsider then and see if Ben's job (or an equivalent one; that's an option I didn't have while we were commuting, but do now, I could switch which site I'm at) comes open then. And as it turns out, his job might not be advertised after all, even internally, which would save me a lot of angst. ;) This was a *hard* decision to come to, I spent about a month debating it with myself. If it turns out the option was never really there, I'm going to laugh.
Don't ask about the possibility of other future children. Just don't. I don't know. I was always determined to have more than one, siblings are awesome (hi, bro!). But oh my god being a parent is exhausting. It was a month or two ago that someone said to me "Hey, you could get started on baby number two now!" and my first thought was oh dear god no. I don't know. Part of me wants to get having another one over with now so that the worst is all packed together, part of me says "Nooo, wait until Robin's in school or something so you're only dealing with one baby at a time!" A small part says "No, I don't want to go through those first months again, it was so frikking hard." Some say that two babies isn't that much harder than one because you're already doing everything you need to do; some say it's twenty times harder. I have no idea. All I know is: not now, please.
Parenting is rewarding too, honest. I adore my daughter. She's fun, she's curious (but also overly cautious at times--heh, definitely like me), she learns fast, she's beautiful.
On that note: she's almost one year old now.
How's that for a trip?
I wrote up what the birth was like, months ago. Maybe I'll post it in here, if only for my own memory; it's not easy reading but it's something I want to remember.
I miss writing, and I miss going to the gym, though every time someone suggests I do the latter I start to panic with trying to find a way to schedule it in; I get very little Ashfae-time as it is, mostly an hour claimed here or there on a weekday morning, when I don't spend it on cleaning or getting some extra sleep (both frequent necessities, alas). Theoretically I was to have an afternoon on Saturdays, but that's not how it's working out, something always seems to be happening. And Sundays are always busy. Starting this week until Christmas I have every Thursday off due to an excess of annual leave, which is going to be flipping miraculous. Temporary, but I intend to make the most of them while I can.
In short, there's been a lot to think about. And not enough sleep. Way, way more sleep than during those first few hell months, but still not enough sleep. And the to do list never seems to grow shorter, especially regarding the house, which is still not entirely unpacked or organized. I hate that. Sloooooooowly it gets worked on, but so slowly. (someday all the books will be unpacked and I'll actually hang things on the wall and put up curtains. Someday) (the lawn, however, is doomed)
It's a good life, though. There's much to watch and do and think about.