one very persistant thought
Date: October 1990
Summary: Last of Kira's thoughts in Wutai
I can't remember the last time I wasn't up for a fight. What I can remember is the last time I felt even remotely like this, though that doesn't even come close to what's going on in my mind now.
One of the things they told us back in the military academy, when they didn't know what to do with me and sent me to all sorts of classes as a result, was that no matter who we fight or what situations we get in, our emotions cannot get in the way. SOLDIER rarely seems to pay attention to that rule; where the Turks and the military fight because they have to, we fight because we love to. Even if it is on Shinra orders, we do it for the thrill of another fight, another victory over an opponent, and the knowledge that we are the strongest fighters on the planet. Maybe that's what whoever said 'SOLDIERs are monsters' meant. We're not fighting for anything but our own satisfaction, inflicting pain and wreaking havoc simply because we're strong enough to do it.
Yesterday, when I was out on my own, I was ambushed by a couple of Wutaiian scouts. The first one went down easily, but the second managed to stab me before Shani took his head off. Afterwards, I managed to use my Cure materia (though it only healed partway) and made my way back to camp, where someone did a better healing job than I ever could and took me back to my tent.
Ever since then I've been sitting here, shaking uncontrollably and staring at the scar crossing my stomach.
There used to be a time when I wasn't afraid to die, about a year ago before I met Kunsel-niichan and the Theian family, Reno, Zack, Cloud, and Scarlet. But now I'm tired of fighting. I want to go back home and see them again.
Something in me thinks I'm going to die out here, and nothing I can say to myself will shake that thought.
Summary: Last of Kira's thoughts in Wutai
I can't remember the last time I wasn't up for a fight. What I can remember is the last time I felt even remotely like this, though that doesn't even come close to what's going on in my mind now.
One of the things they told us back in the military academy, when they didn't know what to do with me and sent me to all sorts of classes as a result, was that no matter who we fight or what situations we get in, our emotions cannot get in the way. SOLDIER rarely seems to pay attention to that rule; where the Turks and the military fight because they have to, we fight because we love to. Even if it is on Shinra orders, we do it for the thrill of another fight, another victory over an opponent, and the knowledge that we are the strongest fighters on the planet. Maybe that's what whoever said 'SOLDIERs are monsters' meant. We're not fighting for anything but our own satisfaction, inflicting pain and wreaking havoc simply because we're strong enough to do it.
Yesterday, when I was out on my own, I was ambushed by a couple of Wutaiian scouts. The first one went down easily, but the second managed to stab me before Shani took his head off. Afterwards, I managed to use my Cure materia (though it only healed partway) and made my way back to camp, where someone did a better healing job than I ever could and took me back to my tent.
Ever since then I've been sitting here, shaking uncontrollably and staring at the scar crossing my stomach.
There used to be a time when I wasn't afraid to die, about a year ago before I met Kunsel-niichan and the Theian family, Reno, Zack, Cloud, and Scarlet. But now I'm tired of fighting. I want to go back home and see them again.
Something in me thinks I'm going to die out here, and nothing I can say to myself will shake that thought.