i am jack's emotional rollercoaster
i may joke about it a lot, but sometimes i really do wonder if i'm bipolar... i've noticed that i do really tend to have my mood swings... although it tends to linger more in the down/depressed than i'd like to admit.
there are so many areas i'd like to blog about, i don't know where to begin... this'll be a pretty long update i guess.
last week was pretty interesting... had sleep issues for most of it... was tired, grumpy, depressed and incredibly sleep-deprived on my birthday... partly due to the insomnia, but also because i didn't think my getaway weekend was going to happen. (i'd found out that the friends i would be visiting with were unable to host after all...) then, on thursday night, i decided that i'd been depressed and repressed long enough - and i would just head on up to the SF/BA anyway. headed up on friday, watched Inglorious Basterds with a friend... then headed into the city for the night. spent most of it hanging out at the lonestar with a friend, then proceeded to crash at his place in the city. it was awesome, and i was definitely on a high... there's something about SF that heals my soul every time i'm there. i always feel my spirits lift when i see that beautiful skyline approach from the horizon. and hanging out at the lonestar was also very revelatory - i never realized just how much i'd missed being social. i think i surprised myself with how comfortable i was just hanging out and meeting new people...
saturday was pretty much a lazy day, didn't really do anything but drove back to the 'No... and i think that leaving the SF/BA lowered my spirits again. it brings up a bittersweet kinda melancholy in me... i'm glad i was there, but i definitely didn't want to leave. it was starting to feel like home to me... and when i factor in how comfortable i was at the lonestar the night before, it got me wondering if SF is the place for me... and that, in turn, got me into one of those deeply introspective moods - the why-am-i-here-where-am-i-at-post-birthday-self-evaluation moods... and it wasn't pretty. fact is, i'm not happy with where i'm at... physically, mentally, spiritually, financially. and, unfortunately, i will be here for awhile as i'm working out of it.
it wasn't all bad, though. kinda reconnected with an old buddy over the weekend as well, and we spent a lot of time exchanging music (which always makes me feel better)... and it looks like we'll be spending more time hanging out in the future, which is fine by me.
one thing that this past week (and especially the weekend) has made blindingly obvious to me is how miserably lonely i am. i mean, sure - i am blessed with many wonderful friends - but at the end of the day, i am definitely hurting to find that special someone. and that is a void no amount of friends are able to fill.
i'll stop here for now... but this is nowhere near the end of my rant. i'm just running out of time and steam to vent at the moment, but rest assured this will be picked up again pretty soon.
there are so many areas i'd like to blog about, i don't know where to begin... this'll be a pretty long update i guess.
last week was pretty interesting... had sleep issues for most of it... was tired, grumpy, depressed and incredibly sleep-deprived on my birthday... partly due to the insomnia, but also because i didn't think my getaway weekend was going to happen. (i'd found out that the friends i would be visiting with were unable to host after all...) then, on thursday night, i decided that i'd been depressed and repressed long enough - and i would just head on up to the SF/BA anyway. headed up on friday, watched Inglorious Basterds with a friend... then headed into the city for the night. spent most of it hanging out at the lonestar with a friend, then proceeded to crash at his place in the city. it was awesome, and i was definitely on a high... there's something about SF that heals my soul every time i'm there. i always feel my spirits lift when i see that beautiful skyline approach from the horizon. and hanging out at the lonestar was also very revelatory - i never realized just how much i'd missed being social. i think i surprised myself with how comfortable i was just hanging out and meeting new people...
saturday was pretty much a lazy day, didn't really do anything but drove back to the 'No... and i think that leaving the SF/BA lowered my spirits again. it brings up a bittersweet kinda melancholy in me... i'm glad i was there, but i definitely didn't want to leave. it was starting to feel like home to me... and when i factor in how comfortable i was at the lonestar the night before, it got me wondering if SF is the place for me... and that, in turn, got me into one of those deeply introspective moods - the why-am-i-here-where-am-i-at-post-birthday-self-evaluation moods... and it wasn't pretty. fact is, i'm not happy with where i'm at... physically, mentally, spiritually, financially. and, unfortunately, i will be here for awhile as i'm working out of it.
it wasn't all bad, though. kinda reconnected with an old buddy over the weekend as well, and we spent a lot of time exchanging music (which always makes me feel better)... and it looks like we'll be spending more time hanging out in the future, which is fine by me.
one thing that this past week (and especially the weekend) has made blindingly obvious to me is how miserably lonely i am. i mean, sure - i am blessed with many wonderful friends - but at the end of the day, i am definitely hurting to find that special someone. and that is a void no amount of friends are able to fill.
i'll stop here for now... but this is nowhere near the end of my rant. i'm just running out of time and steam to vent at the moment, but rest assured this will be picked up again pretty soon.