[SJ Fic] Sugar, Spice and Everything Nice
Sugar, Spice and Everything Nice: Kyuhyun/Sungmin, Henry/Sungmin, Kangin/Sunny (11,613 words)
Kyuhyun is a criminal psychologist who leads a life of contradictions. Hence Sungmin is seen as just somewhat of an occupational hazard.
“Here’s your first case, just see him twice a week and you’ll be fine.” His Superior handed him the clipboard hosting all the details of his new patient.
Kyuhyun stood out of place in the dreary room, the brights of his t-shirt played foil to the grim faces and black leather which occupied the building. He found it necessary to continuously remind himself ‘I want this- this is what I love’. He thought back to the endless euphoria that seemed to overspread him during graduation. It came to a halt however, once Kyuhyun met the stern gaze of his Superior.
“Um...” he searched his mind for words that would make him sound confident, alert, that made him look like he knew what he was doing. “What if he doesn’t like me?” he asked, instantly biting his cheek in regret. The similarity of his words to a seven year old’s disturbed him.
Kyuhyun’s Superior released a harsh laugh, disrupting the unearthly silence that engulfed them. “You don’t need him to like you. Just get the profiling done.” He managed to answer in between demeaning sniggers.
Kyuhyun bowed his head in shame, nodding quickly before shuffling out the exit.
He quickened his pace to a run as he bolted out of the mouldy corridor, the stale scent of the prison hall sickening him.
- - -
“A toast!” Ryeowook declared- another four voices and a chiming of wine glasses echoed in response.
Kyuhyun swallowed his wine in one go, savouring the burning sensation trickling down his throat. The buzz of conversation surrounded him as he basked in the fluorescent lighting of the restaurant. Four years had led him to this. He amused himself in the thought of no more university, no more early mornings, no more uncertainties. His life would be a smooth ride from here on out.
He was brought out of his reverie by a hand slapping his back in what he supposed was congratulations. However it simply caused him to splutter and choke undignifyingly.
“So, so. Little Kyu-bear, taking on the big leagues. Going to fraternise with the enemies, huh?” Heechul mocked, an impish grin falling of his face.
Kyuhyun snorted and returned to his course. “I’m not going to fraternise. I’m going to penetrate deep into their minds, attempting to discover a motive for their actions and then-”
“Crush it” Heechul finished for him. Kyuhyun nodded approvingly, swirling his fork absent mindedly through his melted ice cream.
“Exactly” Kyuhyun answered before sucking on a bare chicken bone, Heechul shuddered in disgust “It’s rehabilitation- betterment of a man-” Heechul scoffed in amusement. “-and the only way to achieve that is to crush the spirit that keeps them going"
Heechul nodded understandingly but then bent down, mouth lingering much to close to Kyuhyun’s ear. “Just a question though” he whispered. “What if they crush you first?”
Kyuhyun kept up an indifferent facade and simply shrugged Heechul off. “I’ve been trained to prevent that.” he answered coolly. Though inside, he cursed Heechul for planting the first seeds of doubt in his mind.
- - -
The guard led him through the musty corridor, warning Kyuhyun to stay close and not make eye contact with anyone. Not that Kyuhyun needed a warning, he was giving the filthy floor his undivided attention willingly.
As they immersed themselves deeper into the line of cells, the previous noise of inmates exclaiming profanities and creating demeaning wolf whistles disintegrated into eerie silence. Kyuhyun wasn’t sure which one he preferred.
The guard stopped abruptly in front of a particularly small cell. “We’re here” he monotonously stated, unlocking the cell gates and beckoning for Kyuhyun to enter.
“Wha- wait? I’m meant to share the same cell as him?” Kyuhyun stuttered nervously, the seed of doubt beginning to blossom into a shoot.
Though it was difficult to tell under the shrouding darkness, it seemed that the guard’s statement of. “Sorry that we’re not more accommodating” was followed by a sarcastic eye-roll. Kyuhyun chose to ignore him and slipped cautiously through the cell door.
The man he made eye contact with was more or less anti-climatic.
It was a young man, around Kyuhyun’s age. The bangs of his inky hair fell messily over his forehead, curtaining one eye and threatening to spill over the other. His mouth was set in a thin line, unamused and unwelcoming. His eyes burnt into Kyuhyun’s retinas, challenging him, threatening him. However, despite the unnerving aura, he was young. Evidence of baby fat was left untouched on his cheeks. His skin was pale and smooth, Kyuhyun noted, and his lips were full and pink. Had it not been for the scornful demeanour, his outer features would radiate innocence and naivety. He was young, undeniably young.
Kyuhyun heard the loud rattle of the cell door closing behind him, causing him to jolt. He turned to face the guard, eyes pleading ‘baby faced or not- you can’t leave me alone with him’.
“We have cameras” the guard deadpanned, as if the implications of having CCTV TVs installed made Kyuhyun’s predicament so much safer. The guard cleared his throat and pulled subtly at his shirt, indicating the white sample of flesh that was exposed of Kyuhyun’s collar. Kyuhyun thought back to the safety precautions he was taught when he first entered the building:
‘Cover yourself. Every bit of yourself. Do not let any skin show- the smallest thing might be provocative.’
Kyuhyun slipped a girlish ‘eep’ and zipped his jacket all the way up the the collar. The guard nodded, satisfied.
“I’m not going to rape him. I have standards you know” a soft voice from behind Kyuhyun spoke.
The guard snarled and spun the baton in his hands menacingly. “And I have a baton. And it hurts.” he threatened before strutting away down the hall. Leaving Kyuhyun completely and utterly alone with a convicted criminal.
Streaks of sunlight filtered past the minuscule cell window, illuminating the room in white-yellow strands. Kyuhyun stood near the left wall, facing his ‘patient’. Unsure of how to start, he decided to begin with the usual formalities.
“Um, hello there. I’m Cho Kyuhyun, I’ll be your psychologist, therapist and-”
“Pain in the ass” the other man completed, scoffing and averting his gaze towards the cell exit.
Kyuhyun wrinkled his nose, deterred from making any further attempts at cordiality. “Charming. Can I get a name at least?”
“You’re my psychologist. Yet you don’t even know my name? Really?”
“Sungmin. Lee Sungmin.” Kyuhyun answered. “Though I’d rather hear it from your own mouth.”
Sungmin sighed and stood up, steadily approaching Kyuhyun who unknowingly flinched away at the proximity. “Listen Cho Kyuhyun. You seem stupid. And naive. And I pity you. So here’s some advice. You’re going to get nowhere with me. You’ll give your Superior nothing, because I will give you nothing. Except a headache. So I suggest you find another project, and work on him instead. There’s a guy about five cells down who set his parent’s house on fire- now that’s some intense shit right there. And he talks, all the time. You’re better off with him.”
Kyuhyun swallowed his apprehension and spoke calmly. “Intimidating me won’t do anything. I’m stuck with you whether you like it or not.” Sungmin snarled and Kyuhyun could see his hands curl into fists at the comment. “Physically hurting me won’t do anything either, you’re already in deep water. Giving me a concussion isn’t going to gain you any street cred here.”
Sungmin scoffed and stormed back towards his side of the cell, sitting with his knees propped and head cocked towards the mouldy wall behind him. “Fine. But don’t expect to get anywhere.”
Kyuhyun sighed and flipped through his clipboard, thinking back to one of the core fundamentals of his job.
‘Never judge. Stay neutral and free of bias. Never, ever judge your project.’
‘Or at least pretend not to’ Kyuhyun mused. During University, they would spend long hours sitting and observing the professionals at work, learning through observation. And Kyuhyun had noticed a trend- that all criminal counsellors begin like him, feeling small and weak in the presence of their brash patients. However, he had also noted that the tables seemed to turn around once the counsellor began to regain a little self-esteem.
“So...” Kyuhyun began. “Murder huh?”
Sungmin’s unconcealed eye glared at him. “You say it so casually. I think you’re the one who needs imprisonment”
“That was meant to be an attempt at relating to you. But I guess that’s like relating to a teenager.” Kyuhyun scribbled down near-illegible words on his clipboard.
“Bitch” snapped Sungmin.
“An angst-ridden, hormonal, self-loathing, teenager.” Kyuhyun finished.
- - -
Sungmin would sleep dreaming of happier times- times of pastel neighbourhoods, sunlight, overdue library books and failed attempts at multilingualism.
“Henli” he whined, pouting and resting his forehead on the wooden bench in frustration.
“Ry. Ry. Henry. Say it with me. Hen”
“Hen”
“Ry”
“Li”
Times of ruffled hair, tinkering laughs and ‘it’s okay. it’s not that much of a difference anyway’’
- - -
“Anyway, how’s your criminal doing?” Leeteuk asked, peering at Kyuhyun from the rim of his coffee mug.
Kyuhyun sat slouched on the opposite chair, his non-existent report glaring back at him. He pondered on whether it would really be that immoral to farce half of Sungmin’s diagnosis. ‘Lee Sungmin exhibits signs of extreme adolescent angst. It is suspected hormones are behind his motives for murder’.
“Kyuhyun!” snapped Leeteuk. “Your criminal?”
“Okay, first off. He isn’t my criminal. I didn’t breed him into a public enemy. And secondly- I hate him. I want a new one. Preferably one with non-existent self-esteem”
“You do realise he’s a criminal. He wasn’t arrested for his amazing social skills or manners. A criminal charged for murder nonetheless- if I was in your place I’d be relieved to make it out alive.”
Kyuhyun nodded but continued glaring at his empty report, not wanting to admit Leeteuk right.
Leeteuk sat back on his chair, causing it to tilt slightly. He bit his thumb as if pondering something before speaking. “You know- the things he says and does. No matter how insignificant, could be very important. Even from a simple ‘hello’ to a ‘yo mamma’ joke.”
Kyuhyun snorted, turning his gaze towards the cafe’s front window, watching the rain spatter haphazardly on the asphalt. “I’d be lucky if I got a hello. All he did was attack me for talking about murder casually to him and then preceded to call me a ‘bitch’ for half the session. The other half was him pretending not to listen to me and calling the whole system a ‘whore’”
Leeteuk chuckled from opposite him. Kyuhyun sort of wanted to punch his girly face in. “You talked about murder casually?”
“I didn’t! He’s oversensitive and annoying!” defended Kyuhyun.
Leeteuk grinned and swallowed the rest of his coffee fervently. “Well to me, it looks like he has a conscience.”
- - -
Kyuhyun’s Superior scrutinized his report from his large oak desk. “He has a conscience? And what did you deduce that from?”
Kyuhyun fumbled with the edge of his skivvy nervously, shifting from one foot to another. “Well, it’s only a hypothesis so far. I mean its only been one session-”
His Superior blanched at the idea and began ranting about how Kyuhyun was a weakling. Someone who wasn’t sure of himself, let alone anyone else. Refuting the claims would be useless, partly because they were true and partly because Kyuhyun was too weary to bother. Instead he took in the room that surrounded him. Various certificates plastered the grey walls, and newspaper clippings with glorifying headings garnished every other available surface.
When he visited the office during his University years it had seemed so marvelous, so heroic. A room fit for the best. Now it just seemed rather cluttered and unorganized.
“Excuse me?” a soft feminine voice spoke from the doorway.
Kyuhyun looked back to see a young woman standing near the entrance, her manicured hands held a steaming mug of coffee in one and a burly briefcase in the other. “Um...” he started.
His Superior ‘tsked’ and dismissed Kyuhyun to the side, his expression becoming softer once his vision caught sight of the young woman. “Soonkyu, how’s my sweetheart?” he cooed. Kyuhyun cocked his eyebrow as he swung his gaze between ‘Soonkyu’ and his Superior. He wouldn’t describe his Superior as ugly or anything- but it was clear ‘Soonkyu’ definitely settled.
“Uncle!” she chirped sweetly.
Or not.
She pecked him lightly on the cheek and deposited the coffee carefully on the side of the table, the minimal lighting in the room lit the highlights in her otherwise deep brown hair. “I best be going now- the firm only lets me have a break for fourty five minutes at most. Plus you seem kind of busy” She smiled sweetly at Kyuhyun, a sort of smile that he hadn’t seen for quite some time. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”
“Ky-Kyuhyun” he stuttered, caught of guard. His Superior gave a harsh laugh at Kyuhyun’s discomfiture.
“He’s just a new counsellor here. Emphasis on the new” answered his Superior.
Soonkyu nodded in understanding before shooting Kyuhyun a thumbs up. She waved both of them goodbye before closing the door gracefully behind her.
“She” His Superior sighed. “Is the only blessing my brother gave this world.” His eyes became enchanted with a fond look and a faraway smile graced his lips. Kyuhyun cleared his throat, beginning to feel uncomfortable. His Superior blinked several times and coughed, seemingly puzzled for second. “Anyway, Cho. Get some actual information and then we can talk.”
Kyuhyun nodded obediently and hurried out of the room.
- - -
Kyuhyun breathed a sigh of relief once they had reached the cell. The guard accompanying him was the same one from the last session, except this time he had made conversation. It seemed that his Superior enjoyed gossiping behind Kyuhyun’s back, since the guard had a few nasty words to say about Kyuhyun’s incompetency.
“Seriously? You didn’t get one word out of him- the whole session?” “Did you expect him to break down on your lap and spill his innermost secrets?” “God, that’s pathetic. Had I been him, I’d have shot you by now.”
The last one particularly stung, seeing how it was uttered just as Kyuhyun was in front of Sungmin’s cell. He didn’t need him getting any ideas.
The rattling of the lock behind him and the padding of retreating footsteps told him the guard was gone. Kyuhyun swallowed the ball of hurt that bobbled in his throat before beginning to interrogate Sungmin.
“Kangin is a turd” drawled Sungmin.
“What?” Kyuhyun asked, inwardly cringing at how bloated his voice sounded. He prayed that those weren’t tears culminating at the corners of his eyes.
Sungmin beckoned towards the cell door. “Kangin. The guard. He’s a turd. I mean, I dislike you out of obligation. But him, my hate is rational.”
At the mention of having been disliked, Kyuhyun wiped his eyes with his sleeves and inhaled deeply. “It’s partly your fault for not giving me anything to work with!” He accused, voice wavering but stronger than before. There was something wrong with his words. They weren’t words that were meant to be said in Sungmin’s presence, that was for sure.
Sungmin smirked, visibly amused, and rested his chin on his palms. He sat cross legged on the cool stone floor and leaned forward. “Isn’t it your job to find something to work with?” he inquired.
Kyuhyun bit his lip before answering. “I did! Apparently it’s irrational and not good enough- and” he paused. There was definitely something wrong with his words.
Sungmin had flipped the tables around. As if Kyuhyun was the mentally unstable one, as if Kyuhyun was the one who unraveled at a single poke, as if Kyuhyun was the one with the problems.
“And” he continued “it’s all irrelevant- let’s talk about you now, shall we?”
Sungmin squinted from the other side of the cloister. “Can we get a brighter room?”
He had to admit, the prison cell was less than tasteful. The moist smell of fungus lingered in the air, and unless it was exactly noon, the amount of light penetrating the room was infinitesimal. However, he had bargained with the guard- with Kangin, to let him find a better place to conduct the session. Kangin had just laughed and called him spoilt. “Sorry, no can do. We’re stuck here.” He began flipping through his clipboard before an idea struck him. He turned his gaze slowly towards Sungmin. “Is there any specific reason you don’t like it here? Does the atmosphere bring up bad memories? Does it ignite the fire of guilt? Does the absence of light personify anything to you?” Kyuhyun asked cautiously.
Sungmin blinked at him, befuddled, before bursting into untamed laughter. “Wow, you’re so subtle” He panted for breath and wiped away stray tears from his eyes. “That was so lame, it was almost cute.” Kyuhyun fumed from opposite him- offended at having his tactics mocked so openly.
He was about to shoot back with his witty repartee until he processed the sight in front of him. A criminal charged with first degree murder was clutching at his stomach, dissolved in laughter. It wasn’t maniacal laughter either. It was a grainy, but light laughter. He wasn’t laughing at a dead corpse, he was laughing at Kyuhyun’s apparent fail at interrogation.
Retrospectively, Kyuhyun was idealistic. He expected everything to be formulatic, everyone to function analogously. There was no grey- only black and white. Subtlety didn’t exist, it was either blatant or non-existent. He had never attempted to delve deeper into anything. He worked with what he was given. Sungmin was right. He never endeavoured to find anything for himself.
In essence, Kyuhyun had clouded his own sight.
And as the fog receded, he realised that he might finally be able to become good at his job.
He approached Sungmin calculatingly, the smaller male sobering up and eyeing him suspiciously. Kyuhyun prodded Sungmin with the end of his pen, and Sungmin swiped at his hand. “So tell me” Kyuhyun broke into a goofy grin. “How does that make you feel?”
Sungmin buried his face in his hands and snorted.
- - -
Sungmin came to an abrupt stop, halting the skateboard with his left foot. “If you don’t tell me what’s wrong, I can’t help.” He spoke softly.
The younger boy stood against the brick wall, hands buried deep into his pockets. Sheltered from the glacial winds that had blessed them this past winter. “Nothing, it’s just University entrance exams. It’s intense you know?”
Sungmin frowned and rested his palm on the wall beside the younger male’s head. “What are you talking about, Henli? You got into the Seoul Institute of Arts! That’s amazing! Plus, believe me- as a third year I can confidently tell you that Uni life is only a bit anti-climatic.”
Henry nodded solemnly but painted a bright smile on his face before facing Sungmin. “You’re right. I’m being stupid.” He punched his older companion playfully on the arm before running ahead. “I’ll race you to the mall!” he yelled.
Sungmin followed behind him, gazing longingly at Henry’s advancing figure.
- - -
Kyuhyun typed animatedly at his laptop, his glasses slipping from the rim of his nose. The front door clicked open, indicating the arrival of his meek roommate.
“Kyuhyun, I bought your new contacts. Next time take them off carefully. Also, Leeteuk asked how your project was going.” Ryeowook shuffled to Kyuhyun’s side, glancing at the laptop’s monitor from behind. “I presume it’s going well?” he asked.
Kyuhyun nodded and swiveled around to face Ryeowook “It turns out people are more complicated than I thought.” He nodded almost hysterically before returning to his work. “If I get this done by tonight Ryeowook, I can email it to the head honcho and we can spend our Sunday night doing something unproductive.” he chirped.
Ryeowook backed away from Kyuhyun and placed the newly bought contacts on their dining table. “Your eagerness is concerning.” He stated. Kyuhyun narrowed his eyes at him for a nanosecond before returning to his work. “But not entirely unwelcome.” Ryeowook added, laughing.
- - -
“I see Mr. Sooman didn’t have anything particularly horrible to say about your report today” said Kangin, twisting the key and unlocking the cell’s door. “Nothing particularly good to say either though.”
Kyuhyun stuck his tongue out at Kangin’s back. He took a mental note to check the confidentiality clause in the guidebook- he was certain that gossiping about employees to ape-minded guards couldn’t be permissible. “Actually, he didn’t have time to read it. He was spending the weekend with his neice” Kyuhyun stated matter-of-factly, sliding through the cell entrance.
“Sunny?” Kangin asked, voice lowering. Kyuhyun eyed him oddly. There was a tinge of hurt that flavoured his words.
“No. I think her name was Soonkyu.” Kyuhyun replied slowly, feeling as if speaking too fast would shatter Kangin into pieces. Not that he was completely opposed to the idea or anything.
“Yeah. That’s Sunny.” He shut the door which almost collided with Kyuhyun’s face had he not stepped back at the last minute. “Thanks for letting me know.” Kangin locked the entrance and disappeared down the hallway before Kyuhyun could ask any questions.
“Don’t ask. Their relationship is more dysfunctional than the guy in the opposite cell who tried to elope with his neighbour’s cow.” Sungmin murmured.
“Oh!” Kyuhyun exclaimed, slightly horrified. Sungmin chuckled in amusement at Kyuhyun’s alarmed expression.
“You know” Kyuhyun started. “You seem to enjoy talking about Kangin a lot. Considering you won’t even tell me anything about yourself”
Sungmin shrugged from where he sat on the floor. “I don’t mind invading his privacy.”
Kyuhyun took a few steps away from the barred entrance and sat down next to Sungmin, back resting on the cold grey wall. He could feel Sungmin edge away slightly, putting a good few centimetres distance in between them. “I mean I know he’s a twat and everything. But you seem to loath him. Does he really deserve it?”
Sungmin formed a twisted pout with his lips. “I don’t loath him, I loath how he acts.”
Kyuhyun circled his arms around his knees, turning his head to look at Sungmin. “Isn’t that the same thing?”
Sungmin twisted his body to face Kyuhyun’s, making eye contact. Kyuhyun expected him to break it. Instead he focused unflinchingly at him. “Have you ever truly experienced loathing? Wanted to hurt someone so much that they’d become a shell of who they were?” Kyuhyun almost slipped out ‘Leeteuk’ but caught himself. This was deep stuff, and he didn’t exactly loath Leeteuk, just had an overwhelming urge to punch him. So instead he shook his head. “Thought so. Believe me, I’ve loathed someone. Kangin doesn’t come close”
A tense silence followed where Kyuhyun didn’t know what to say, and Sungmin seemed to regret saying anything at all. He used the still atmosphere to jot down quick notes on his clipboard (‘motive most probably long term’ ‘aggravated assault’ ‘highly sensitive’) nothing was working. In theory it all made sense, but whenever Kyuhyun stole a glance at Sungmin, logic was thrown out the window. It was like a jigsaw puzzle with the pieces mutilated- it created the perfect scene but nothing quite fit into place.
“I have a younger brother.” Sungmin muttered, seemingly out of the blue.
Kyuhyun blinked. “Um, sorry?”
Sungmin pointed to his clipboard and the crude scribbles that decorated it. “You can use that if you want. Maybe I have a younger brother complex? That can contribute to low self-esteem, self-loathing, development of possible fratricidal tendencies-”
Kyuhyun laughed “What? I thought I wasn’t going to get anything out of you?”
Sungmin scoffed “Please, you’re giving yourself too much credit. I could be lying, playing mind games.”
“So...” Kyuhyun began “you don’t have a younger brother?” he asked, confused.
“No, I do. He’s in the military.” answered Sungmin promptly.
“Um, okay then.”
“Mind games!”
“Argh!” Kyuhyun vocalised his frustration and smacked Sungmin over the head with his clipboard, causing the latter to keel over in laughter. He wouldn’t admit it, but he was half-expecting Sungmin to throw a punch when he had realised that he had just hit a killer with his clipboard. However, Sungmin seemed occupied in pointing at Kyuhyun and snickering.
When Kangin came to collect Kyuhyun later, he thought he saw Sungmin raise his hand in what looked like a goodbye wave.
- - -
‘You’re vile. Disgusting. Horrible. Get the F*** out of my face’
Sungmin read the text over and over again, his skin prickling with shock. He deduced that it was most probably his fault- entirely his fault for burdening Henry with his twisted nature.
‘And through text too’ he thought to himself. Ashamed at his tactlessness, his inability to be able to say it person. He hated how he’d choke everytime he had attempted to say it. It had reduced him to cowardice.
“Sungmin” a voice spoke from his door. A voice he’d recognise anywhere, anytime.
Sungmin swallowed quickly, unsure of what to make of it. Had he come to express his disgust in person? To sever their friendship for once and for all?
Sungmin rolled over on his bed, prepared to ask forgiveness. To plead him to pretend the text never happened. “Henli-” Sungmin was cut off by Henry throwing himself at him, sobbing deeply and violently into his shirt. “Hen-henli. What’s wrong?”
“I didn’t write it! I’m sorry- I left my- my Dad saw- he hates me- I hate me- coward”, were the only words Sungmin managed to catch in between Henry’s hiccups and sobs. He ran his fingers soothingly through Henry’s black locks, hushing him and telling him everything would be okay.
“It’s fine, I’m alright, I’m okay” Sungmin mumbled into Henry’s ear, his heart wrenching in fear. Because Henry seemed petrified, he looked soulless. And when he felt the pressure of Henry’s lips against his cheek, it was cold and rough.
“Just promise, you won’t ask. Promise me.” Henry murmured before wrapping his arms around Sungmin in a tight embrace. Sungmin nodded and complied, pressing his cheek down comfortingly on Henry’s head.
Sungmin didn’t mention the purple bruise he saw at the side of his neck.
- - -
By the seventh week Sungmin had made considerable progress in opening up more. The sessions were still laced with the cutting insults being passed back and forth, but the mood had changed. It was more derived from habit than actual dislike. Soon the bantering had shifted from Kyuhyun’s incompetency to a particularly riveting discussion about the shape of a certain ink blot.
“It looks like a pixie”
“How could you possibly know that Sungmin, you’ve never seen a pixie. Now tell me, what does it look like?”
“A pixie! Do you want me to say it looks like a severed head or something?”
“That would be more rational.”
“Fine. It looks like a severed head.”
“And where do you think that thought derived from?”
“You.”
“You can’t do that! Now tell me what it looks like.”
“Well now that you’ve planted the idea in my mind, I can’t see it as anything other than a head. It’s sort of like inception... but not.”
There were other days where Kyuhyun would come to the session in a cranky mood. Either ignited from Kangin’s tactless comments, or his general disgust at life. And as the weeks passed, Kyuhyun soon began forgetting the concepts of professionalism and would pace back and forth in the cell, ranting and making derogatory comments about people who bothered him. By people he meant mostly Leeteuk.
“His laugh! It’s like- you can’t describe it. You have to live it. It like sucks your soul from your body.”
“As if you had a soul in the first place. But are you sure you’re not trying to dislike him?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, give him a chance”
The trust between them grew at an exponential rate- tediously slow at first, but soon they were sitting side by side facing the cell door, their shoulders pressed against each other and backs resting against the wall.
“I’m a bad person”
“You can change, that’s why I’m here”
“Ha! You aren’t exactly Mother Teresa yourself you know”
“Hmm- I try to lean more towards Ghandi anyway”
“Have I changed?”
“Well, you seemed to be less repulsed by me. If that counts”
“No- I think I’m just turning back into who I was before...”
“Before you killed?”
“Yeah, that”
“Well, that’s good isn’t it?”
“I wasn’t that great of a guy before that either”
Kyuhyun was hesitant to admit they might be anything more than ‘therapist and patient’ for quite a while. He’d rationalise the things they’d share with each other as being necessary to his report- as it being part of his job. Friendship was idealistic, it was out of reach and sensational just to think about it. Kyuhyun was always the good one at school, the one that would spend his days pooping parties and not getting invited to them either. Sungmin would be one of the bad kids, smoking drugs and indulging in underage drinking- or would he? The more Kyuhyun thought about it, the more likely it was that Sungmin was one of those kids who’d just be nice to everyone.
“You look deeply disturbed by something”, commented Sungmin from next to him. Had he always been so close?
“I’m just thinking...” Kyuhyun trailed off and stared intensely at the ceiling.
Sungmin bent forward and rested his head on his knees. “About?”
“Leeteuk.” Kyuhyun said automatically- it had become a reflex response.
“Wow.. that’s... horrifying” drawled Sungmin sarcastically.
“Leeteuk in a bikini”
A foreign sound escaped Sungmin’s mouth, muffled by him covering his lips with his hands. Kyuhyun eyed him oddly.
“Did you just... giggle?” he asked, leaning in closer.
Sungmin looked scandalised and twisted himself around so his back was facing Kyuhyun. “Pfft. No. Trying to kill my street cred, I see”
Kyuhyun smiled to himself, pleased at how things were going. As silly as the thought seemed to be, he wondered how often Sungmin let himself giggle. How often he’d smile when Kyuhyun wasn’t around. Whether the bright attitude overshadowed by the aloof demeanour shone just for him or for everybody else. He had gathered so many pieces of Sungmin, bit by bit. But-
He flipped the pages of his clipboard, all empty, all messy and wrinkled, covered with scribbles, liquid paper and red marker.
No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t put anything together.
- - -
and then there was part two