Comments | ashtears: Oh No No No, Oh No No!

ashtears

Oh No No No, Oh No No!

Apr 03, 2008 05:46

I had a crazy binge tonight, although by the standards of my eatings habits of late I suppose it was normal. Oh but the ending was unlike a general binge, and I am truly upset right now because of it.
I ate four bagels with cream cheese, half a box of chocolates, TWELVE CUPS of rice with chicken, shrimp, and sauce, and half a dozen chocolate cream ( Read more... )

Comments 3

angel_mattingly April 3 2008, 18:23:16 UTC

Binging isn't my thing so I can't really relate on that front, but I know how you feel. When I went to my grandmothers a few weeks back the scale at her house said I weighed 98 pounds, but when my niece came to stay she told me I was getting fat. I had already relapsed a while back, but my first instinct was to eat something sweet to make me feel better and then starve myself and work out so that I didn't get even more fat. I haven't done that, but the more I dwell on it the more it makes me hate myself. So no I don't think you're bitching and moaning, I think your upset because your disapointed that things didn't turn out the way you would have liked them to.

ashtears April 4 2008, 02:54:40 UTC

Sigh... You're right. I feel better now. That rice really screwed me over though. My weight has gone up, but I'm sure if I eat a bit less the next few days it will go back down and then stabilize. It's done this before, but it freaks me out every time, because every time I see the scale creep up a number, I wonder "is this going to be the time I shoot back up to 190? Is the when I finally undo everything and make it seem as though my low BMI was only a dream?"

It scares me. Like now. What if I'm stuck in the mid 140s forever? Of course I know I won't be, but that fear/feeling will still be there nagging.

angel_mattingly April 4 2008, 06:55:00 UTC

Oh I know what you mean. I hate it that the scale says I'm 98 pounds but my stomach is fat and sticks out. I keep getting freaked out that I'm going to be fat like I was in NC or worse like everyone in my family. I don't ever want to get that way. But at the same time I know what I'm doing is going to kill me. All for what? It's a constant struggle.