Fic: Not a girl (Chapter 3)
Title: Not a girl
Rating: PG-14
Genre: Humor, romance
Word count: about 13,000 (total), 1,731 (Chapter 3)
Disclaimer: I only own the plot.
Summary: Kazuya Kamenashi feels the strain of being a JE idol. He thinks girls have life easy. That was until he wakes up with girl parts.
A/N: Birthday wishes coming true was a plot of the Jim Carrey movie “Liar, Liar.” Technically, it's not mpreg because as Junno would later point out: “Technically, you're not a man. You would not be pregnant if you are. And since you are then...”
Chapter 3
Kazuya winced. “What do I do with this?” He stared horror-stricken at the thing he held between his thumb and forefinger like a dead cockroach.
When they all realized that Kazuya was, in fact, menstruating, their next problem was where to get tampons. It was Jin, of course, who said that tampons are used in such situations.
Koki lost the jankenpon and went to the nearest pharmacy to get a pack. He bought six packs, unable to decide which to buy. He didn't realize there were so many brands and varieties. Kazuya was currently holding one from a pack labeled 'super absorbent for heavy days.'
“You insert it there,” Jin said to Kazuya, pointing at the latter's crotch, trying to keep his face straight.
Kazuya's face paled and swallowed hard before he successively asked, “Where? How? Why?”
Seeing the terrified expression on Kazuya's face, Jin was unable to control himself and started laughing. Not two seconds later, so did Koki.
Pissed, Kazuya threw the packs of tampons at the two. “Really!” he angrily exclaimed.
“Sorry...sorry...” Koki muttered and took three deep breaths to stop his laughing fit. “Sorry, Kazu. I know this is weird for you...”
Kazuya's face was red with anger. “Both of you can leave!” he yelled.
Jin continued to laugh, unrepentant. In between chuckles, he asked, “You sure? Do you know how to put that in?”
Kazuya's face turned redder, this time from embarrassment.
Koki finally collected himself and sat beside Kazuya on the bed. “Kazu, it's really simple.” Kazuya raised an eyebrow at him. “I'm sure you've...ahm...you know...a girl...” Koki started. Kazuya frowned. “You know, you place that thing where you place your thing with a girl,” Koki added. Kazuya's frown deepened. “You haven't...ahm...with a girl?”
“What?” Kazuya asked, totally bewildered. “Were you actually expressing a complete thought?”
Jin pulled Koki off the bed and took the place beside Kazuya. He took the tampon Kazuya was holding and peeled it of its individual wrap. Kazuya gasped. “This cardboard cylinder is the applicator,” Jin said. “You don't insert the applicator inside you.” Kazuya sighed in relief.
Jin turned the rounder end of the tampon in front of Kazuya's face. “There's this gauze-looking thing inside, see?”
Kazuya looked closer. Jin smiled. The way Kazuya looked at that moment reminded him of Kazuya in his early teen who was always in awe of how much the two-year-older Jin always knew more. Jin considered stealing a kiss the way he used to but decided against it seeing Kazuya was seriously engrossed in studying the tampon.
Jin continued explaining. He positioned the tampon between his thighs. “You place the applicator by your vagina's opening; you push this so the gauze-thingy slide inside you until the only thing outside your vagina is the string.” He paused to look at his two enthralled audience.
“When it has absorbed enough of your menstruation - maybe four hours or so - you pull the string to take the whole thing out of you then replace it with a new one.” Then Jin smiled, proud that on that rare occasion, he was the wiser one.
“Discharge, cramps, menstruation, tampons...Why do you know all these, Jin?” Koki wondered. But before could Jin answer, he added, “I really don't wanna know...” Koki cringed inwardly.
“No...” Kazuya wailed and fell on his bed. “This is so fucked up...” He covered his face with his hands.
Koki and Jin looked at each. Jin glared at Koki, gave a sidelong glance at Kazuya then glared at Koki again. The rapper shook his head and pursed his mouth towards Jin then towards Kazuya. Jin's eyes widened and shook his head. Jin motioned 'jankenpon' with his hand but the other man shook his head vehemently then jumped up off the bed.
“Gotta go!” Koki said. Kazuya uncovered his face and propped himself on his elbows. Jin sat helplessly as Koki quickly left the room. A few moments later, they heard the front door open then close.
Kazuya turned to Jin and asked, “What happened?”
Jin took a deep breath, looked at Kazuya and smiled sheepishly. “I guess I should help you put this in.” Kazuya's mouth dropped open and his face flushed deep crimson.
♡♡♡♡♡
“Are they back together?” Yuichi Nakamaru asked while looking at Kazuya and Jin huddled at the far end of the room, talking softly.
Koki watched the two then frowned and looked at Maru. “Back together?”
“Yeah, you know, they are boyfriends again,” Maru casually asked as he sat on the bench and wiped his face with a towel.
“You knew?” asked a surprised Koki.
Maru looked at Koki as if the latter was a complete idiot. He pointed at himself and said, “Nakamaru not Bakamaru.” Koki flopped on the bench, looking dejected. Maru placed his arm around his formerly bald-then-blonde-now-dark-haired band mate. “Everybody knew, Koki.”
Koki got more depressed. All along he thought he was the only one intimate to the knowledge that his pretty-boy-best-friend and his hip-rolling-mouth-puckering band mate were boyfriends. “Well are they back together?” Maru asked again.
Koki took a quick glance at the two. The two had obviously stopped being strangers. On the contrary, they seemed closer than ever before. Koki knew it was more than because of Kazuya's secret. Something else was going on between the two.
Meanwhile, at the far end of the room, Kazuya and Jin were arguing, oblivious to their other band mates who were talking about them.
“You...you're such...aaaggghhhh.” Kazuya was seething. He wanted so much to punch Jin but did not want to cause a scene.
“I'm sorry, okay?” Jin said but did not sound a bit remorseful. “It isn't like you didn't want it...” he softly added.
Kazuya's mouth dropped open, his face flushed in anger. “I did not!”
Jin scoffed. “Could've fooled me...” He recalled how, the night before, Kazuya moaned and writhed under him. Of course, they were both drunk. Actually, only Kazuya was drunk because everybody knows how Kazuya cannot hold his drink. But Kazuya was drunk and he did not know that Jin was not and Jin was not going to correct him.
Kazuya maintained his indignation. He recalled hazy snippets of the past night, of how he thought it was wonderful that he'd lose his cherry again to Jin. One thing he was sure of, though he was drunk, or rather, because he had intoxication as an excuse, he allowed himself what he have been wanting for so long. But Jin does not know this and he was not about to tell him. “I was drunk!” he hissed.
“Well, I'm telling you, you enjoyed it. You sounded like you would start a religion based on me - oh god, Jin...oh god, Jin...oh god, oh god...”
Kazuya was flabbergasted. “At least I didn't sound redundant - fuck, Kazuya...fuck, Kazuya... oh fuck, Kazuya - when you were, in fact, fucking Kazuya,” he fumed.
Jin's mouth fell open. “You...! You're just pissed you couldn't top me!”
“Just keep your hands off me!” Kazuya said and stormed away from Jin.
♡♡♡♡♡
Kazuya heard Koki yelp and after a moment, his best friend appeared in the living room, arms full of tampon packs. “Are you taking part in a charity drive for menstruating underprivileged girls?” Koki asked.
Kazuya laughed. “You know me and shopping...”
Koki shook his head and dumped the tampons beside Kazuya on the couch. “Tampons shopping galore?” he said, noting how the tampon packs were of different kinds and brands.
Kazuya playfully threw a pack back at Koki. “Actually...I used up all the tampons you bought the first night alone.”
Koki sat on the stool by the kitchen counter. He looked at Kazuya, unbelieving. “What, you changed every minute?”
“Well, Jin said I should change every four hours but just to be safe I changed every hour. I didn't get to sleep that night,” Kazuya said. He did not say, however, how sore he felt the following morning. “Well, actually I think a pack or two were terrifyingly too big. I threw them away.”
Koki smiled mischievously. “Admit it; you kept changing tampons because you enjoyed it.”
Kazuya's mouth dropped open but his eyes were smiling. “Baka! I'm not a perv like you!” He threw a pillow at Koki.
Koki caught the pillow and automatically threw it back, stunning Kazuya when it hit him smack on the face. Then they both laughed.
Koki enjoys moments like this when it's just the two of them, and Kazuya is amazingly unaffected and adorable. Somehow, when this bizarre predicament happened, Kazuya lost the cloud of gloom that has hovered over him for quite some time. It seemed to have distracted him from whatever sorrow he was harboring. Koki thought it must be the hormones.
When Kazuya recovered from his laughing fit, he said, “Truth is, the monthly period was a fluke.” Kazuya stood up and went to his kitchen. “Jin's coming over. Let's have gyoza!”
That, too, Koki silently noted. Jin had once again become a constant and regular presence in Kazuya's personal life. Even when they argue and fight, there is always an undertone of mutual understanding and tenderness between the two. Koki smiled inwardly. Maybe that's why Kazuya's less gloomy.
When Kazuya opened his refrigerator, Koki's jaw dropped seeing the freezer stuffed with frozen gyoza.
“Is there a gyoza crisis? Did you panic buy?” Koki asked. He understood Kazuya's shopping spree for clothes, maybe even for tampons, but for food? Kazuya was never fond of eating. He was so unlike the rest of them boys who eat like there's no tomorrow. Kazuya merely eats because he needs to. Seeing his friend's refrigerator stuffed with so much food was unusual. Must be the hormones, Koki thought again. Then he froze on his seat. Hormones...
“What did you say about your monthly period?” Koki asked.
“I said it was a fluke,” Kazuya casually answered, his back turned to Koki as he dumped a package of gyoza on the electric fryer. “I didn't get it again.” When the fryer started sizzling, Kazuya turned around to look at his friend and smiled. “So, I guess, I will donate the tampons to menstruating underprivileged girls.”
But Koki was no longer smiling; his face was now a mask of concern.
[A/N: Of course, I could have made Kazuya use pads instead of tampons but he was bad to his fangirls and his mother. I had to punish him a little. Besides, where's the fun in pads, right?]
Chapter 4