#2 chicken, rhymes, and chag sameach
Live Journal entry #2: Chick-Fil-A Adventure
Read Journal entry #1 before you read this one.
Aye aye maties. Here be my second journal entry. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
It’s divided into three sections, or as I call them “movements” (yes, like a fucking concerto).
Let us begin...
[Begin piece #2]
[Begin Movement 1.]
[experiment nouveau. caliente cielo.]
Note: Hello all, I have decided that I will punctuate properly today. That means I will be paying meticulous attention to grammar, syntax, and sentence structure.
I am breaking the mold that tries to break the mold, but fails. It merely molds anoher fucking mold. Real moldmaker, real moldbreaker. Try not to be a taker.
Don’t be fake. You’ll take home the cake. This is one my mom did make.
They like to rake.
Rake on the lake.
Stomach-ache.
“STOP IT NICK!” you’re probably saying, “JUST FUCKING STOP IT FOR GOD’S SAKE!!!”
Dr. Seuss can suck it.
[/expermient nouveau. frio cielo.]
What’s the real journal entry about you ask?
Cooking?
No.
Eating?
Fo Fuckin’ Sho. [ Last time I rhyme. It’s now a fucking crime.]
Okay, lets cut the bullshit, here is the real entry:
-----
So I was reading my cousin’s journal entry the other day; It went a little something like this:
“yeah so ronnie, butch, missy, delilah and i went to burger king with delilah’s mom today (lol so who has seen those new BK ads?). it was totally fun. butch ate two hamburgers!! LOL.!!
[Nick Aside: how is this funny?]
lataz hataz
...XOXOXOXOXO...
XO.
-TaNiShA.”
Thirteen year old girls are notorious for this.
[My cousin’s name is not Tanisha, real names were not used in order to protect identity and to respect privacy. I am a good person. ]
Tanisha’s entry has inspired me to write my very own fast food LiveJournal entry. It’ll be a tad different.
I am so fucking off the walls indecisive it makes me bloody pissed just thinking about the idea of making a tough decision. Someone else asking me where I want to eat is akin to asking me to explain the intricacies of thermochemistry. My head would probably explode. Literally.
Because of this, I will throw a die to decide the fate of my dinner. Six numbers have been assigned to six different eateries. I will roll the die, and the corresponding number will be the location of my next meal. Fun huh?
Here is the die. Miraculously, my clumsy ass has kept track of it. It is a micro die that Mr. Lanier gives his students at the end of each year. Pretty sweet eh?... eh?... *elbow poke*... eeeeehhhhh??? But seriously, my fate lies within a 1mm plastic cube. Thats cosmic.
here be the list.
1. McDonald’s
2. Quizno’s
3. Fresh Choice
4. Chick-Fil-A
5. Chipotle
6. Diamond Shamrock
Nick kisses the die for good luck, hoping for anything but 1 or 6.
The moment has come. Now or never. The fate of my dinner is now in the hands of Allah. And here is the result.
Nick rolls a 4. Chik-Fil-A it is.
[End Movement 1]
BRB
[Begin Movement 2]
K off we go! [Look at this baby. What a hot car. It goes fast. It purrs. Call me, 512.576.0236, we’ll go for a ride. Females only.]
Okay lets roll bitches. LOL.
Casa de Nick[Green Dot] to Paradise [Red Dot, AKA Destination #1].
620.
2222.
360.
Nick stops at a traffic light, his stomach is grumbling. He has no one by his side one to listen to him bitch about how hungry he is. Nick feels temporarily melancholy. He has journeyed far.
We have arrived! God Bless America. OMG..
Chick-Fil-A. This guy’s name was Pedro. LOL., FAT.
Stepping inside the palace. My heart skips a beat. My muscles contract. I am giddy with excitement.
The menu. Shit, how am I going to choose what to eat? OMFG.
I began to tell myself that the menu’s small selection would help to alleviate my indecisiveness. All of my worries begin to subside. But they didn’t subside fast enough. Fucking A, I couldn’t decide if I want the chargrilled sandwich or the fried chicken sandwich. I contemplate my choices..
I am taking [far?] too long.
I let the gentlemen behind me go first. This guy looks like his name is probably Ted. “Hi Ted.”
I decide on the “#1” meal.
I tried to get a picture of my server, but she showed some hesitation when I whipped out the ‘ol digicam and was about to freak out when I began to say “You think I could take your um...” I quickly replied “just kidding. forget it” [am I smooth or what?]
Here’s our conversation after that:
Nick: Sorry about that. Yea I’ll have a number one then. On a wheat bun.
Her: Is that all?
Nick: Yea.
Her: Okay then the total is...
Nick: Oh and no pickles please
Her: [nods] The total is $5.40
I give a five and a one. I wink at her, motioning her to keep the change. She winks back. I put my wallet back. I look up. Our eyes meet...
We exchanged numbers. We got something set up, dinner and a movie maybe. I could possibly writing an entry about that in the future.
[The last 8 setences are beautiful. They are also complete bullshit.]
LOL..
-[Walter Heymann!]-c-a-m-e-o-m-a-g-n-f-i-q-u-e-
Keep reading, you didn’t see anything.
So, my meal is finally ready, Chick-Fil-A is pretty quick. I take my meal back to my table which is in the corner because I don’t want any hot chicks thinking I am a loon or something because I am taking lots of pictures of my food. LOL..
Alright we got a medium coke, a chicken sandwich no pickles, and of course the Chick-Fil-A signature waffle fries...
which brings me to my next rant...
They look nothing like waffles! The fries are square and have lots of holes. This is unlike a round and holeless waffle. WTF.
Okay enough complaining, time to dig in! But wait...WHAT THE HELL?!?! THOSE FUCKERS PUT IN PICKLES! BLODDY HELL! I clearly said “no pickles.” Damn. My mood is bad. LOL..
I calm down by convincing myself that the hostess is probably thinking about me. In a dirty way. ROFL..
Ketchup time! Okay tear open your sandwich rapper and pour it on inside of the wrapper , its the only clean part.
I take the first bite. I savor the flavor. Scrumptious, it almost challenges my chicken-apple sausage fajitas. Haha. Yea right.
Fuck the coke is stale. I am shocked into a state of incredulty.
Fries are good today.
I eat.
I continue to eat. I am enjoying myself.
The last bite. The last glorious bite.
All done. That was extremely satifying
I sit back and do some quick reflecting on the glory that is my existence. I saw this posted on the wall right above the bathrooms next to my table. Drool came from my mouth it was so fucking brilliant. OMFG.
Truer words could not be spoken. S. Truett Cathy is a genius.
I then trash my stuff into the deep, dark, bottomless hole of doom. The symbolism here is so fucking overt it hurts. I was going to call the trash can my soul, but then I realized I'm happy right now. Goodbye trash. [That hole is unbelievably dark. Freeky fucking deeky.]
It is time for me to depart. Letting go is hard. G2G
It is a bittersweet feeling but I’ll be back again sometime in the future.Outside of Chick -Fil-A I conclude that this was another successful food adventure. My stomach is satisfied, my heart has been touched, my soul invigorated, my brain refueled, and my tongue gratified.
Final Verdict: I give Chick-Fil-A a thumbs up.
As I fasten my seatbelt, I take one long last look at Chick-Fil-A. “One day I’ll be back,” I whisper to myself, “one day I’ll be back.” TTFN, TTYLGF.
[End of Chick-Fil-A adventure.]
[End Movement 2.]
BRB.
[Begin Movement 3.]
Every week I will post a “life tip” or a “pro tip” at the end of my entry. This is alot like Final Thoughts on Jerry Springer. These tips are usually things that I have learned from my adventures[fiascos?]. If I didn’t learn anything, I’ll pull something from my vast bank of knowledge (like I did last week) or I’ll pull something from my ass (common option).
Last week’s tip pertained to cooking it went a little like this:
“If you ever find yourself cooking food, and you’re in doubt, stir fry EVERYTHING. It will taste delicious. Absolutely delicious. Add lots of oil. And butter.”
Nick’s Life Tip #1
Flow with the winds of change.
Get it guys? It’s a “life boat”!!! Play on words? More like play on boats!!!God, I kill me.
Nick’s Pro Tip #2
Never drive and take pictures of the road at the same time. This could cause you to lose control of your automobile.
...your moment of zen...
Focus. Determination.
This one gets me every time.
Current Mood: pumped to the max[xXx]...no seriously i’m fucking psyched. i don’t even know what i’m psyched about.
Current Music: Medeski Martin and Wood
Current Medicine: high on life of cose...
Current Piece of Wisdom: “the internet is fucking incredible”
Thanks to imageshack for hosting pics. They’re cool.
G2G.
I'm gonna say Chag Sameach here since I was not invited to a seder :(. Maybe next year...
Ryan Gil also wants to wish all our Jewish friends a very Happy Passover from the bottom of his jolly heart.
[End Movement 3.]
[End piece.]
numéro deux. fini.