[011] - [field journal] - [late night musings]
So...this is my field journal. It's not like I'm required to keep one; aside from the company journals, not even the shrinks are requiring me to keep one for myself anymore. But it feels good to write. Even if no one will read it.
For some reason, I get the feeling someone in my unit will, like I'll end up leaving it lying around or something one day.
But finally, I have a mission other than routine stuff around Midgar. The war in Wutai is still going on, and I was dispatched to help, along with Angeal and a few other guys from my unit. Of course, it's not like we're seeing combat; our mission is simply to find weaknesses in Wutai's defenses and report back. Of course, that's important. But it would be nice to see a little action...
Now that I've said that, I've probably jinxed us and we'll be overrun in the morning. Good going, Ashikira...
But I had to go down to the medical place before leaving. I always hate going there. I mean, a bit more than usual. I think half the guys like to go just to stare at some of the female doctors. Not that I didn't at one time, but...
I'm going to burn this journal later. Anyway, nothing was wrong, thankfully, and we left not long after.
It's late, and most everyone is asleep now. I'm writing this by flashlight because I can't sleep. I've been dreaming a lot, about weird things - leaving SOLDIER, even marrying and having a child. And a few bad ones, too. I mean, I suppose everyone has nightmares about dying, especially in the military. But when I have nightmares about my death, they only become nightmares because I'm alone when I die. Or even when I'm not dying, just...of being alone.
Is there any reason for me to be afraid now, though? I have Kunsel, Scarlet, Genesis, Chris...even San, stalker-ish as he is. No reason...so I won't worry.
I should sleep, but I'm not tired. It feels like I've been asleep for...weeks on end, to be honest. But in the fresh air, away from the confines of Midgar... Time to wake up.
[ooc: Sorry! I finally got a bit of inspiration for something to write and then my internet went out. I was like T.T and there were dramatic screams and everything.]