Fic: Boys Do Fall In Love 4/4
Boys Do Fall In Love
Part 4
It wasn't the first time he had that dream. It would always be blurry around the edges but everything else was vivid. Dark brown eyes boring into him, the scent of musk settling in his brain, warm breath and burning skin all over him. Their movements flowed, one body coursing into the other. He would be on top and then he would be beneath him. They would move in sync as one, a paradox of controlling and yielding, wanting completion yet drawing it out with every intrusive thrust and heady acquiescence. And when there was no stopping the rapture, he would cry out his name like he was his pain and pleasure.
He would keep his eyes closed, riding out the delirium until it subsided and his nerves settled. He would wallow in the remnants of his dream knowing that when he woke up, he would forget everything.
♥
Jin stands in the kitchen watching Kazuya's back as Kazuya tinkers around. They have spent many nights like that being in the same room in that small apartment and it has always been comfortable. But it was different that night. As he stands there in the kitchen, he hates every noise that Kazuya makes because it further unnerves him.
It has been a week since that night and Kazuya continues to treat him like nothing has happened between them. It niggles at Jin. Jin knows it's cliché but still he clears his throat before he says, “Kazuya, we need to talk.”
Instantly, Kazuya's back goes rigid but he doesn't turn around. “What about?”
Jin suddenly feels irked, hating the way Kazuya's being cold. “Correct me if I'm wrong but I do remember we fucked.” He immediately regrets what he just said though when Kazuya turns around looking affronted.
But Kazuya's expression quickly turned cold. “Yeah, so?”
Jin hates that his feelings keep swinging from one end to another. Looking at Kazuya who is evidently pissed, he stutters, “I wasn't...”
“You weren't what?” Kazuya says, cutting him off and effectively blowing off the the remaining fire of indignation Jin initially felt.
“I don't...” Jin grapples in his mind for the right words. “I don't want it to come between us.”
“Why should it come between us?” Kazuya asks.
Before Jin can come up with an answer, Kazuya's lips twitch into a sneer then says, “You think that just because we fucked, I'm gonna turn into a puddle of goo and want more?” The grunt that follows mocks. “Sorry if that hurts your manly ego but that's not how it works for me. We fucked . We both wanted it. It's done. Let's move on.” And he quickly turns his back to Jin.
Jin watches Kazuya's back. He likes watching Kazuya's back, the way the broad shoulders trail down to a trim waist and a nice ass. It used to be his a harmless secret pleasure but it was no longer harmless. The damage has been done. Jin feels a gaping hole inside his guts eating him from the inside out.
♥
“You're not moving in with me.”
“Why not?”
“Because I refuse to wake up in the morning and see you jack off in my living room.”
Jin would have been embarrassed at the reminder of the humiliating incident only he is too wrought because he knows he has to move out of Kazuya's apartment. In the last few weeks, he only managed to catch a glimpse of Kazuya on the rare occasions he woke up earlier than usual and Kazuya's still in the kitchen. He would stay in bed and wait for Kazuya to leave before getting up. He's avoiding Kazuya because for all Kazuya's seeming cold nonchalance the night they last talked, Jin cannot forget the way Kazuya contemptibly looked at him. He took advantage and Kazuya hates him.
“What's wrong with living with Kazuya?” Yucchi asks.
Jin is silent for a moment. He doesn't know how to explain himself. He kept repeating the word “runt” in his head like it's a mantra that would chase away thoughts of Kazuya that kept popping in his head. He kept telling himself that Koki will pummel him to death and that Yucchi will be disgusted with him and Yamapi will make perverse jokes about him until the end of time but he couldn't stop himself.
“Because I sleep in the living room and I wake up in the morning and...” Jin says.
Yucchi cocks his head. “And?”
Jin looks at Yucchi and takes a deep breath. “I wake up in the morning and I see him in the kitchen and I'd think it's Christmas morning or it's my birthday or some other happy occasion and then he leaves and I'd think I'm dead and embalmed because I feel cold and empty inside.”
Yucchi's brows furrow and stares at him for a moment but then he loses the frown and says, “Oh.”
♥
“Who’s that guy?” Jin asked.
“Honda,” Kazuya answered. Their graduation rites had just ended and they were on their way to prepare for the graduation ball when one schoolmate stopped him to offer congratulations.
“Was he hitting on you?” Koki asked, eyeing the back of their retreating school mate.
“What?” Kazuya asked, incredulous. “He was a member of my team.”
“What team?” Yucchi asked. He, too, eyed with a frown their school mate.
“Baseball team,” Kazuya said.
“Oh,” Yamapi said, “That team.”
Kazuya frowned, confused. “What other team…” he started to ask. He stopped when he realized what his friends were thinking. He clicked his tongue then smirked. “Honda is just a team mate.” Kazuya didn’t know why he even bothered to explain. Ever since he came out, his friends had been obsessed with his sexuality. Everything he did or said was weighed on his sexual orientation. Every guy he talked to were either hitting on him or he was hitting on.
“Good,” Jin said and the others looked at him. “You’re too young to have a boyfriend,” he explained. Kazuya sighed. The over-protectiveness was another matter. His friends had suddenly decided they were guardians of his virtue.
“Yeah,” Koki seconded and wrapped an arm over Kazuya’s shoulders. “And anyway, I thought you have a thing for me.” Kazuya grimaced.
Yamapi pushed Koki away then draped his arm on Kazuya. “If Kazuya has a thing for anyone here it’s for me. Right, Kazuya?”
“Yes. I'm crazy madly in love with you, I'm gonna burst,” Kazuya dryly said.
“Kazuya,” Yucchi started, looking earnest. “Why don't you have a crush on anyone of us?”
“Excuse me?” Kazuya asked.
“Yeah, it's a big blow to our manly egos,” Jin said then smiled.
Kazuya smirked at Jin. “That's because I'm gay, not stupid.”
“Oh, that hurts,” Yamapi said, dramatically clutching at his chest.
Kazuya chuckled. But he meant it. He meant what he said not as insult as he sounded but for real. It was hell having his friends but his life would have been unbearable without them. His friendship with them took precedence over anything. He would rather die first than tear them apart by being stupid.
He wrenched his gaze away from Jin's back and found Yamapi was staring at him. A consoling smile appeared on Yamapi's lips. Yamapi tugged him closer then kissed him on his temple.
♥
“Hey.”
“Hi,” Kazuya greets back, glad to see a friendly face. He hasn't seen any of his friends for a month, not even for their Friday night habit at Koki's club. He claimed he's just busy with work but he is sure his friends don't buy it because no one who works in a bake shop can be that busy.
He appreciates that Yamapi doesn't say anything and just asks, “What brings you here?”
“Nothing. I just wanna hang,” Kazuya says and pretends he doesn't notice the way Yamapi is oddly looking at him, “Is Keiko in?”
“No. Come in,” Yamapi says. Kazuya smiles before he walks past Yamapi straight towards the living room and sits down the couch.
“Want beer?” Yamapi asks.
“Yeah. Sure,” Kazuya answers although he actually wants something stronger. Like a shot in the head.
While Yamapi goes to the kitchen, Kazuya looks around the apartment. It has been a while since he was last there and the place has greatly transformed. For one, he no longer feels the compulsion to clean up because everything is in its proper place. Most of all, it no longer smells like their gym locker room back in high school.
“Keiko's good for you,” he remarks when, after a minute, Yamapi sits beside him and hands him a beer.
“Yeah,” Yamapi agrees as he puts his phone on the center table. “It's nice living with someone you love.”
Kazuya looks at Yamapi and Yamapi return smile is meaningful. “Not always,” Kazuya says and drinks his beer. Yamapi watches the whole five seconds he chugs down the drink. Kazuya belches afterwards. “Well, I'm glad we finally got that one out,” Yamapi says looking vastly amused.
“Yeah,” Kazuya agrees, a soft smile forming in his lips. He rolls back his shoulders, unexpectedly feeling a sort of relief in finally acknowledging the truth.
He has been holding everything in for so long scared that he will lose his friends because he knows there is no crossing the line among them. He tried to act like what happened between him and Jin isn't a big deal in an attempt to salvage, at least, their friendship. Apparently though his pretense failed because Jin has been avoiding him. And it hurt him like nothing else.
He feels the weight of everything come back to him, burgeoning him. His chest constricts. He bows his head and blinks several times.
“Oh hell,” Yamapi mutters. He scoots towards Kazuya then throws his arms open wide.
Kazuya hesitates. Yamapi's open arms is just inviting because on top of Jin avoiding him, he has not seen any of his friends for the last month and it was possibly one of the worst months of his life. He gives in. He leans into Yamapi and he cries.
Yamapi caresses his hair the way his mother used to when he was a kid and he came home crying because even if he tried so hard his team still lost a game. Kazuya actually feels that way. “I'm sorry, Pi,” he says in between sniffs. “I tried. I really tried but it just...”
Kazuya is relieved when Yamapi's phone sounds off because it jolted him. He draws away from Yamapi and wipes his face with his t-shirt while Yamapi attends to his phone. When Yamapi's done, he wraps an arm around his shoulders and says, “It's gonna be okay, man.”
Kazuya takes a deep breath to compose himself. “Don't tell anyone, okay?” he says, embarrassed at his display of utter weakness.
“Sure,” Yamapi says. “Now get yourself together. You look like you need something stronger than beer.” Kazuya smiles back, glad to have Yamapi as his friend.
♥
Kazuya glares at Yamapi, wishing looks can kill. It didn't take him long to figure out that while he was crying his heart out and swearing Yamapi to secrecy, Yamapi was sending a blow-by-blow e-mail to Koki and Yucchi. Because as soon as he sits on the bar stool, his face has almost hits the bar counter when Koki thwacked him on the back of his head, barking, “What the fuck did I tell you about crossing the line?”
Yamapi doesn't even look apologetic when he smiles and says to Koki, “Hey, give the runt a break. He's in love.”
“I'm not...” Kazuya starts but all heads turn to him eyes daring him to say dissent and he loses his steam. “I'm not a runt,” he says instead, and hopes they serve cyanide in Koki's bar.
“Kazuya,” Yucchi says, “You have to do something about this.”
Kazuya doesn't answer. It isn't like he doesn't know that. He knows he has got to do something. And while it relieves him that his friends are still talking to him, in fact, ganging up on him, he still doesn't know how to resolve the Jin predicament. He just doesn't know what to do short of leaving town and forsaking all his friends. He opens his mouth but Yucchi interrupts.
“Because Jin's trying to move in with me and saying stuff like how he thinks you're Christmas morning or some other schmaltzy metaphor.” And Yucchi tries to smile through the disgust mirrored on his face.
Even before Kazuya can digest what Yucchi just said, Koki thwacks him on the head again and says, “What did I fucking tell you about being a wuss?”
“Wha...?” Kazuya asks.
Yamapi laughs out loud and throws an arm around Kazuya's shoulder. “I told you you need something stronger than beer,” he says and winks at Koki who frowns, obviously attempting to fight off an urge to smile.
Koki stands up. “Now that we're done, everyone get the fuck out because it's Thursday and you're not supposed to be here until tomorrow.” Kazuya stares at his friends and he slowly breaks into a smile, thinking that arbitrarily joining a fray thirteen years ago was the best damn decision he has ever made in his life.
♥
Jin thinks that if he isn't a pre-school teacher, he would have been a performer - a singer or a dancer or both - because he loves stage performances. It exhilarates him. He loves the attention and the accolade. And it just makes his heart swell when someone hands him a bouquet of multi-colored roses especially when that someone looks extremely discomfited doing it.
“Thanks,” Jin says, watching Kazuya who is looking everywhere except at him. Jin doesn't know exactly what happened but when he woke up that morning Kazuya was in the kitchen and was taking his time making breakfast. When he stirred, Kazuya turns around towards him and smiled. And Jin knew he could only look forward to brighter days ahead.
“That was...that was great,” Kazuya finally says, rolling back his shoulders. “I think it's a good play.”
“Musical,” Jin corrects. “The theme for this year's Health Week is first aid.”
Kazuya nods. “Yes. And a musical number called Bandage, I think, is inspired.”
“Really?” Jin asks. “Because Koki and Yucchi seem to like the other class better.” Koki and Yucchi had dropped by to watch the program and before they left they gushed over another class' performance.
“Well, you have to admit that a bunch of kids dressed like mini Darth Vaders in a number called No More Pain is pretty cool,” Kazuya says.
“Well...” Jin thinks it sucks but doesn't say anything. He doesn't really care much for anything at the moment except that Kazuya's still there with him, talking to him. He doesn't even notice that one of his girl students has approached until she tugs at his coat sleeve. “Hey, Nana,” Jin says.
“Why do you have flowers?” the girl asks.
“He gave it to me,” Jin replies, indicating Kazuya.
Nana gives Kazuya a once over. “Aren't you the baker?” she asks.
Jin bites back his smile when Kazuya corrects the girl and says “pâtissier” but Nana just frowns like Kazuya is talking gibberish. It did take him by surprise though when the next second his student asks, “Do you wanna be Akanishi-sensei's boyfriend?” And before Kazuya can react, she adds, “My mama said boys give flowers if they want to be a girl's boyfriend.”
Recovering from the momentary shock at his student's impertinence, Jin says, “It's customary to give flowers after a performance.” As an afterthought, he adds, “And I'm not a girl.” Jin glances up and finds Kazuya seem to have found something interesting on the tips of his boots.
A little boy joins Nana. “Aren't you the baker?” he asks Kazuya.
Kazuya tsk-ed. “I'm a pâtiss...” Kazuya suddenly lights up when he looks at the kid. “You're Ken, right?” The boy nods. “You're the one who gave me Squirtle.”
Ken looks puzzled. “Squirtle?”
“You know...Pokemon...”
The boy scrunches his face. “I didn't. I don't even like Pokemon. I think they're lame.”
“Hey!” Jin exclaims. “Pokemon isn't lame. Sure they're small but they're monsters. And monsters are never lame.”
Ken and Nana look at their teacher like Jin has lost his mind. Jin can't blame them. It's just that he likes Pokemon. He has always likes them small and fierce.
Both kids shrug. “Baker-san wants to be sensei's boyfriend,” Nana informs Ken. “Ugh,” Ken says then grimaces. Nana rolls her eyes, takes Ken's hand and leads him away, leaving the two adults.
“I told you they're evil,” Jin says as he and Kazuya watch the kids skip away. Kazuya just smiles and they fall silent once again. It isn't the usual friendly comfortable silence they used to share. It is awkward and Jin is loving every minute of it because it portends of things to come. “I'll see you tonight at Koki's,” he says to Kazuya.
Kazuya nods. “Yeah,” he says. He turns around and walks away but a few steps later he stops and turns. “You gave me Squirtle, didn't you?” he asks.
“Yeah. So?”
A wide smile breaks over Kazuya's face. “You know what it means, right?”
Jin skews his lips, trying not to smile. “Well, you just gave me flowers. And you know what that means.”
♥
Jin feels his heart swell when he sees a familiar hazel brown hair bobbing up and down through the crowd. “You're late, runt,” he says when Kazuya finally gets to their booth. Kazuya smirks at him but sits close beside him. Jin cannot help but smile because he's got sweet tooth and Kazuya smells like he just rolled around sugar all day.
“What?” he asks when he finally wrenches his gaze away from Kazuya and finds Yamapi grinning wide, Yucchi looking uncomfortable and Koki glaring at them.
“If you two start kissing each other here, I fucking swear you will never step inside this club again,” Koki threatens.
“Is that a dare?” Kazuya asks and scoots closer beside Jin.
Yucchi looks about ready to bolt but their favorite waitress appears and serves them their drinks. Everyone jolts when, afterwards, she slams the empty tray she's holding on the table. She turns towards Yucchi and with a hand on her hip says, “Look, Yucchi. You may think you're a big-shot college professor and I'm nothing but a waitress. But I'm nice and smart, not to mention hot, and I've waited for far too long. So what do you say, you got out with me and find out if we're good for each other?”
Yucchi opens his mouth but nothing comes out. He snaps his mouth shut and wordlessly nods. Mika smiles. “Good. Call me,” she says and stuffs a paper napkin inside Yucchi's vest. She gives Koki a two-thumbs up sign before she walks away.
It's Yamapi who breaks the momentary shocked silence. “Okay. Now that that's done, we should work on Koki.” He cranes his neck. “What do you think of Azumi over there?” he asks Koki, pointing at a pretty female samurai warrior having a drink with Lady Gaga.
“She's a he,” Koki snaps.
“Yeah, so?” Kazuya interjects.
“Yeah,” Jin readily agrees.
♥
“What's your name, runt?” Jin asked and lightly elbowed the littlest boy sitting beside him.
The boy let go of the straw and said in a quacky voice, “Kazuya,” and resumed sipping his drink, eyes still on Jin. Jin stared back and nodded. He liked the runt. He thought maybe he would keep him.
The End
Obligatory Smex in the Kitchen Epilogue This Way :)