Fic: Not A Girl (Chapter 7)
Title: Not a girl
Rating: PG-14
Genre: Humor, romance
Word count: about 13,000 (total), 1,465 (Chapter 7)
Disclaimer: I only own the plot.
Summary: Kazuya Kamenashi feels the strain of being a JE idol. He thinks girls have life easy. That was until he wakes up with girl parts.
A/N: Birthday wishes coming true was a plot of the Jim Carrey movie “Liar, Liar.”
Chapter 7
It had been two months. Kazuya's mother, who operates in mysterious ways, was able to convince Johnny that Kazuya needs time off for at least two months.
At first Kazuya was delighted that he gets a much-needed rest and he'd be spending it all with his precious daughter. And Jin had virtually moved in with him. The only time Jin would leave was to get himself a new batch of clothes from his apartment. It was complete bliss for Kazuya...for about a week.
Then the monotony of diaper changing and formula feeding coupled with sleepless nights immediately took its toll on Kazuya. He started resenting Jin for being able to continue being an idol while he was stuck at home caring for the baby.
Jin followed Kazuya inside the bedroom. “Kazuya, I'm tired...”
“And I'm what? An eternal bundle of energy?” Kazuya retorted. He laid the sleeping baby inside the crib. He straightened up and wanted to scream his head off when he saw the mess that once was his immaculately clean bedroom.
“You couldn't even help me straighten up this room!” he screamed. He knew he was sounding a lot like the typical frazzled mother and he hated himself more and he got more upset.
Jin started picking up littered stuff on the floor. “I really am sorry, Kazuya...” he said, his voice was weary.
Kazuya grabbed the stuff Jin had gathered in his arms. “You are always sorry! Yet you always mess up my life!”
Jin flopped down on the bed but quickly lifted himself when he felt something hard under his butt - a baby rattle. He lay down and tried to drown out Kazuya's voice by shaking the rattle very close to his face. But Kazuya grabbed the rattle away and glared down at him. “Well?”
“Well what?” Jin sat up. Kazuya was really starting to get on his nerves.
“You didn't hear me...” Kazuya accusingly said. Jin closed his eyes shut for a second and took a deep breath. “Are you upset?”
“Kazuya, please...” Jin knew he was reaching his threshold.
“Don't Kazuya please me!” Kazuya yelled.
Jin tried to reign in his growing irritation. “We just needed to unwind. You know how stressful being an idol is...you know our work.”
“Your work, not mine! I'm stuck here day in and day out while you bask in screaming adoring fans and you need to unwind?!?” Kazuya continued to shout then stormed out of the room.
Jin shook his head, clearing his mind off of Kazuya's shrill voice. He used to really like that voice but the younger man had no use for it lately except to yell at Jin. He took a deep breath and followed Kazuya to the living room and saw the other man slumped on the couch. Jin looked around and had to agree: Kazuya's once immaculately clean and orderly apartment is now a complete mess with all the baby stuff. But then again, it was mostly Kazuya's fault. Whenever Kazuya shops for the baby, one would think he was buying for a whole orphanage.
Jin sat beside Kazuya and took his hand but the younger man pulled away. “Go away,” Kazuya said.
Jin smirked. “You know I'm not going away.”
Kazuya was pouting. “Why not? You always go away anyway,” Kazuya said like a petulant child.
Jin sighed. He had always found it difficult to understand Kazuya. But now, Kazuya's just simply beyond comprehension. “What do you want, Kazu?”
Kazuya didn't answer. He actually did not know what to say.
What did he want? A year ago he was tired of his idol life. He actually made the stupid wish to become a girl because he thought girls have it easy. 'Course now he knows better. And now he missed being an idol.
A year ago, he missed Jin. Now Jin's back in his life, even offered to marry him, but he it was just not right.
He loves his baby, yet, at times, he wished he didn't have one. He felt that the baby had robbed him of his life. Whenever he feels that, he'd be so wracked with guilt and he would hate himself some more.
Silent tears started rolling down Kazuya's face. “I want my old life back,” he softly muttered.
“I want my neat and tidy apartment back and my privacy whenever I'm here. I want to sleep in peace through the night. I just want to be myself again.”
Jin was silent. “And me? Do you want me?”
Kazuya looked at Jin intently. “You don't want me, Jin.”
Jin scoffed. “What are you saying? I have virtually moved in with you.”
“Only because of the baby,” Kazuya interjected.
“That's not true! I even asked you to marry me.”
Kazuya smirked. “I'm not a girl, Jin.”
“Kazu, I know this is a contentious issue for you...” Jin started but Kazuya motioned with his right hand and Jin stopped talking.
“I'm not a girl. I know I got pregnant and I gave birth to our baby and this thing between my legs is a girl part and, for all intents and purposes, that makes me a girl. But I am not.” Kazuya paused. He closed his eyes for a couple of seconds then took a deep breath. He opened his eyes and looked Jin straight in the eyes. “In my mind and in my heart, I am not a girl. I will always be a man.”
Jin did not know what to say. He could not understand what Kazuya was trying to tell him. “Kazuya, I don't really care. As long as you need me...”
“I don't need you” Kazuya said, cutting off Jin.
Jin fell quiet. His face a sudden mask of pain and sorrow. “It really hurts when you say that, Kazuya,” Jin said, his voice breaking and tears welling in his eyes.
“I don't need you. I can live without you fucking up my life...” Kazuya stood up and walked towards the door. He stopped, paused and turned around. “I don't need you...but I want you in my life. Fuck ups and all. I love you. It's just that you don't want me. You want a girl.”
Jin was stunned silent for a few minutes. Kazuya took Jin's silence as acquiescence.
“Where are you going?” Jin asked when he realized Kazuya had put on a coat.
“Out,” Kazuya sadly answered as he pulled on his boots.
Jin sat still. When he heard the door close, it him. “Kazuya loves me,” he muttered to himself. And he smiled. “Kazuya loves me!” he repeated. He looked around, looking for Kazuya and realized he just let the younger man leave. When he stood up to follow him, he saw something atop the kitchen counter. He took a closer look. It was a cake and right in the middle was a blown out candle. The icing on top read: Happy birthday, Kazu-kun! Love, Okaasan
“Oh shit,” Jin muttered and hated himself for totally forgetting. He quickly ran after Kazuya.
He found Kazuya by the staircase. “Kazuya,” he called out. Kazuya stopped and turned. “It's your birthday...” Jin watched as Kazuya broke into the saddest smile.
“Yeah...it is.” Kazuya took a step back still looking at Jin. Then he quickly turned around, his foot slipped and the last thing he heard was Jin shouting his name.
♡♡♡♡♡
“Shit,” Kazuya mumbled upon waking up. His whole body ached. His head felt like it had cracked open. At the thought, Kazuya recalled falling off the stairs. Again. Darn lucky he's still alive, he thought.
He wanted to go back to sleep because it felt unusually quiet and peaceful. But he needed to pee. He slowly got off the bed and with eyes half-closed, groggily staggered towards the toilet. He automatically pulled down the toilet seat, pulled down his pants, sat down and leaned forward.
“What the…” Kazuya was suddenly jolted wide awake when hot liquid almost hit him on his face. “What the…” Kazuya repeated and looked down on his lap as the warm liquid pools at his feet. “Holy god!” he exclaimed when he saw from where his urine was coming from.
He waited but Jin did not come barging in. Then he realized that if his penis was back then...Kazuya got really really scared. He quickly stood up, pulled on his pants and opened the bathroom door towards his room.
His chest tightened and found it hard to breathe. He felt as if the world has collapsed around him. “No...” Kazuya whimpered and crumpled on the floor. His room was immaculately clean and everything in it's proper place with nary a clue that a baby had ever been there. “No...” he cried, thinking it had all been a dream.
Chapter 8