an easily distracted mind, when given a good ink pen, can do delicious things
orientation
she walks the world of things unseen
and shakes the down of maimed, unclean,
rebuked, and ubiquitous minds that take
acceptable permutations in theories of rape.
she lifts the veil of thoughts unknown
and holds to her heart what has shown
to be the true and righteous path
with little hope finding the way back.
she rhymes her songs that have no words
and chokes the dreams long gone, deferred,
forgotten, and though her fingers bleed
she never fails to bring the need.
she touches the surface to leave her mark,
and still shadows leer tall and dark
her teeth grit, feet set, they shall succumb--
she pins the past down with her tongue.
grad school orientation was today. not much to say about it, other than i'm excited, scared, tired, and still have some paperwork left before everything can finally be okay and ready to go. got lost and found again on campus, went to admissions to get a letter saying i was allowed to have the first fairly decent ID picture taken of me in years, spent waaaay too much time waiting at the financial aid office, discovered all the places where i can buy a cup of coffee, and need to go back to get my parking permit and books sometime later. also still have a few financial aid forms to fill out online, already forgot my password for my college web-mail account, need to look up my immunization records, and i still have yet another orientation to go to on the 24th for just my program (but there will be a happy hour at the end of this one--grad school and alcohol apparently go hand in hand at UMBC). also found out today that if i get anything lower than a B in any of my courses i get kicked out. the general UMBC grad school policy is a C or lower, but apparently the HSP ABA program has different standards.
no pressure there.
now my biggest challenge is deciding if i'm going to make a salad to bring to work tomorrow for the pot-luck being thrown for my teacher that is taking a new job in the institute, essentially leaving me. problem is, i wasn't invited to this pot-luck, despite the fact that this is my classroom. true, this teacher and i don't exactly get along, but that doesn't mean i can't be gracious enough to bring her food for a party in her honor. the connundrum lies in whether i bring the food and make everyone feel awkward, or don't bring it and avoid the room like the plague for the majority of the day. it kinda hurts my feelings, because this is the fourth party i haven't been invited to. i cried over the first one. the second one i sulked. the third one i ignored. maybe it's better that i just skip out on this one too. make a clean, quick break, and start things fresh when the new teacher arrives. this September is going to be crazy for the following reasons:
1)new teacher arriving, cold to the school and the violent ways of the childrens. must to train him.
2)two new staff arriving in other room, same deal.
3)going to be two staff down in room with new teacher. need to help cover gaps in staffing on top of training people.
4)new student arriving in other room. need to observe, conduct assessments, and get paperwork rolling on him. if things work out right, i can also count him as my internship experience for grad school.
5)grad school. nuff said.
and other things that are scary, and all the more wonderful for that.
wow. that was a significant load off my chest. i cannot be a certainty. i cannot tell what tomorrow will bring, other than it will be a spance of 24 hours. i cannot give you a future.
but i can still give everything i have--that i am--in the moments that tick by in-between. and you should expect no less.
okay ellie, just breathe, put your head down, dig your feet in, and go.